


Balance, As It Should Be

by Star4311



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adoptive Parents - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Armitage Hux Being An Asshole, Cute, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Healthy Relationships, Humor, I suck at this, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren in Love, Miscarriage, My First Fanfic, Plot Driven, Reader-Insert, Telepathic Bond, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Written For Fun, character-insert, follows most of the events from the sequel trilogy, mostly?, reader/character is a badass, reader/character is basically a jedi, so if you want to read the story without tag spoilage you have been warned, some porn, spoiler tags beyond this one, uuhhmm let me know if i should add more tags, which i also suck at so sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:30:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 149,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22842496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star4311/pseuds/Star4311
Summary: “You and Ben were friends from the beginning at the Jedi Academy. Even if your connection was much weaker than any other student. You supported him as he helped you. A balance maintained. Then he goes off on his path and forgets about you. There’s no way you’re letting that slide without repercussions.”An extremely cavity-inducing Kylo x Reader/Char fic. I tried to make it an accurate representation of a relatively healthy relationship. First fanfic (including the steamy bits), please be gentle C’: Kylo’s POV uses She/Her pronouns, Reader/Character’s POV is first person.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Character(s), Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 42
Kudos: 133





	1. Remember Already!

You wake up in a fit of coughing, struggling to breathe. In your groggy state, you register that the building is on fire. You kick off your blankets and rush to grab a basic bag of essentials before sprinting out of the room. You see other students running through the pathways, some away from the destruction in terror, others fighting amongst each other. Fear fills your veins as the first person you’re concerned about floods into your mind. “Ben…” your feet carry you along a route you know well but before you could reach his quarters, the area was decimated into piles of stone and splintered wood. “Oh no, oh no, please no,” you whisper, your voice cracking and hoarse from the smoke of the fire. You try your best to scramble around the rubble, looking around for anything that can tell you what happened to your best friend.

You see a hand sticking out of the rubble and rush to it. “Ben?!” you shove large stone out of the way and give a small screech, it’s not Ben but another student. The weight of the collapse must have done them in. You back away slowly, your mind in a whirl. Your confusion hits you like a slap in the face. _‘Why is all of this happening? Where’s Ben? Where’s Master Skywalker? Isn’t he supposed to protect us?’_ You feel sick and you bolt away from the scene. “Y/N!”

You hear your name and turn, your heart swelling at the sight of the person you wanted to see the most. “Ben!” you shout, running towards him as he makes his way to you. “What happened to the school?” you asked him before gasping, “You’re hurt!” His left sleeve was torn revealing a shallow gash. 

“It’s nothing, it happened when I collapsed the building.” He shrugged, his brown eyes lifeless.

“You? But why?” you implored but he evaded the question, gently flipping your hand over to unveil the scratches you didn’t notice before. “I must have gotten them digging through the stone searching for you…” you murmured, scratching your cheek with your free hand.

Ben huffed in exasperation, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, “You know I’m much stronger than that”. You give a small pout at his dodge of the original question, but you let it slide. You trust him, you’ve been training beside him for years, you know he’ll tell you when the time is right. But the moment is fleeting as shouts ring out around you, bringing the panic back into your being. Ben takes your hand and begins running from the scene.

“B-Ben! I don’t understand, why are we running away? The temple is still burning!” you shout, your eyes wide with shock and fear. Ben stops and turns to you, face set in a hard line and his hand wrapped around yours. He seems so unlike himself. Sure, he was normally a grump but his anger seemed to boil over and out of him. You could feel the anger emanating from him but also a small prickle of anguish. He shakes his head, his dark hair ruffling in the hot wind created by the fire, “My Unc-- Skywalker tried to kill me.”

Your eyes widened in distress, clasping your hands around his you asked, “What? Why would he do that to you! You’re the best out of all of us!” you look into his eyes to try and find the answers but he just shakes his head once again. Ruffling up the courage, you stammer out, “O-oh well! Who cares! I’ll do whatever I can to help you!” This pulls another small smirk from him, he opens his mouth to reply but swiftly growls pushing you behind him to face an oncoming attacker.

“Ben! Why’d you do it!? Y/N, get away from that murderer!” The student hissed, his saber ready for combat and his eyes full of malice. ‘ _Murderer? He… killed….’_ you shudder at the thought. But Ben wouldn’t lie for no good reason. He’s never lied to you before. He was one of the few that had been kind to you since you got to this school. Well, as kind as a gruff Ben Solo could.

Master Skywalker had found you running around a small village, performing for villagers to receive food and money to survive. Not just for yourself, but a few other orphaned children you looked after. You were a small, force-sensitive child unaware your singing was a small act of mind tricking the villagers into aiding you. He helped you understand what you were truly doing and even let you into his school. Master Skywalker even found warm homes for those under your care in the village.

While in his young Jedi academy, you trained to become more powerful but were unsuccessful. Master Skywalker never chided you for your abilities, but that doesn’t mean the other students were as understanding. They laughed and joked about how you could only do the simplest of things. And what you could do, was still not nearly as powerful as any other student. Then you met Ben. He snarled and chased the others off, helping you and telling you to ignore them. Maybe he only helped you because Master Skywalker had asked him too, but that didn’t matter to you. From then on he helped you out and did extra training with you.

You stuck to him like static, but he never once complained. A few times you were able to make him laugh, and it was the most pleasant sound you’d ever heard. You vowed to hear it again, make him smile again. He’d disappear some nights, come back angrier and darker like he was being absorbed by something foul but he always perked up a bit with you around.

But now you feared for him. His gaze was of pure hatred. You shake your head at the student, “Ben wouldn’t hurt anyone without reason! Why can’t we talk this thr--”

“TRAITORS! MURDERERS!” The student spat, making you flinch.

You never wanted to fight, you just wanted to talk to him and make everyone understand. There’s something very wrong.

Ben readied his own lightsaber as the student rushed forward but Ben was quicker, dispatching him with ease. There was never a match for Ben Solo in the class.

Your eyes widened in horror and shock, tears welling at the corners. Ben briskly but gently turned you away from the scene so you wouldn’t have to see it.

“W-Why couldn’t they have just listened to you? I’m sure they would have understood…” you sniffed, trying to hold your emotions in check. He wiped a thumb under your eye.

“Skywalker isn’t dead, but we must leave. Those with me have already headed towards the meeting place, we must meet them there,” he stated clearly, grasping your hand once again. You gave one last look towards the burning building and the darkened body as he tugged you along before turning back to Ben to keep up with him.

——-

“B-Ben…” you panted, the two of you had run all the way to the next village beyond the training school. “I’m tired…” you wheeze as the two of you stop in an alleyway, hidden by the deep shadows. You squeeze his hand gently, leaning against the wall to try and not fall over. Your legs felt weak but in stark contrast, Ben looked like he was only mildly inconvenienced. You make a sour face at him as he’s looking out into the empty street. He turned back to you and made an equally sour face back to you. He let go of your hand just to pinch you in the cheek. “Stop making that face, Y/N, you look better with a smile,” Ben huffed before continuing, “We need to find shelter for the night. Stay here until I come for you.”

You nod, a slight blush on your cheeks from his nonchalant comment. You watch him jog out of the alley and down the street towards a local inn. You stare at the doorway for what seems like too long before he reappears and jogs back to you. “Ok, let’s go, we can talk in the room,” Ben says. He wraps his hand around yours again and pulls you along. _‘Room? As in singular?’_ Your cheeks flush a solid red as you look at Ben’s back.

He takes you inside the inn, the halls empty, and swipes a keycard against a lock. It’s a simple room with two beds, you drop your bag down and ruffle through it on the bed closest to you. “I did grab my bag on the way out, I usually always have a couple of nutrition bars in here…” You grumble as you’re only able to find one but Ben takes it from you and splits it in half.

You take the piece from him but place it to the side. “Let’s take care of this first,” You gently pull on his sleeve and he abides, slowly sitting down beside you on the bed. You tear away the rest of the bloody sleeve before taking a deep breath. You hold your palms over his gash and concentrate, letting the energy flow through you. You focus on that one spot, feel the Force seep into your palm, letting your hand emit a healing light. 

Gritting your teeth, you put your all into closing it cleanly. It slowly begins to close before the light from your hands sputters and dies. It leaves a scratch down his arm, one that should heal fine over time. He flexes his arm before ruffling your hair, “Thanks, you’ve gotten better at that.” You beam up at him before joking, “You’re throwing around a lot of compliments today.”

You grab your half of the bar and begin munching while he looks out of the window with his head in his hand. “I don’t know how much we will be together in the future,” Ben starts. You swallow, not exactly sure what to say but not wanting to interrupt him either. “I’m going to join the Knights of Ren.”

You scrunch your face. Master Skywalker, you guess just Skywalker now, mentioned the Knights of Ren were a band of warriors aligned with the dark side of the force. You grew up under harsh conditions, you’ve learned that controlling people and telling them what to do and how to live never makes a situation better. If that’s what he must do, you can just try to help him where you can and hope to avoid the worst of things.

Nodding slowly, you smile as he finally looks over to you. “I will never be strong enough to join a force such as theirs, but I hope to remain your healer at the very least. I will always strive to become strong enough to fight alongside you,” you vow.

Ben gives a small grin and adds, “We’ll always have each other’s backs.”

You hold out your pinky, to which he grimaces at, “What are we 10 again?”

“Please, Ben?” you whine, puffing out your cheeks.

He grumbles but intertwines his pinky with yours.

“It’s a promise,” you laugh.

——

It’s been a while since he’s joined the Knights, since then he’s changed his name to Kylo Ren. He wanted to forget his past, his heritage, besides that of his grandfather. It hurts your heart, you’ve met his parents once before, they seemed really nice, but you quickly shake your head. You believe in him. You think fondly back to when he met you after he adopted his new name and title. You were elated and expressed how cool you thought his name was. Most wouldn’t have been able to tell but you noticed how his cheeks had turned a slight pink, making you giggle at the memory. But it quickly dissipated as your loneliness began to resurface.

It was hard when Kylo was away, but you made him your focus. Train. Become stronger. Become someone who can proudly stand beside him as an equal in some way. You found a reliable mentor; tough, willing to beat the life out of you in your training. But you wouldn’t fail. You know you can do it. Your mentor is a bounty hunter, a skilled one, training you in many aspects to follow in her profession.

Kylo and yourself had talked through messages, but they slowed over time. Just the same as your physical meetings. But he never missed the annual meetings at this inn. He never has before. You bite your bottom lip. You’ve been sitting at this table for hours, long past the usual meeting time. Something is wrong. You try to send a message but it bounces back. Alarm strikes through you but you force yourself to calm down. He must just be busy…

——

It’s been years. You’ve tried contacting him and meeting him to no avail and no one is willing to help you. You growl on instinct. You’ve been in this position before. You feel like a child, in need of something but everyone turns a blind eye. But this time, you’re not a child and you _will_ do something about it.

You take every job you can, nail every target and send the enemy packing. People both good and bad begin flocking to you to help you track and acquire their targets. You’ll help good people escape when you can but most of your bounties you take back to their destined location alive. All on your own. You even join the high ranks of the Bounty Hunter’s Guild, receiving the title ‘Siren.’

Your force powers still remain limited but are stronger, with healing and persuasion being your main skill-set. Most of the time you refrain from using them unless you absolutely have to. Your mentor trained you well, what you lack in physical strength you make up for in agility and cunning, allowing you to take on practically any opponent. At least one on one. You had a few close encounters, with only a couple scars across your arms and chest to remember the scuffles by.

Finally, the day comes. The First Order requests your presence for a mission to be disclosed at Starkiller Base. With a grin, you begin packing your things.

——

Once on board there are several other bounty hunters present. You stand proudly with them in the room as the door swings open and General Hux enters, followed by a man dressed in all black with a black and silver helmet and a lightsaber hilt at his side. You force yourself not to react, especially as his head swivels between all the hunters in the room. But not once does his gaze linger on you. You’re annoyed, but you let it slide, this is not the time or place. You know Kylo is probing everyone’s minds, you can feel the slight fuzzy sensation at the back of your skull. _‘Hmmm, that might prove interesting,’_ you grin inwardly.

Hux also surveys the hunters, looking at you a little longer than necessary, before calling everyone to attention. “We’ve asked the Bounty Hunter Guild to supply their best hunters for our task. We’re in search of several individuals who must be caught alive and brought back to us here. They’re flying in an ancient craft known as the ‘Millennium Falcon.” He glances at you, making your skin crawl before adding, “We’d also like to have one remain here on base for an ‘as needed’ position.”

You allow the wall of your mind to open ever so slightly to allow a quip to be heard by those listening in, _‘What red-head really needs is to sit on a dick.’_ You see Kylo’s shoulders twitch, you know he heard your thought. You close your wall again, before musing over how much fun it will be to mess with him. He seems to have forgotten you, which irritates the hell out of you, but it’s not entirely surprising. Someone probably saw his meetings and talks with you as a weakness and decided to cut it off by making him forget.

You’ll make him remember in due time, but until then you’re going to have some fun.

“I’ve sent you all the information on your datapads. Siren, I’d like you to remain here on base for missions as needed,” Hux continued.

You nodded, “Yes, General, of course.”

 _‘Prick’_ you thought, letting it slip to where Kylo could hear. You could swear he was smirking if he didn’t have that darn helmet on.

General Hux turned and left, giving the hunters all of the information they needed. A Stormtrooper came to the door, offering to show you to your room while at the base. You said goodbye to the other hunters you knew, some of which were good friends, as you followed the trooper. You knew Kylo was definitely following your presence now, so you sent him a silent image of you sticking your tongue out to him. _‘Curious, aren’t you? Why don’t you give me a tour after I settle in? See you later,’_ you hummed to him. 

  
  


——

  
  


She seemed normal at first, Kylo thought. More than that actually, she stuck out like a sore thumb, like she didn’t belong in a room with bounty hunters. But she held a title, ‘Siren’ and even several of the hunters greeted her with respect. While he stood at the back of the room, reaching into the hunter’s minds for weaknesses, he found himself unable to see into hers. 

Kylo stood bored, keeping the woman in the corner of his eye. He almost growled in annoyance of having to attend such a petty and unnecessary meeting when he heard a thought from the Siren. _‘What red-head really needs is to sit on a dick.’_ He tensed his shoulders, a smirk hidden beneath his mask. He glanced at her to see her staring directly at him. That slip was not an accident on her part.

The fact she is able to lock him out of her mind and reveal to him only what she wants is a very interesting skill. She seemed somehow familiar, but Kylo couldn’t place her within his memories. He thought this odd but shrugged the thought away, he’d seen many people in his time, she was just another girl in the galaxy.

Nonetheless, curiosity nagged at him. It pricked beneath his skin, wanting to know more. He strides back to his quarters, smirking as stormtroopers and officers quickly scrambled out of his way. Once there, he removed his helmet, letting his black hair fall around him. He placed it on the counter as he made his way to the couch, picking up his datapad. Kylo scanned its files, looking for “Siren”s personal file.

F/N L/N. Joined the Bounty Hunters Guild years ago. Received the title of Siren and is the best bounty hunter for non-lethal captures. Best known for her silver tongue and singing voice, seemingly able to talk anyone into anything. Kylo made a thoughtful noise as he continued. Human, approximately 25 years of age, only 3 less than himself, he thought she seemed younger. Trained under a great mentor, yadda yadda, he yawned before something finally caught his eye. Origin: Unknown.

Kylo narrowed his eyes. So no one knows where this girl came from or what she did until she was seventeen? He guessed the guild didn’t care, her track record clearly states she’s a great asset. From tracking to bringing in her targets, she hardly ever fails. However, she’s choosy about her missions. She avoids murderous acquisitions or ones where the requester is outwardly a bad person.

He growled. She was soft. At least that’s how it appeared to him. She is extremely suspicious. Why would she take a mission like this? Money? From her track record, it would be unlikely for her to assist the First Order in tracking down Resistance members. Kylo dropped his datapad and picked his helmet back up, heading for the door. He will find out her motives eventually. Whatever they are.

——

You hummed happily to yourself, looking around your new room. It’s much fancier than your one back on the guild base. A little gloomy in all black, but you’d be able to change that with a few new things. You head over to the window, jumping up to sit on the sill. It was big enough to sit comfortably and watch the snowfall beside you. The sun had set and the moon was rising, you watched it thinking back on fond memories of sneaking out with Kylo, then Ben, back in Jedi training. You two, and sometimes some others, would go out in the middle of the night to mess around, play games, and just be happy. 

That was until Kylo started disappearing at night. The loneliness tugged on your heart again as the sky darkened to allow the moon and stars to shine. Night skies always made you think of him. A knock at the door. You instantly rushed to the door, calming down with your hand on the handle to not appear too excited.

You opened the door with a casual, “Yes?” Before sputtering slightly at General Hux. He gave you an odd look before you compose yourself, “My apologies, General, I did not expect a man of importance such as yourself to be personally visiting me.” You felt like you laid it on a little thick, but he seemed to enjoy the compliment nonetheless.

He grinned at you and you could just see a scheme forming in his mind, “Miss L/N, if I may call you that, would you like a tour of the base?” You frowned inwardly, that’s his game. He asked you to stay so he could get into your pants. You really did not want to go with Hux, but you knew that it would be foolish to refuse. You had nothing better to do, no missions, so not obliging him would just be a giant ‘fuck you’ and you did **not** need to be on anyone’s shitlist on the first day. 

You smiled, “Why thank you, I was really hoping for a grand tour of a base with this level of architecture.” General Hux grinned back at you, holding his elbow out. You delicately laced your arm through his, a small smile to hide your disgust. 

He talked. A lot. Mostly about himself. You would love nothing more than to strangle him right now. You half listen, making sure to reply or give feedback when appropriate to make sure it seemed like you were paying attention. Mostly you’re learning. Layout, entrances, exits, vents, places to hide, all the fun and useful things. 

Then you notice your Grumpy Gus heading your way and you perk up a little. You notice Kylo’s helmet tilt down slightly, your arm linked through Hux’s. You grimace slightly. Hux begins talking to Kylo, angry about some damaged hardware or something, but you allow a thought to slip through. _“Hey, wanna help me out here? I do not want to be within ten feet of this peacock,”_ you ask, adding a small whine to the thought.

A few seconds tick by and you heard it. His voice. His thought. For the first time in years. It could almost make you cry. Except it pisses you off. _“No._ ”

You growl at him _“What do you mean no?! You’re going to strand me with this jackass??”_

You could swear he was grinning at your misfortune beneath that stupid helmet.

_“You got yourself in it, you can get yourself out.”_

You were fuming, _“You son of a b—“_

But the thought was interrupted by Kylo strutting away and General Hux leading you elsewhere on the base.

——

Kylo saw them down the hall. He had no idea why, but upon seeing their arms linked he felt irritated. Probably just because that idiot Hux had that effect on him. Hux talked to him, but Kylo ignored him, watching Y/N intensely. Then he heard her voice again. It was music to his ears. She wanted his help. He smirked, giving her his answer. A grin spreading at her reaction.

Amused, he let her sit and simmer as he stalked off. Maybe she’d be more interesting than he previously anticipated. He’d find out her secrets, but maybe in a different way.

——

The last stop was at the officer’s cafeteria. Hux stressed that this was the best place for her to get a meal, that the food at the trooper’s cafeteria was not nearly as palpable. You weren’t very hungry, so you politely declined his invitation to dine with him and turned to leave as he went to his private dining area. Then you saw them on the way out. Little circular cakes. They appeared like pebbles, their coloration spotty.

You grinned grabbing two, a sandwich, and a drink. You skipped back to your quarters, only needing to check the map on your datapad twice, before placing the cakes in the fridge in your kitchenette. 

You wolfed down the sandwich and drink, before sitting on the bed cross-legged. You exhaled slowly, slowing your breathing into a meditative state. You reached out with your mind, searching for Kylo’s. He was barred, of course, but you gave a couple of pokes. Anger radiated from him, you simply giggled. His anger dissipated some and he sent, _“What do you want?”_

You bit your lip, hoping your plan works. _“Come see me! I got a rain cake for you.”_ You could sense his shock before Kylo locked his thoughts and presence away from you completely. You withered some, wondering if he was just going to ignore you.

——

Rain cake? Kylo groaned, he hadn’t had one of those in years. It used to be one of his favorites. Not sickeningly sweet, many don’t consider it an actual cake especially since it had a more gelatinous texture. How in the stars would she know to pick that? It had to be a coincidence. He reached out into the Force again. She still had her walls down slightly. She felt… disappointed? Why?

He growled, well whatever, he knew now she was force-sensitive and he would have to gauge whether she was a threat to eliminate or not. Kylo stood from his desk, placing his helmet back onto his head before marching out the door. With datapad in hand, he looked up her room location.

He forced the door open, glaring at the suspicious woman through his helmet. She was lounging on the windowsill looking out towards the moon, now higher into the sky. Upon his barging into her quarters, she whipped around with her hands reflexively moving towards the short blades at her thighs. However, as soon as she spotted Kylo at the entrance, a delighted grin spread across her face. “You came!”

Kylo’s heart thudded. What the hell is wrong with this girl? Y/N bounced over to the kitchenette’s fridge but before she could get there, he blocked her path, growling at her, “Who are you? What’s your purpose here?”

He saw sadness flash across her fine features before she grumbled out, “It’s not my fault you forgot me.” Kylo’s eyes narrowed. He’s never met her before. At least not to the level she would be familiar with him. He doesn’t have anyone like that, he doesn’t need idiotic relationships with other individuals.

He opened his mouth to say something but she continued, “I’m here to be of assistance as an extension of the Bounty Hunter’s Guild. You’re just a bonus.” 

He snarled, “Liar.”

Kylo’s hand curved in the space in front of him, his fingers constricting inwards with his control over the Force. He tightened the space around her neck and asked again, “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

Even while gasping for air, she held her ground, keeping her hands at her side and her focus on him. “I am... F/N L/N… Someone who has been locked out of your memories. I am now a bounty hunter here to assist you,” she croaked, a few tears spilling from her eyes. Whether it was from his hold on her or something else, Kylo wasn’t sure.

He released her, turning to leave. As he got to the doorway he heard behind him, “I’ll always trust you.” Kylo ignored her, storming out of the room towards his own. Y/N seemed stronger than he previously anticipated, though he wouldn’t like to admit it. But she _trusted_ him? Why in the galaxy would she? That would explain why she didn’t panic at his assault, but what did he ever do to earn her trust?

Was she just mad or did she truly know him? But then why couldn’t he remember her? Kylo growled in frustration. He ripped his helmet and cloak off within his quarters and sat down to meditate. He tried to reach within his own mind, searching his memories, for some fragment of her. He knew she had some training with the force and if she did truly know him, it wouldn’t be far-fetched to say she could have been at the Jedi academy he destroyed. But he killed those against him and he did not remember her being in those with him.

He thought back to that night. The anger burning him from the core as if it had just happened. Kylo remembered pulling the building down, running through the rubble. He had been looking around. For what? He wrinkled his brow in confusion. He couldn’t remember why he didn’t leave immediately. Kylo could barely remember the time he spent between the betrayal and officially joining the Knights of Ren. 

It was fuzzy, unclear, still there but clearly locked out of focus. Did she have something to do with it? Try all he might, he couldn’t remember. With an agitated huff, he gave up for the night. Before he retired for the evening, he pulled out his datapad one last time to fire off a single message.

——

You sighed, rubbing your neck in frustration as you watched the door close behind Kylo. You bit your lip, you didn’t even get to give him the cake. Grumbling you get ready for bed and wonder what you’re going to do tomorrow. You’re not sure if you’ll be able to mess with him too much during the day. You don’t want to annoy him to the point he hates you or interrupt his duties but now that he’s so close you can’t help but want to reach out to him.

Your fingers softly move across your neck again. You were scared. You trust him, with every fiber of your being, but you forgot. Right now you’re nothing more than a stranger. Probably a crazy one at that. You always knew he could be cold and harsh to others, but now it seems to be at an extreme. Resorting to anger and violence to get what he wants. You shiver slightly before crawling under the covers.

A beep from the datapad on your bedside table pulls a groan from you as you reach over to it. A new message, that’s weird. You click on it, your eyes widening at it.

[Training at 08:00.

Don’t be late.]

A message from none other. Short and sweet, with a map location at the bottom. You grinned, you’re not giving up anytime soon. You set your alarm and wriggle under the covers, willing yourself to sleep so morning will come faster.

——

You’re not exactly skipping down the hallway, but you clearly can’t hide your enthusiasm. You weren’t exactly sure what kind of training so to make it simple you chose a comfortable set of workout clothes. Grinning inwardly, it helped to accentuate some of your best features and by the looks you were receiving by trooper and officer alike, you’d say it’s working rather well. 

You walked into the private training room, before freezing at the entrance. There was Kylo, meditating, sans helmet and cloak. You hadn’t seen him in years and somehow the man ended up becoming even more beautiful. He cracked an eye open at you before raising himself off the floor. He walked over to you, standing mere inches away.

You swore he wasn’t this tall the last time you were with him. Shit maybe he was, but the bloke was a good foot taller than you. It was like looking at a giant. Then he spoke.

“I need to see what you can do to determine whether you’ll be useful on future missions or not.”

You scoffed, “Uh-huh, sure, let’s go then.” You grinned devilishly.

Kylo made a sour face before jumping into action.

He roughly grabbed your arm and shoved you to the ground to pin you down. You gritted your teeth, growling, he might have caught you off-guard but you were going to show him what you were made of. You adjusted enough to kick out at Kylo’s legs, his grip loosening just enough for you to gain some distance. You smirked at him, you’re used to dealing with opponents much stronger than yourself.

Kylo force-pulls a wooden training staff to him and aimed to sweep you off your feet. You harnessed the force in your right hand, pushing down on the staff as you jumped up and over. Landing your feet into his chest, knocking him over before you daintily sit on his chest. You blink innocently down at him as he regains his senses. He growls at you in annoyance and you jump away to regain some distance.

He stands again, one hand behind his back and the other in front of him. Time stands still for a moment as the two of you just stare at each other. You narrow your eyes, knowing he’s up to something, just as you feel something down at your ankle. He manipulated a piece of rope from some of the training equipment in the room to wrap around you. While you were distracted, Kylo rushed at you to pin you to the ground.

Now it was he on top of you, his hands holding your wrists down and his body holding you in place. Kylo gives a little victorious grin, making your insides melt. You laugh, “This is fun.”

His grin disappears, replaced by an annoyed expression as his grip tightens on your wrists to a painful degree. “Less fun,” you wince.

“It’s not supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to be training,” He growls, but his grip loosens nonetheless. He gets up and motions to continue training. You smile, ready to go. The two of you spend a couple hours sparring. You don’t always come out on top but you’re decent at holding your own against the Master of the Knights of Ren. You’re also pretty sure he’s enjoying himself too, or he would have put a halt to this a while ago.

By 10:00 you’re both sweating profusely, though you seem to be the only one out of breath. You guess some things never change. You’re sure you’ll have a few bruises by nightfall, but he will too. Kylo calls it done for the day, you grab the bottom of your loose tank to wipe the sweat from your face. You don’t miss him glancing over at your exposed middle. With a stretch you ask, “So am I good for missions now?”

Kylo is silent for a moment before saying, “Yes, you’d be an asset.”

You smile, standing straighter, finally strong enough to stand beside him as equal. 

He goes to leave before halting. “How did we know each other?”

You sit down on the training mats, “Do you really want me to tell you?”

He turns, his brown eyes boring into yours.

“I wish to understand.”

You hummed, “When we met, I knew you not as Kylo Ren. You stood up for me once and I stuck to you like glue, I really don’t know how you put up with me.” You gave a small chuckle.

Kylo came to sit across from you, leaning on the wall.

You lower your eyes, speaking softly, “We made a promise.”

“What promise?”

You shake your head, “It won’t mean anything if I tell you. Right now I’m some crazy girl claiming to know you, I will not force any of this on you. If you remember, that would be amazing,” you sighed happily before continuing, “but if you don’t… or if you don’t want anything to do with me… then I will leave and not bother you again.”

You don’t add that it would break your heart to do so, but you don’t know if his memories are locked away or if they were pulled from him, never to be recovered. You stand, not really wanting to hear what he has to say. Or more accurately, afraid of what he might say. You laugh awkwardly on your way out, “Well, see you later Commander, let me know if there are any missions I can go on.”

You run off, only coming to a walk out in the hallway. You feel gross, still a little sweaty, so you head back to your room to change. Then you spot orange hair. With a hard ‘nope’ you turn around only to wince as you hear your name called. You turn back to General Hux with a small smile, “Ah, Good Morning General, how are you today?”

He smiled back to you, “Doing well, were you heading somewhere?”

He was clearly ogling you so you tried your best to keep the agitation out of your voice, “Yes, I just got out of training and was heading back to my quarters.”

Huz raised an eyebrow, “Your quarters are in the opposite direction.” Of course he’d know.

You feign an innocent laugh, “Whoops, my mistake! Thank you for assisting me, I’ll see you later General!” You try to run off but he stops you again.

“We have a mission for you, I have been trying to reach you on your datapad but this explains why,” he motions to your attire, “it’s on a planet we’ve been trying to negotiate with. Commander Ren and I are going and we request your presence as an extra backup.” 

You smile sweetly, “Absolutely, General, let me go freshen up and I’ll read the debrief.”

He nods and as you walk off you can feel his eyes on you, raking over your body.  
  
You hold back a gag, but think about the information you received. Hux has been trying to get in touch with you all morning about going on a mission. Which means Kylo was full of bullshit when he said he needed to test you before going on them. That makes you a little happy, no matter his motives. You spent some fun time with him. 

——

You go on several missions, proving yourself invaluable. When the fights break out, you’re on top of the action. When negotiations sour, you’re there to calm the room and become a great mediator. The first time you spoke up in a meeting, Hux was very cross with you. But after some deliberation, he decided you would be a better asset in some meetings.

Your friendly nature, one most of the First Order’s staff did not have, on top of your amazing negotiation skills and quick thinking could not be ignored.

You were catching everyone’s attention, a “rising star” within the First Order, without actually being hired within the First Order. You’d been here for some time, made a few friends among trooper and officers alike. Hux continued his efforts to woo you, while Kylo sparred with you once a week.

You’d bump into each other every now and then, but he seemed preoccupied with some other task. You’d heard about it from others. Something about a girl called Rey and the Resistance. You shrugged. The sides didn’t really matter to you. You didn’t agree with the tactics of the First Order, their “violence first” methods sickened you, but you were pretty sure being with the Resistance was just a death sentence. It doesn’t mean you won’t still hope for them. But Kylo is your main priority.

Your interactions had become a little more pleasant. He could still be harsh and cold to you, but you could tell you were slowly cracking his exterior. Kylo seemed very curious about the past the two of you share but would never bring it up again. You’re beginning to think he doesn’t want to remember you. Nonetheless, you decided to stay near him until he told you to leave. 

You’re walking down the halls of the Starkiller Base when sirens begin blazing. An attack on the base by the Resistance. You rush back to your quarters to grab your short blades, attaching them to your thighs, you have to figure out what’s going on and find Kylo. You run to find General Hux in the command room to understand the situation. He barks that the Resistance is sending fighters down, before the whole base quakes. Hux curses and he snarls at officers at the command modules that bombs have gone off within the base.

Without knowing where Kylo is, you decide your first priority is to help those in need. You assist the injured mostly but before long everyone is shouting for an evacuation.

Worry spikes through you, you reach out through the Force to find Kylo. He’s not even hiding himself, he’s been injured. Rage boils through you and you rush to the docking bay. You swipe a vessel, flying it into the direction you sense Kylo. Below you see the planet’s surface begins to crack and break. You feel his energy fade and push the craft into higher gear.

You see a strange ship, which you then recognize as the Millennium Falcon, flying off. You look to where it departed from and see a dark figure lying in the snow. You take a sharp inhale before quickly landing. “Kylo!” You scream, exiting through the ramp and falling into the snow beside him. He coughs, “What… are you doing here?...”

“I’m here to train, the fuck you think I’m doing here?!” You shriek, while doing your best to lift him off the ground. “The planet is exploding, we need to go!” You hiss, pulling his left arm around your shoulders while you grab his right side. He groans, doing his best to walk on his own. A damn good thing, because there’s no way you’d be able to support all his weight.

The two of you make it up the ramp and into the ship before falling down. You quickly scramble out from underneath him, closing the door and plopping back into the pilot chair to escape the planet’s atmosphere. You punch in coordinates and hop into lightspeed, only giving a sigh of relief once your to your destination. You send a message to General Hux, alerting him you found Commander Ren and that he was lightly wounded. You added that you and he would return as soon as you can.

You disabled the tracker on the vessel and on your datapad before you finally make your way back to Kylo. “Sorry to keep you waiting,” You say softly, kneeling down beside him. He huffed, opening an eye at you slightly. You didn’t mean to look so sad, but you were so worried for him, you knew he was too strong to die from these wounds, but back on the Starkiller was a different story. “Stop making that face Y/N, you look better with a smile,” He mumbled.

Your eyes shot wide open, mouth hanging open. You covered your mouth in shock only to get a confused look from Kylo. “What?”

You half-laughed, half almost-cried, “You said that exact same thing to me before…”

You waved it off and began healing his injuries.

“Didn’t know you could do that trick,” He grunted after he could pull himself into a seated position. You gave a small laugh.

“I promised I’d always be your healer,” you mused, the memory a warm one.

Silence passed as you healed his wounds until you finally got to the wound on his face. You had to put your all into focusing, you were losing your stamina but you were determined to heal him. You didn’t want it to mar his beautiful face.

Then you jumped at the sudden touch. Kylo gently wrapped his hands around your wrists and stated, ”It’s fine, you’ve done enough.”

“But!-” you started but he shook his head. 

He held onto your hands for a while, making you a little nervous.

“Y/N?”

“Y-Yes!” You squeaked, earning a small smirk from him.

It disappeared as he asked, “Can you unlock my memories? I feel them there. I feel pieces missing, things that don’t add up. I’ve been trying to correct it myself but haven't been able to…” Kylo trails off, ashamed by his failure. You nod, you’re not sure you can do it, but you really hope you can.

You slowly raise your hands to hold either side of his head. Your fingers brush through his wavy hair, your thumbs settling on his forehead. His hands follow yours, gently holding your hands to him. He closed his eyes. You breathed out and followed suit. Never done before, you just did what felt natural. You imagined doors, gateways to memories. Kylo appeared beside you, looking at you inquisitively. You shrugged.

You saw certain doors were locked, not simply so, but even wrapped in tough chains to keep them locked forever. You held your hand out towards one, willing the Force to you. You pulled as much power as you can and then some. You wanted him to remember you. You missed him so much it hurt, having him close but being forgotten was just as painful as the loneliness spent training as a bounty hunter.

You gritted your teeth, sweat pouring down as you tried to break the chains. Then Kylo joined in. The two of you stood side by side putting your all in to break the seal. With a loud ‘SNAP’ you saw the chains shatter before you were forcefully ejected from his mind. Blinking you looked at him in worry, lowering your arms.

“Kylo?...” you asked.

His head whipped up to look at you, eyes wide before pulling you into his lap. You squealed, “K-Kylo!?” He peppered kisses all over your face and neck.

“Y/N, oh Y/N, I’m so sorry to have forgotten you,” He seemed anguished by the thought.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“Kylo, I missed you so much!” you rubbed your face into his neck before he leaned you back, wiping the tears from your eyes. “Sorry for the wait,” he mused giving you a small, boyish grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!  
> I started writing this story in August 2019 in my spare time in google docs. Since then it's grown to 150 pages/12 Chapters at the time I'm writing this. I was unsure of posting it, mainly cause I feel like it's silly or dumb and I'm afraid to but a friend convinced me to post it so here I go!
> 
> I also have 3 other Kylo-based AU's I write (because I have nothing better to do I guess lmao) that are several chapters/pages in. So if you liked this, let me know and I can do like a posting rotation or something? Like a chapter a week? My chapters are usually about this length~
> 
> Anywho, chapter 2 will have some steamy bits so yea! I hope you liked it!!
> 
> [4/26/20 EDIT: I've done some art with my char around this story, I created a page for it if you'd like to check it out so I wouldn't have to post a bazillion links, I'll just update the same one lol https://convenientcat.net/balance/ ]


	2. Malla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finally remembers. Plus shenanigans. Drink responsibly.
> 
> Songs Mentioned in this Chapter:  
> > "Tonight I'm Lovin You" - Enrique Iglesias  
> > "All Night" - The Vamps  
> 

The two of you spent the next hour on the floor of the ship, not wanting to part from the other, recounting stories of what had transpired in the time you had been apart. Kylo had never been very intimate before, it was just one of those things that never came up. There were moments, you thought he’d kiss you, touch you, but then he would have to leave. It was never spoken aloud, your feelings for him or his for you, but you both knew they were there.

You felt bubbly at the opportunity now. You bit your lip with a grin, to which Kylo raised an eyebrow in curiosity, “What?”

You batted your eyes sweetly, standing from his lap, “Oh, nothing! Hey, come look at where I brought us!” You gave a dramatic sweep towards the window.

Kylo narrowed his eyes at you but obliged. He blinked at the lush green and blue planet below.

“Where are we?”

You bounced back on your heels, “My planet.”

He scoffed, “ _ Your _ planet?”

You stick your tongue at him, “Yes,  _ my _ planet. SL-569. No sentient lifeforms, no precious metals, no amazing wildlife, virtually no valuable assets. Found it for sale one day. Wasn’t even aware I could  _ buy _ an entire planet. It was still stupidly expensive but no one really wanted it because it didn’t have anything to offer.”

Kylo grumbled, “Then why the hell would you buy it? It’s worthless.”

You smiled up at him, “This is our home. It has the best views of any planet. Welcome home, Kylo.” His eyes widened slightly before he looked away with a huff, his cheeks a slight touch of pink. “If you don’t want to visit today, we don’t have to. I know Hux and the others are awaiting your return, it was just the first thing that came to mind to escape the blast of the Starkiller.”

Kylo looked back to you asking, “Did you get into contact with Hux about my situation?”

He didn’t want to lose face about being injured. You withhold your laughter as you replied, “Yes, all I told him was that you were with me, lightly wounded and that I would be following your lead to our next objective. I also cut the trackers so they can’t just warp here since I’d like to keep this place hush, hush.”

He ruffled your hair, which you growled at before he gave a small laugh, “Good. Thanks Y/N, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Die, probably,” you grinned mischievously at him, “So, staying here for a night or what? I have a nice house down there. Very comfortable.”

You turn, as if you just remembered something, hand on your cheek, “Oh wait! I just recalled…” Glancing in his direction with a grin you finish, “There’s only one bedroom.”

Kylo grinned, reaching you in two strides before pulling you flush against him. “I’ll send Hux a status report we’re tracking the Resistance, that will buy us some time.” You grin, step onto your tiptoes to press a kiss onto his lips before hopping away from him.

“Well I’ll take us down then, my datapad is right over there,” you point before jumping into the pilot seat and heading down to the planet.

You land beside your home, very modest with the basic accommodations. It sat next to a lake, with snow capped mountains in the distance. You grabbed Kylo’s hand, pulling him along. Once through the door you show him around, moving on to the next part of your plan. You show the bedroom last before turning to leave.

Kylo grabs your hand and twists you around, “Where do you think you’re going?”

You smirked up at him, “Oh, did you have an expectation of how this would play out?”

He growls playfully at you before stealing a kiss from you. You laugh, but put a hand on his chest, distancing yourself from him.

“Who died and made you king? My planet. My rules.” you rumbled.

Kylo swallowed, opening his mouth to say something of protest but you silenced him with a finger to his lips. “ _ You _ forgot about me for  _ years _ , there’s punishment you have to take on.”

You slowly began forcing him back.

“You’ve been in charge for a little too long, I think that’s gone to your head. 

Let’s correct that.”

His legs hit the end of the bed, you pushed him down before planting yourself on his hips. Kylo’s hands settled at your thighs but you grabbed them and held them above his head. “No touching,” you cooed, looking down at him. His face was fully red, his breathing erratic. You hummed to yourself, glad he was beginning to enjoy this as much as you were.

You wiggled your ass against his growing erection, eliciting a hiss from him. “What in the world am I going to do to punish you?” You snickered, batting your eyes at him.

“Y/N…” he breathed, his hands clenched.

“Ooh, that was nice. Here’s a little reward, but remember, no touching,” you warned before releasing his hands. Kylo gripped at the sheets as you straightened and removed your top.

You loved the reaction you were causing, watching the great and powerful Master of the Knights of Ren melt into putty beneath your touch. Your pretty sure the same thing will happen to you in the future, but for now you’re the boss.

You purred delightfully as you pushed his own tunic off of him, kneading the palms of your hands into his chest. With that piece of cloth removed, you raked your fingers gently back down his chest, making sure your nails gave just enough of a scratching sensation. Kylo shivered, only increasing your joy in this game. You bit your lip, it’s extraordinarily fun for you but on the other hand you can’t wait to be on the receiving end next time.

Pulling slowly, your hands undo his belt. Kylo grunted, his hands gripping the sheets even harder than before. You told him not to touch and he was following through. You were a little surprised, you thought by now he would lose it. The temperamental “Crylo,” as you’d heard jokingly whispered among the First Order troops, would normally never listen to anyone. At least not for very long. You thought he’d pull a reversal on you, but he must be enjoying being bossed around. That’s a fun concept  you will no-- you’ll absolutely use to your advantage in the future.

You removed your own bottoms, before giving his stiff erection a good lick, taking it into your mouth as much as possible. Kylo groaned, you could see his hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly in the sheets. You stopped, only to get a dirty look from the man beneath you. You shot one back accompanied by a threat, “Keep making that face and I won’t continue.”

Before he could respond, you stroked his member, making him moan. You licked your lips, “That’s a more preferable face.”

Kylo growled at you, “Fuck you.”

You just gave a smartass grin, “Well, duh.”

You stradled yourself over him once again before sliding him into you. “F-Fuck.” you breathe, bending forward to place a kiss on Kylo’s lips. His hand reaches up towards your face but you growl at him. He gulps and places his hand back down. Once you’re more comfortable with the fit, you begin moving at your own pace.

Then your own emotions cave, you  _ need _ him to touch you. You look down at him through lidded eyes and whine, “Kylo, I need you, touch me, please.” He springs into action, flipping you over onto your back before continuing an even pace. He sprinkles kisses across your stomach, breasts, and neck, nipping at your neck in a way you’re sure will leave a mark. His hands never idle, running across your thighs, hips, and kneading into the most sensitive areas of your chest.

Your moans were becoming incessant and your breathing ragged, Kylo’s in tandem. With a final scream, you release the heat pooled within you with Kylo soon to follow. He laid down beside you, peppering soft kisses across your face. “Y/N, you’re amazing, how come we’ve never done that before?” He laughed, the sound alone bringing a smile to your face.

“You forgot me, that is years worth of pent up frustration, I’ll have you know,” you joked, giggling and shuffling closer into his embrace.

“Well, you won’t have that issue anymore,” He rumbled, you could feel the vibrations of his deep voice from where you had your head pressed against his chest.

“Good,” you smiled, kissing him before giving a small yawn and falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

——

The next morning, you slowly flutter your eyes open. You smile softly to the picture in front of your eyes. The night had ended with your head in his chest but it seems to have been reversed. You place a soft kiss on Kylo’s dark locks, before gently crawling out of his arms to get started on breakfast.

Around the room, clothes are scattered, you chuckle before aiming for your closet. You slip on new undergarments before donning a simple pair of shorts and a tank top. You make your way into the kitchen, humming softly.

——

Kylo blinks his eyes softly, roused by the smell of food and an enchanting melody. He sees the bed empty before him but knows by the singing where Y/N is. He grinned to himself, before frowning. He can’t believe he forgot her. Kylo only befriended her originally because Skywalker had asked him to. But over time he found her to be such an amazing person. She was strong, maybe not physically but her will was something to be feared. She was always positive, never failed to make him feel warm, although he constantly hid it.

Before he knew it, he loved her. But then something happened. He forgot her entirely. Kylo would strangle himself if he could, but clearly it’s not entirely his fault. Someone locked away his memories,  _ purposefully _ . There’s only one that would. He growled. Snoke. His Master was becoming more maddening recently. The hunt of the girl, Rey, and now this revelation. Kylo would have to play a good pup for now. He needed to ensure Snoke doesn’t find out he remembered, lest his memories be snatched from him entirely. Or worse, Snoke takes Y/N away to twist her into something dark and demented. Kylo rolls onto his back, looking at the palm of his hand, Snoke would turn her into a monster. Like himself. 

He clenches his hand, shoving the thought out of the way. He feels the fading marks where his wounds were yesterday. Y/N really did a great job healing, even if it was hard for her to do this much. Kylo smirked to himself, raising out of bed to finally go see his ray of light.

Kylo walks to the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe to watch the scene in front of him. Y/N is cooking eggs and meat, singing to herself all the while. He moves a hand to try and cover his amused grin. On top of that, she’s wearing shorts that just barely covers her ass and a tank that dips just low enough. He strides the rest of the way in, pulling himself into one of the stools at the counter in the center of the room and opposite of the stove.

In doing so, she finally notices his entrance and stops singing. He frowns, wanting to continue hearing her voice. She was still smiling, his grumpy attitude never phasing her, “Good morning, Kylo! Here’s your breakfast.” She places a plate in front of him, leaning over the counter to peck a kiss on his lips. Kylo grabs her arm and returns the kiss in passion before slowly releasing her. “Thanks,” he rumbles deeply, her face a deep shade of red but a content smile still on her face. 

She fashions her own plate before sitting in the barstool beside him. They’re close enough for their thighs to touch. They eat in happy silence before she begins, “What are we going to do about us on… whatever is replacing the Starkiller base?”

Kylo thinks. “The Finalizer will be the main base now. And what do you mean ‘what are we going to do’?” They’d be together. There’s no issue there.

She raises an eyebrow with a grin, “You don’t think everyone will think it’s strange we barely know each other and then all of the sudden we’re together? I’ll be honest my main concern is Hux.” Kylo automatically growls angrily at the thought of the General.

Now that his memories and feelings are back, he wants to rip Hux apart for even considering laying a hand on Y/N. He opens his mouth but she cuts him off, “The giant prick has been trying to get into my pants ever since I came onboard. My suggestion is that you need to give me the title of your apprentice. We’ve been training once a week for a while. We can say we just found out I’m force sensitive or something. That’ll keep me closer to you and far-the-fuck-away from the  _ general _ .” She spits the last with menace, making Kylo grin inwardly.

“I wanted to kick him in the dick  _ multiple _ times, but I couldn’t jeopardize my position,” She hissed. Kylo understood what she meant. If Hux told her to piss off before he could remember her, he wouldn’t have protected her and she would have had to leave the First Order. He sighed, “Ok, that seems reasonable. Even if I’m not a fan.” Kylo frowned at her, she replied with a smile.

“It won’t be forever. I’ll raise myself into a position  _ no one _ can question me standing by your side,” she growled. Kylo blinked, she’s been working all this time since the fire, hell probably even before then, to become someone who could stand beside him as an equal.

He reached over, running his hand over her cheek. She nuzzled into his palm as he says, “Y/N, no matter what anyone says, you will  _ always _ be worthy to stand beside me.”

He watched her eyes grow wide, before she hid her face in his hand, her face an explosion of red. Kylo mused, finding her adorable, and got off his stool to pull her close to him, placing a kiss in her hair. “Let’s clean up and actually start tracking the resistance so we have something to bring back,” He rumbled, stepping away from her. He watched her smile happily before trailing after him.

——

A few days into tracking the resistance, you realize how… out of touch, Kylo can be. Or more accurately, how narrow he is. He’s been sticking to a singular mode of doing things. Which can work well, but not when talking to ordinary folks. The two of you have been on planet after planet, talking to people to try and gather intel on where the resistance main base is located. But no matter where you are, Kylo always becomes quickly aggressive and violent. 

You stop him every time before he goes too far, but then he directs that anger at you. You don’t tolerate it and throw anger back at him. But now you’ve fought multiple times, arguing about the dumbest of things. Even now, both of you are pouting, having separated to find information independently. You need an idea to talk to him, make him understand, but also just to make up with him. You and Kylo have been together for a few days now and after waiting for him for so long, you don’t want to waste the precious time you have.

You think part of the reason is that the two of you haven’t found any information on the resistance. There seems to be something else affecting him but your questioning to figure it out has only made Kylo even angrier. You walked along the streets, tapping your finger on your chin.

Before long, you hear the drumming sound of music. You’ve always been drawn to music. The sounds, the lyrics, the feelings it can invoke, just the very essence of it. You turn, heading toward the sound. You were on a well-developed planet, in one of the more populated cities. You were humming along with the sound as you picked up your pace, grinning as you see bright, colorful light pouring out into the street in front of you.

There was a line to get into the club, a myriad of races awaiting to get in although some had already begun dancing outside. Maybe that would help him unwind. You pull out your datapad, sending a message to Kylo to meet, adding an address. It wasn’t the club, but it was nearby.

You duck into the upscale clothing store and began discussing your plan with the assistant within. She was sweet, more than willing to help. You chose the set for Kylo and then chose another set for yourself. You happily talked to the assistant, before too long you see a brooding grumple knight leaning against the store window. He hadn’t realized you were inside.

You knocked on the window and he whirled around to face you with an annoyed expression but followed you inside begrudgingly. You let the assistant take over making sure he got ready as you got ready yourself. Kylo began complaining but you smiled and said, “Please? Will you oblige me this?” You saw his jaw tighten, he opened his mouth to reply, before sighing, “Fine…”

You beamed happily at him before skipping off to the changing room. You’d always been frugal with your money. Saving for a time you knew you’d want to use it. There was no need to buy beautiful gowns when you were hunting down criminals to try and get back to the one you loved. Giddiness overflowing, you were happy that time had come.

Slipping the gown on, and zipping it up, you hummed to yourself happily, twirling in the mirror. Your left arm was sleeved all the way to your wrist while the other arm was left bare. The high neckline would have covered your chest but a cutout allowed just enough to show off. The bottom hugged your hips before cutting straight down, a slit from your right hip all the way to where the dress cut off just above your knees. The dress started royal red at your neckline but gradients into a deep, dark wine red by your wrist and the bottom of the dress. It felt amazing and it had sparkling crystals sewn all over. Paired with black gladiator wedges, you knew you’d be a knockout.

You left the dressing room, you didn’t have any way to do your makeup or your hair but you let your hair fall around your face in hopes it would look a little better. You could see Kylo sitting in the waiting area, clearly annoyed with this side adventure. You bit your lip, hoping you were going to make him feel better by the end of the night.

Your heels clacked on the floor as you made your entrance. Your face was red at Kylo’s appearance, he was always good looking, but what is it when men wear button-downs rolled up to their elbows. Or was it just you? His attire might be considered a little simple. A charcoal button-down, red vest, black slacks, and black shoes but  _ damn _ did he make it look good.

Kylo turned at your entrance and must have been as enamored with you as you were with him. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. A cute laugh from the assistant made you both blush furiously before you held out your hand to him. “Let’s go,” you smiled, he held your hand, following suit.

You thanked the assistant and left the shop, having already paid before Kylo’s arrival. You also made sure that your other belongings would be shipped back to the port your ship was docked in. Once outside, he finally asked, “Y/N what is this about?”

You turn back to him, placing your hand on his cheek. “I think you need a break.” You continued as he opened to protest, “A  _ break _ from being Commander Ren. A break from being Master of the Knights of Ren. Just…. Let loose and have fun with me? Please?” You whine at the last part, trying to show how much it would mean to you.

Kylo’s eyes darted between your own, before grumbling and finally sighing, “Ok.”

You smiled, intertwining your fingers with his. His large hand felt warm and comfortable against yours and the two of you walked side by side towards the club. The two of you got several looks and by the time you got to the club, the guard manning the VIP entrance waved you in, his expression muddled. You side-eyed Kylo, narrowing your eyes at him.

He shrugged, grinning, “I didn’t feel like waiting. It’s not like they wouldn’t have anyway if you asked.” You laughed, rolling your eyes, “Uh-huh, sure.”

You led him straight to the bar, singing and humming to the music. You order two shots, Kylo wrinkling his nose in disagreeance. You stick your tongue at him, “Fine, if you don’t want yours, I’ll take it.” You reach out for his first but he snatches it, downing it in one gulp.

He points the glass at you in challenge. You grinned wickedly, swiping your own glass and downing it just as quickly. Kylo smirks at you, you just order another drink for yourself. A tall glass, as beautiful as it is sweet. It fades from pink to blue, dazzled with edible sparkles swirling around the glass.

The two of you chat idly, mainly passing snark between the two of you while you drink. “Why aren’t you drinking with me, that’s kind of sad,” you pout at him.

He snickers, “We don’t  _ both _ need to be inebriated.”

You huff at him, “Yea ok, like I’m going to be thrashed after one drink and one shot.”

Kylo shrugs, “I haven’t been with you for a long time, I don’t know what you can and can’t handle anymore. We’re both so different.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. That seemed a little off, you would have focused more on it except, the pretty drink wasn’t nearly as delicate as you thought it was. “I can handle you,” you laugh in a fit of giggles. ‘ _ Oh fuck I’m drunk _ ,’ you think, a little too shocked at your own outburst. On the flipside, Kylo bit his lip trying to keep in a laugh.

That was annoying. You closed the space between the two of you growling at him, “Why do you do that?” He blinked.

“Do what?”

You huff angrily at him, “You  _ hide _ your joy. When you’re happy or when you want to laugh you try to push it away. I really want to freaking hear your laugh and you're  _ keeping me from it _ . Bite your lip one more time to keep from laughing and I’ll be the one biting it.” That made sense. Not really. You’re not really sure where you’re coming up with this stuff.

This time he really did laugh, making your stiff posture melt. It wasn’t loud or boisterous, but would you really expect that out of Kylo Ren? Nope. It was soft but hearty, you’re pretty sure the sound could cure cancer probably. What the  _ fuck _ was in that drink??

You left the empty glass at the bar, pulling him along to the dancefloor. He was awkward about it at first, but the two of you shifted into ballroom dancing, instead of the heated grinding most of the occupants were doing. Just as before, you sang along to the music, this time putting more meaning into the lyrics. “I know you want me.” You pull away from him. “I made it obvious that I want you too.” Glancing back at him, you bite your lip meaningfully. “So put it on me.” You slowly walk back to him. “Let’s remove the space between me and you.” He pulls you closer to him, flush, chest to chest.

“Now rock your body.” The two of you dance, an elegant mix between ballroom styles, shifting as the two of you felt like it. “Damn I like the way that you move.” He grins pulling you flush against him once more, this time your lips inches from his. “So give it to me.” You pull away again, grinning, before he can kiss you. “Cause I already know what you wanna do.”

Kylo continues pulling you into different maneuvers; spinning you, dipping you, lifting you, all while you sing just loud enough for him and those dancing closest to you to hear. Not that anyone is. Everyone’s too absorbed in their own partners or their own fun to pay any attention to the two of you. You can finally see the stress, the pressure, the pain easing out of his features. Very slowly, but it’s still helping.

You continued dancing with Kylo. Laughing, singing, and giggling when you messed up the lyrics or almost tripped. But he was there, chuckling with you and catching you when you needed him. But the night had to come to an end, though not without you taking a few additional shots, and the two of you made your way down the empty street back to the spaceport.

Clearly extremely intoxicated, you have already taken your wedges off, holding them in your hand as you skipped ahead of Kylo, singing still. “I’ve been up all night, no sleep! ‘Cause I feel like I’m always dreaming!” You spin and sway to music only you can hear. “Wide awake. That’s okay. As long as I’m with you!” You spin back to Kylo, grinning at him like an idiot while walking backward. He sighs, though a small smile is still stretched upon his lips.

“What am I going to do with you?” He muses, half to himself.

You giggle out a joke, “You know you love me.”

He laughs, making you stop to wait on him, the sound like music to your ears. “Yes, I do.”

Your eyes widened, your mouth gawking open into a huge smile. “Really, truly?”

Kylo reaches out and pulls your face closer to his own, “Really. Truly. F/N L/N, I love you.”

  
You bounce around on your feet, before pecking kisses all over his face. “Me too!! I love you too, Kylo!” He sweeps an arm under your legs, hoisting you into a bridal carry. You squeak at the unexpected outcome but continuing peppering kisses across his neck anyway.

Slowly you started singing again, “I’ve been waiting for you, waited too long, won’t you come and take me home?”

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead as he walked, “Anything for you, malla.”

You stopped, narrowing your eyes at him. “Woah, woah, woah. Did you just growl at me? What was that last part??”

Kylo laughed, “What, you don’t speak Shyriiwook?”   
You sputtered, “The fuck, no, should I? Innit the language of the Wookies?? How the he--”

He shrugged, humming happily, “Oh well, guess you won’t know what it means, then.”

You pull your best frown, “This means war!! Put me down and fight me, peon!”

“Ok, that’s enough of that out of you, we need to get back to the ship,” Kylo half laughed, half sighed. Not that you could really help it, after a while you started yawning, having trouble keeping your eyes open. He was so warm, you couldn’t help but drift off. 

——

You woke up late the next day. Way late. And your head was killing you. Fuck sunlight, fuck the world, fuck everything. You grumbled as you rolled out of bed. Kylo was the best knight, he placed you in the only small bunk on the small ship and tucked you in. You thought he was kinda precious. He’d already slept with you but didn’t want to change you out of your dress without your permission. Too cute.

With that thought, you grinned as you changed into more comfortable attire and pinged a message to Kylo. He’d clearly left earlier to get a headstart on the day. You walked out of the ship, blinking at the different spaceport. He also must have piloted to a new planet. You didn’t have to wait long before he walked through the port’s entrance towards you.

“My trusted knight arrives, what information hast thou brought me?” You muse, a sun visor across your eyes shielding you from the harsh rays. Of course, he brought you to a planet with  _ two _ suns while you have a hangover.

Kylo smirks at the nickname, but continues, “I found out where they are. Hux is eager to test out his new toy he’s so sure will impress Snoke. It’s time to head back to the Finalizer.”

You wither a little at that. You wanted more one on one time with Kylo. He notices of course.

He rubs a hand across your head, messing up your hair.

“Don’t worry, malla, we’ll have our time,” he purrs.

You click your tongue. “Ok, but you’re driving.”

Kylo shrugs, heading to the pilot’s seat. Once he’s seated, you plop yourself sideways in his lap. He arches an eyebrow at you to which you scoff, “Oh, I’m sorry, will I  _ distract _ you?”

A deep chuckle emanates from him, “You? A distraction? Never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcanon that Ben Solo/Kylo Ren can speak Shyriiwook since Han was able to converse with Chewie and because a young Ben was greatly attached to his dad. I generally do A LOT of wookieepedia browsing to try and keep a giant chunk of my info correct in Star Wars canon/lore/story so like I read that Ben was really close with his dad and I thought it'd be so stinkin' cute if Ben wanted to also learn it.
> 
> I also love, love, love nicknames lol and songs, I fricken love good music. I love to sing, but I suck ass at singing so I have a tendency to make the characters I write rlly good at it C':
> 
> OML I also forgot. Ok so for the reader insert type stories I actually insert this like character I've made just because I personally don't like putting myself into the stories. Her name is Batali and I've actually done art of her in this story if anyone would be interested in me posting that?? No art of Kylo tho (as much as I want to) because I feel like I can never draw characters who aren't my own well TnT;; (barely even my own sometimes)
> 
> I tried to be funny, I hope this chapter ended with funnies~
> 
> Thanks for reading, love you mean it!


	3. Return to the First Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All seems normal aboard the Finalizer.   
> You're invited to a ball and you make a friend.

You’re back with the First Order, this time aboard the Finalizer. Kylo has already re-assumed his role as Commander. You groaned, pouting that you had to have a different room than him, but you knew it was probably for the best. People would start rumors, like Kylo controlling you or you controlling him. It would just complicate things to the nth degree. As annoying as it would be, you believe it’s for the best. Not drawing unwanted attention, especially negatively towards the two of you, is best for now.

You lay on your bed in your new room. You glance towards the small porthole, able to see space and the endless stars. At least you had that. A ding from your datapad. You roll over grabbing it. Grinning, you see a new message from Kylo.

‘ _ Alerted Hux to your new position and have updated your information and title in the system. He complained the entire time. _ ’

You snort, not at all shocked by the outcome.

‘ _ Children have a tendency to complain when they don’t get their way. What’s next on the agenda? _ ’ you send back to him.

Not five minutes pass before you receive a reply ‘ _ We’ll train every day at 08:00 unless I say otherwise. Other than that, we have to attend a ball. _ ’

You shoot back, questioning the ball. No reply for several minutes before you hear knocking at your door. You open it to see your grumble knight standing there. He invites himself in, which you poke fun at as you close the door, “Yes, yes, please do come right in.” Kylo removes his helmet, placing it on the counter before walking over and flopping down onto your bed.

You blink, before narrowing your eyes. “What’s wrong?” you ask as you walk over and lay next to him. He groans, “It’s the ball, a banquet to be precise. After Starkiller, we have to go be  _ diplomats _ to smooth over relations with some dignitaries I don’t give two shits about.”

You laugh at him, “Not a big fan of political balls? Well, it’s not like you're an inexperienced dancer.” Your eyes gleam mischievously, hinting to the club a few nights prior.

He huffs, “Will you be my date?...”

Ohmygosh he was so cute. He was asking you like a kid in school.

You smiled, leaning over to push his dark locks out of his face to kiss him on the cheek.

“Of course, what kind of person would I be if I didn’t help my knight when he calls for me?” You hum, finger tapping lightly at your chin.

Kylo frowns at you, “Laying the ‘knight’ thing on a little thick, aren’t you?”

“Warrior, protector, strength, elegance, devotion. All associated with that word. All things I associate with you,” You purr, watching his face reddening slightly at the statement. “Plus you’re the Master of the Knights of Ren, so it’s very fitting,” you laugh.

“Now!” You roar, pinning him to the bed straddling him, “Tell me what ‘malla’ means.” You try your best to growl out the same sound, you’re pretty sure you botched it.

He smirks, “You could look it up.”

You purse your lips, “Where’s the fun in that when I can pester you about it?”

“You better keep trying then,” Kylo purred, before easily flipping you over and pinning you down. His hands held your wrists into the mattress, his gaze raking over your figure.

With a laugh, you wiggle underneath him, “I’ll wear that same dress if you wear what I chose for you.” Kylo shook his head.

“I usually go in my normal attire, you should absolutely wear that dress, however.”

“Aw, what? That’s no fair! You’re going to cover up that handsome face… Ok actually, if it keeps others from hitting on you, I can suck it up,” you laugh.

“Even though I said you should wear the dress, we usually always go in normal attire. Hux, officers, troops, always go in normally,” Kylo states, getting off of you and the bed, helping you up. 

“Grreeaattt, so I’ll get to stick out like a sore thumb as a bounty hunter,” You muse apathetically. This mission no longer sounds as fun. Kylo smirked, “Your personality alone makes you stick out.” You feign hurt, “Excuse me? That really hurts my feelings, Commander.”

He just rolls his eyes before turning serious, “Just… be careful around Hux. The ass was  _ non-stop _ complaining when I said you’d be my apprentice. He’s probably going to try to use this mission as an excuse to get closer to you.”

Now it was your turn to smirk, “Ooooh I see, you had to come here and ask to be my date first before Hux could?” 

Kylo grumbled, “That... and I wanted to touch you.”

Your face shot red, damn how could he be so cute one second and so hot the next. Before you could utter a reply, he kissed you passionately. “Unfortunately, it’s time for me to go.”

“What, noooo, stay,” you pout.

“You wanted it this way, malla, something about avoiding rumors. Can’t stay too long,” he grinned before donning his helmet again and strutting out. You purse your lips, darn him and his stupid Wookie growl. With a sigh, you pull out your datapad to gather some more information about this banquet mission.

Holding it in one hand and grabbing a crunchy snack from your kitchenette, you gloss over the files. Sizaria, a planet known for its beautiful oceans that cover 90% of its surface. Its deep oceans are extremely bioluminescent and those on the planet are able to breathe in and out of the water. You tapped your finger on your cheek. The monarchy of the planet was once sided with the Resistance against the Galactic Empire, but in the fall of one regime and the rise of another, the Knights of Ren under Snoke’s orders forced the monarchy into compliance.

Since then, they have accepted this alliance and provided many resources to the First Order. The king at the time of the alliance has since passed, his daughter now reigning as Queen Raen Erwyna. Honored as a powerful warrior both in and out of the water. The ball is the first to be held since the passing of the previous monarch, in addition to trying to smooth over relations after Starkiller’s explosive end, it will be the First Order kissing up to the new monarch to win her favor.

At the bottom of the briefing, you see there’s to be a review panel to go over the basics of the banquet tomorrow. It will be you, Kylo, Phasma, Hux, and a few other officers in attendance. You have no doubt you’ll be bored as hell. Maybe you can annoy the shit out of Kylo. A wicked grin spreads across your face, you just love messing with the man.

——

You sit in the boardroom, having arrived first, playing on your datapad. You made sure to choose a seat at the back of the class, you yawn as General Hux enters. Slightly startled, you shoot up in your chair and greet him, “Good afternoon, General.”

He raises an eyebrow at you, clearly pleased at your prompt arrival and pleasant greeting. You immediately regret being nice. You forgot you don’t have to be so peachy to him anymore.

“Good afternoon, Y/N. You’re early, I like the dedication,” Hux muses, striding up to you.

You give an awkward laugh, “I didn’t have anything else to do and I want to make sure I have all the information for the banquet.” Freaking Kylo was busy so you couldn’t hang out with him for more than just morning training. You parted ways at 10:00, and now there were still a couple minutes to the meeting at 14:00. Hux just leaned against the table next to you, “While you are here, I would like to ask something of you.”

You smiled slightly, “Of course, General.” You knew what he was going to ask. He was going to ask to escort you to the banquet for the evening.

“I would like to ask if I could escort you to the banquet for the duration of the mission,” He purred, but you’re pretty sure his spirit animal is a peacock. All looks, little brain.

You frown, pulling your best-disheartened look. This already took him off guard. “I’m so sorry General, but this morning Master Ren had said that he would be my escort to the banquet,” to sell it, you look off to the side awkwardly sympathetic. 

Suddenly he grabbed your hand, holding it tightly in his, “Ignore him, come with me instead.”

You open your mouth to object but you smoothly moved away as a tall, dark figure separates you from Hux.

“Why do you care so much to steal my apprentice from me?” Kylo snarled, his mask making his voice even more intimidating. Oof, you’re kinda glad to be behind him. You’re not extraordinarily psyched about having to be “saved,” but on the other hand, it’s kind of fun watching Hux deteriorate. Hux growled right back at him, barking, “Why do  _ you _ care so much?” He looks between Kylo and yourself, you give him a small shrug.

It was pretty amusing, actually. It was like watching a pomeranian yap at a german shepherd that could clearly fuck him up good. You were trying to hide back a laugh as the two men continued to bicker before another voice cut in.

“You two do realize you don’t have to fight over her like a piece of meat, right?” You snorted trying to muffle your laugh, though thankfully only Kylo heard you. Captain Phasma was leaning against the entryway, clearly having been there long enough to know what’s going on. She pushed herself off and went to sit in one of the chairs near the front of the rectangular table. Hux looked like he was about to pop, the red in his face almost resembling his hair. 

He managed to compose himself just as other officers began filtering into the room. As Hux made his way to the front of the room, you could still see the stiff line of tension in Kylo’s shoulders. Out of eyesight, you gently placed a hand against the back of his arm, ‘ _ Ignore the idiot, now he’ll keep his distance _ ’

‘ _ Temporarily _ .’ Kylo thought back to you. He stepped to the side, allowing you in the seat he was blocking. You sat with a nod in his direction before he placed himself in the seat to your right.

You notice Hux and a few other officers a little shocked at the very small but gentlemanly gesture. You hid a smirk in your hands, ‘ _ Dear knight, they think you are incapable of being cordial _ .’ you sent to him. Kylo snapped at Hux, “Everyone’s here, let’s get this over with.”

Hux cleared his throat, clearly annoyed by Kylo’s childish behavior, “Yes, well. To start with, the new Queen has asked us all to attend in  _ proper _ attire.” Hux gnawed at the word, insulted that a First Order uniform isn’t enough to a Queen. Several officers immediately began complaining, each with their own reason.

“She wants to discourage hidden weapons and make it harder to move should a fight break out,” You hummed aloud, amused. Hux looked a little miffed at you speaking out of turn as well, but Phasma put in her agreeance. “Yes, most of the women will wear dresses or skirts and the men would wear suits, not great for protection.”

You leaned forward on the table towards Phasma, “We could make sure to wear outfits that are looser to conceal small blasters and knives at our thighs while the men could be tanks with light body armor under their shirts.”

Also clearly enjoying the thought process she continues, “We could also have light armor plating along the arms and legs. It wouldn’t be as viable as our normal armor, but it would be an asset should something happen.”

All the others in the room blinked, stunned momentarily before finally agreeing. Hux, with not much choice, agrees as well, “That would be best. I’ll have the tailors work on something for everyone, just make sure to stop by their office so they can get your measurements.”

“I already have something to do the job,” Phasma replies.

“I’m good as well, however, thank you very kindly for the offer,” You smile, you could tell it was pissing Hux off that things weren’t going according to his plan.

With that out of the way, Hux begins talking about transportation, eating courtesies, and the proper formation everyone should be in. Officially bored, you look at Kylo out of the corner of your eye. Making sure you’re still “focused” on Hux and his presentation, you let a thought slip from your mind, ‘ _ Hey, you sleeping in there? _ ’ You poke his boot with your own.

‘ _ I might as well be, _ ’ his thought grumbled. You have his attention now, his helmet was facing Hux but his mind was solely interested in your own. With multiple years worth of practice, you maintain a neutral face as you let images flood your mind knowing he can see them. Your lips hungrily seeking out his. Clothes being torn asunder as the two of you explore each other's bodies. ‘ _ I don’t think so, you’re not in charge here, malla, _ ’ he growled, before a gloved hand wrapped around your thigh. ‘ _ Oh, fuck _ ,’ he better not be doing what you think he’s doing.

He was chuckling at you now, through the link you two share. You weren’t going to let him win, cheeky prick. Only you were allowed to be-- ‘ _ W-Wait _ !’ you squealed at him, jumping slightly as his hand continued moving. At first, it was just his thumbs rubbing on your thigh but suddenly it was inching upwards. The  _ one fucking day _ you choose to wear a skirt. You curse, now straining to maintain a composed posture and face. What’s worse is the fuckface is wearing a mask so he can smirk and grin all he wants to.

Against your will, the heat begins rising in your face. Kylo begins kneading his fingers into your undergarments. ‘ _ Sh-shit _ ,’ You bite your lip, hiding behind your folded hands. 

‘ _ Something wrong? _ ’ he asked. 

‘ _ Shut up, asshole _ .’ You growled back to him.

‘ _ What? It’s just like that night with me at your mercy, _ ’ Kylo mused.

‘ **_Not in a room full of people you bloody pervert_ ** ,’ you almost physically screamed at him.

He responded with harder presses, making you swallow thickly to suppress a moan. Finally.  **Finally** . Hux calls the meeting to an end. You would have loved to bolt from the room, but that would be too suspicious so you slowly rise along with other officers. No longer able to play his game, Kylo gives up, standing up himself but placing his hands behind his back. Conveniently hidden by his cape. Everyone begins filtering out and you make your way back to your quarters, as quick as you can without drawing attention to yourself.

You know he’s hot on your tail, he won’t let you go after  _ that _ endeavor. He had to take another path, a roundabout to not arouse suspicion. You get to your room, feverishly using the card scanner to get in. You hear heavy footsteps and turn just as the door opens to be guided into your room. Kylo tosses his helmet onto your couch before he is kissing you, hot and heavy.

“You better finish the job you start,” You pant after the door has closed. Kylo merely growls in response, forcing you back towards the bed, planting kisses all along your neck and collar bone. You begin removing not only your own clothes but his as well. Stripped bare, you fall back onto the sheets, refreshingly cold against your heated skin.

Kylo crawls over you but stops to literally continue what he started. First one finger, then two, then three. It was hell, how slow he was going. You moaned out a whine, which only made him grin. “Kylo, please,” was all your brain could muster. Then he swapped his hand, for his mouth. Your hands instinctively grab onto the curls of his hair. You always liked his shaggy hair but now you really appreciated the extra grip to pull him closer.

His hands were never idle, they rubbed circles in the sides of your stomach, electricity surely sparking. Kylo’s tongue felt amazing, you would have made some kind of quip but your brain stopped working long ago. Your back arched and you cried out, “K-Kylo!” but he stopped before you could finish. He grabbed your wrists, releasing your hands from his hair as he aligned himself with your entrance. You grabbed his wrists back, gently tugging on him to come to you.

He leaned down, sharing a deep kiss, as the two of you came together. You tried to keep up with the sloppy kisses but your brain was blanking again as you began screaming out his name. He cried yours back to you before you were both lying in a comfortable pile of exhausted bodies. As your mind returned to you, you hummed happily up at him, “Love you, Kylo.”

Kylo kissed your nose, rumbling a warm, “I love you too, Y/N.”

——

You fell asleep in his warmth at some point, waking to a lonely bed. Of course, to keep up the facade, he can’t stay here all day and night. You grumble to yourself. Why’d you set that rule? Ugh, whatever. Done is done. You look over at your clock, eyes wide. If the meeting started at 14:00, it was maybe over at 15:30, and then you and Kylo came back here. Yikes, you slept forever. 04:00 and wide awake. You stretch, well whatever, might as well get up and go get something to eat.

You take a shower in your refresher and get dressed, heading down to the officer’s cafe. You happily hummed as you stroll down the hall, it thankfully barren before most of the crew begin their morning rounds. A few troopers were here or there but they didn’t spare you much of a glance. At the cafeteria, you grabbed something simple, deposited your credits and sat down next to the window to munch. Between looking out at the stars and taking bites of your food, you also check out more information on your datapad.

Just as you finished your meal, another tray was set across from you, with Phasma sitting in the empty seat. You perked up, happy to try and befriend someone else on board, “Good Morning, Captain Phasma!”

She sets her helmet down on the table, giving you a small smile, “Good morning, are you always up this early?”

You give an awkward laugh, “Not usually, I don’t have too much to do onboard so I usually just wake up a bit before training at 08:00.”

Phasma begins elegantly eating, you have a lot of respect for her from what you’ve learned so far, and even now she seems so regal and composed.

“Ah, I see, well you’re welcome to come to watch or train with my troopers and I. We hold 3 training sessions a day: morning, noon, and night,” She replies.

You grin, “I’d love to! My training with the Commander usually only lasts for maybe a couple hours so I could do the noon or night sessions!”

At the mention of Kylo, Phasma raises an eyebrow, “Oh yes, I forgot you’re specially training with Commander Ren. It’s not too… difficult, is it?”

With a laugh, you rub the back of your neck, “No, no, not at all.” You take a sip of your drink to hide your embarrassment.

“That’s good, were you two sleeping together before or after you began training?”

You, literally, almost spit your drink. You started sputtering, causing you to cough, at the unexpected question. Phasma grinned a little, amused by your flustered appearance, but continued eating. By the time you recovered you stuttered out, “H-How?....”

She smiled, “Dear, I’ve had to learn to be acutely aware of what people with helmets are truly paying attention to. I can’t have troopers distracted by other things. The Commander’s attention was solely on you throughout the entire meeting. And I’m sure no one else noticed but you were concentrating  _ too _ hard on trying to pay attention to General Hux’s speech. Then after the meeting ended, the Commander closely watched you before taking strides to follow you. He didn’t follow in your footsteps exactly, ducking into a different hallway that just so happened to go in the same direction. I didn’t know for sure, but your reaction is a definite answer.”

You blush furiously. Damn, you’re better than that, you should have played it cool, you were just not thinking clearly. You wiggled in your chair a little nervously, “We were together… before everyday training. He realized I have a bit of Force sensitivity. It’s very weak but he thought it best to work and develop it… is that bad?...” You bit your lip. You should be unwilling to talk to her, your time as a bounty hunter has taught you that trusting others too quickly can be the downfall of anyone. But she was just so… cool. She had a few years on her of more experience, with a strong sense of duty while being a captain within the First Order. Phasma just seemed like a badass.

She shrugs at your question, “I don’t believe it’s bad, as long as it’s not against your will.”

You tilt your head, eyebrows pushed together, “No, it’s not against my will…”

Phasma raises herself out of her chair, “Then it should be fine, as long as emotions don’t get in the way of work, which will be your own choices.”

Placing her helmet back onto her head she adds, “I look forward to seeing you at training later, I’m sure the troopers will learn a lot from you.”

You ask her, another statement confusing you, “Really? Why would they learn from me?”

“First Order and Storm Trooper training are pretty regulated, fighting against someone who has their own style will help them in a battle against different opponents. I also believe many of them need to learn not to underestimate opponents,” she muses.

You puff a little with pride and bid her farewell. As you watch her leave, you begin wondering to yourself. Why would she think Kylo would make you sleep or train with him against your will? He wouldn’t do that to anyone, he wasn’t capable of that. Was he?... You have only ever known the man named Ben. When he became Kylo, you only met him for short periods of time. And then you lost contact. For years. Has he changed so much?

You shake the thought from your mind. No, he couldn’t possibly. He just seems harsh to everyone, they don’t know the real Kylo. You breathe deeply before dropping off your own tray at the cleaning station and heading back to your own quarters. You still have a few hours before training, you decide to reach out into the Force and see where Kylo is anyway.

In your concentration, you accidentally bump into someone. “Oops, I’m sorry about that!” You quickly say, before noticing whom you knocked into. It was a female officer, one actually from the meeting yesterday. She smiles nicely, something you don’t see too often within First Order employees. “It’s no problem, I wasn’t really paying much attention myself,” she laughs at herself, pushing her circular glasses back up on her nose.

She was pretty cute, slightly shorter than yourself with brown eyes and brown hair, tied up in a bun. She held out her hand, which you shook in turn. “I’m First Lieutenant, Maribre Edgkee, do you just go by Siren?” She asks curiously. 

You laugh, “Oh no, I’m F/N L/N. Siren is just my title as a bounty hunter.”

She smiles, “Well it’s very cool, you can call me Mari by the way! Did you already get breakfast this morning?”

You nod, “Yes, why?”

She looks away shyly, “A-Ah, sorry I don’t mean to be a bother, it’s just there’s not too many people aboard that are so nice and I didn’t know if you wanted to have breakfast together.”

You smile, she’s adorable, you’d think if you had a little sister, she’d be a shoe-in. “I know what you mean, how about lunch? Want to meet up?” Her face lights up like she hadn’t met another kind soul in years. “Y-Yes! I’d love to!” She grins, before pulling out her datapad.

“Here’s my ID to get in touch with me, just message me a time that works for you, I’m free anytime after 11:45,” Mari says excitedly. You grin back to her, making sure to get her info in your own datapad, “Sounds great.”   
She waves as she leaves adding, “I look forward to lunch, see you later!”

“Later!” You laugh, watching her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boop!
> 
> I didn't plan anything out real well, so I hope it all works out lol;;;
> 
> Thanks for reading!! <3 <3


	4. Training & Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens onboard the finalizer. "Training", making friends, more training, and learning new things.
> 
> Song Featured:  
> "Monsters" -- Timeflies ft. Katie Sky

You feel a presence beside you and hear a deep rumbling before you can turn to see who’s standing just behind you, “Making friends?” Ugh, that dumb mask-modulator.

Rolling your eyes you turn to grin at Kylo, “Yes and are you sneaking up on me now?”

He huffs  indignantly , “Hey, you reached out for me first and just as I was about to reach back you disappeared. I finished my work and came to find you.”

Smirking at him, you purr, “Aww, worried?”

He shuffles, annoyed, but responds honestly, “Yes.”

You open your mouth to say something but a snake comes to interrupt the moment. Hux walks towards the two of you as soon as he spots you, irritation rolling off him in waves. “Ren, we need to talk about this,” He hisses.

Kylo growls back, “I already settled it.” You narrow your eyes at the two men.

“She is  _ not _ safe with you, no matter what you claim,” Hux clenches his teeth, motioning to you.

Your shock is overlooked as Kylo begins bristling with anger.

“ _ My apprentice’s _ well-being is assured in my care. She’s strong enough to take care of herself,” His voice dripping with malice, his hands balled at his sides.

“Not from  _ you _ ,” Hux spits, folding his hands behind his back, “She’s one temper-tantrum away from the painful end of a lightsaber.”

That. Was not smart. Kylo snarled before throwing Hux into an adjacent wall, his gloved hand gripping around Hux’s windpipe. You rush over, laying a hand on Kylo’s free arm. He was strong enough to hold Hux against the wall, feet dangling an inch off the floor.

“Kylo, don’t. I know I’m safe with you,” You state slowly, clearly, wanting him to understand you felt Hux’s statements had no effect on you. They did. Really. This is the second time someone thought you being in close proximity to him meant danger. 

It made you uneasy. But you had to be here for him, he didn’t have anyone else. You decided to just take this one stride at a time. And at the moment, him not killing Hux would be a plus. “Kylo. Please. Let him go, you can’t kill the General,” you lightly squeeze his arm. His head turns to you, you could see your worried reflection in the chrome of his helmet. He turns back to Hux, slowly letting him down before releasing him altogether. Hux drops down to the ground, gasping for air. 

‘ _ Stay here. Stay calm. Breathe. I’m here for you, _ ’ you think. You see him give a small nod. You turn your attention to General Hux, kneeling down beside him. “Are you ok, General?” you ask delicately, not touching him to spark jealousy within Kylo. 

He stands, you following suit, he fixes his clothing, looking between you and Kylo. He might do things on impulse, but the man isn’t a complete fool all the time, he can tell something is going on. Hux points a finger at you whispering, “ _ You _ need to be careful.” You saw Kylo stiffen, but before anything else could transpire, Hux turns and leaves. 

You breathe a sigh, turning to Kylo, anger still emanating from his posture. You smile at him, “You do know I don’t believe him for a second, right?” He relaxes slightly at that.

“I  _ know _ you wouldn’t ever hurt me,” you solidified to him, the tension leaving his body even more. You weren’t lying. You knew he’d never hurt you. However…. You're not sure if that would apply to anyone else.

But then you felt something through the connection you two share with the Force. Worry. Guilt. You open your mouth to ask, but again were unable to get the words out as more people began walking through the corridors. Most of which were cautiously eyeing Kylo and yourself. Plus something you never noticed before. Fear. You thought they avoided him because he was a pretty intimidating and gruff man, not because they think he’s a monster or something.

“Let’s go start training early since we’re both free,” You say, but begin walking in the direction of your room. Before you can get far, Kylo grabs your arm, “Yes, but in a new location.” You nod, following behind him. Your mind drifted off, making sure your thoughts and emotions were carefully concealed from Kylo, as you stare at the broad back in front of you.

You felt lost. Once as a child, wandering without a goal other than just to survive from moment to moment. Even your first few months at the Jedi Academy, you were just trying to not die, it felt like wading through a deep fog with no end in sight. You had a few friends, but not really very close. When you met Ben, you admired and respected him. He was powerful, intelligent, and while he wasn’t very good at showing it, he did truly try to care for others. He helped other students, even when he didn’t have to, but played it off like he had to as the Master’s nephew. Neither of you had very many close friends, and you just naturally seemed to meld together. His more grumpy attitude balanced out with your more bubbly one, his quiet nature against your talkative one. The two of you just began hanging out more and more.

So it was natural for you to notice when he stopped hanging out here and there. Disappearing at night, coming back angrier and more violent. But then in a couple of days time, with your pestering persistence, Ben would start easing back to normal. It wasn’t too long after that the collapse of the school, the attempted murder of Ben, joining the Knights of Ren, losing each other for years, it all seemed to happen so suddenly. Kylo has seemed different, like when he force-choked you. You thought he was doing that because he saw you as a threat, an enemy. Now you’ve seen first hand, his violence isn’t directed at just the enemy.

It’s reached a point you cannot ignore. You weren’t exactly ignoring it before… more like you were blinded to it. Your affection, your happiness at reuniting, you were so focused on loving him, you didn’t see the destruction left in his wake. You clench your hand into a fist, holding it close to your chest. Kylo  _ could _ be monstrous. He isn’t to you.  _ Something _ twisted him this way. You grit your teeth, knowing you’re missing something, some piece to explain all of this. The disappearances at school, the collapse, the memory-loss, the anger and rage. You need more information, you want to help him.

You had been numbly walking behind him until he came to an abrupt stop, making you walk right into him. “Oof!” you rubbed your nose and gave him a little huffy pout as he turned his head to you. Then you noticed where you were. You were standing in front of his personal quarters. Your face instantly flushed, you’d never been to  _ his _ room before. 

Kylo unlocked the door and waved his arm for you to go first. You take a tentative peek inside and then slowly step in. It was much larger than your own, with larger windows to the stars, more open space and a larger, untouched, kitchen. It had a small dining area too, with a few rooms off to the side. Kylo follows in after you, before finally taking his helmet off, leaving it on the counter before walking and plopping himself onto his sofa. 

He seemed really upset, what Hux said must have bothered him more than you thought. You walk over, getting into his lap with your knees on either side of him. In this kneeling position, you’re able to grasp his face in both of your hands and look down into his eyes. “Please don’t worry about what idiot Hux says,” you murmur to him with a smile.

Kylo still wears a dark expression, unresponsive to your pleas. He puts his hands over yours, before nuzzling his face into your right palm. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, barely audible.

You give him a quizzical look, his brows knit together in guilt as he continues, “Before I remembered, I had hurt you and I deeply regret it.” Kylo’s voice sounds hoarse, dark and broken. He keeps his left hand over your right, but with his free one lightly brushes your neck. “I am… afraid. Afraid Hux is correct. Even if  _ I’m _ not the one that harms you, being beside me means you could end up hurt or, worse, killed.” He hasn’t been looking up at you, the guilt and shame of even feeling this welling within him.

You place a kiss on his lips, soft but sure, “You thought I was an enemy at the time, nothing to be done about that. I would rather be beside you, to help you and lend you aid, rather than sit on the sidelines fretting over your wellbeing. Fear for one another will happen, until there are no wars and no fights, it will always persist. But my trust, that you will remain strong through rough times, will always prevail. Do you trust me?”

Kylo finally looks up and nods, “With my life.”

You smile happily, “Then know that I will do everything in my power to return to you.” He drops his head from your hands, resting it upon your shoulder. You wrap your arms around him, willing the darkness from him as if it’d actually help. The two of you spend a quiet moment like that.

“I see your monsters, I see your pain,” you sing softly to him, “Tell me your problems, I’ll chase them away. I’ll be your lighthouse, I’ll make it okay. When I see your monsters, I’ll stand there so brave and chase them all away.” You continue humming the song, feeling Kylo relax even more.

He heaves a little laugh, his breath ghosting across your neck, “How are you so good to everyone around you?...”

“I’m not always, I am a bounty hunter,” you grin, “I am good to those who deserve it, for the most part. No one in this galaxy wants to be in agony, there’s no need to further it, right?” 

Kylo stiffens before changing the topic entirely, “The ball is in a few weeks time, we should train for it.” You narrow your eyes at the evasion, not really liking him running from the issue.

“I actually have a training idea, but I can’t guarantee you’ll like it,” you smirk, letting him get away with it.

He finally lifts his head, looking at you with a sour expression, “What?”

“I think it would be beneficial if we trained fighting others, as a team. That way in a battle we’re not fighting solo and getting in each other’s way. We’ll be in sync to watch each other's backs,” you muse, grin widening as Kylo narrows his eyes.

“How do you suggest we train that way?”

“Simple. Train with Phasma and her Storm Troopers,” You smile sweetly.

Kylo is clearly not amused by the idea but you continue, “It would be the only way to have so many opponents at one time. Of course, only simple weapons and no Force powers because it’d be unfair to the poor troopers. If you don’t want to, fine, but I’ll be training with them every evening nonetheless. Phasma extended the invitation to me this morning.” You puffed proudly, remembering the conversation.

He sighs, “I will consider it.” 

You beam at him before placing a kiss on his cheek, “Thank you, Kylo!”

Happy your impromptu plan might be taking off, you were just going to tell him about training with the troopers but thought it might be a great way for him to meet others. If you play it out right, he’ll be more comfortable with them and, in turn, they with him. 

“For now,” he starts, lifting the two of you off the couch, “let’s just practice Force training today.”

You jump down from his arms, nodding, “Sure! Sounds good.” 

The two of you begin to meditate for a couple of hours before you finally give up on training for the day. You peek your eyes open to glance over at Kylo, still in the middle of meditating. His eyes are closed, still deep in focus. As quietly as possible, you inch your way closer to him before pouncing on him with a laugh. Kylo on instinct, swiftly knee’d you off of him to reverse positions, sitting on your legs and holding your arms down to the floor.

He makes an annoyed expression but you merely stick your tongue out at him, “We started early today, I’m not meditating for another hour.” Kylo stares at you, expression neutral, for a few moments. The silent attention begins to gnaw at you and you wiggle against his hold, to no avail. Finally, Kylo gives a smirk and his hold on your wrists tightened ever so slightly.

“You have been very bold lately, Y/N. I think we should make some adjustments.”

His voice is husky, deep and making a dark promise. It makes your skin shiver, whether from excitement or something else you’re not sure. You open your mouth to say something but he slowly leans down to kiss you. When he raises himself back up, he commands, “No speaking without permission.” You swallow deeply and nod, sure your face is already beet red.

“Stay here,” Kylo orders, standing. “And close your eyes.”

You do as instructed. You hear his footsteps as he walks away, before hearing a drawer open. There’s a rattle, metallic before the drawer closes and the footsteps get closer once again. He’s beside you again, you squeeze your eyes shut to try and keep yourself from peeking. You feel his hand reach out and pull one of your hands towards him, then a cool metal on your wrist.

You bite your lip as he does the same to your other wrist before he begins teasing your clothes off of you. Prick. He’s copying what you did to him from before. His fingers working their way into your stomach, sides, generating electricity with every motion. Kylo’s hands move upwards slowly, inching your garments up. At your chest, his hands press just where you want him too. You open your mouth but find it dry, your breathing quickening. 

After getting your top half bare, he whispers into your ear, “You can open your eyes.” You slowly open your eyes, looking first at him looking down on you. The hunger, clear in his eyes, before looking down at your wrists to see what you thought they were. Magnetic cuffs. You’ve used many in your time as a bounty hunter, though you’ve never been on the receiving end. With one click of the transmitter, the cuffs hum to life before snapping together.

Kylo grabs your bound hands and holds them above your head. He holds your hands there with one hand, the free one pushing the garments on your lower half off. You bite your lip again, somewhat embarrassed to be the only naked person in the room. His free hand still lingers, tracing lines down your stomach, over your thighs, before finally reaching the intended destination. Kylo’s fingers work in and out of you, generating a whimper from you, “Ky-”

“I never gave you permission,” he chides, stopping his work. You give him the best begging look you can. He lifts you easily, placing you softly on his king-sized bed. He finally continues his work, slowly, while his other hand kneads one of your breasts. You open your mouth to cry aloud but you're cut off by his lips entrapping your own. 

His kisses are hungry, fervent, and maybe a little sloppy. Stopping to remove the rest of his clothes, he aligns himself to you before whispering into your ear, “You’re free to speak,” just as he thrusts himself in. You give out a cry followed swiftly by calling out his name over and over. Kylo continues peppering kisses across your skin, nipping around your neck. Eventually the heat pooling in your stomach tips, and you feel satisfied at the release. He follows shortly, before leaning down to place another soft kiss on your lips, laying beside you to pull you closer. He makes sure to remove the cuffs and toss them onto the floor.

You give a roguish grin, “Can we end all training sessions that way?”

He gives a soft huff, not quite a laugh, but you’ll take it. “Then I’d never want to leave bed.”

“And that’s a problem beeccaauusseeee??....” you laugh, poking him in the chest.

Kylo wrinkles his nose at you, “Because we have work to do, we can’t avoid it forever.”

You pout, as a bounty hunter, you really only worked when you needed money. If you were good in the bank, and didn’t feel like working, you didn’t have to. 

“It wouldn’t be  _ forever _ , though forever with you does sound nice,” you muse, running your hand along his jaw. Kylo picks up your hand and kisses the inside of your palm.

“Yes, forever with you will be amazing,” he smirks, a small boyish grin that you’re pretty sure made your heart legitimately stop. He looks so much like his old self in these private moments. You sigh contentedly.

For a while, the two of you chatter, well mainly you. Spinning your tales of adventures past, those you hadn’t already told him, while he mindlessly traces the scars on your skin. Eventually, the two of you do part, having to get dressed and finish out your day. You don’t miss him checking you out more as you put your clothes back on, and you’re not hiding the fact that you’re enjoying his body either.

Realizing you’re really hungry, you wave him goodbye and shoot a message to Mari. She should be just getting out of her meeting. You sneak out of Kylo’s room and get a little way down the hall before you get an inbound message. Mari’s heading to the Officer’s Cafe now.

Once there you spot her, already perusing the food items available for the day. Walking up next to her, she turns and smiles at you, “I hope your day has been good so far!”

You grin, “Yea, finished training with Commander Ren for the day. I hope yours has been good too.” She smiles sweetly.

“It was just a few boring meetings, but no one got chewed out so that’s good,” Mari laughs before shyly asking, “I-Is training with the Commander hard?”

This again. You shake your head, “Not nearly as hard as my mentor, she beat the living shit out of me. He’s a cakewalk in comparison.” 

Her eyes widened in shock, “N-No way! The Commander seems like a very harsh man, I get pretty afraid of him myself.”

You give her an awkward smile, “He can be. I think he goes easy on me, can’t hurt his only apprentice, you know?” You try to cover it up while trying to shine him in a better light.

The two of you make your selections and checkout during the conversation, heading to an empty table to sit across from each other.

Mari blinks, “Oh, that makes sense. He just seems super scary to me… anywho, I’m so glad to meet someone with, well, a friendly soul onboard. The troopers and technicians are usually really cool, but officers and higher-ups are pretty cold.” She rubs her arm in embarrassment.

You nod in understanding, “I’ve noticed that too, and they keep the different areas pretty secluded so you wouldn’t have much time to interact with each other.”   
She chuckles, “Yea, it’s a shame really.” The two of you sit, beginning to eat the food you purchased. “So how did you even become the Commander's apprentice?” Mari asked curiously before retracting her statement, “O-Oh, sorry, it’s not my place to ask, plus it’s probably confidential.” You smiled, she’s so cute.

“I was never told I couldn’t share, not that it’s that interesting. I came to the First Order due to contract work. On a mission with the General and Commander, he realized I was, oh what did he call it… Force Sensitive? I dunno it seemed like magic to me,” you laughed, only fudging things when you needed to.

Her eyes widened, “Oh wow! That’s cool though! Well, I’m very happy to have you onboard.”

You grinned, “I’m happy to have met you! I really need some good girl time, hanging out with the General and Commander all the time is quite the bore.” Mari laughs and you laugh along with her. Some people have this happy, bubbly sensation when they can make others smile. Hear their laughter. You certainly enjoy it. It’s the most fun you’ve had in a  _ long _ time. Not that Kylo isn’t fun, but it’s just different.

You spend the rest of the meal chattering with Mari. Talking about family, past experiences, what to do for fun with leave-time, anything and everything that came to your mind. Before you know it, several hours had passed. Your eyes widened as you look at the time. “I’d say I would be cutting us short but considering how long we’ve been here,  _ short _ is not the word I’d use,” you snickered, rising from the table. Mari blinks, glancing at her own datapad before abruptly standing. “Oh my gosh, you’re right!! I have to go finish some paperwork, I’ll talk to you later!!” She gasped, before running off. You nodded, waving her off.

With a happy hum, you walked out of the cafe. You really like Mari, you’re getting good vibes from her. You’ve always been a good judge of character, though you’d suppose most Jedi are. Grin widening, you think about the fact that you’ve made a best friend today. A thought that couldn’t make you any happier.

Checking the time again, you reason that it’s probably not too far off from Phasma’s evening training session. You smirk in anticipation, excitement buzzing through your veins. Fight training was always a fun past time, win or lose. You always gained insight, either into your own strengths and weaknesses or others. 

You glance at your datapad to verify you’re heading to the right bay before skipping down the hall. Sex, friends,  _ and _ fighting? Damn what a day. You’re practically vibrating with excitement as you enter the hangar. It has a few ships but its main use is as a training ground for Phasma and her troops. You can see different areas have been sectioned off for different kinds of training, with troopers all over the place.

It’s unnerving. You’d expected them to have their helmets off while they were training, but apparently not. Some turned and watched you enter, you could feel the curiosity and confusion. You spotted Phasma’s signature chrome at the forefront of a squad of troopers and make your way over. Patiently, you wait on the side so as not to interrupt her seminar of sorts. She’s discussing past maneuvers and what had made them succeed or fail. Several times she mentions that disobeying orders is what causes missions to fail.

You have to force yourself to keep a blank expression. You disagree. People’s judgment of a situation is always needed, orders to shoot or kill may not always be necessary. Your skin crawls. Another reason to dislike the First Order, yay. You breathe deeply to calm yourself. It’s not your business. You’re a bounty hunter. Er, technically also an apprentice to Kylo, but you still don’t really count that.

After Phasma finishes, she orders them to set up for sparring before making her way over to you. “Thank you for being patient, Y/N,” she says, with a small bow.

You nod back to her, “Of course, I didn’t want to intrude.”

“They should be ready momentarily, would you like to start off?” She asks helmet tilting to the side slightly. Your eyes glitter in delight as you squeak, “Yes!” 

Phasma chuckles slightly, “Very well.”

The troopers finish and stand off to the side. There are three circles on the floor; a black one with plenty of space to fight, a red one with a decent amount, and a grey one with little amount. You stay leaning against the wall as Phasma heads into the center of the circles, turning to the troopers who line the outside. “Today you’ll be sparring against our resident bounty hunter. She is not trained as a trooper, thus you will need to adapt and learn her fighting style. This goes without saying, but any enemy you encounter in battle won’t fight in a regulation style. SJ-1956, you’re up,” Phasma announces to the crowd.

You step forward into the ring as the called trooper does. Phasma remains at the center to call the rules, “Only simple, blunt training weapons are to be used. The loser will be the one who steps outside of the black area or whoever is incapacitated for 10 seconds or more.” She then heads out of the ring. You stare with a grin at the trooper, waving before Phasma’s loud voice rings out, “BEGIN.”

Quick as a whip, you’ve moved around the trooper, aiming for the side. You were originally going to shove your shoulder into them, pushing them out of the circle. But they were able to defend themselves, if only for the moment. The trooper planted their feet firmly before turning enough to try and swing the wooden staff they had in their hand. You dropped to the floor to duck out of the way before spinning to hook your leg around their ankle and pull. They fell with an ‘oof’ onto their back, staff rolling away and out of the circle.

You clicked your tongue, you were hoping to snatch that. The two of you scrambled back up and they held their fists up into a boxing position. You did the same, but with your palms open. You moved to the side but the trooper followed your movements and aimed a punch towards your head. With your hands open, you were able to intercept their arm enough to redirect their punch. It still narrowly missed your head but you never faltered.

As the momentum of the punch carried the trooper towards you, you were able to grab them by the upper arm and pull them around. Using their momentum and additional weight of armor against them, you whirled them around as if you were a pivot and tossed them lightly out of the ring. Phasma nodded as she praised, “Excellent. Next.”

You fought many more troopers. You didn’t always win. You’d get cocky or slip up. Though you always owned up to it and were able to get a few chuckles out of it. Though in one you got  _ distracted _ . You felt his amusement flow through you. Instinctively, you had glanced behind your opponent into the observation deck. There stood Kylo, donned in his helmet and cloak, watching you fight. You had still won that fight, but not without a nice punch to the shoulder.

Grinning, you walked it off, though you knew it’d be sore later. You were sweating profusely at this point and honestly, you have no idea how those troopers stay in the armor all the time. You take a break, downing a bottle of water, glancing up at Kylo who’s still watching. Glancing around, you noticed no one else seemed to realize he was there. “ _ You going to join in or just be a creeper _ ?” You mused playfully up to him.

“ _ I do not see the… appeal of training with them _ ,” he rumbles back to you.

You roll your eyes, “ _ Well it’s fun for me. Training is training. The more you do, the better you get. The more varied it is, the better you get. Sure you can do the same training over and over, but for fighting, you’ll get stale _ .” Kylo tucks his hands behind his back, straightening his posture.

“ _ If you say so, malla _ ,” He huffs. You squint your eyes at him.

“ _ We’ll find out in tomorrow’s training, won’t we? _ ” you fire back to him.

After your break, you train with a couple of other troopers. At the end of a battle, of which you were the victor, you’d noticed the room had gone deathly quiet. Looking up, you see Kylo standing beside Phasma, watching. You grin at him, before yelping as the trooper you’d pinned momentarily took advantage of the distraction. You growled playfully, the two of you wrestling again. But you soon overtook them again, pinning them facedown on the floor again.

After the match is completed, Phasma finally addresses Kylo. “Commander, how can we assist you this evening?” she asks simply. He’s quiet for a moment before he rumbles, “My apprentice told me she was doing additional training and I wanted to oversee its results.” After helping the trooper off the floor, you’d stood with a bit more of a cocky pose. “Though she has much more to learn,” Kylo adds. You frown, borderline pouting.

Phasma quietly glances between the two of you before offering, “Commander, should you have the time, I would be honored if you could also spar with us today. I am trying to instill how important it is to adapt in battle against opponents with many different fighting styles.” You can see Kylo’s shoulders stiffen, he’s still not keen on the idea. And it doesn’t escape you that all the stormtroopers straighten up too, clearly afraid of having to fight him. 

Kylo’s helmet turns to you, before back to Phasma. “I do not have the time, as my apprentice, to fight against so many troopers,” he politely declines. You heard several sighs of relief, which you snickered at. “However, I could do a single exhibition between her and I,” Kylo adds a hint of amusement in his tone. You grin, game for the challenge. 

Phasma nods, “I would be honored. My only request is if it can be kept… simplistic. I want the troopers to be able to learn things they themselves can do.” You smirk, no Force powers for the big bad boy. Kylo nods, removing his cloak and placing it on the ground outside the circle. Smart, you were planning on using it against him. The only bad part about fighting in front of the troopers is you can’t be a smartass to him.

You know the reputation he has, while the thought of ruining his image sounds like fun, you’re trying to warm him up to being back to his old self. If you do too much too quickly, you’re more likely to sever those thin threads that connect him to that part of himself. 

Well. You can’t be a smartass  _ out loud _ .

“ _ Do I need to lose on purpose to protect your precious image _ ?” you purred mischievously to Kylo as the two of you stood opposite each other within the largest circle. “Why don’t we make it even more interesting,” Kylo drawls, the vocoder demonizing his enchanting voice. You raise an eyebrow, hand on hip as he continues. “Should we take a step within a smaller circle--” he motions to the red and grey ones, “you must remain inside it. Stepping out of bounds is an immediate loss.”

Your eyes glitter at the challenge and it’s hard to hide your grin. “Of course, Master,” you say sweetly. You’d never called him that before but since you’re technically playing the apprentice role, you’d give it a shot. Phasma tossed you each a sparring staff, which you easily spun in your hand as you eagerly waited to begin.

The two of you stood still as a statue. You narrowed your eyes, before they flicked to Phasma, thinking she needed to call the start. At that moment Kylo rushed forward, staff swinging towards your side. You jumped back just in time, although narrowly missing the outside of the circle. You couldn’t breathe just yet as Kylo kept you on your toes. The echoing smashes of the wooden poles hitting each other were loud in the otherwise silent hangar.

Sweat was again pouring down you as you fought him off, the two of you in this odd dance. Avoiding the outside of the circle, while also avoiding the smaller rings. It was a weird mix of jumping and sliding by each other to avoid a sorry loss. Until you misplaced your footing, stepping into the red circle.

Cursing, you remain inside, awkwardly fighting Kylo off from your disadvantage. Except he still remained in the outer rim of the ring. “ _ Yo, I stepped in, thus we both must be in this one _ ,” you alerted him. You heard his chuckle through your shared link.

“ _ I said  _ whoever _ steps in, stays in. Not both parties _ .”

“Fine _ , mister specific _ ,” you growl back to him.

Now fueled by annoyance, it wasn’t long before Kylo was able to toss your staff from your hands. Not missing a beat, you quickly ignored your lost weapon to grab his. Pulling him towards you before shoving him into the smallest ring and tossing his weapon aside. You beam a smug grin at him but he stands there, motionless, calculating your move.

You circle him like a hawk and he cautiously follows. “ _ I can’t tell whether I love you or hate you wearing that helmet _ ,” you hum to him. You can feel his wary emotion, greatly amused by it.

“ _ Why is that?... _ ” he asks carefully, playing along for now.

“ _ Well, obviously I think your face is way too handsome to cover up, which is why I hate it _ ,” you muse, still circling him playfully. “ _ But on the other hand, it enables me not to be distracted by you _ ,” you finish, jumping into the smallest circle to strike at him with a fist.

The two of you exchange blows and while Kylo lands a few good ones on you, you get several hard ones in. It helped that you’d taken him off guard. It’s true, it’s much easier for you to fight him not distracted by his stupid grin or deep brown eyes or wavy hair that you just really want to tug on an--

“Commander Ren’s Win!” Phasma calls as you are kicked outside of the smallest ring with a loud ‘OOF.’ You sit up, blinking, “Well, shit.” You snicker to yourself, almost into a fit of giggles. Of course you lost focus, thinking about Kylo. He walks over, extending a hand. You grin up at him, clasping your hand in his as he pulls you up. Dusting yourself off you muse, “Ten outta ten, would fight again.” Kylo scoffs at you, before picking up his cloak and leaving the bay.

——

Several weeks pass as you get closer to the ball and to Mari. She shows you to a small, hidden bar on board that troopers and officials alike go to to get a drink. It’s not too bad, though it’s kind of out of the way. The two of you have easily spent hours there, sipping good bevs and talking non-stop. 

During one such visit she muses, “You make it sound like Commander is a normal guy.”

You laugh, “Well we all start out pretty normal, right?”

She shrugs, “I dunno, I just kind of figured a guy who’d kill his own dad in cold blood is pretty much a goner.” Your blood froze. He did  _ what _ ?...

Playing it cool you wrinkle your eyebrows together, “Oh man, I had no idea that happened.”

Mari tilts her head to the side, pushing her glasses up her nose. “Really? I’m surprised, you were working for the Order when it happened. It was the day Starkiller imploded,” she reasoned, blinking at you. Your eyes widened and you almost choked on your drink. He fucking. He  _ killed _ his dad. And then fucked you,  **_within hours_ ** ?!

Your friend becomes concerned at your silence so you do your best to cover up your shock. “Oh, man… I never knew. I found him and healed him that day, he never told me,” you said honestly. A little bit too much emotion seeped into your voice but you quickly perked back up to change the subject to something cheerier. Though you really need to have a conversation with Kylo about that… why couldn’t he have told you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :x Whoops she found out...
> 
> Sometimes I hate that the story isn't really well planned out, but I hope it all translates well to everyone <3
> 
> So far this is up to page 44 in my (currently) 156-page document! :D   
> Hope everyone's enjoying it so far, love you mean it!! <3


	5. Sizarian Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parties are always a blast with the First Order involved.  
> A tiff that's not the one you were hoping to have.  
> Picking up a little bit of a bug.

Finally, the day of the ball has arrived. It has been a while since that chat with Mira. About Kylo killing his father the night of the Starkiller’s end. You swore to yourself you’d talk to him. Ask him about it. But time passed. You never found the moment. Either afraid or not wanting to ruin his good mood. Eventually, as things can do, the knowledge got shuffled to the back of your mind. Now onboard a passenger shuttle, you ready yourself for the ball.

The higher up attendees are aboard one vessel, getting their attire on while troopers are in another. Hux might have ceded the official’s attire but he wouldn’t bend on bringing an escort of stormtroopers. You slip your dress on, still fitting like a glove. The dress is just loose enough at the bottom to conceal a knife against your thighs. Laying against your neck is a beautiful necklace, simple with a few beads hanging off, long enough to wrap around several times and still drape down across your chest. You still wear the black gladiator pumps, knowing they would be easy to ditch as necessary.

Feeling plenty prepared, you step out into the narrow hallway of the small passenger ship. You hear a door swoosh open beside you and turn to see Kylo stepping out, in the outfit you had previously bought for him. Your eyes raked over his form just as he did over yours. You give him a coy grin, “What, no weapons?”

Kylo huffs, “As if I need my saber to beat any normal creature.”

You roll your eyes, prepping a snarky response but pause as he extends his elbow to you.

You sigh with a smile, linking your arm through his allowing him to lead the way off the ship. You’d seen the planet through your small window, but it was truly breathtaking. The ship had landed shortly before sunset, now the sky was radiating beautiful hues reflected brilliantly across the endless ocean surface. The architecture of the Sizarians, is bright and bubbly, highly reflective of the corals found in their ocean home.

Grinning like a fool, you’re breath is stolen away by the beauty of the planet. Two Sizarians are there to open the large doors to the ballroom, the two of you stepping through as you add a “thank you” to the doormen. They give you a quizzical look before returning to their duty. Right inside the entrance, a grand staircase leads down a flight into the ballroom, surrounded in floor to ceiling windows with a great view into the ocean below. Even some of the flooring is cut to view the ocean while playing into the elegant designs etched across.

You puff your chest a little more proudly as you notice many heads turning in your direction. You sneak a glance at Kylo, giving him a small smile. His sour expression ever so slightly shifts into a more calm, neutral expression. The effect is what you wanted, many in the room are shocked at the small display. He also notices, quickly going back to an annoyed face. At the bottom of the stairs, Hux is already waiting with Mira hiding a little ways behind him. 

Laying your free hand on Kylo’s arm, you signal your departure before slipping your arm from his and heading over to talk to Mira. “You look absolutely stunning!” She squeaks out, clasping her hands together. You smile, putting your hands around hers, “So do you! That color really suits you!”

She smiles before gently prodding your side with her elbow, “ _ My _ outfit color? What about  _ you _ !? You freaking match the Commander, that’s very interesting!!” Mira grins mischievously.

You still haven’t told her about being with Kylo, but it’s becoming a little more apparent the two of you are closer than just master and apprentice.

You laugh it off, a blush ghosting your cheeks, “Oh come on now! The First Order is red and black, I just chose accordingly.” Mira smirks at you, clearly not biting but she laughs, letting it slide. “Uh-huh, ok, well you better go assist your Commander because he’s about to pop the General’s head off,” she says, trying not to smile at the situation.

You turn around and sure enough, they’re in a heated argument. With an annoyed sigh, you go up to the two of them, ignoring all the onlookers.

“Suck it up, Hux,” Kylo hisses as you get closer.

“You childish brute,  _ you’re _ the one who destroyed it,  _ again _ I might add. At least pay for it!” Hux yapped back.

Stepping between them you smile sweetly, “Gentlemen. This is not the time nor place for this topic, wouldn’t you agree?”

They both look to you before back to each other, narrowing their eyes.

“We have dinner first before the ball, I suggest the two alphas in the room should gather intel individually to cover more ground, yes?” You say gently, trying not to ruffle feathers any more than you have to. They both growl momentarily, staring each other down but Hux turns away first. He turns to you with a smile. You can tell he’s more cold, calculated towards you now.

“Y/N, ever the elegant diplomat. I leave the  _ incendiary _ in your charge,” he laughs, turning to stalk off. Kylo growls and opens his mouth to retort but you subtly place a hand to stop him.

“You two  _ boys _ have caused enough commotion, over half of the room is staring at you, be bigger and end this now,” you suggest. You place your hand back at your side, giving Kylo a questioning look. You’ll let him go if he decides to chase this fight, but you’ve spoken your piece.

Kylo’s jaw clenches as he considers before giving an annoyed sigh in defeat. You heard footsteps behind you and both of you turn to see Queen Raen Erwyna. Sizarians are humanoids with slick, colorful skins, the Queen’s being a flaming orange with stripes of blue and hints of yellow and red. They remind you somewhat of amphibious newts or salamanders. In place of hair they have fins that could resemble bright hair at a distance. They also have long tails that drag behind them, helping them swim in the water.

Odd, but somehow strikingly beautiful. The warrior Queen smiles, “Spoken like a royal.”

You bow, shooting Kylo a dirty look to do the same. He does. Somewhat. The Queen pays him no mind. “Good evening, your highness. Thank you for allowing us to grace your beautiful planet for this event,” you speak honestly, smiling at her.

Queen Raen smiles, “Thank you, I look forward to our future discussions. Please, enjoy your meal and have a wonderful time.”

You bow again as she turns to greet other guests. You wrinkle your nose at Kylo as you straighten yourself back out. “You don’t have to be an  _ ass _ to her,” you hiss quietly at him. 

He’s a little taken aback by your anger but argues back, “Why would I need to  _ bow _ to  _ her _ ?”

You press a forefinger and thumb to your temples with a sigh, “Kylo, she’s a  _ queen _ . She might have been born into the position but she still needs respect.”

With a huff he grumbles, “Weaklings are beneath me.” He knew he fucked up with that. Kylo cautiously looks over at you, glaring daggers at him. He frowned a little and started back tracking, “W-Wai--” He could probably feel the anger radiating off of you.

“Shut up, Kylo. Do you think me  _ beneath _ you? All the time, or just in bed? Any  _ living _ being has weakness,” You growl, before forcing yourself to calm down.

“We will have this discussion,  _ later _ . I just broke you out of an argument, I’m not getting you started on another,” you warn.

Kylo gulps but tries to keep a neutral expression, just as you do, for any who might be glancing this way. He’s about to say something but one of the doormen has called everyone’s attention for the beginning of the banquet. You turn and leave, Kylo trailing after you with his hands in his pockets. You enter the room, the table already laid out with colorful, though odd-looking, food and drink.

Waiters and waitresses began seating everyone, with the Queen at the head of the table with her advisors on either side. From those in your company, Hux, Phasma, and Kylo sit closest to her beside the Sizarian advisors. You sit a little down from them, happily next to Mira. Throughout the meal you happily chat with her, half-listening to the conversation happening near the Queen. You’ll also feel a prickle against your skull of some knight trying to get your attention with the Force but you ignore him. You’re still pretty pissed and feeling kinda petty so you decide to keep him at bay for a bit.

Strangely, you feel remarkably famished and eat quite a lot, all of which was  _ spectacular _ . You can tell some others in your party were turning their noses up at the food because of the appearance but you’re able to get most of them to try it. Some do end up liking it, those who make a face about it you just laugh at.

At some point, without realizing it, your end of the table is laughing and having a good time. Both those from the First Order and the Sizarians. Playing small games, having a little to drink, you even make a game about daring others to try food combinations or drink combinations. Several of the Sizarians at the table think it’s quite funny and partake as well.

You try to keep the noise level to a minimum, knowing the other side of the table is talking more seriously, but eventually one of the Sizarians beside you has a combination too much for even him and he ends up in a coughing fit. That has everyone involved in a laughing uproar.

Everyone’s silenced as a fist slams into the table. Turning, you see Hux in an extreme shade of angry red. His eye twitched in annoyance, while you offer the brave Sizarian soul a glass of water to help him with his coughing. The Sizarian laughs a little as you give him a big grin and a thumbs up for trying.

Queen Raen stands, a soft smile on her face, “If everyone had their fill, let’s continue on into the ballroom.” Hux’s jaw clenches fiercely. Clearly he hadn’t gotten to finish what he was saying to her. The Sizarian stands, holding his hand to you, you smile back to him and take his hand to let him help you out of the funny-shaped chair.

You feel the pricking at the back of your skull, this time more incessant so you decide to let him in. ‘ _ What, Kylo? _ ’ you growl. His response is immediate, ‘ _ Why are you with that thing? _ ’ He’s clearly enraged but you can fight fire with fire. ‘ **_He_ ** _ is kindly escorting me back into the ballroom. Don’t. Be. An. Ass. _ ’ you hiss back to him.

Back in the ballroom, the Sizarian releases your hand and gives you a respectful bow, which you return. Before long Kylo is at your side. You smile at him, but say icily, “Here to tell me how I’m beneath you because I’m weak?” You felt like jabbing the stick into the wound a little harder. You don’t want to admit it, but you’re so enraged about it because it hurt your feelings. He flinches a little at the comment, making you wither slightly.

The two of you have been in a few small fights, like the one after the Star Killer incident, but never one so… personal. He’s known for years how self-conscious you are about your faults.

“I… I’m sorry Y/N…” he whispers, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

You narrow your eyes, “Are you saying sorry because you want me to forgive you or have you truly understood  _ why _ I’m so angry at that comment?”

He looks down at the ground, shuffling his boot a bit.

With a growl, you roll your eyes and pull him off to the side of the ball to hide beside a large column to keep off any potential onlookers.

“Yes, I’m mad because I consider myself a weak person and that hurt me.  _ However _ , I’m also pissed because you say that about her without even  _ knowing _ whether she’s weak or not. She’s one of the strongest beings on this planet, did you know that? I get that you are super powerful with the Force and shit, but  _ physical _ power is  **not** everything. Not having it doesn’t make  **anyone** weak,” you lecture. Kylo looks like he could argue, like he wants to.

But he nods, “I understand where you’re coming from now. I… am not sure I wholly agree but I will give it further thought. I repeat my previous statement, I am sorry Y/N. I do not believe you to be a weak individual at all.”

You raise your eyebrow, “Then you better think the Queen isn’t one either because she’d probably kick my ass.” He furrows his brows at that.

“What? You hold your own against me, I highly doub--” but you cut him off.

“Kylo, knight, you go easy on me. I know you do. If I went all-out with her, one slip up from me and it would be over. I estimate she’s either even or stronger than me. And if I fell into the water, I would be a goner.

He narrows his eyes but you breathe a sigh, adding, “Anyway. I shouldn’t have snapped at you either, I’m sorry too, Kylo.”

Looking a little shocked, he responds, “Don’t worry about it…”

Giving a grin, you smile, “Well, they have some nice classical music going, care to dance?”

You hold out your hand to which he happily takes, flipping it over to kiss your knuckles delicately.

“Thought we wouldn’t get to,” Kylo rumbles deeply, closing the space between you to wrap an arm around your waist.

“Hmm, by now everyone suspects something is going on between us, might as well give them a show,” you hum mischievously, smirking at him as he leads you to the dance floor. There are a few First Order officers dancing along with some Sizarian pairings, but the middle of the room is hardly filled. Partners begin dispersing or dancing further away as you near with Kylo. To most, it might appear as though he’s being unhappily dragged to the dancefloor, but you’ve known him too long to know that’s not true. He’s just trying to hide his joy again.

The two of you begin dancing slowly and you connect with him through the Force, trying to instill some calm and to forget about the other individuals in the room. Before long the two of you speed up to match the music, it’s not as chaotic or switching dance styles like it was that night at the club, but it’s still just as elegant and beautiful. Now, with plenty of space, you move to Kylo’s lead as if the two of you had been dancing for years together. Training plays a huge role, knowing each other’s movements and limits.

But before long you want to test the limits, as you usually do. Time to spice it up. You had been eyeing some of the traditional movements of the Sizarian dancers and break away from Kylo momentarily, copying their dance. Kylo’s confused momentarily before a playful smirk runs across his face. You grin, goading him on. Not one to disappoint, Kylo gives chase, gently grabbing your hand to twist you around with a couple of spins.

You give a little laugh, trying not to get too carried away. You are  _ technically _ in “enemy” territory and you can tell Kylo’s beginning to remember that too. As the song winds down, the two of you slow along with it until finally coming to a stop. You bow to him and he gave a small bow in return. You smile again and open your mouth to say something but get interrupted. 

“That was truly beautiful,” Queen Raen muses, coming to stand in front of you once again.   
You bow, “Thank you, your majesty.” Kylo gives a small bow this time as well, but remains silent.

“May I ask your name, gorgeous?” Your face flushes. Oh my gosh, the  _ Queen _ just said you’re gorgeous. “Y-Y/n! Your majesty. Thank you,” You stutter slightly, placing a lock of hair behind your ear, looking away shyly.

“Do not worry, Commander, I’m not after your morsel,” Queen Raen laughs, making you whip your head towards Kylo who now has a face mixed with annoyance and shock. “But I cannot deny her beauty. Both outside and in. Truly rare in these dark times,” the Queen hums.

You puff a little with pride, “Thank you, I just try to do what I can.”

Queen Raen extends a hand towards you, “Well, I would be delighted if you joined me for a dance.” You smile happily, “I’d love to, thank you your majesty!”

You place your hand in hers, it’s extremely warm. Sizarians have higher internal body temperatures to help them in the cold depths of their oceans. Kylo, reluctantly, steps off to the side to lean against a pillar and glare at you and the Queen. You puff your face at him, just for a moment, to annoy him. It works. Turning back to the Queen with a smile, you see her watching you intently, making your blush again. She laughs as she leads you into the next song.

“You’re really trying to change him,” she muses quietly.

You shake your head, “Not change. Reveal the true man.” You smile back up at her.

Her blue eyes gaze fondly at you, “You completely love him.”

At that, your jaw drops and your face becomes an even deeper shade of crimson, but you nod your head. “I do.”

“I’ve seen him a few other times. A couple of times with the helmet, a couple without. Every time he was cruel, destructive, cold, and distant. My father was very fearful of him and his Force powers. I had never seen a smile or any positive emotion come from him. Until today, that is,” Queen Raen says, making your eyes wide.

You turn your head away, a little ashamed he has been that way this whole time. “I just want him to be happy…” you whisper, barely audible, before mumbling, “and not be an asshat.”

Although you were quiet, with the proximity to her, she lets out a bright and loud laugh.

“You are just too cute, it’s a shame the Commander has your affections or I might snatch you myself,” You blush bright red at her jovial comment.

“Now let’s see if you can keep up with this,” she laughs, pulling you closer to her chest before splitting from you to do some traditional Sizarian dancing. After watching for a few moments, you grin at the challenge and mix the few steps of the Sizarian style you caught with your own. The two of you spin and dance, if you had to give it a similarity to a known dance style, it would be the salsa or cha cha, but without touching your partner very often. Active, quick movements, still remaining elegant in form.

Before long the Queen has maneuvered the two of you to pull in another Sizarian who joins in the dance. With a grin, you see Mira nearby and pull her in. Before long many of the attendees are dancing and laughing. You stick close to Mira, the two of you laughing and trying not to trip over each other or other dancers. The Queen was dancing with another Sizarian partner.

But asking for the night to go well would be too much. The merriment is ruined by a blaster bolt. The fun-loving crowd splits into two, Sizarians on one side and First Order on the other with you not having moved. You look to Hux, standing to the side with what was his concealed blaster, pointing up at the ceiling. He’s glaring at the Queen, a young Sizarian girl being held by her head fins. Hux grips her fins tighter, pulling her up before shoving her down onto the ballroom floor. “Mind explaining a Resistance  _ spy _ among your people?” He hissed at the Queen.

You wanted to move. Wanted to help the girl, run and stop Hux from shooting her. But something was forcing you to remain in place. You swiveled looking for Kylo. When your eyes landed on him you shot him a thought through the Force, “ _ Let me go! _ ”

Kylo shook his head from beside the pillar, “ _ You will get caught in the crossfire. _ ”

“ _ I don’t care! These people were friends moments ago! We can talk through this!” _ You scream at him, panic evident on your face.

But it was too late, Hux,  _ itching _ for things to go wrong, pointed the blaster at the girl’s head. Time seemed to slow, with all your strength you were able to break Kylo’s control, starting to run towards Hux. You could stop the bolt. You’d heard Kylo had done it before, you can save her. You were too slow. The bolt rang, and you stumbled forward as the girl’s body crumpled to the floor. Lifeless. 

Tears began filling your eyes and you clench your jaw, “You didn’t even give them a chance to explain!” you scream. Your voice was drowned out by the screeches of the Sizarians, now pulling out their weapons and turning on the people they had just been dancing with. Queen Raen growled out, “The First Order’s tyranny has raged on for too long! Your monstrous ways must be halted.” Hux simply smiled, while a dark cloud formed over Kylo’s face.

You felt frozen again. This time due to your own fear, sadness, regret. You spun in place. Kylo had force pulled a blade from a Sizarian and cut him down with no emotion. Hux was shooting and easily evading the “primitive” weaponry. Mira and other First Order officers were doing their best to hold their ground but blood was being shed everywhere, from both sides. Some troopers tried to make their way into the ballroom but most were blocked by Sizarian combatants outside. Kylo was killing ruthlessly, with no remorse. Kicking, punching, slicing and using the force to choke and throw Sizarians.

More Sizarian soldiers enter the ballroom from the back of the room armed with bows and point them towards Kylo. Before you can move, they fire and he easily redirects their course. However, in not caring to pay attention to his comrades, he redirects the arrows towards Mira and the Sizarian she’s battling. You won’t fail this time. You snatch a glaive from a fallen Sizarian, pushing your Force power into it. You jump in front of Mira and the Sizarian, spinning the glaive. It stops most of the arrows, though a couple whizz past you with one grazing your arm.

You rip your shoes off, thankful you hadn’t twisted an ankle yet running in the damn things but not wanting to keep pressing your luck. Both Mira and the Sizarian look to you with uncertainty, clearly not wanting to fight. You stand firm, “If you don’t want to fight each other, don’t. Play defensively, not offensively. I don’t want to fight or hurt anyone here today.”

You notice Kylo and Hux trying to make their way to the Queen, currently engaged with Captain Phasma. You turn back to the pair, “Try to get everyone to stop fighting, I know who the bloody instigators are and will do my all to stop this but we can’t give them any more ammunition.” They nod, determined, before running off with their own missions.

You breathe in deeply before making your way through the battle. You send Kylo messages through the Force, “ _ Kylo, listen to me, I know you can hear me _ .” He doesn’t respond, but he slows momentarily, glancing your way before resuming the fight.

“ _ Kylo,  _ **_please_ ** _.  _ You _ are in charge here. I’m not asking you to spare them to ease my bleeding heart. Think of this for the First Order. If you kill their queen, the people will revolt. You will have to supply the manpower to keep them in control. _ ”

You dodge out of oncoming attacks but continue trying to convince him. “ _ First Order troops know  _ nothing _ about this planet, it’s resources or the best way to produce any of the goods they currently receive from here. It will be more beneficial to spare her, offer her a deal. Her life, her people’s lives, for compliance. Then you can station a small outpost here to keep watch. _ ”

In your haste, you step on a bit of broken glass, making you yelp and stumble. You barely get out of the way of an oncoming sword, leaving small bloody footprints in your wake. Normally, Kylo would be on you, fussing over your injuries. But right now he’s intent on his target. You try to move towards the Queen, to stop Kylo.

He’s there first, Forcing her onto her knees. She bares her sharp teeth, “Back to being a disgusting monster, are we?” That seems to make him pause but then he raises the sword above his head, ready to strike her down. You trip, falling onto the floor, quickly raising your hand out to Kylo. You will the Force to hold him in place. “ _ Kylo, you know what I’m saying is the correct answer. Don’t kill just to kill. Don’t be like Hux _ .”

If there are any beings to hear your prayers, you send a message to as many as you can. He eventually breaks out of your hold. Exhausted you crumple onto the floor. Mira rushes over to you, it seems she and the Sizarian were able to get most to stop fighting. Now, most were watching Commander Kylo Ren. He pulls the sword down and you feel hot tears threaten to fall.

Instead of slicing into the Queen, it slams into the floor hard enough to send cracks skittering through the elegant designs. He growls down to the Queen, “You will tell us everything you know about the Resistance, turn over any more spies, and continue to serve the First Order with a base here in your capital.”

Queen Raen laughs as Hux looks on in fury, “Why would I do that?”

Kylo straightens himself, “You and your warriors might be willing to die for your cause. But what of their families? Should you die today, your people will become nothing more than pack mules for the First Order. We will get our resources from this planet, with or without your cooperation. If this battle proves anything, it’s that there is no winning against us. Are you willing to allow your people to suffer under our rule without you?”

The Queen glares at him, before turning to you. You give a weak nod, face full of heartache. What he says is true. She then glances towards all of her people. Scared, fearful for not only their Queen and themselves, but now their families.

She closes her eyes, gritting against the clear torment she feels at this situation. Kylo’s impatience grows, and he pulls the sword back out of the floor, readying it. With a defeated sigh she utters, “Fine. We the Sizarian will further cooperate with the First Order.”

Relief flows through you. No one else had to die today. Kylo drops the weapon and stomps out of the room. The Sizarian gather around their queen, some happily crying that she’s unharmed.

Hux, extremely unhappy with this outcome, forces his way through to talk to the Queen. He has no choice but to listen to Kylo in this matter. The Queen looks to you again, giving a solemn nod of thanks. You return the nod with a sad smile. Mira gets up and says, “I’m going to help tend to the wounded, wait here and I’ll bring you some bandages!” 

You stop her, “No, I’m fine, there are others worse off than me. Please, help them. The Sizarians too, see if anyone else can help between the two peoples.” She’s skeptical, looking down at your injured foot. You wave her off, “It was just a scratch, I can walk, I just tripped and needed to catch my breath.” You even stand to prove your point. Mira sighs with relief, “Ok, well let me know if you need anything. The Commander probably went back to the ship.”

“Thanks, Mira,” You smile, turning to walk out of the ballroom. Your arm is still bleeding a little, and you’re still leaving bloody footprints but you steadily make your way out of the room. Outside, making sure no one else is around, your steps begin to falter. “Shit…” you hiss, knowing there’s still glass in your foot. Trying to carefully walk, you fall forward only to be caught by two powerful hands. “Kylo…” you breathe, happy to be enveloped in his scent.

Silently, he easily lifts you into his arms and carries you back towards his room on the carrier shuttle. “This feels familiar,” you laugh, but the mirth is not returned. You peer into his dark expression. After boarding the vessel, he finally looks at you, angrily. You shrink back slightly before he sighs.

“I don’t know whether to be infuriated with you or not,” he growls. 

He enters his assigned room, slightly larger than your own. “You shouldn’t have gotten involved. They didn’t deserve mercy. They made their choice. Sided with the Resistance, they should share the same fate,” Kylo hisses, sitting you gently onto the bed before walking into the refresher. He comes back with a first aid kit. He opens it, before running a frustrated hand through his hair, sighing, “But I  _ can’t _ be mad at you. Mostly because it’s you and partly because you’re right.”

He delicately lifts your foot, glaring at you, “You should have told someone you still have glass in your foot.” You roll your shoulders.

“Inconsequential in comparison to the other’s injuries,” you sigh, gritting your teeth as Kylo begins pulling the larger pieces from your foot before using a device to gather the smaller slivers. He wipes away the blood, before spraying it with a healing agent and wrapping it up. He does the same thing to your arm.

After he’s done, he’s kneeling in front of you on the floor, almost eye level with you. You pull Kylo’s head up with your hands and place a loving kiss on his forehead. “I think you did great, you acted like a true leader. Leaders put their own people first, this is true, but if they can spare lives and bloodshed where they can, they should,” you whisper, this time placing a soft kiss to his lips.

He hesitates, you can tell he’s not exactly sure he agrees with you. You just need to keep warming him up to it. And positive reinforcement is always good. You try not to snicker at the idea, it’s like training a puppy. You kiss Kylo a third time, more passionately. He growls playfully, kissing you back with growing hunger. Unfortunately, you both realize that in this current time and place it would be unwise to get too out of hand. That doesn’t stop him from leaving your lips sore or from assaulting your neck, or any upper torso region that wasn’t covered by your dress.

Not to be outdone, you leave a couple of marks on his neck, licking your lips in satisfaction. Kylo’s shaggy hair covered two, but the third was just barely concealed by his dress shirt. He helped you back off the bed. You test your weight on your foot. It hurts a lot less than before, but you find yourself walking on mostly your toes with it. You wrinkle your nose in annoyance, before heading for the door with Kylo on your heel.

“Go rest,” he rumbles, a gentle hand under your uninjured arm, “I’ll handle the rest from here.” You nod, grateful for the reprieve. You head a few doors down to your own room, changing out of your now bloody and torn dress and into a comfortable pair of sweats. You crawl under the covers, fatigue hitting you like a tsunami. You never usually get this tired from fighting, but you’ve never had the additional stress of trying to save thousands, if not millions, of lives within minutes either.

——

A week later you're still resting in your room on the Finalizer. Due to Kylo’s worries over your health, he’s bedridden you until further notice. You scoffed at him, you’ve had much worse injuries than these two scrapes. But since you’ve gotten back from Sizaria, you’ve not felt so great and have greatly appreciated the break. You’ve had headaches, dizziness, and nausea. Today, as Mira is visiting you, you run to the bathroom to expel the food she had just brought you from the cafe. 

“Ugh, I feel so awful, fuck,” you groan weakly, doing your best to walk back to the table where Mira sits patiently. Mira grimaces, you’ve told her you haven’t been feeling so hot, but seeing it person is a whole new level.

“Y/N, you should go get checked out at medbay. It was your first time visiting Sizaria, even if we all had an immunization beforehand doesn’t mean you  _ couldn’t _ catch something,” She says to you worriedly. You grumble, but nod.

“You’re right, I really should, before it gets any worse,” you groan out, laying your head down on the table.

Plus, Kylo said there’s a battle brewing. Apparently the Resistance has split into two to avoid detection. The information he got after the destruction of the Star Killer says one half has taken residence on an icy planet known as Hoth. Kylo had scoffed at them, saying that trying to hide in an old Rebel Alliance base would not save them. Apparently the battle is to be had very, very soon to try and catch them off guard. You can’t be sick during it, you need to be by his side. He even told you not to tell  _ anyone _ , not even Mira. Kylo, Hux, and Phasma think there’s a spy on board, they being the reason the Resistance snakes out of their grasp just at the last moment. Kylo said he thinks it’s an officer, that he attended the ball the other night. 

You shiver at the thought of what Kylo will do to the man without you around to stop him.

Mira chuckles, “Plus if your  _ boyfriend _ hears it's worse, he will never stop fussing over you.” You look back up to her, face red, but reply with a frown, “Oh my god, he would.” After the ball, it seems many officers spread the “rumor” of you and Kylo being a hot ticket item. As your bestie, Mira had suspected for a while, but she is happy for you two nonetheless.

She sighs merrily, “You two are so stinking cute, I just hope he starts… calming down… for everyone else, not just you.” You’ve talked to her about your “plan” on trying to help Kylo see hope in the things around him, not despair.

You put your head in your arms on the countertop again. “Me too,” your reply muffled.

With a goodbye, Mira leaves to attend her other duties and you reach for your datapad. Too afraid of passing out on the way to medbay, you request a medical droid to come assist you. The droid is at your door shortly and you give him your symptoms and he takes a health scan before giving you some antibiotics to start with. He tells you he will return the information to medbay for a thorough check and that it may be a day or two before you receive the results.

You thank him, with a questioning eyebrow before he rolls off towards his next destination. You would think the results would be quicker than that on a large operation like the Finalizer but shrug, everyone could be coming down with something like you are and there’s only so many people in the medical bay. 

Not wanting to alarm him, or give him an excuse to keep you from the battle, you hide your illness from Kylo. Though the antibiotics did seem to help, you felt much better two days later as you gather your things and head for Kylo’s transport to Hoth, dressing as warmly as possible. You received a ping on your datapad from medbay but ignore it without reading it. The antibiotics did their job, now you have one to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually, I try posting earlier on Saturdays but my day was a bit busy rip, anyway I hope you enjoy!!  
> Also, if you ever see Mira's name as Mari... I'm sorry I get confuzzled way too easy TwT;;
> 
> Also also if you want to see a sketch of Mira and Batali (my char who I sub for me lol) or an older piece of Batali, here's the links! They're in their pretty ball attire C:  
> https://convenientcat.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Untitled_Artwork-2-1.jpg  
> https://convenientcat.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/kylovisionattheball-800x1035-1.jpg
> 
> [4/26/20 EDIT: I created a page for the art if you'd like to check it out; so no one has to try copy/pasting all the links. I'll just update the same one lol https://convenientcat.net/balance/ ]
> 
> I wish I could make them clickable links :< sorry fam  
> Everyone stay safe and healthy with the virus stuff! And if anyone wants to play animal crossing new horizons with someone next weekend hmu lol
> 
> Next chapter warning!! I'll have to update the tags with that chapter as it has a couple of touchy-ish subjects (nothing non-con or anything tho) so if you want to avoid spoilers just heads up lol
> 
> Love you guys!! OH WAIT LAST THING I PROMISE OML  
> I plan on posting a chapter of one of my other Kylo fics soonish?? so if any of the ideas below sound good let me know and I'll start putting them up when I can! C:  
> >"Lion & Mouse" (You're a scaredy-cat tech for the Supreme Leader)  
> >"Perfect Square" (Kylo, Ben, and Matt Organa-Solo triplets; Modern AU)  
> >"Straight from Hell" (Rlly silly Medieval Fantasy AU where Kylo is a demon/vamp/guy)  
> [[I also love suggestions so if anyone wants to toss something at me I'll totes consider it!! <3 ]]
> 
> ((I make these things too fucking long im sorry omg))


	6. Cold Truth...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You visit Hoth for the first time and it is UNBELIEVABLY cold. You and Kylo press the battle onward but along the way you stumble. And learn something that will change your life.

Hoth is cold. You knew it would be cold. But it is  _ really fucking cold _ . You’re trudging through the snow beside Kylo, who's decked out in his solid black winter gear. If there weren’t a ton of troopers behind the two of you, you would absolutely be hiding in his cape next to him for warmth. He pulls his lightsaber from his belt, not igniting it just yet. A squad of tie-fighters were assaulting the back of the base so that you, Kylo, and some ground troops could head to the front and flush the Resistance out.

As you rise over the crest of snow, you see the base below you. From the air, it would look nothing more than snowy hills but from the ground, you can see the metal doors for entrances and docking bays. Finally, Kylo ignites his saber, it’s energy crackling and humming with an angry thirst for a fight. You see commotions within the base as a few are noticing your approach.

A few of the docking bays open, several ships flying out to fight the two oncoming forces. Kylo reaches out with the force and “grabs” one, stalling it in the air before pulling it down into the planet’s surface. Your eyes are wide, you knew he was powerful but  _ damn _ . Unfortunately, or fortunately for the Resistance, Kylo seemed to be able to pull that trick off once. While he was still powerful enough to fight, holding an in-flight X-Wing took a shitton of effort.

The two of you lead the charge, easily downing any soldier in your path. You wince as Kylo kills his opponents while you simply knock them unconscious. All the training between you and Kylo has left the two of you flawless in combat. Before long you and Kylo’s squad are at the entrance of the base. You have your blades at the ready, more confident in your melee than in the use of a blaster. The inside of the base seems empty, but you remembered viewing the schematics of the original Rebel Alliance base. It had a huge network of caves and tunnels beneath Hoth’s surface and there’s no telling what the Rebellion has done to expand it now.

You start to head down one alley as a wave of dizziness hits you. You slow, leaning against an icy wall for support. You’re glad this hadn’t happened while you were engaged in battle, but you’re not glad for the sound of heavy footsteps behind you. Kylo is beside you, narrowing his eyes down at you. “You’re not battle-ready,” he growls, probably more harshly than he meant. Doesn’t make it sting any less.

You wince, standing straight and glowering back to him, “I am. I’m not used to this tit-freezing weather.” That pulls a slight smirk from him before he follows up with more gentle prodding.

“Are you sure you’re ok to continue? You seem unwell, even though you’re trying so hard to hide it,” he rumbles softly, closing the distance between the two of you. Hidden by his bulky form and his cape, and not hearing the trooper’s steps in the hallway, you wiggle closer for a hug. A contented sigh escaping your lips as you steal his warmth from him. Kylo makes a half-laugh, half-snort noise which you find freaking adorable.

“I want to get this done so we can go back to the Finalizer and  _ warm-up _ , you good with that plan?” you purr, looking up at him with big puppy dog eyes. He makes a slight face, before relenting with a sigh.

“Will I ever be able to say no to you?” he grumbled under his breath.

“Nope!” you laugh, skipping out of his reach with a grin across your face.

You’re walking backwards down the hallway, watching Kylo roll his eyes before he turns around to walk back to the other entrance when you hear the worst possible noise. The deep growl of metal, bending and beginning to crack. You stop dead looking down. You cannot believe how fucking stupid you are right now. You became a giddy school girl and it’s cost you accidentally stepping on an old trap. The floor underneath you should have fallen out but there’s a thin layer of ice keeping you standing. You look over to Kylo in a panic, but he hadn’t noticed your situation. “K-Kylo…” you call softly as if your voice volume makes a difference to the ice.

He slowly turns around, face of confusion swiftly turning to concern as he sees the quickly cracking floor. Kylo rushes forward, but not before the floor fully collapses and unfortunately for you, gravity is much faster than he can run. Your body harshly hits a circular slide, swiftly curving in all kinds of directions before dumping you into a small, unlit room.

The pitch-black makes you panic slightly, not knowing what could be hiding in the dark. You swiftly pull a light stick off your pack and shake to get some light. You see it’s empty and you give a relieved sigh. You hear Kylo calling nervously for you.

“I’m ok, Kylo!” You call back through the tunnel as loud as you can.   
“I’m coming down for you!” He shouts.

“NO!” You scream back up to him, “You need to be there to lead the charge, there’s a tunnel out of here I can find my way back to you!”

Silence. He’s weighing his options. You reach out through the Force, “ _ Trust me, dearest knight _ .”

A few more moments. “Ok… fine, be careful!” He finally replies, growling the last part.

“Yea I think I already screwed the pooch on that front,” you mumble to yourself, heading through the tunnel. The hallways are unlit, old electrical wires running amok, ruined and snaking across the floor. It’s colder here than in the upper areas of the base. You guess this was just an unneeded area and they sealed it off. Maybe it wasn’t a trap for invaders, but a trapdoor for escapees. It would make more sense as to why there weren’t any deadly or at least any harmful additions to the fall. 

You're slammed by a feeling of nausea, swallowing thickly to try and keep everything down. What the fuck, you thought you were feeling better, what is this? The dizziness begins growing too, and the cold isn’t helping as warmth and energy seep from your bones. You feel stiff and tired, vision a little blurry. You brace yourself on the wall as you continue down the corridor. You can feel Kylo constantly reaching out into the Force to assure you’re ok. You allow him in, however, you make sure to hide your illness from him.

Then you hear hurried footsteps and whispers. You pause in the darkness, shoving your light into your coat and press yourself against the wall. You see a squad of Rebels passing and try to remain as quiet as possible. Woefully, today is not your day. The nauseous feeling slams you into the floor as you expel what was a nice meal.

You hear the whispers stop and feet shuffle, probably turning in your direction. You jump to your feet and  _ run _ in the opposite direction, through the dark, hoping to lose them but there’s two hot on your tail. They know this area better than you, and in your condition, you’re outpaced as a man slams into your back. He shoves you into the ground and you give out a painful yelp. You couldn’t hide that feeling, Kylo’s anger spikes through your connection. Now he’s actively searching for you as you feel the edge of a blaster placed against your temple.

“Wait,” you hear a male voice say, shoving a lantern in your face. “I know who she is. This is Kylo Ren’s girl, whom I’ve heard so much about through the reports.” He sneers down at you.   
Fear races through you. Not for you, but for them. If Kylo gets to them with you like this, there will be no way to save them. You start to protest, “W-Wait, please!...”

“Knock her out, the reports also said she can connect to him through the Force,” he hisses, before the butt of a blaster slams into your head.

——

You grit your teeth together, pain throbbing through your skull. “Dammit…” you hiss under your breath, glancing around. Shocking no one, you’re in a holding cell and by the temperature, you haven’t been moved off-planet. It’s a small cell, but you were placed on the cot with a multitude of blankets. If it weren’t for the fact you had a welt on your head and that you were being held against your will, you’d say it was pretty cozy.

Narrowing your eyes, you felt apprehension towards the situation. A few moments later, a Resistance soldier comes by, placing a mug of what looked like soup on the floor of the cell through the gap in the bars. You made a wary face, although it smelled pretty good from here.

The man raised an eyebrow at you and scoffed, “What? We’re not monsters like the First Order. Why were you even out on the battlefield at all in your condition?” He was curious at this point. You could swear question marks were popping out of your head.

“What do you mean? I’m a fighter, of course I’m going to be on the battlefield??” You half-laughed. The man’s eyes widened slightly and he placed his hand over his mouth. “You don’t know?...” He asked, amazed but clearly not wanting to be the person to tell you.

“I’m a little sick, but it’s nothing I couldn’t handle! Till… you know… I couldn’t…” you croaked, trying to make a joke but your anxiety was getting the better of you. What do they know about you  _ that you don’t know about yourself _ ? He held up a hand for a pause and called down the hallway. A few moments later a nice looking woman walks to stand in front of the cell. To try and calm yourself, you try to do what you do best. Learn the weaknesses of the people, your surroundings, possible exists, anything that could assist you. But it’s having little effect.

The woman seems kind and she shuffles from foot to foot, “Sweetheart… you’re pregnant.”

“W-What?... That’s a terrible joke! I’m just sick from Sizaria!” you plead, beg, voice cracking. Instinctively you shrink back against the wall. The cup of soup has gone cold. 

“You’re datapad. We went through it and saw the message from medbay. They reported you’ve been with child for about 4 weeks.” she adds, kneeling down in front of the cell.

Your anxiety tips overflowing beyond your control. You feel like your suffocating, drowning like all the light and warmth was sapped away. Your breathing is shallow, quick as if the air wouldn’t be there in a few more moments. Your vision blurred with tears and you just wanted to run, hide, not exist at all. So you did the only thing you could. You pulled the furred blankets over your head and hid, letting the salty tears run down your face and into your open palms.

You hear a soft voice murmur, “Come on, let’s give her time.”

Panic envelops you. You should have known this would be the outcome.  _ This _ is what happens when you don’t have safe sex but you… you just never thought about it. It just never occurred to you. Did it occur to Kylo? Oh god. You cover your mouth. Does he want this?  _ Will _ he want this? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore? He’ll hate you. You did want a family with him, but not  _ now _ in a freaking war.

You’re afraid to reach out into the Force for him. He might not want you like this. He might not want a child at all. Your sobs are uncontrollable at this point and you’re very thankful for the minimal relief the blanket makes you feel as if cut off from the universe. You’re very aware there are probably people still within earshot of your cries but you couldn’t care too much at the moment. He has to know. He can’t be kept in the dark. You feel like you’re being torn in half. Having a child is wonderful, you’ve wanted one  _ eventually _ but you’d considered adoption over actually bearing one. Somehow beneath the warm covers, you’re shaking.

Tentatively, you reach out seeing if you can find him. You can barely sense him. He’s still on the planet, but you’re far enough from each other that you can’t pinpoint each other's location or converse like you normally do. You’re too weak to do so anyway. But you can feel each others emotions, weakly, but enough. Kylo’s relieved at sensing you again, but then angry most likely about wanting to find you sooner. You give a shaky laugh, thinking he probably won’t want to find you once he knows you’re with child. He senses your crestfallen state, your fear, his feelings shifting to concern and longing. You bury your head in your hands. You do your best to try and send to him your love and that you’re physically unharmed, but you’re not sure it’s getting across. Then you hear a familiar voice.

“Y/N?...” She calls, softly to not startle you.

You rub your eyes, sniffling, trying to look as dignified as you can. “Mari?...” you ask, voice breaking. You slowly pull the covers down, looking over to your closest friend as she looks at you worriedly through the cell bars. “I-I-I don’t understand… Mari?... Why are you here?” You stare at her in disbelief.

“I’m the spy, Y/N…” She says, with a sad smile. Bitterness arises in you. You feel used. Betrayed. Did she only befriend you for information? She seems to understand what your general thoughts are. “I  _ wanted _ to be your friend, not because of my role in all this. I can’t make too many friends within the First Order, you’re a Bounty Hunter not aligned with anyone. Plus, you turned out to be just as great of a friend as I imagined,” She smiles, trying not to cry herself.

You swallow thickly, trying to process the bare minimum to survive. Fine. Whatever. You’ll sort your feelings about this out later, you have bigger issues on your ever-growing pile. “Mari, you have to let me go. Kylo will tear this planet apart and will kill anyone in his way,  _ please _ ,” You reason with her. She nods, pulling a seat on the other side of the bars.

“You are correct. That’s exactly what he’s doing. I was still hidden in the ranks of the First Order when you went missing. The moment you went unconscious, the link you two shared severed and Kylo went berserk. Do you know why I became a spy this high in the First Order? Ben Solo’s mother, General Organa, wanted to keep tabs on him. See if there would be any way to bring him back to the light. I didn’t know if there was ever a way. Then after being friends with you for a while… I saw the way the two of you looked at each other. The way he treated you. The way you help him. I began to see hope that the Jedi Killer could be saved. But without you, not only does Kylo revert to his previous self, it escalates to ten times the rampage. He becomes a bloodthirsty monster set out for his beauty. He’s captured every Resistance member he’s come across and questioned them about your location. When they wouldn’t give it, or didn’t even know, he would slowly, agonizingly, crush the life out of them.”

You place your hands over your mouth, horrified at so many dying,  _ brutally  _ murdered because of  _ you _ . You feel the anxiety returning, your breathing quicken. “We… We have to go back to him,” you rasp, trying to get a hold on your shaking hands.

Mari’s eyes widened slightly, “When you say ‘we’?...” she motions to your belly, assuming you don’t mean you are referring to her as the second party.

You shake your head, looking away, “I meant you and I. It is as you say, I am a Bounty Hunter, my obligations are to myself. I will not get in the way of your role. I didn’t particularly care to fight the Resistance to begin with…”

“But you had to, to try and minimize casualties he caused,” she finishes.

You nod slightly. Mari gives you a small smile, “Here, I brought you another cup of soup. Please have something to eat.” She unlocks the cell and brings it to you. You take it, feeling a little calmer at the warm, solid cup in your hands. You should be trying to escape, but you don’t think you’d make it very far anyway. “The sun is setting now, which means no one will be able to remain on the surface as the temperatures drop to an unsustainable level for us. We will be sending Kylo a message through your datapad about picking you up here while the rest of the resistance makes an escape further away,” she continued.

You sip at the soup, not saying a word. “The cell door will unlock on a timer in the morning, you’ll be able to leave and exit out into where he will dock his ship in a nearby valley.” You don’t respond, still “drinking” your soup. You numbly nodded to her as she slowly leaves the cell, closing the door and latching it behind her.

You hear her footsteps fade as you look down at the cup in your hands. It’s old, faded and chipped as if it had been on this base since the Rebel Alliance had been stationed here. You glance down at your stomach. Pregnant. A child. A mother. You pull one of your palms from the cup, looking at it carefully. You don’t feel like a mother. A mother is… kind. Caring. Loving. Not that you’d know exactly. You feel like a murderer. As a bounty hunter you killed people, sure, but only the ones that were harming many innocent people for their own sick reasons. You never killed anyone trying to do what’s right or just trying to survive. You might not have killed those Resistance members yourself, but you are the reason they’re dead.

If you would have paid attention to the message. Practiced safer sex. Stayed behind. Stayed closer to Kylo. Let him follow you down the escape tunnel. None of this would have happened. You hang your head in shame, a few more tears trickling down into your chilling soup. You try to drink it all. If not for yourself, for the one you’re bearing. What’s done is done, for better or worse you now have a responsibility not to yourself.

You focus on that, draw strength from it. After your meal, you try to get some rest but your mind is plagued by nightmares and terrors. Sometimes you stay awake just dreaming of the child. If it was a girl, you wondered if Kylo would dote on her as much as he dotes on you. A boy, a replica of Kylo would be the most precious thing. Then you roll through names. The more you think, the more you calm. You’re still afraid of what Kylo will think. Still fearful he will want nothing to do with you or the child. It will break your heart, shatter it, but what are you to do? Give up the child? You’ve lived on the streets without parents, abandoned and forgotten, you would not dare do that or worse to your own child.

Startled awake, you hear the door unlatch and are met with dead silence. Wrapping the furs tightly around you, you slowly make your way out of the cell, following the signs to the exit. You reach out into the Force, you’re still pretty far underground and can’t properly connect with Kylo but you can feel him. He’s anxious, concerned. He must be landing the ship by now. You smile weakly at the thought of him and begin running towards the main door.

Outside, you whimper at the harsh sun, now pretty high in the sky since Hoth’s surface is really only traversable for a small portion of midday. Holding your arm up to block the sun you look across the snow-covered valley before you spot his ship and then the black cape billowing in the wind. You suck in a breath like you hadn’t seen him in weeks. He seems to see you at the door at the same moment.

You’re the first to start running, dropping the furs and doing your best to not trip or stumble. You smile at him, “Kylo!” a few tears at the corner of your eyes. You can see his grin fueling your adrenaline. Your still horrendously scared of what he’ll think, but you’re so overjoyed to see him at this moment. Then you hear it, see the horror fill Kylo's features just as searing pain races up your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof... :'C
> 
> I suffer from anxiety attacks myself and while writing that one bit I started crying T~T;;  
> But I'm a cry baby so you know lol,,
> 
> Kudos if anyone picked up my very teeny tiny hints of her pregnancy~
> 
> I'm getting closer to the 'end' of this story in my google doc and it's spooky lol;;;
> 
> Hate to leave ya'll on a cliffhanger but wanted to post this chapter since I get to work from home this week due our friend the coronavirus. I'm lucky I have the opportunity to work from home, but not everyone is, please stay safe fam!! <3
> 
> Thank you for reading <3 <3


	7. His Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter through the eyes of Kylo.

Kylo had been on a tear in search of her. He wouldn’t admit to anyone but he was afraid. He loved her, he couldn’t  _ lose _ her. And the fact that others put their filthy hands on her made him more irate. Then he got that message from her datapad. He waited through the long cold night, unable to sleep well. Kylo constantly had nightmares. Mostly about losing Y/N.

The time arrived and he could see her leaving the base. She smiled. She was safe, finally about to be back in his arms. He gave a grateful smile back to her. Her presence softened his soul and made him feel lighter already. Hearing his name grace her lips after their, admittedly, short time apart sounded like music to his ears.

Then out of the corner of his eye, he notices a blue blaster bolt heading straight for her. He should have been able to stop it, he’s done it before. But he noticed too late. It struck the right side of her abdomen at an angle, sending her spiraling down into the snow with a pained scream. He doubles his speed, falling to her side with worry etched into his features.

“Y/N!!” Kylo yells, lifting her into his arms slightly. He looks at the wound. It’s more than a graze, the shot was clearly aimed for her middle, a killing blow, but was off by several inches. The burn of the bolt cauterized the wound, but from his own knowledge of blaster fire, the burns could be deep into the skin. She’s shaking, clearly in a lot of pain.

Kylo begins to panic looking back towards his ship. He quickly gathers her in his arms and starts running. “K-Ky-Kylo…” she squeaks, voice ragged. It tears his heart apart to see and hear her this way. He just wanted to keep her safe, keep her happy, keep her close. “Shh, don’t speak, save your energy.” He hushes her, in between breaths as he continues making his way closer to his ship.

“I… I…” she sniffles, “I’m pregnant…” Fear is washing out of her. She’s afraid of telling him? That’s what she’s worried about right now? She’s severely wounded! He laughs warmly to try and ease her troubles, “I know malla, when you went missing the medics told me since I’m technically your superior.” Kylo gets to the ship, quickly going up the ramp to administer first aid and get her into the life support systems.

“You… sure not mad?...” she slurs, unfocused eyes settling on him. His stomach flips. She’s so concerned he’d be mad at her for this? It’s equally his fault this happened, was he supposed to blame her? That’s foolish. “Of course I’m not mad, malla. This may not be the best time, but it’s happened and there’s no taking it back,” he huffed, trying to keep a calm demeanor but his exterior is cracking. Even now he can tell things in the ship are quaking because his rage and grief are beginning to swallow him whole. 

Relief emanates from her. “I d-didn’t want one right now either… But I did want this with you in the future…” she whispers, almost cries, with a small smile. He gives a warm smile back to her.

“Me too. Now rest,” Kylo rumbles, placing a hand over hers. She feels cold, spiking his worry. He makes sure she’s set before jumping into the pilot’s seat and racing back to the Finalizer. He sends out a message to have medics on standby.

——

Kylo sits in a chair next to her bedside in medbay. She looks calm, sleeping peacefully. He hasn’t been fully briefed on the damage she’s sustained. He sighs, rubbing his hands across his face before up and back through his hair as he stands. As he gets to the doorway, Hux stands before him. “I have been looking for you,  _ Commander _ .” He hisses.

“What?” Kylo growls at him menacingly.

“We found the Resistance trying to escape and have them cornered. They’re currently barricaded in. I’ve decided to let them sit and run ragged for a few days,” Hux muses.

Kylo rolls his eyes, “Fine. Whatever.”

Hux barges past Kylo, looking over Y/N’s sleeping form. Kylo growls deeply, “ _ Leave _ .”

“I didn’t know you were fucking her, that must be fun,” he laughs, clearly ogling her sleeping form. He’s abruptly cut off, quite literally. Hux claws at his throat as he’s lifted higher into the air.

“It is wise to not test my patience without her here to  _ protect you _ ,” Kylo snarls, before slamming Hux back into the ground. Hux scrambles up off the floor, anger seething through his features.

He huffs, “Nonetheless, it is as I predicted. Anyone you involve yourself with ends up in the path of utter destruction. A shame it had to happen to her, she doesn’t deserve any of this.”

Hux turns and leaves, taking a glance back at Kylo. With a smirk, he’s out of medbay and back to command. Kylo stares back to Y/N and frowns. Before he can think too much about Hux’s words, a Medic enters. Kylo pulls himself together to appear whole for the report.

The Medic seems nervous, afraid.

“Spit it out,” Kylo hisses, impatient.

“Y-Yes, sir,” the young man yelps, trying to hide behind his clipboard, “The bolt pierced on the lower section of her abdomen, about four inches in at a downward angle. The third-degree burns originate from where the bolt went clear through and out two inches. Which we are treating.”

Kylo nods before asking, “And the child she’s carrying?”

The medic gulps, whispering, “T-The burns were too close to her uterus and on top of all the stress her body is going through… s-she’s lost the child…”

Kylo abruptly turns away. “Leave,” He says to the man, his voice dripping with malice. The medic slowly backs out of the room before dashing down the hallway at top speed. The door slams shut with his Force powers as he drops himself back into the chair by her bedside. Kylo covers his face with his hands. Grief floods through him, for a variety of reasons. The loss of the child. The pain he knows will come at seeing Y/N’s anguish towards the loss. 

He’s relieved that she’s ok, for the most part, and it’s not like he got too attached to the idea of having a child but Kylo isn’t sure she will feel the same. He knows her. Knows her heart, her soul. She’ll think she got the child killed. He runs his hands through his hair in frustration again. Why does it seem they can never win? Like it’s always something.

This is an added complication as Kylo has no doubt this will eventually reach the ears of his Master, Snoke. He’s really shocked Hux hasn’t said something sooner, the rat. Snoke had made a throwaway comment about Kylo having an heir to train but that had been years ago and it was never mentioned again. Would Snoke force him and Y/N to bear another? Would he consider her unworthy?

There are too many unknowns. Maybe he should send her home, keep her away from all this. That would probably be best for her. But he doesn’t want to do it against her wishes either. He sighs heavily, pulling the chair closer to her bed. He gently holds her hand, hoping she heals well while she’s asleep.

——

Three days pass. Y/N’s friend, Mari? She’s been coming to check on her friend’s condition. Kylo greets her to the best of his abilities, but he’s not really in the mood to be social. Mari seemed ok with that. Mari did ask what happened and Kylo told her a Rebel sniper had shot her while she exited the base. She was horrified, as she should be. Throughout the days, she’d silently drop off food for him, knowing he didn’t plan on leaving the room if he didn’t have to.

Not only that, but Mari continued to update Kylo on the situation on Hoth since Hux clearly didn’t give two shits about his whereabouts anymore. She told him that Hux was continuing to starve the Rebels in hopes that they’ll die of starvation, die from battle, or run away to lead the First Order to the other half of the Rebellion with General Organa.

Kylo thanked her, darkly commenting he didn’t much care for the outcome of this standoff at the moment. Today, Mari drops off another small meal. He doesn’t feel like eating at the moment so he lets it rest on the counter while he continues to sit beside Y/N. He was about to doze off in the chair with his hand enveloped in hers, his thumbs idly tracing circles, when her hand gripped his a little harder. He sharply looked up as her body began twitching to life, finally giving a groan as she awoke.

“Y/N!” Kylo rasped, quickly standing up and softly moving some of the medical equipment out of her face. Her face winced in pain, slowly opening her eyes to blink up at him. She gave a lopsided, tired smile. “Hello knight,” She laughed, before wincing in pain again, the jostling of laughter didn’t help her wound.

It was mostly healed, the most advanced medical equipment in the galaxy saw to that. Unfortunately, they did tell him she would probably still feel some residual pain from the burns as they were quite severe.

Kylo peppers light kisses across her face, a soft smile on his lips. She hummed delightfully, “Maybe I should be here more often if this is how I get woken up.” Kylo glared at her with a growl and she made an embarrassed expression, “Joking! Joking!”

Her eyes slide across the room, landing on the untouched food. Her stomach growled, a blush forming across her face as she asked shyly, "Can, uh, can I have that?" She points at it with a small grin, softening Kylo instantly. He sighs, and gets it for her. She grins ear to ear, taking the sandwich out and beginning to eat. 

“You were out for three days. Mari came in to see you every day,” Kylo mused, hoping it would delight her but was shocked to see her face fall slightly. She jumped at his gaze and stuttered, “S-Sorry, that’s really kind of her, I just…. We had a fight before the battle so we haven’t really had a chance to make up.” He quirks an eyebrow but shrugs, “She’s been checking up on you, keeping me up to date and bringing in food since I won’t leave.”

At that she smirks as she chomps on her food. “Won’t leave? Worried?” she taunts, her voice light and teasing. 

He smiles slightly, “About you? Always. You have a knack for finding trouble.”

She gives a little snort, making him chuckle in turn, “Me? Noooo. Though I think trouble keeps finding its way to us. And Kylo, please take good care of yourself when I can’t boss you around.” She wrinkles her nose at him, “What would happen if I woke up to a pile of dust for a boyfriend?”

Kylo’s heart does a little flip and he laughs it off, “Please, you know I’m stronger than that.”   
She lays her hand on his, her face solemn, “I know you are, but for me?....”

He narrows his eyes at her before concern begins worming its way through him.

As she finished, she settled into a soft smile, pulling her hand to her stomach. Kylo’s heart sank. “So about…” she started, before looking up and seeing his pained expression. “K-Kylo?... What is it?” She knew. She wasn’t dumb. But she had to hear him say it. 

“Y/N…. malla…. The child… they didn’t make it…” He whispers, barely audible, unable to look her in the eye.

He could feel her in the Force again. Heartbreak, a complete feeling of desolation. Then the room began to quake. Startled, it wasn't himself, his head snaps to her. It was breaking his own heart, she was crying with wide confused eyes. The despair he felt through their link was drowning his own emotions. He pushed through them to move closer to her on the bed, wrapping her in his warmth and pulling closer.

"No, no, no, no, no," She cried, gripping his tunic hard beneath her fingers. Kylo never thought her as small as he finds her in this moment. Then she begins to wail, "I killed my own child!" Any object in the room not secured begins vibrating, making the room come alive with sound. 

Kylo shushed her, running his hand through her hair, "It is  **not** your fault, you didn't kill them, whoever shot you did." Things were beginning to rattle from their places, glass containers falling from shelves and shattering against the floor.

"If I wouldn't have gone, I would still feel whole," she's sobbing uncontrollably, Kylo trying to comfort her to the best of his abilities but without really knowing the best way to do that.

"If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have gotten captured and you wouldn't have killed all those people and I would still be…. Still be…." She wails, Kylo does know telling her he would have killed them anyway won't help the situation. Her cries and out of control powers have finally caught the attention of the medical staff, as the door slides open to reveal two attendants.

Just as the doors open, tears begin spilling from their eyes. Confusion crosses their faces. Kylo looks down at Y/N in his arms. She's projecting her emotions to everyone, not just himself. And individuals without proper Force training are being overwhelmed by her emotions, just as she is. They're clearly afraid, they'd never dealt with an emotionally unstable Force user. 

The man at the front of the pair locks eyes with Kylo. Kylo gives him a hostile look. That, the foreign emotions, and the quaking room scare the medical staff and they shut the door, running down the hallway.

She weeps for a long time. Kylo has to wipe his own eyes a few times, chalking it up to her emotions overpowering him. Hux tried to come in once. Kylo actually thought it was somewhat amusing, except the situation was horrible. Hux, just like the medical attendants, was overwhelmed with her grief she was projecting but to an extreme. He fell to his hands and knees at the door, wide and confused eyes spilling tears. He tried questioning why this was happening but began getting sick and hollering about unlawfulness.

Through the glass, he could see Mari standing at the end of the hallway, crying. He cast her a confused look, Y/N’s emotions haven’t been transmitting that far before. But why wouldn’t Mari come in and comfort her too? Is it because Kylo was there? Or maybe their fight? But she turned and left before he could say anything.

After a while, her sobbing turned into hushed crying, then whimpers, before she finally fell asleep. Kylo laid her gently back onto the bed, running a hand over her cheek. Her eyes were swollen and red, even now her face looked pained and tortured. He stood straight, running a hand through his hair as he surveyed the room.

Everyone on board would be talking about this. There was no way to hide their relationship now, not that they’d really been trying since the ball. But he has no doubt that it’ll eventually reach out that she was with child before the ball. Kylo groans, slumping back into his chair. She’ll probably be weak for a while, she can’t be unsupervised, and she really needs to stay near him in case he has to help her control her powers. The most logical solution is to move her into his room.

  
It wasn’t like he wasn’t planning on having her stay permanently with him eventually, but he was hoping to at least  _ ask _ her. Kylo had imagined it would bring her immense joy, even though it was very frivolous to him. After some contacting and negotiating, Kylo has her transported to his own quarters.


	8. Ebb & Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time will slowly heal all wounds, so they say.

You awake in a large bed, sheets vaguely familiar to you. Gazing around the room, you can tell you’re in Kylo’s room. Normally, that would have made you very happy. But you can’t bring yourself to feel… joy. You still feel the searing pain and guilt in your chest, but your eyes feel dry and your lips cracked. You feel hollow. Empty.

You know it’s ridiculous to think this way, but you feel like things will never get better. You sit up, aware of a slight feeling of pain shooting up your side from the bolt wound. You look down, placing your hand over the wound, your mind conjuring thoughts you didn’t wish to be thinking.

“Y/N?” you look up at Kylo’s soft call, he’s standing at the doorway to the bedroom with a mug in hand. You just gaze at him listlessly, tears beginning to form again. You feel like you let him down, why is he being so nice?   
  
“Here…” he gently offers. It’s hot chocolate. You sip at it, mainly holding it between your hands to get the warmth from it. But it just reminds you of your short time in the cell.

“When I was caught…” you quietly start, “I didn’t know… one of the men asked me ‘why in the galaxy were you on the battlefield?’ I just laughed ‘what do you mean? I’m a warrior!” Your voice begins to grow, cracking with strain and emotion.

“He couldn’t tell me. Didn’t want to. He had to go get a nice-looking woman, soft-spoken, to tell me. They found out by reading through my datapad,” you sniffle, tears dripping into your mug. “I was so confused, afraid, angry. Angry at myself for not being smart enough to prevent this. Confused because I don’t feel like I’ll ever be ready to be a parent. Afraid of… everything. Afraid you’d hate me or the child. Afraid I’d never get to see you again. Afraid I’d be forced to give up the child. What was done, was done, it was my responsibility. I thought a lot that night. Day dreamed about names, what they’d look like. A boy the spitting image of you with an attitude just as bad,” you laugh, more tears falling from your cheeks.

Kylo sits on the side of the bed, pained. You can’t bear to look him in the eye and he stays put, confused and unsure of what to do.

“I shouldn’t have... I shouldn’t have gotten excited. I shouldn’t have fallen in love with something that didn’t even have a beating heart yet. I shouldn’t have savored the idea of having a family with you, running away from this bullshit war to live a happy and normal life. Because it was ripped away from me. I saw hope, I saw light, I saw something wonderful and it was shot to cinders.” Your one hand grips your side hard while the other tightens around the cooling mug.

You fiercely look up at Kylo, tears still staining your cheeks. Your guilt and agony still present, but slowly being replaced with another emotion. Anger. “Who shot me, Kylo?” You asked, eyes full of malice.

He’s shocked, mouth slightly agape. He’d never seen you this livid before. This… bloodthirsty. You narrow your eyes, growling a repeat, “Who shot me, Kylo? Answer me, you must know.”

He gives a small stutter, “T-The Rebellion. It was a blue bolt shot from your right, behind you. There was a ridge up that way and there was another entrance to the base close to there. It must have been a sniper.”

You stand, gritting your teeth. Kylo moves to stabilize you but you hold your hand up and ask, “What is my condition?” Concern strikes through his features.

“Overall you’re good, but the pain from the third-degree burns will last until the tissue has fully recovered,” he responds hesitantly.

“Has all my stuff been moved here or is it still in my old room?” You ask, glancing towards the closet.

“It’s here bu--” Kylo starts but you don’t let him finish, stalking to the closet to find your gear.

You ignore the pain, pushing it down and out of the way as your wrath consumes you. You’re sure you’re not thinking clearly, but honestly, you couldn’t give a fuck. You had to make sure the individual that took that shot, pays just as much as you have. You grew up on the streets, sometimes an eye for an eye is the best method to ensure this shit won’t happen again or to someone else.

If these types of methods are the tactics of the Rebellion then they have made a new enemy this day besides the Master of the Knights of Ren. Speaking of, Kylo is trailing you with clear concern now evident, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“The fuck does it look like?” you hiss, lashing out at him, “I’m going to find the sniper in that base.”

His brows wrinkle in annoyance and he growls, “You should be resting, not hunting.”

You whip around, snapping, “Oh yeah? What were you doing for the past three days? I wasn’t  _ dead _ you should have been out there finding and killing that bastard.”

Hurt runs through him, he opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off with an ill-humored laugh, “You can be an asshole to anyone and everyone and not expect retaliation, but when  **I’m** chewing  **you** out it’s an issue? Fuck off Kylo, either help me or get out of my way, I don’t have time for this.” You finish strapping on your gear and weapons, shoving past him without glancing back.

You stomp through the halls towards the docking bay, not sparing a glance to the people giving you a variety of looks. The girl who banged Commander Ren. The girl who lost his child. The girl who’s very clearly on the warpath to fuck up someone’s day. You hear heavy boot steps behind you and know Kylo’s not far behind.

Everyone scatters out of the way of you two and once you're at the bay you snatch the nearest ship waiting a heartbeat, knowing Kylo would board with you which he did. You take control of the vessel and steer it down towards the surface of Hoth. The air in the ship gets colder as you make your descent onto the planet and you land near a set of TIE fighters to scope out the situation.

“Hux has them trapped in their base either to starve, fight to the death, or run and lead us to the other half of them,” Kylo finally rumbles through his helmet, gaining your attention.

You narrow your eyes, “Ok, spit it out you’re not happy with this. Why?” You can take a few minutes to talk, might as well try to clear out his bullshit beforehand.

He looks in your direction, silent for a moment, before he breathes, “This isn’t like you..”

You scoff, “What? The anger? The hatred? The revenge? You’re allowed to be irate but no one else is?”

He shakes his head, standing, “No, but this is different,”

You take a step towards him, “ _ How _ is this any different?!”

Kylo reaches a hand out towards your cheek, “You’re not that kind of person,”

You slap his hand away, enraged, “Neither are you! Except you’ve apparently become one to everyone else around you in my absence. Yet here we are!”

He removes the helmet, leaving it in the seat. His face is saddened, hurt, thoughtful, conflicted. “You’ll regret this, so just please, stop…” Kylo tries pleading.

Your eyes widened, flames burning bright, “Maybe I will. At least one of us will regret being a monster.” You shove past him again, opening the bay doors and trudging out into the snow.

You pull one of your blades into your hand, heading to the base at full speed. Well as fast as you can in heavy winter gear and in deep snow. You know Kylo’s not far behind either. At the base, you swipe your free hand in front of the door. The Force answers, bending the metal back like crumpled paper.

Stepping inside, you Force-pull the first person towards you, shoving them down onto their knees. “Who in this base are snipers?”

The man is petrified, “W-We don’t have anyone here who can shoot long range! We don’t even have any rifles! Just normal blasters!”

You narrow your eyes before tossing him aside, heading further into the base.

Kylo is still behind you, though he makes no move to hinder the scrambling man’s escape. Unfortunately for the Resistance, your entrance has sparked the First Order’s troops into movement to also storm the base.

You stop multiple people, all telling you the same thing. At this point anger is boiling through your veins and you throw your latest “catch” before screaming, “WHY CAN’T I GET A STRAIGHT FUCKING ANSWER FROM ANYONE?!”

“They’re giving you the correct answer, it’s not their fault you’re not listening,” A voice hisses.

You whip around to see Mari standing at the opposite entrance of the room you're in. You narrow your eyes, “I want one fucking person, a sniper. Give me all the information or I’ll hunt down and ask everyone.” You feel confusion from Kylo standing behind you so you fill him in, “She’s the spy.” He shuffles awkwardly, unsure of what to do in the situation.

“We  _ don’t have a sniper _ . All the elite members stayed with General Organa, for obvious reasons. Your anger is misplaced or misdirected to be more accurate,” Mari says, settling down slightly but still maintaining an icy exterior.

“Explain,” you growl, patience wearing thin.

“When I found out what happened, I was heartbroken. No matter how you feel, or how strained we have become due to the circumstances, I see you as a sister. And no one messes with family. You were unconscious, Kylo was beside you the whole time, and everything seemed very confusing to me. The Resistance didn’t shoot you. We saw what happened the last time you were injured and apart from Kylo. Why would we want to add fuel to that fire?”

Your anger withered slightly. That makes sense, but your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as she continued.

“Someone who wanted to hurt you, but more specifically, hurt Kylo,” Mari’s hand sweeps from you to the man behind you. “I heard General Hux had an extreme effect from your emotion-projection through the Force when you woke up. Out of all the people who ran into you during that time, isn’t it odd? I did some more digging to find that he had a rifleman trooper assigned an old Resistance rifle before the battle. Your emotions were so severe to him because  _ he _ is the one that caused it.” She hissed, stepping forward.

“I need to find Hux,” you snarl, turning to Kylo. Then the sound of a blaster fires. You turn back to see Mari, pain etched onto her face as she falls forward onto the floor. In a panic, you rush to her side. “Mari! Stay with me Mari,” you cry, tears already flowing. You turn her over in your arms, her brown curls falling around your lap.

“Hey… Y/N… sorry...” Mari whispers, a smile gracing her lips.  You whimper, "Sorry?! What are you sorry for, I'm the one that should be sorry!!" You're almost wailing at this point as her eyes close for the last time and her hand falls limply at her side.

You sniffle, laying her down gently. When you look up, you see Kylo holding the shooter, Hux, by the scruff of his clothes. You glower at him, he continues trying to evade Kylo’s grip while spouting, “She was a spy! Of course she had to die!”

“Were you trying to kill me too? Or just the life I was growing?” You breathe, venom dripping from every word.

Hux freezes in place, clearly having missed Mari explaining that part. The blood drains from his face as he looks between Kylo and yourself. “W-What? It wasn’t me!! What lies was this spy feeding you?? You’re going to believe that Resistance scum over me?!” He shrieks.

You force your body language into a neutral stance. “You’re right. I won’t believe a Resistance spy.” Hux calms down, swatting Kylo’s hand away. Kylo relents, mainly because he’s interested in your next move. You’re not hiding your feelings from him, nor he to you. His concern and suspicions are growing. He knows you’re not going to let this go, that you must be up to something. Hux steps away from Kylo and clears his throat, “That’s the most ratio--”

Before he’s finished you rush into him, spearing your short sword through his left shoulder as you pin him to the floor. “But I do believe my friends,” you hiss, face close to Hux’s. He cries out in agony, but his face is full of rage. You twist the sword, making him cry out again, “So answer the question  _ truthfully _ . Did you hire a trooper to shoot me?”

Hux scoffs, “I didn’t fucking hire anyone to do anything.” Then he grins, glancing between you and Kylo. “Though the job was done beautifully.” You snarl, slowly pulling the sword closer to Hux’s throat as it rakes through his flesh. He screams out again. Kylo intervenes, pulling you up and off of Hux.

You try fighting him off of you but he has a solid hold and isn’t letting you go anywhere. “You deserve to suffer, Hux! Pain worse than death for the innocent lives you have taken!!” You scream at him as he takes his un-injured arm and slowly pulls the sword out. He just scoffs at you again, “You’re somehow alive, just make another one. And in regards to your  _ friends, _ they deserve death.”   
  
“So the First Order is just full of monsters,” you snarl. Kylo stiffens behind you, still holding you in place. Hux just smirks, “Like you’re so out of place here.”   
You scream at him, “Of course I am! I haven’t taken a goddamn life unless I absolutely had to. To protect myself or those I love! I never did anything to deserve this!” You let that slip. Tears are flowing down your face again. You had thought you were out of them by now.

Something flashes across Hux's face before it swaps to a bored expression, “You chose the wrong man.”

You settle down, looking at the floor. After a few moments, Hux leaves while staunching the wound, clearly done with this whole situation. Did you really choose the wrong man? It’s true. With Ben, life was great but since he’s been Kylo, you’re life has been non-stop fighting, war, politics, rage, and despair. You feel lost again. How many times can that happen in a lifespan? As a child, you always thought being an adult would solve so many issues.

Kylo slowly lets go of you, but without much strength you just sink down to the floor. You look over to Mari’s pale body. “I want to bury her,” you say, voice hoarse. Kylo nods and takes his cape off to cover her before heading outside. You crawl over to sit beside her, the weight of her death finally settling over you.

You thought you were done with the sadness, the pain. But it’s gripping your heart and tearing it again. The loss of a child. The loss of a friend, a sister. You sob, wailing into the cloak, gripping it and desperately wanting your friend back. You never got to make up with her. You never got to thank her for the information. You never got to say you’re sorry for being a stupid, stupid moron.

After crying for a while Kylo comes back in and, wordlessly, you know it’s time. He picks her up gently and you walk beside her. You wish you could lay her to rest in a place of more color, but unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about it. Outside, you see Kylo’s made a grave by pulling rocks out from underneath the snow. He carefully lays her down and buries her.

He stands beside you, before pulling you into his side. You shuffle into him, needing the warm touch. “I want to go home…” You whisper, sniffling. He nods, “Ok, let’s go home.”

——

You and Kylo are back on your planet. Kylo had put in that he was out searching for the other half of the Resistance while you were on leave until further notice. He apparently can’t take a break because his “master” won’t allow it. You just shrugged. After you barged into the base, and the death of Mari, the Rebel base on Hoth was decimated. You’re back to feeling hollow. When the anger and revenge drained you regretted everything, which only made you feel worse. Things you said, things you did, things you caused. If you hadn’t chased after Kylo, so many terrible things wouldn’t have come to pass.

The two of you had been on the planet a couple of days, you mainly lazed around. You barely ate, looking out over the lake, most of the time. Sometimes you’d glance through your datapad, checking on things or looking at postings for the Bounty Hunter Guild. Kylo hardly speaks to you, you guess it’s because he doesn’t know what to say. Or he’s mad at you.

You can still feel each other, but now it’s like you’re far away from each other. Sometimes he feels hurt, but he’s also felt guilt and confusion. He’s still taking care of you, however. Making your meals, bringing you something to drink. He’s been sleeping on the couch, letting you take the bedroom.

You know you need to talk to him. But your not even sure how you feel about the two of you anymore. You still love him. You know the Ben you fell in love with is still there. He’s changed, just as you have, and while he gained qualities you can’t stand, he’s still him. He’s become violent, murderous. But he’s still quick-witted and snarky. It’s like he doesn’t see the value in other's lives anymore. What is he even fighting for? Power? Respect? Doesn’t he already have all of that? Why does he have to snuff out the Resistance? Why is he with the First Order? Because of his master?

You lean your head back against the couch. But what about yourself? You’ve built your whole life around him. You abandoned the Jedi Academy for him. You became a Bounty Hunter to become a powerful warrior, able to stand as an equal. What would you have wanted to do if you weren’t chasing after him? Closing your eyes you think. You’ve always loved singing, in fact, the most fun you had on bounty missions was being undercover in bars as a singer. You could have done that. You like working with kids, you could have been a teacher somewhere.

With a sigh you look outside, Kylo is trying to learn more about surviving off of this planet. Today's lesson is fishing apparently. You give a small laugh, you never would have imagined the broody man trying to figure out the best way to catch dinner. Your heart swells. You still care for him, you don't think you'll ever get rid of these feelings. He hasn't changed as much as either of you would probably think. He still likes learning new things. Maybe he does it to keep himself busy, give him an edge over others, or to seem superior.

You believe he just likes to understand how things work. He probably thinks that fishing is easier to learn and work with than people. You give another small laugh as he becomes visibly frustrated with the fishing gear. But he doesn't give up. You can't believe how much of a stubborn dork he can be.

You slowly raise yourself from the couch, heading outside quietly. You lean against the railing on the porch, still watching Kylo. He's standing on the grassy knoll down the steps from the wooden deck, not too far from the lake's edge. He's wearing his normal casual clothes with a few modifications. Kylo's black trousers are rolled up to his knees and his black shirt is not only rolled above his elbows but he's forgone clasping all the buttons to leave most of his chest bare.

' _ He has no idea how cute he is _ ,' you muse, your own pale dress billowing slightly in the breeze. He's still having issues, causing you to wear a small warm smile. Finally feeling your affection through the Force, he looks up at you before blushing slightly. He puts the tackle down, walking over while rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Need anything? Hungry?" He rumbles softly, walking up the steps to stand beside you. You shake your head. 

"We should talk," you start. Kylo's face falls slightly, worry spiking through him. You smile sadly looking back out over the water.

"I said some mean and cruel things," you whisper. "But I can't take them back. And I can't say they aren't fully true." You look back to Kylo, full of determination to talk things through.

He looks away, mouth slightly agape for a moment before he finally utters, "No, you're right. Everything you said is true.  _ Was _ true, maybe. I'm still trying to figure it out myself."

He shuffles a little awkwardly, "I don't fully understand how I'm that much different than I was before--"

"You're not. You were an angsty, broody man before, it's just been amplified and targeted against anyone," you interject.

"Not to you…" he adds slightly.

You sigh, "No, not to me, you're who you really are with me. But let me ask you this. If there was another person, another bounty hunter I worked with that treated me the way you treat Hux or any officer or trooper, would you stand for it?"

Kylo looks a little taken aback by that, clearly not having put that much thought into it. "Kylo Ren, I love you with all my heart. I have literally chased you into Hell. I know you can be a great man," you place your hand over his heart, feeling the warmth of his skin and the beating of his heart. "I supported you, as far as I could. But I can't anymore. I will not condone murder or the destruction of lives. I don't have the power or resources to stop you and the First Order or make you see reason. Only you can do that."

He looks heartbroken, you can feel fear now flowing through your tether. "I won't leave you, mainly because I'm too selfish," you laugh slightly, "but as of this moment, Siren is no longer working with the First Order nor will I continue to be your apprentice in Force training."

Kylo breathes a sigh of relief, "So we're?..."

You give him a small smile, "I still want to be with you I just… I can't be in your world anymore. It's cost me almost everything." Your voice cracks a little and you step closer to him, placing a hand on his cheek.

"Please, don't let it take everything from me. Kylo, I don't know where you're headed and what you planning on doing but give it some heavy consideration. If you're aiming for a throne to rule over others cruelly, I don't know if my heart could stand to be beside you."

He places his own hand over yours and nods, "I will." You give him another small smile, returning a nod.

"Let's go have something to eat," you say. Twining your fingers through his and pulling him along. Worry seems to seep out of his stature as he trails behind you. But before long he’s run ahead of you.

“What do you want?” he asks, grinning at you. You soften at his smile, feeling a little lighter. 

You smirk, unable to resist, “I would say fish, but I’m not sure we’d ever eat.” 

Kylo gives a playful growl, “Is that a challenge?”

You look from the lake back up to him, “Always, but shall we make it more interesting?”

He raises a brow in question. “The one who can catch 3 fish first wins.”

Kylo huffs, “And the stakes?”

“The winner chooses the loser’s punishment,” you grin, a dark gleam in your eye.

His face falls, before he coughs, regaining his composure, “Deal.”

The two of you walk down the porch steps to his tackle. “3… 2… 1… Go!” You shout and not long after he’s assembling his gear. You slowly begin tying your dress up to where the knot will fall just below your hips instead of it hitting below your knees. Kylo looks back, giving you a suspicious look. “No Force powers,” he adds.

You blow a raspberry at him, “Never entered my brain.” He continues squinting at you, before grabbing his pole and walking down to the bank beside you.

You wade into the water, a refreshing feeling against your feet and legs. You're about knee-deep when you place your arms up to your elbows underneath the surface as well. Kylo gives a chortle, you can feel the skepticism rolling from him. You roll your eyes back to him as he casts his line. You wait, knowing your body needs to cool down closer to the water’s temperature before anything can really even happen.

In your wait, Kylo got a snag on his line but fumbled and the fish managed to escape. It was your turn to snicker at his antics. He grumbles but continues. Finally, more fish are swimming by you, unable to detect you with your temperature being close to that of the water. You stay still, concentrating hard. When an unsuspecting morsel runs between your hands, you scoop it out of the water, aiming for its gills and toss it far up onto the bank.

Kylo is staring at you, slack-jawed. You grin at him, teasing, “1 to zip-oh-la.”

He huffs, grinning and continues his “hunt.” He catches one before you grab another, evening it out but it’s not long before you have a second writhing on the bank. You stick your tongue out at him, egging him on. Only one away. Then he catches another, tied again.

But of course, you secured your third first, ensnaring your victory. You stand in the water with your hands on your hips, “Was there ever any doubt?”

Kylo laughs, coming to stand in front of you on the bank, “Never. Where did you even learn this?” You shrug.

“My mentor, she trained me to be prepared for any environment on many planets. The worst part about it was new planets means new species which could mean poisonous plants or venomous animals.” He quirks an eyebrow at you.

“So… how do you do it?” he asks quizzically. 

You wave him in, “Come on, I’ll show you.” He looks down at the water then back up to you. You laugh, rolling your eyes, before splashing some water onto his bare feet. “There, now come on!”

He growls, annoyed but obliges, wading in beside you. Of course, with his tall ass the water only comes up to his calves. You wade a little deeper, the water now over your knees and nearing the edge of where your dress is tied. Kylo follows suit and you instruct, “You have to get your limbs to a similar temperature as the water. Fish will be less likely to detect you especially if you remain still. Now, you have to be  **patient** , can you manage that?”

Kylo rolls his eyes, “I had to be patient with the rod too, yes?”   
You laugh, “Yes, but it’s different! You can’t fidget or move, you have to remain as still as possible.” The two of you practice for a while, with Kylo having trouble every time. Too soon, too late, grabbing the tail and the fish squirms away. Seeing the mighty Kylo Ren flounder with hand-catching fish is, however, hilarious. You’ve been giggling and laughing multiple times. Now, his patience has worn thin with this sport and has found another.

He splashes you with water, wearing that devilish boyish grin you love so much. You growl at him, splashing him in turn. The war is on but before long he’s tackled you into the water. The two of you break the surface laughing. Kylo places a hand against your cheek, you nuzzle into it slightly. “Welcome home, Y/N,” he rumbles, his voice warm.

You give a small laugh, a few tears blending in with the lake water.

——

Before too long, the sun is setting and it’s getting cold. You set up the fire on the back deck with the fish propped up to cook as Kylo retrieves a blanket. The two of you huddle underneath it, quietly savoring each other’s warmth until you can finally devour the fish. You feel like you hadn’t eaten in ages and ended up eating two whole fish yourself, not that they were super huge. The other three Kylo easily took care of.

You hum, “I bet that’s the first  _ real _ food you’ve had in a while, not something pre-made.”

Kylo looks off, thinking before chuckling, “Yea, probably.”

“Was it good?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“The best,” he grins at you, before changing the subject.

“So, Malla, what order are you to give your knight?” He muses, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You ponder momentarily before looking up at him, “Kiss me.”

“As you wish,” he whispers, pressing a soft and gentle kiss onto your lips.

“Again,” this time he kisses your forehead.   
“Tell me what Malla means,” you order.

“It has a few meanings. Two of which are obvious. ‘Beautiful’ and ‘valued.’ It can also mean ‘green’ which I associate with life when it comes to you,” he purrs, for once an open book.

You blush furiously but don’t let the opportunity slip to ask more questions, “Why do you know the language of the Wookies?” Kylo winces and you wonder if maybe you shouldn’t have asked.

“My… when I was younger, I was close with my father. His best friend was a Wookie. So, of course, I would want to learn to talk with them in our own secret code,” he reminisces. You feel hatred, regret, betrayal, and sadness swirl from him. Now you realize why. He killed his father. Because they’re on different sides?... Yet the action seems to still haunt him.

You want to talk to him about it. You can practically feel the tormenting emotions within him. You know you’re distracting him from the reality of what he’s done. Kylo focuses on work or you to forget it. So talking about it brings him pain. You bite your lip. Knowing the two of you should talk about it. But afraid to. 

...So you don’t...

Trying to bring the topic lighter you ask, “Say something to me!”

He blinks confused, “What? Like a whole sentence?”

“Yea!” you laugh, looking at him with elated expectation.

Kylo looks away awkwardly for a second, before scratching his neck with a sigh.

“ _ Whoaaaa. Waa maa. Warrgh _ .” he growls, and for a second he sounded like a legit Wookie.

He lays his head down on your shoulder as you laugh. “Ahahaha!! What even was that?!” tears form at the edge of your eyes you’re laughing so hard. You can tell his ears are bright pink.

“Pardon me… I think I need to rest my neck muscles,” he grumbles, you feel his breath on your bare shoulder. You laugh again, having trouble breathing.

“Oh my stars!! That’s too funny, I can’t breathe,” You wheeze, wrapping your arms around him and leaning your own head onto his shoulder. 

He grumbles against you, “At least it’s good for something.”

You cackle, “Oh yeah? What?”

He leans back, pushing you up gently. He wraps a finger under your chin, tilting you to look up at him. With a soft smile he murmurs, “It made you laugh.”

You blush, grinning at him, “A romanticist, dear knight?”

He scoffs, “Only for you, malla.” You smile at him, before a yawn escapes you. “But, you should get to bed if you’re tired,” He rumbles, half laughing.

You shake your head, “No,”

“My, the queen has become unruly in her new role,” Kylo muses, before easily lifting you, bridal style, with the blanket you two were sharing falling to the floor. You squeak in surprise, grasping onto his neck so you don’t fall.

Kylo carries you back into the house, into the bedroom before softly laying you down on the bed. He turns to leave but you reach out and grab his hand, “No, stay. Let’s go to sleep.”

He gives you a questioning look. You wrinkle your brow and whisper, “Nights are the worst. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to dream. Because when I do, things didn’t turn out this way. I end up not wanting to wake up in a world were so many bad things have happened.”

Your free hand grasps at your dress over your heart. “It still hurts,” you whimper quietly, softly pulling on Kylo’s hand. He swiftly crawls under the covers with you, pulling you tightly into his embrace. It’s warm and comforting, with the soothing scent of a campfire. You release a shuddering breath, trying not to cry again. His hold on you tightens, running a hand through your hair and down your back.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper again, feelings of guilt and remorse bubbling again.

“Shh, it’s not your fault, malla,” Kylo hushes, concern straining his voice.

“I-I know, but it still feels like it’s mine,” You sniffle, burying your head into his chest, hands grabbing at his shirt.

“I feel like it’s my fault,” He laments, you look up at him with watery eyes.

“What? Why?” you ponder.

Kylo cracks an ill-humored smirk, “I was thinking about it, while you were unconscious. But that idiot Hux only hammered it in. If you hadn’t come back to me. If we weren’t together. You would never have gone through so much pain.”

He’s visibly upset, though clearly trying to keep it together. “I’ve thought about that too,” you respond softly. He’s not really shocked, more concerned with what will follow.

You pull his hands from around you and clasp yours over them, between the two of you. “I love you. I fell in love with the boy who would get so irritated with my jokes but never told me to stop. I loved sneaking out at night to watch you secretly train to become stronger and was so incredibly happy when you asked if I wanted to train with you. I fell in love with you, helping other students like me through subtle means. You can be irrational, childish, and violent. But you can also be astute, powerful, and funny. No one is perfect. Not I. Not you. I love you no matter what name or title you hold. Everyone needs someone. Everyone needs that support, that love. It can’t be given unconditionally. It has to be earned and reciprocated.”

“I followed you because I love you, Kylo Ren. I feel your pain and I want to be someone you can lean on for strength and guidance. I know you can be a great leader one day,” you finish. You’re both bright red from your bold declarations, but neither care. His warm gaze holds you steady, he places a soft kiss on your lips.

“I love you, Y/N, because you’re spirited, brazen, and kind. You can be stubborn, defiant, and foolhardy. I thought your jokes were awful, but you laughing was the sweetest sound to my ears. I loved training with you and teaching you, we had a lot of fun. It was infuriating that you could always see right through me. I wish to one day stay on this planet with you until the end of time,” he rumbles, his voice silky and deep.

“Promise?” you whisper, cuddling up closer to him again.

“Promise,” he breathes, stress slowly leaving his form.

You give a little chuckle into his chest, “Why did that sound like marriage vows?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” Kylo muses.

With a little gasp, you bury further into him, ears red, “We don’t have to rush into anything…”

He chuckles, causing him to jostle you slightly, “Of course not.”

You zone into the beat of his heart. You missed this. When was the last time the two of you slept like this? Whatever the answer, it was too long. Eventually, his warmth and the rhythmic beating of his heart lulled you into a dreamless sleep.


	9. Bounty Hunters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has to go back to work eventually. You take the time to train and become stronger until you hear of a fighting festival happening within the Bounty Hunters Guild. Sounds like it's time to head back to 'home base.'

You and Kylo spend the next few days happily enjoying each other’s company. Unfortunately, it couldn’t last forever. Kylo sighs as you glance at him with a quirked brow, “What’s up?” He’s gloomily looking down at his datapad.

“My presence is requested back on the Finalizer…” he murmurs, annoyed.

With a soft smile, you say, “Work is work. If you have to go, go.”

He gives you an unconvinced look, you stick your tongue out at him.

“I will be fine, I’ll go on a hunt when I feel up for it. I won’t rush into it and I’ll make sure to message you every day,” you purr, plopping down on the couch beside him and crawling into his arms. He chuckles, having to resituate himself to make room for you and not drop his datapad.

“Ok, if you’re sure,” he kisses you on the temple before asking, “Will you come back on board with me soon?”

You smirk at him, “If I can.”   
Kylo makes a sour face making you giggle. You kiss the underside of his jaw, adding, “Duh I will if it’s on the side of the galaxy I’m on for my hunt.”

He rumbles at that, not satisfied but a reasonable reply. You sit up on your knees, hands on each side of Kylo’s face. He’s placed his datapad down, full attention on you. Your fingers delicately run the length of the scar on his face. He’s worried about you. You’re worried about him. He reaches up, placing his hands over your own.

Before you realize what you’ve said, you softly joke, “You’re not going to forget about me again, are you?” Your eyes widen at your own words and you turn away, blushing furiously.

One of Kylo’s hands softly reaches out to your cheek and turn you back to him. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him so determined about something. It burns like a roaring fire in his dark eyes. With his other, he takes one of your hands and places it over his heart.

You feel his heart, it’s quick beat pulsing through your palm. You look down at your hand and then back up to him. “As long as it beats, I will fight till it stops to ensure that never happens again,” Kylo vows, making your eyes water a little. You released a sigh of relief you didn’t know you were holding in.

You smile, planting a kiss on his lips. “Thank you,” you breathe, looking up at him slightly through your lashes.

With a playful growl, Kylo rushes forward slamming his lips into yours once again. Hungrily deepening the kisses, or sucking and nipping against your neck and collar bone. You’re enjoying every moment until the guilt rises like bile. You place a soft kiss on his lips, pushing him back down. “Let’s pick this up next time?” you ask, your voice cracking slightly against your will. You give him a smile, to show you just need some more time.

Disappointment flashes across his face before he shakes his head and gives you a soft smile, “Of course, it’s no rush, we have a lifetime,” Kylo leans up and places a kiss in your hair, “Whenever you’re ready.” He stands up from the couch, ruffling your hair with a grin. You puff out your cheeks in indignation before wilting into feeling guilty.

You were enjoying it. You wanted more. But the tightening in your chest would only become worse, you knew. It would ruin the moment and would make you regret it after.

Kylo begins readying his things. Here, he’d been in very casual wear, something you loved very much. His outfit with the First Order was so stiff and stuffy, here he’d been showing more skin and walking around in bare feet. You pouted when he emerged from the bedroom wearing his First Order attire, you thought he was hotter in the other clothes.

He scoffed at you with a grin, clearly understanding where your emotions are coming from. Kylo struts over, accompanied by the heavy sound of boot falls you hadn’t heard in a while. He leans down to you, as you still sit on the couch, pressing another kiss to your head. “I’ll see you later, malla,” He rumbles warmly before heading for the door.

You turn in a huff, “You’re leaving now?”

Kylo withers a little with a sigh, “It’s unfortunately urgent, otherwise I would leave tomorrow morning. But we won’t be away for long, I’m sure.”

He smiles, infectious and making you soften back into a smile of your own.

“Ok, ok, I’ll see you later. Message me when you get there,” you call.

He throws a wave over his shoulder as he heads for the ship.

You watch him take off through the window, as he leaves the atmosphere of the planet before jumping into hyperspace. You sigh, your hands now full of time. You don’t feel like going on a hunt just yet, but you do pick up your datapad to message some of your bounty hunter friends and see if there’s anything interesting happening.

One of your  acquaintances , Khata, said that the current guild master was planning a trial. According to him, they generated a festival around this challenge as a way to pit the different houses against each other to place themselves above the others and earn benefits. You laughed at the idea, not sure some test would envigorate all of the houses into participation. Khata messages you back, saying that some of the rewards for placing well in the events include first alerts to high paying bounties and lower guild fees. There were, of course, other prizes like credits, weapons, ships, and other material things.

Houses placing higher on the scale by the end of the “festival” will have more recognition and more say in guild operations. You quirk an eyebrow,  _ that _ sounds more like something the houses will be interested in. Of course, individual bounty hunters are welcome to compete but there’s no way they’ll make it to the finals without the support of a house. You hum thoughtfully. It sounds fun, you’re own standing within Skine is well enough. You’re honored but left alone for the most part. You don’t care to get into the politics of the guild and houses as your Mentor did. But you’re sure you’d have her full support nonetheless.

Before long another message dings on your datapad, from Kylo alerting you to his arrival on the Finalizer. You send a message back to get his opinion on this Guild House Tournament. After a few minutes, you receive his reply.

[You belong to a guild house?]

You laugh, that’s what he’s interested in? You guess you never did tell him, but it’s of little consequence to you. You message him back.

{Yea, the Skine College house. So do you think I should participate or not?}

[Oh. Wow. If you do, you and your house will most likely win.]

You give a delighted little smile, he’s impressed by the house you’re apart of. Before you can reply he’s sent another message.

[How did you get in?]

{My Mentor is a part of the Skine house. She saw potential in a rouge hunter and gave me an opportunity. Train under her guidance and in time I may be able to join their house.}

[Let me guess, you’re a specialist in persuasion.]

{You got it. She is a specialist in murders that look like accidents.}

[That’s… horrifying.] You snickered.

{Yea, she can be. She’s very anal, every detail matters to her. She’s still a great person though. She’s like me, we don’t take jobs where the acquisition is a good person being hunted for wrong reasons.}

[Was training under her hard?]

{For sure. She beat the hell out of me in training. It’s one of the reasons my persuasion developed so well. It was easier on my body to beat her into compliance with words rather than fighting. There were many times she pitted other house members against me in the same instance so that I would be able to handle multiple combatants at once with differing skill sets.}

You think momentarily, sending another message.

{Kierabi is not only my mentor but my adoptive Mother as far as we’re concerned. As a rogue I barely made enough to eat and have a room for the night. Sometimes I was lucky to just have the food and would have to camp out in random places. Under her, she let me stay in her home and she’d give me small odd jobs to pay her back for room and board. We still keep in close contact.}

You hadn’t gotten another message from Kylo. By the time you do, night has fallen on your planet and you’re prepping for bed.

[Can I meet her one day?]

You laugh. {Of course. It’s night here so I’m heading to bed now. Good night, Kylo, stay safe!}

[Good night, Y/N.]

——

The tournament was being held in a couple of weeks, until then, you decided to stay and train yourself. After Hoth, you hadn’t been training and while your training with Kylo beforehand was keeping you in shape, you know no one but yourself can push you to your limits. You set a schedule for yourself, things to do every day or every other day in sets to build you back up and take you further.

Luckily SL-569 was in its spring season, nearing its summer, so the weather was perfect for it and the water wasn’t too cold. You rotated between running, rock-climbing, swimming, meditating, lifting, balancing, and training with an assortment of weapons.

You would message Kylo good morning, usually chatting through video during lunch, and finally, send him a good night message before you fall asleep. He’s somewhat talked about the goings-on within the First Order but you’re glad he’s not fully talking about it. As far as you’re concerned, you’ve washed your hands of them and want nothing more to do with them.

As you pack for your flight to the site of the tournament, you’re feeling a lot lighter. Your body feels stronger, more familiar than it did weeks prior. You send Kylo a message that you’re headed out and walk to your personal vessel. Jumping into the pilot’s seat, you navigate to the Guild’s home base where the event is being held.

You arrive in the early morning hours, navigating to the docking bay of the Skine College. Your beloved Mentor and Mom, Kierabi Hiccor, is waiting, waving at you from the doorway to the Skine house. After landing, you exit and she runs over to envelop you in a hug which you enthusiastically return. She’s Hapan, human-looking with bright blue eyes and long, straight black hair. She’s been extremely beautiful for as long as you’ve known her, even now she doesn’t appear to have aged since she trained you.

“Finally! My prodigal daughter returns!” She coos, pulling you into a headlock and ruffling your hair. You laugh, scrambling away, “Yes! Yes! I’m back!” Kierabi’s spouse, Juli Grimcord is not too far behind, calling, “Y/N! Welcome back, are you hungry?”

Juli was a human Kierabi met while on a mission. Kierabi always had issues with people who only liked her for her beauty, Juli saw her for her wit and strength. While not a bounty hunter, Juli stays to support Kierabi and cook meals for others in the house. Since Kierabi has ascended to the housemaster, the college has become a more warm and inviting place with friendly house-mates.

“Famished!” You grin, looking over at her. Juli smiles sweetly and heads back in to get everything ready. Kierabi wraps her arms around your shoulders, towering over you. “You seemed to have bulked up some from the last time I saw you! Excellent! It’ll make those bigger opponents a little easier to handle, maybe you won’t have any more huge wounds I’ll have to patch up,” She beams, blue eyes boring into yours.

But then she stills for a moment, face serious, stopping you on your path. You give her a quizzical look as she slowly starts, “You have heard me say it before, but I will say it again. Y/N though we are not kin by blood, you are my daughter. I helped to guide you and show you the best woman you could possibly be. I know when you are angry, sad, or envious. Right now, you seem sad dearest one.” She puts a soft hand on your cheek and you give a small sniffle but fight to hold it in.

You never told her about the child. You were afraid to, afraid she would think ill of you. But you also know that if you did, it was best to speak it in person, not over a lifeless message. You softly shake your head and murmur, “Not here,” as you gaze around the other people milling about the bay. 

Kierabi smiles with a nod, “Of course,” before changing the subject, “so how is your  _ boyfriend _ now that you have him once again.” The two of you begin walking again.

You blush but smile, “Wonderful. I would say almost perfect.”

Kierabi grins, “Almost perfect?”

You huff, “He would do so much better  _ away _ from all that madness of the First Order. He has never really discussed with me what keeps him there or what exactly he does, which is a bit unnerving. Which is one reason why I have decided to cut ties with the First Order, that and their practices are ungodly. Some hunters can be sick and awful but it’s like a handful in comparison to an  _ army _ . We talk everyday and I’ll make visits when I can just as he will. Speaking of, he wants to meet you by the way.” You give a devilish smirk at the comment.

Kierabi raises her eyebrows before bellowing out in laughter, “The mighty Commander Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, Jedi Killer, wants to meet  _ me _ ?!” She continues laughing as the two of you near the dining room where Juli pokes her head out, eyes wide.

“ _ The _ Kylo Ren wants to meet you?? Why?” Juli croaks, clearly panicked.

You wave your hands with a guilty smile, “He means no harm!! He wants to meet the Mom who trained me while he was away. I think he’s a little jealous it wasn’t him.”

Juli softens with a sigh, “Oh dear, well, please let us know and I’ll make sure to have everything prepared for him.”

You grin, “Of course!”

You get Kierabi calmed down enough to have everyone seated at the private dining room. Juli’s prepared a simple meal but it smells  _ awesome _ . You dig in, shoveling the food into you at lightspeed. Kierabi and Juli sit opposite from you and while you’re devouring the food in front of you they update you on some of the goings-on. Mainly Kierabi boasting about the Skine house or complaining about other houses.

Finally, you finish your food and look up at Kierabi, “I think I’m ready to talk about it now…”

Juli looks from you to Kierabi with confusion before beginning to excuse herself, but you stop her, “No, please stay Mother, I want both of you to hear this.” She sits back down, both sitting calmly waiting on you. They don’t rush or goad you.

You bite the inside of your lip before you begin talking, “I… got pregnant with Kylo’s child. I started being sick and didn’t know what it was. I had a medic droid come give me an analysis but it had to take the information back to medbay. They sent me a message about being pregnant on the morning of a big fight. I didn’t read it because I was feeling better and thought it was nothing, so I went into battle with Kylo anyway. We got separated and I got sick at an inconvenient moment and was caught by the Resistance,” your hands begin shaking and you can’t look them in the eyes anymore, “They’re actually the ones that told me after reading my datapad. They weren’t planning on hurting me or using me as leverage. They kept me overnight because the planet couldn’t be traversed at night. I spent that night crying, praying, hoping for so many different things. I felt stupid and idiotic but there was nothing I could do then. I had a responsibility then, no matter what Kylo would think. By the next day, I felt hope for the future with this child in it…”

Tears started rolling out of your eyes but you roughly wiped them away. “The cell was on a timer and when it was released I ran out into the snow to meet Kylo. As I ran to him, I was shot by a sniper, in the abdomen.” You stand, pulling your shirt up to show where some of your skin is forever marred by the scorch of the bolt. You sit back down and give a croaked laugh, “The first thing I told him when he ran to me was that I was pregnant. He already knew the medics who’d done an eval on me a few days prior told him when I went missing. He was fine with it. But… But… the shot was too far in and it burnt too much of my tissue and I lost it. That was about… 4 weeks ago, maybe?...”

You wipe more tears away as two sets of arms come to envelop you in a tight hug. “How are you feeling now, sweetheart?” Juli asks, running a hand through your hair.

“Better, but I still feel responsible, like it’s all my fault. I feel sad and I don’t know how to feel normal again,” you partially whimper, still unable to look them in the eye. It’s not that you’re faking your happiness, more like your trying to force yourself to be happy. Push away the sadness or not have anyone worry about you.

Juli pulls your head into her hands and smiles softly, with sadness etched into her features. “Love, it’s ok to feel sad over a loss. It’s not your fault, but in your grief, you don’t want to blame anyone but yourself. The universe is filled with billions of working and breathing parts, one small thing could have happened differently and things may not have turned out this way. You think of the ones that you could control, but there’s so many more outside of that. I bet Kylo blames himself. I bet there’s at least one medic that blames themselves, they could have caught you in person, especially if they knew you were planning on fighting. Hell, I bet there’s those from the Resistance that wish they would have let you free another way. However, me saying this means nothing, only you can change how you feel about it. You are not a deity. You are as mortal as we are, we all make mistakes and bad things happen. Whatever the case, we’ll always be here for you.”

She smiles after her speech, small tears running down her cheeks. You rush into her arms, sniffling before you try to pull yourself back together. “Thank you, Mother,” you look from Juli to Kierabi, “Mom.” Kierabi ruffles your hair, rubbing her eyes slightly before smiling, “Well, I always thought your stories about being close to Kylo Ren where bullshit, I’m very shocked that it’s true.” You puff your cheeks in indignation.

“But then,” her eyes grow dark and serious, “you need to tell me if he ever does anything to you. I’m glad he’s a peach right now, but I have two very different stories on Ren’s personality. Everything I have heard from you makes him sound like any normal man. But everyone else who speaks of him refers to him as a monster, a murderer, a cold and ruthless being with wild powers over the Force. And while I trust you and your instincts, I do not know him, and I do not trust him.” She growls narrowing her eyes at you.

You nod in understanding, “Of course I will, and I know he is that way. Both are each side of the same coin. I’ve told you before, but I don’t know if I’ve told Mother, I knew Kylo when he was Ben Solo. The son of Han Solo and Leia Organa and nephew to the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker.” Juli’s eyes widened and you added, “Which not many know and he definitely doesn’t like to talk about.”

“I was also a padawan at Master Luke’s Jedi academy. But…. something began to change. Ben became darker, more violent, more aggressive. Not really to me, but to others. He’d try to hide it from me, but I’d always call him out on it and usually he’d realize he messed up and would try to make up for it. But it kept getting worse. Then one day I woke up and the school was on fire. I looked for him and when we found each other he told me Master Luke had tried to kill him. We ended up running away,” you murmured.

Kierabi huffs, “So he killed all the students before he found you.”

Juli gasped and you just hung your head, “I didn’t know. But yes. From what I’ve heard those that didn’t die from the collapse or the fire and those who didn’t join him, he and the others with him killed them. Then he sent those with him ahead so he could search for me alone. I had no idea for the longest time. One of my closest friends on board, Mari, told me.”

Juli has a hand on her cheek, not sure how to process the information while Kierabi sighs, “I can’t really say too much about it, I mean look what we do for a living. Yes we pick and choose acquisitions, but we know many very nice hunters who kill for sport, doesn’t matter who the target is. The galaxy is a fucked up place, we’re just trying to survive in it.”

Kierabi stretches, “Ok, that’s enough glum talk. Is Ren coming to see you in the tournament?”

You perk, “Oh! I didn’t even think of that.”

You check your datapad and make a happy but incredulous sigh, you have multiple missed messages from the man in question.

Kierabi gives you a questioning look and you show her your screen. She howls in laughter again, wiping a tear from her eye, “He’s as bad as any homemaker!” You snicker along with her, enjoying the mental image of Kylo being a homebody.

She waves her hand, “Get to your messages, we’ll clean up the mess.”

You thank them and head out into the gathering hall, popping a squat on one of the big fluffy couches. You curl up tight, your knees almost to your chest so your datapad can sit there comfortably. You swipe through the messages.

[Have you landed safely?]

[Keep me posted, please.]

[How is Kierabi? Isn’t that her name?]

[When does the tournament start?]

[It’s not today is it?]

[Y/N?]

You snicker and send a message back.

{I’m fine! I promise!}

{Yes, Kierabi and her wife Juli are doing well, they fed me already. It’s good to be home, I missed my moms! The tournament starts tomorrow, the first round is just a brawl to thin out the competitors. Which, Kierabi asked if you wanted to come to watch?}

While you wait for a message back, you fiddle around with your datapad before you hear a large  _ thunk _ . You feel airborne for but a moment until your butt hits the couch again. You look up from your datapad to see your adoptive brother, Lucabay.

“Luca!” you squeal, putting your pad down to rush at him. He’s a very, very bulky man, his appearance alone scares off most opponents. You jovially tussle with him, he laughs, easily letting you win. “I heard my favorite sister was back in town today!” he roars, voice deep and bellowing. He was a street rat like yourself too. Kierabi took him under her wing first and when you joined in, he was the first one to be kind to you. Kierabi took longer to be “soft” with you.

“Are you joining the tournament?” He asks, finally picking you up and holding you under your arms so you’re dangling like a toy. You laugh, flailing to get out, before kicking your legs up and into his chest, breaking the hold. “You know it! Aren’t you?” You hum.

He nods, before placing a fist over his heart in salute, “But of course! I will defend the honor of this house, as we should!”

You hear your datapad ding and you race to get it but Luca is closer. He grabs it, holding it high above his head with a grin. “Ok! Ok! I yield! Gimme!” you pout, repeatedly jumping for it. He slowly lowers his hand and you snatch it back. He frowns, “What the heck, that’s no fun.”

Kierabi enters, snickering, “She’s got a message from her  _ boyfriend _ .” She leans against the doorframe, arms crossed with a wicked grin as Luca rounds on you.

“Who is this man?! Why am I the last to know these things??” he huffs, towering over you.

You give an awkward laugh, “Whhaattt, you already know of him Luca!”

You blush as realization crosses his face and you try to hide behind your datapad.

“This infamous Crylo--”

“Kylo” you quip.

“Ren! I should test his mettle before he is declared worthy of my dearest sister!” Luca hollers, flexing an arm and placing his other hand on his bicep in a show of strength.

“Haha, oh stars I hope he never comes here,” you laugh despondently, but Luca picks you up again, smushing his cheek to your own. 

“Please, we must meet this Ren so that we can make sure he treats you right. Or hide his body in a 6ft deep hole covered in dirt!” Luca bellows.

“Oh my god, Mom!!” You screech, trying to get away from your brother.

Kierabi laughs, “Oh I love having the family whole, it’s so much more entertaining. Lucabay, let her go, I think she’s suffered enough.”

Luca relents, still smirking at you. You stick your tongue back at him.

“Did he tell you if he was coming tomorrow?” She asks you.

“I was  _ trying _ to find out,” you huff, wrinkling your nose at Luca who just wrinkles his nose back to you. You pull your datapad up to the new message.

[I think I should be able to. Don’t count on it just yet though. I’ll have to double-check some things and make sure everything is settled for me to go. If I do, however, would it be weird to be in my usual gear?]

You grin, before making a small laugh until you realize Luca and Kierabi are now staring at you intensely with grins on their faces. You blush furiously and say, “He’s going to try to make it.”

“Excellent! We’ll be able to test this man!” Luca grins, victorious.

Kierabi nods her head, “I’ll make sure we have a room  _ for him _ ready in case he does.”

You wrinkle your nose at the mention and open your mouth to respond but Kierabi gives you a stern look. No sharing a room. Got it. Ok. You give a little laugh. 

Your heart swells at your family. Small. Mashed together. But perfect. You never knew your birth parents. Your earliest memories are on the streets with other kids. But you’ve never been more thankful for your birth parents. You of course hope they wanted you, loved you but bad circumstances separated you. But you do know you love the family you have now.

They’ve already made you feel lighter and happier since you arrived. You snap back into reality, realizing you hadn’t responded to him yet.

{Yes! It would be weird! You’ll need to dress much more simply, I can have something arranged here for you to change into. I’ll make sure it’ll help you blend in better.}

You begin thinking of an outfit when he responds.

[Are you saying I stand out?]

You snort to yourself.

{Well duh, Mr. “I’m going to dress in all black all the time.” Not to even mention your mask!!}

[You know you love it.]

{Ok, look, listen, it’s not me, I don’t want those other bounty hunters making goo-goo eyes at you, I got enough shit to handle with the whole family here.}

[Whole family? It’s not just you and your moms?]

Ohh, you’ve never told him.

{I have an adopted sibling. Lucabay, or Luca. Mom pulled him off the streets a few years before me to train. He’s been helping me ever since. He’s a handful though. Heads-up, the first time he meets you, he’s probably going to try and squish you.}

[I’d like to see any man try.]

You grinned.

{You haven’t seen him yet. Also,  _ no _ Force powers while you’re here. Nada.}

[Yes, ma’am.]

Oof, you liked those words. You smirk, wondering if you can get him to do it more. Before you have too long to dwell on  _ that _ dark fantasy, Luca sits beside you smiling.

“I haven’t met him yet, but if he makes you this happy, I’m glad you got to see him again.”

You reach over and hug him, he returns it with enthusiasm before settling back down onto the couch comfortably. “How many from Skine are entering tomorrow?” you ask him.

“Us, Crisqui, Belkris, Avarac, and Jadyforr,” Luca laughs.

Your mouth gapes, “W-What?! In comparison to all the other houses!! Not even to mention those without a house!”

He shrugs, “Most are on hunts and couldn’t be bothered, others just didn’t care.”

You hang your head in your hands, “We’ll lose on sheer numbers alone. It only takes one slip up in the first round and we’re out.”

Luca grins, flexing, “Yes but with these muscles,” he then ruffles your hair, “and these brains, there’s no way we can lose!”

Your head shoots up with an idea, “Everyone is here now, correct?”

Luca looks puzzled but nods, “Yes.”

You stand, filled with determination, “Round them all up, we need to have a debrief.” Giving him a victorious grin, he returns one to you before running off to gather everyone.

While he’s doing that, you run over to Kierabi, who’s still leaning against the doorframe, and gather as much info as you can on the others. You knew them somewhat but you need to know their strengths and weaknesses, who would work well with who.

By the time you’re done, Luca has returned with everyone. You sit them all down in the hall and start, “We’re the only ones from house Skine competing in the tournament, putting us at a disadvantage from the beginning in numbers.” Some look disheartened while others look mad you brought it up but you hold a hand out, “However. The Skine house has always been and will always be at the top of the list. I believe now, we are at our strongest. Unlike other houses, we treat each other like family, sure we may fight and tussle but we’ll always have each other’s backs. And that’s what we need to do here. Stick together. Fight together. The longer most of us are in it, the more likely we’ll be to win the whole tournament. Since I haven’t heard much about the first tussle, Luca if you will?”

The others, around your age, a couple a little older, are now eagerly interested. Luca stands, clearing his throat, “Tomorrow is a brawl, those who step outside the boundaries of the arena are out of the tournament. The last 30 players will continue.”

“What are the rules?” You ask.

“We cannot bring any weapons or material goods with us. We have to wear the provided uniforms to not have the opportunity to hide weapons or anything else. Anyone can assist anyone, if you intentionally cut or hurt a player to an extreme, you’re out. If a judge or ref catches you doing something, like sneaking in a weapon, you’re out. It doesn’t matter if you accidentally step out of the ring or are thrown beyond the boundary, you’re out. You can, however, use anything you gather once inside the arena as a weapon or anything you need.”

You tap a finger on your chin, “How many players to start with?”

“Right now the count is at 74 players.”

Luca sits back down as you start again, “First of all, we will remain in pairs of two. Luca and I because we’ve fought together before. Belkris, Avarac, I’ve heard you two fight well together so I’d like to pair you up. Jadyforr, Crisqui, your specialties would make an excellent pairing if you don’t mind?” They all nod, excitement gleaming in their eyes.

“Paired individuals need to stick close together, but the pairs as a whole need to stay apart as possible. This way people can’t target everyone from the skine house at once. If you see another pair in trouble, then intervene but back off as soon as possible. Same thing if your partner is in trouble, keep with them as long as you can but if they start to fall you can’t be dragged with them or our numbers will diminish rapidly. If you’ve lost your partner it’s up to you to decide to find another pair or go alone. If you and your partner need to split for strategic reasons, do so. Let none of my rules be concrete, we all know a battle is an ocean that has its own tide and only we can judge the waves at that moment.”

You turn to Crisqui, “Do you have any flying creatures on standby?”

He tilts his head, “Yes, why?”

You grin, “Have them readied with weapons. If you have one for each person here, give us a weight limit and we’ll supply our own, otherwise do one creature per team and teams need to coordinate their material. Once in the arena and the battle starts, call them in. Then we’ll all have weapons.” You turn to Luca, “We did not enter the area with weapons, we gathered them inside, that is the rule correct?”

Luca grins, “Indeed.”

You turn back to everyone, “Next, this may not be needed for this round, but in general I like the teams we have right now. Jadyforr can track anything and with the addition of Criqui’s creatures, they’re hunting skills will be unrivaled. Belkris and Avarac have worked together before so you two know each other well, Belkris can use explosives to keep opponents at bay while Avarac takes them out. Since we have to use non-lethals, I recommend wooden or blunt weapons. Avarac, we can have blasters and rifles set to stun, yes?”

He nods, “Yep, just what I was thinking, Boss.”

You laugh, “Boss?? Where’d that come from??”

Belkris agreed, “Well you  _ are _ currently the brains of this operation. Plus you’re the Big Boss Lady’s daughter, seems like one got her strength and one got her wit.” The others snicker, Luca flexes jokingly to the praise. You laugh again, before waving, “Ok, ok, well you don’t have to call me boss, you all know me. We’re all family and we’re all here to win this thing.”

They all cheered jovially as you added, “So let’s break up for today and get the creatures ready and anything else we’ll need to do. When does it start, Luca?”

“10:00.”

You nod, “Ok then we’ll at least have a couple of hours to get ready in the morning too. Thanks, everyone!”

You spend the rest of the day coordinating with your team and sending a few messages to Kylo. He clears that he will be available tomorrow to watch the first round of the tournament. He tells you he will arrive later this afternoon and leave after the battle tomorrow.

You excitedly prepare an outfit for him tomorrow, to help him blend in with the locals. It's pretty similar to the outfit he currently sports, just a change in color.

Long sleeve tan shirt with a grey cowl to help hide his face, brown trousers, and faded black boots. You threw in a bright red bandana to tie on his arm so you could easily spot him from the crowd. 

Before long he messages you that he's arrived in the Skine docking bay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus starts the part where I start making stuff up about the Bounty Hunters Guild lol  
> I try to gather as much info as I can from wookiepedia to make it mostly accurate with only minor tweaks in my favor but after a certain point I get lost or confused and give up rip;;;;
> 
> This also starts the part where you can tell I'm making it up as I go because she never mentioned family previously nor that she saw her mentor as her mother so whoops my bad you'll have to excuse me TwT;;
> 
> And also yaaayy!! Meeting the family~ Kylo will get to meet them next chapter lol  
> I love siblings (I have none so I see them as very interesting) and 'patchwork' families in general; I just love people to be happy, the world is already so bleh I like writing happy things~
> 
> Stay safe, thanks for reading, love you! <3


	10. Meet the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo comes to see you and meet your family in the process.  
> It's just as embarrassing as you'd expect it to be.

You’re basically running down the walkway to the bay, a little too excited. You hadn’t seen him in a few weeks and were looking forward to this. You didn’t tell your family _exactly_ what time he was landing so he wouldn’t be assaulted as soon as he disembarked.

You turn the corner and see his ship, the door opening before he emerges. He’s wearing his usual all-black attire, without the cape or helmet. That’s probably for the best, he looks _much better_ without the helmet. Though you do think it’s cool as heckie. Kylo runs a gloved hand through his hair, it doesn’t look like he’s cut it since you saw him last, a little shaggier than normal. You bite your lip to keep from letting your mind wander too far off track. Damn you missed him.

“Kylo!” You call cheerily, waving to him as you slow your pace, jogging over to him.

He grins at you, before ruffling your hair. You pout before he places a chaste kiss into your hair. “Hey, Y/N, I missed you,” Kylo rumbles softly.

You smile up at him, “I missed you too!”

He looks around slightly confused, “Is your family busy?”

You laugh, awkwardly scratching your cheek, “N-no, I didn’t tell them what time you were arriving because…”

Before you could finish, you turn as you hear the sounds of your brother’s footfalls, “L-Luca! Don’t-!” But he’s already descended upon the two of you, lifting you both up into a very tight bear hug. You give out a little squeak and thrash your legs a little, accidentally kicking Kylo in the process.

“Luca!!! Put us down!!” You growl, trying to sound stern but you think it came out more like a laugh. It’s pretty funny watching him pick up both you and Kylo like you weighed nothing. Even Kylo seemed a little stunned.

“Welcome to the Skine College!” He says brightly before planting you both back on your feet. Luca turns to Kylo and places a hand on his shoulder before saying with a smile, “Hello Kylo Ren! I’m Lucabay Hiccor, Y/N’s brother! It’s nice to meet you!”

Kylo nods, “It is a pleasure...” He’s a little stiff, and he still refrains from smiling in the presence of individuals other than yourself, but you can tell he’s trying.

Then Luca squeezes his shoulder and gives him a glare, “And if you hurt her, I hurt you.”

“L-LUCA!” You screech, face red. You groan, running your hands down your face, though you peek through your fingers to see Kylo’s reaction.

He holds an extreme resolve in his eyes as he responds, “Of course. Though I have no intention of ever doing that.”

That seems to placate Luca, who slaps Kylo on the back, “Good deal!” Kylo stumbles slightly from the impact, recovering quickly.

“It seems as though our daughter is in good hands,” Kierabi’s voice rings powerfully behind you and you turn to see her standing with Juli beside her. The three of you make your way over to her and Kylo bows deeply to her.

“I will do my best to stand beside her as her equal,” he rumbles, before rising to meet Kierabi’s sharp gaze. Your mouth is left agape at his statement. _Him_ equal to _you_? Wasn’t it the other way around?? Kierabi nods and you introduce them, “Kylo, this is my Mom, Kierabi and my Mother, Juli.”

Kierabi hums, “It’s very interesting to finally meet the man that she’s been raving about ever since she’s been in my presence.”

Kylo bows again, “Thank you for watching over her during that time.”

She sniffs, “It’s also interesting to meet him since he has become a very powerful player in the war over political control in the galaxy.” He raises himself once again but has nothing to say in response to that.

Kierabi shrugs, “As Bounty Hunters, the rulers in politics mean little to us, as long as they stay out of our business. The guild has had handlings with the First Order and the Empire before them. I never recommend the life of a hunter to those with weak souls. Y/N does not have a weak soul, but she does have a _kind_ soul. It makes life in this galaxy hard, I should know, I used to be kinder. But war and strife can make or break people. How someone rises from it is how strong that person can become. I’ve always found the two of you interesting. When I first heard about the mighty Kylo Ren, I thought she was full of shit.”

You scoff, pouting off to the side. Kierabi chuckles and warms slightly as Kylo makes a small smirk in your direction. “How could this girl, from nowhere, personally know the Master of the Knights of Ren? She trained hard under my guidance, which many will tell you is not easy. I don’t go easy on my students because the worlds outside won’t either. And for the two students that stuck to me like glue, _annoyed_ me endlessly, trained like hell, fought tooth and nail to be survivors and champions, I wanted to offer my protection. The protection only a mother can give.” She steps closer to Kylo, the two never breaking eye contact, “So I will be the second to repeat what Lucabay has already said. _You hurt her, we hurt you_.”

She steps away before softening, “I believe you, Ren. But it is not _you_ that worries me. It is the world you bring her into. Bounty Hunters can control their environments, for the most part. But the First Order, the Resistance, Snoke, those are all large forces at play that a single bounty hunter will have issues escaping. Just… be aware of that.”

He goes to reply but she waves her hand, “Enough of this dreadful talk, I’m just glad to see my daughter so happy again.” Kierabi smiles and Juli adds in, “Yes, you should have seen her earlier when she missed a few of your messages.” Keirabi, Juli, and Luca all begin laughing and you look at them, horrified face red. Of course, Kylo turns to you with another smirk and you turn away with a frown.

“This is it. This is how I die. Mortified by my own kin,” you grumble to yourself before Kylo chuckles at you, placing a hand on your head. “Do you want to show me around?” he asks, you instantly break out into a smile. “Of course!”

You grab his hand and tug him along before tossing back to your family, “We’ll be back for dinner!” They wave to you before going back to their own work.

“I’m sorry about my family,” you mumble softly as the two of you walk.

He gives a small smile, “I’m thankful to them if a little envious. You have affected them just as you have me, of course they’d be protective of you.”

His brown eyes on yours, flicker behind you momentarily until you find yourself swiftly pushed.

You blink rapidly before realizing that Kylo’s pushed the two of you into a small, dark alley between a few buildings on the compound. You look up at him puzzled, but he lifts your chin up and leans down to you. Before his lips touch yours he asks, “May I?...”

Your heartbeat accelerates as you breathe out, “Yes…”

It’s hungry, but not sloppy. It’s slow and with purpose. Your back is pressed to the wall and Kylo continues to press himself closer to you. Your hands grip into the sides of his shirt as he delicately cradles the sides of your head.

After a few moments of _that_ heated exchange, he leans back slightly, breathing, “Sorry, but you look especially exquisite, I couldn’t contain myself any longer.” You bite your lip, your face red. “You look really good too,” you barely whisper, not too sure of your voice at the moment.

You wanted this to continue, but you’re not exactly sure this is the best time. Or place.

Twirling a dark lock on your finger you joke, “Growing your hair out?”

He scoffs at you, “Of course not, I’ve just been busy and didn’t see any need to have it cut yet.”

You hum delighted, “A little change now and then is always fun, it gives me a little extra to grab on to.”

For shits and giggles, you grab the back of his hair to pull his head back. He huffs at you, but makes no move to stop you as you reach up on your tiptoes to kiss at the underside of his jaw. But before you could get too carried away, you stop and let go, licking your lips, “Unfortunately, I think we’ll need to keep going with that tour. But the snack was fun.”

He looks as disappointed as you feel, but nods in understanding before giving you a small smile, “You lead, I’ll follow.” You grin before getting back onto the main walkway. You give him the grand tour, answering any questions he has. In reality, the tour is just a long walk of you answering his questions about the house, it’s members, and your family.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner, of your family?” Kylo finally asks, just curious.

You shrug, “I was focused on something else.” You grin up at him as he huffs in understanding, but the small redness in his ears doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Kylo, you know, while you're here it might be best to not be known as the mighty ‘Kylo Ren.’ I’m mostly concerned about other hunters. Some of them don’t care about sides, like my family, but some very much do. Some have lost loved ones to the First Order and I would prefer to keep you out of the limelight,” you mention as the two of you begin the walk back to the main hall.

He hums in understanding, “Ok, what do you suggest?” As he says that, you make a pleading expression up at him. His own immediately sours, “No.”

You huff, “Oh come on! It’d be one day! No last name!! Just your first!” You pout and start being over-dramatic at his stoic stance. “Ppppleeeaaassseeeee!!” You whine, stopping him by pulling on his arm. He growls, making annoyed grumbles with a hand plastered to his face before he sighs heavily. Kylo glances your way with a grimace and utters, “Fine…”

You perk delighted and go to respond when Crisqui comes running up to you. “What’s up Cris?” You ask, tilting your head to the side. He gives a glance and a nod to Kylo before he starts.

“Y/N, I wanted to ask if you think it would be beneficial to have the animals trained with the one they're assigned. There’s potential with even light training that the animals could respond to their temporary trainer’s commands in battle.”

You turn your full attention to him, letting go of Kylo’s arm to think it over. You nod slowly, “That sounds like a great idea. Have the flying creatures drop off supplies and then have them stick around in case they’re needed.”

Cris grins, “I also have a few that are really intelligent and even though they can’t fly they can absolutely get to us.”

You laugh, “That sounds awesome! This is your wheelhouse, I have no doubt you’ll be a major asset in helping us stay in this round. Please, do what you think is best and we’ll all follow your lead with your companions.”

Cris gives a mock salute, a fist over his heart before glancing at Kylo again.

“Crisqui is our specialist in animal taming. He can tame any beast and train many of them to assist him. Cris, this is my boyfriend Ben. He’s visiting to watch the round tomorrow.”

Cris nods in Kylo’s direction, Kylo stiffly returning one. Cris chuckles, “Did you already meet Luca?” Kylo makes a slightly annoyed face making Cris laugh, “So you have! Always a card that one. Well, see you at dinner if you’ll be there!”

“Of course!” you call back, waving to him as he runs off.

Kylo blinks down at you, “You’re a great leader.”

You scoff at him, “No, I just say what I think, nothing leaderly about it.”

He smirks at you as you both continue to the main hall. You send a quick message to your family through your datapad about Kylo’s name as he asks, “What did he mean he’d see us at dinner?”

You smile, “Since my Mom has been head of the Skine College, she makes dinners every night for anyone in the guild house that wants a meal. It connects everyone like family. She only asks that the individual help out the house in exchange for their meal. Whether they help pay for guild fees, help tend the halls and quarters, or donate funds to the house for whatever is needed. Iryta actually has a garden he grows a lot of the ingredients for dinners, Mother keeps up with it when he’s on hunts though.”

Kylo is a little shocked and asks, “How many are going to be there tonight?”

“As far as I know us, Kierabi, Juli, Luca, Cris, Bel, Avar, and Jadyforr,” you hum, adding, “Kind of a small lot tonight, but all the others are on hunts or with their own families. If you want to change beforehand I got you some spare clothes in your room.”

Kylo wrinkles his nose a little, “ _My_ room?...”

You bite your lip laughing a little, “Uh-huh. Sorry, Mom’s insistence.”

He made an annoyed face before you pecked him on the cheek, “It’s only for one night.”

“The only night we’ve seen each other in weeks,” he grumbles.

You smile softly and whisper, “It’s probably my fault....”

Kylo whips back to you brows furrowed, “No, it’s not.”

You shake your head softly, wrapping your arms around one of his as the two of you continue walking. “I told my mothers what happened…” you whispered, smiling sadly up at him.

His features flashed with concern before he shifts into an expression of understanding.

You show him to his room, a floor below yours, and sit on his bed while he changes clothes. You sneakily hide his shirt and before long he’s glancing around the room confused. You hum delightfully, savoring his form, “Missing something?”

Kylo, sensing your intentions, smirks at you, “You’re playing a dangerous game.”

You raise an eyebrow, glancing up to look him in the face. “Am I?”

He glances down to see your hands tucked behind your back and before you know it he’s lunged at you. You squeal in laughter as he pins you to the bed, his hands on your wrists and the shirt trapped beneath you.

“What are you going to do now? I’m still winning,” you purr, eyes raking over his form.

He growls playfully, swiftly pulling you up and off the bed, spinning you so that he’s now closest to grabbing the shirt. Before long, he has it pulled over his head and you stand, pouting. This outfit is pretty similar to the one you gathered for him earlier, still just simple in brown hues.

“Well, I guess it’s dinner time, _Ben_ ,” you muse, gaining an annoyed huff from Kylo.

The two of you head down to the foyer where everyone but your mothers have gathered before being called to the table. You quickly move to introduce everyone.

“Belkris, Avarac, Jadyforr, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Ben,” you warmly say, pointing out each of your friends before finally resting your hand on Kylo’s upper arm. He gives a small but respectful nod, his features mostly unreadable. Your friends give a friendly welcome all the same.

Before anyone has a chance to really talk, Juli enters the room to announce the table is set and dinner is ready. You walk with Kylo, arm in arm, chattering on about how Juli and Kierabi’s food is the _best_ in the galaxy. He raises an eyebrow at you skeptically, to which you just stick your tongue out at him.

Once everyone is sat, everyone digs into their meals. It’s prepared “buffet” style with the food in the center of the table and then passed around for everyone to fill their own individual plates. Kylo is a little awkward to it, unused to the homey concept and you help to point out certain foods. With the last bowl of food, some seasoned vegetables, you pass it to Kylo who very subtly grimaces at it. You laugh lightly and say, “Try those, I know you’ll like them.”

He blinks at you before putting a few on his plate and passing the bowl to Luca beside him. He first tries the vegetables and you can feel through the Force he liked them. “See! I told you so,” you grin, Kylo just rolls his eyes at you with a soft smile.

“How long have you two been dating?” Jadyforr pipes up, across from you. You blush slightly, you knew this was going to happen but you silently had hoped it wouldn’t. “Officially a few months,” you respond looking her in the eye.

“Hmmm? But you guys seem so much closer, like a married couple,” Bel taunts.

“W-What?!” you laugh, face red. Normally you’d turn to Kylo for help, but you think he’s enjoying your embarrassment as much as they are.

“Oh please, you know him well enough to know he’ll like a food before he’s even had it. I would think you have to be really close to someone to know food likes and dislikes. Or maybe it’s just me,” she snickers.

You smile and reply, “Well, we did know each other when we were younger, but we were separated for a few years due to work and life.” And stolen memories, oh you know, the usual.

Cris laughs, “Ahhh it all makes sense now.” You turn your head to him, confused. “The entire time I’ve known you, you’ve never spared a glance to anyone who vied for your affection. It’s because you’ve had Ben on your mind since way back when.”

Flushing furiously, you nod, before glancing up at Kylo. He’s smirking at you, making your face even redder as you turn back to your food in front of you.

Dinner finishes with only a few other minor embarrassing questions. As Juli cleans up, Luca suggests, “Why not a quick knockout session to get everyone riled up for tomorrow?” Everyone but Avarac agreed, “Ah, sorry I have to go run some errands tonight.” Luca nods in understanding, “That’s ok, see you tomorrow!” Everyone bids him goodbye as Luca slaps a hand on Kylo’s back, “Ben can sub for Avarac!”

You snicker, “Let’s make it double interesting: boys against girls.” You sweetly flutter your eyes to Luca and Kylo. Cris scoffs, “Way to make it easy for us.”

Belkris rolls her eyes before sneering, “Why don’t you fight us and find out just how _easy_ it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it! This chapter ends on pg97 in my (currently) 187pg story bajeezus...  
> I'm getting closer to the end and it's n u t t s. I don't think I've ever 100% completed something so massive in my entire life omg it's just so much fun TwT;;
> 
> Not exactly sure when the next chapter is going to come out because I kinda left a gap in ch11 I didn't feel like writing and now it's come back to bite me rip;;;
> 
> Have a great day/night and stay safe!! <3


	11. Two Fights and a Mortis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You come up with a plan in the knockout session that plays out maybe a little too well, before heading off to the first round of the BHG Festival. During which you have an interesting bout that leaves you a bit winded. You take a nap after the round to have a dream you don't clearly remember upon waking.

It took no time for everyone to get out to the little fighting ring in the backyard of the large complex. It reminds you of the circles from Phasma’s training hangar. Kylo must be remembering too as he purrs through your shared link, “ _ So impatient to publicly lose to me again, are you _ ?” You toss him a haughty smile. “ _ Guess we’re going to find out _ ,” you grinned with narrowed eyes as you tie your hair out of your face.

The ring is simplistic, a single circle in the dirt made out of stones one could trip over if they’re not watching their footing. It’s much larger than the one in the trooper’s training, almost twice the largest ring. The boys stand on one side as the girls on the other. “I bet ten credits that Luca nor Ben will have the guts to take me out,” you called loudly, taunting. Bel, picking up that you have a plan, laughs, “I’ll take that! Your brother and your boyfriend? D’aww they wouldn’t do anything to hurt poor little Y/N.”

You turn to her with a playful, sweet smile and she pinches your cheek for emphasis. The two of you burst out laughing. Jadyforr, not entirely understanding (but trying her best), joins in, “Well I mean they wouldn’t be able to, right? Once you know someone so well, they can pretty much evade all of your tricks. So they’d never be able to knock you out of the ring.” You and Bel laugh even harder, you having to hold your stomach to keep from falling over.

Kylo has annoyance radiating from every ounce of him and Luca’s eye is twitching in irritation. You’d wager both are quite riled up at you right now. Probably for different reasons. Kylo wants to probably prove you wrong while Luca’s just mad he’s being sassed so arrogantly. It probably helps you and Bel are laughing like a couple of hyenas, no one likes to be laughed at. You grin, having them where you want them. Now you just have to hope they don’t wise up.

Kylo turns to Luca, quietly talking before Luca shakes his head, pointing to the house. You smirk. “So impatient to publicly lose to me, are you?” you ask Kylo, mirroring him. He’s definitely upset, brows creasing together. He’s normally so much more playful with the banter between the two of you. However, in front of others and with a more condescending tone, even normal quips become sharp swords.

Kierabi, the gracious referee, finally exits the building, walking up to the ring. “I don’t think I need to, but I will to make sure everyone’s on the same page. You step out of the ring, you break skin, or you hurt someone severely, you’re out. When your whole team is out, you lose. Blunt or ‘simple’ weapons only. No blasters, explosives, or knives of any kind. Understood?” She calls into the circle. The boys nod while the girls all call out, “Yes, ma’am!” with grins.

Cris looks nervous as hell. He can tell you’re up to something, but he’s too nervous to try and calm Kylo or Luca down. It’s pretty funny actually. Kierabi nods before shouting, “BEGIN!”

The two groups dash towards one another. You’d laser focus on Kylo and Luca, knowing Bel has Cris and Jady will probably pick up on the plan pretty quickly. Your brother and boyfriend are also focused on you, though you can tell they haven’t learned to work together yet. Another plus for your plan. You dive under Kylo’s incoming fist before bouncing back up to ram a shoulder into Luca’s chest.

Luca falls onto his ass as Kylo whirls back to you and you both exchange a few blows. You kept him turned to you as you dance around him enough to make sure Luca is in your line of sight and not Kylo’s. When Luca stands to jump back in, he runs towards you but you’ve planned enough of Kylo’s moves to duck a blow, before kicking him into Luca’s path. The two collide, rolling into the dirt. You snort, trying not to laugh as you ask, “You two sure you wanna fight me?” Kylo shakes his head, trying to clear it and the dust. When he looks up at you, his eyes are fiery, determined. He looks scary. But also really hot. Curse your brain.

“Done!” Bel called cheerily. You turned with a grin at her and Jady standing on the other side of the circle. Jady is brushing herself off but you can see Cris downtrodden on the outside of the circle. You turned back to the remaining boys, musing, “One down, two to go.” In a flash, you’re aiming to punt Kylo out but he is up quickly enough to defend himself. You fight with him one on one again while Bel and Jady take on Luca.

Though it looks like they’re having some trouble. You put yourself on the defensive while you form a plan for Luca. An idea sparks and you call out, “Oh, hey Wren!” Luca’s head snaps to you, before looking around. The only opening the girls needed. With the next minute, Luca had been kicked out by the two of them, landing on his butt. He looked around before angrily calling, “That’s cheating! Mom!“ Luca turned to Kierabi, pleading, but she just scowled at him.

“Don’t look at me like that. She didn’t cheat, being a smartass is not against the rules,” Kierabi chides. Luca grumbles on the sidelines as you back off from Kylo and he from you. Kylo stands at the edge while the still-whole girl team stands on the opposite side. “She said I’m smart,” you purred to him. “In that logic, she’s also saying you’re an ass,” Kylo taunts. Kierabi grins from the sidelines and you feign hurt, leaning on Jadyforr.

“Jaaaddddyyyy,” you whine, “look how mean he is to me.”

“I’ll show you mean,” Kylo growls and your head abruptly shoots up with an anxious smile. Oh, fuck he’s so mad. You’re going to be in for it later. You hum, a devilish look crossing you. Whatever you’re in for, you’re sure to love it.

Kylo is  _ glaring _ at you now. You grin awkwardly, trying to backtrack a little. “ _ C’mon Kylo it’s just a bit of teasing~ _ ” you muse through your shared link. He grins, but there’s no amusement in it. He doesn’t even respond. “I’m beginning to question my plan…” you laugh, wheezing to your friends. Bel cackles, patting you on the back, “Backfired, didn’t it?” You close your eyes, nodding with a sigh.

However, that was the perfect time for Kylo to strike. He’s still very clearly aiming for you, but Bel was able to block him from knocking you out of the ring. Unfortunately, his attention is drawn to her. He’s able to fend you and Bel off as Jady makes her way around to access what would be a good time for her to jump in. Kylo kicks into you and you sigh with relief that you’re still in the ring. But it’s short-lived as he tosses Bel outside the circle. Cris and Luca cheer him on as Bel growls from the sidelines.

He turns to you and you stiffen. You gulp, having one last idea. You give him the best puppy-dog look you can manage. “Are you mad at me Ben?...” you ask softly, almost too quiet. He freezes for a moment, eye twitching. But the annoyance you feel from him only grows. “That won’t save you, malla,” he almost growls. You laugh, “Damn, that’s all I had.”

Kylo charges at you and you scramble to get up and move. In your haste, your footing on the dirt slips and you stumble. He’s about to punt you out of bounds until Jady dashes in to shove you out of the way. You gasp at the sudden change in direction as Kylo’s attack sends her out of the ring. You stand slowly, turning to Jady. You bow your head, “Thanks, Jady, I owe you.”

She shakes her head with a laugh, “Yea, no. I didn’t want to be the one facing him alone.” She points behind you as Kylo stands, upset as ever with his arms crossed. “You’re turning into a grumple again, dear knight,” you muse, sticking your tongue at him. Kylo rolls his eyes before motioning to the ring, “Just like old times.” You grin, the memories flooding back to you. Extra Jedi training in the dead of the night. Kylo, then Ben, so playful and engaging. You wanting to wipe that stupid, smug smirk off his face. Ben, looking like he belonged there in the moonlight. Fully grinning at you, so haughty and proud. While still a bit of a prick, he would still let you get a hit in every now and then. Which only pissed you off more, that he was "allowing" you to get some points. 

Kylo runs at you while you reminisce and you’re startled. “Oh MY GOSH!! Stop distracting me!!” You yelp, running out of the way as you also block some of his oncoming attacks. Everyone on the sidelines chuckles at the two of you. He smirks making your heart thump, “I’m not doing anything. I only made a small observation. However, I wonder if this will end in the same way.”  _ Ass _ . In the end, he always won those fights. “How did they end, Y/N?” Luca asks, cackling.

“Hey, here’s an idea. Shut up,” you snap, turning to him as Kylo pulls your feet from under you. You hiss in annoyance. “Where’d your plan go, Y/N?” Belkris chimes in, amused. God she loves to tease people too much. “You all are getting on my last nerve,” you rumble darkly. Your eyes shift, focusing on the task at hand. The sideliners throw a few more jabs but at this point you’ve tuned them out.  You’re not sure if you and Kylo have ever fought so seriously. You’re both upset, each of you feeling the other’s emotions. The two of you trade a few more blows before you’re both sweating and breathing heavily as you stand opposite each other. You straighten up, breathing slowly before closing your eyes and blocking everything out.

Calming yourself down, you push the anger out of your system. Kylo takes your mini-meditation as an opportunity. But you can feel him. See him. Without really seeing anything. You stand still until he goes to shove you out of the ring. Until the last possible second. With your eyes still closed, you side-step him and grab onto his arm to twirl him out. But your eyes pop open as you’re also being tugged. He’s grabbed your own arm and the two of you fall out of the ring with an ‘oof.’ You’re laying on your side, looking up at him as he’s looking down at you.

It’s quiet for a moment before you burst into a fit of laughter, bonking your forehead into his chest. Kylo finally softens back to normal, grinning slightly at your cackling mood. Kierabi walks over, musing, “Well I have no idea which of you technically hit the ground first. So as far as I’m concerned, that was a tie.” Luca growls, dissatisfied, “What?! After all that, a freaking  _ tie _ ?” Your mom raises an eyebrow at the group of ‘youngsters.’

“I would be more than happy to judge a rematch,” she grins.

“Oh my stars, hard pass,” you wheeze as Kylo stands beside you. Everyone laughs at that but they are in agreeance. Everyone will be sore enough as it is. Kylo extends his hand down to you, which you gratefully take as he helps you off the ground. “Thanks, Ben,” you say with a smile. Kylo huffs, “Mm.” He still isn’t super keen on being called by his birth name.

Everyone heads inside, you and Kylo hand in hand at the back of the group. He walks you to your room, kissing your hair at your door before heading downstairs to his own room. Your smile fades as you watch him go and you sigh as you walk in, latching the door behind you. Shucking off your shoes, you head out onto your balcony to lean against the railing to overlook the city before you.

The moons aren’t very high in the sky yet, the sun having set just before the training round. But the gentle, cool breeze feels great against your skin and you hum slightly. “Would you care to dance?” a charming voice purrs behind you. You gasp, spinning to see Kylo leaning against the banister in the corner. “Kylo, what are you doing here?” you whisper, trying to be cross but the grin on your face is betraying you.

He ignores you temporarily with a smirk as he lightly grabs your hand, pulling you to him. “I wanted to dance with you,” he hums, eyes soft. Gah, he always knows how to tug on your heartstrings. You hum and lightly sing as the two of you dance, interrupted only by the occasional chatter. “Climb up here all by yourself?” you muse. Kylo spins you before tugging you chest to chest. “Naturally,” he responded.

Rolling your eyes you laugh, “My, you’ve become such a deviant.” His eyes glitter in mischief as he scoops you into his arms, twirling around some more. You squeal, giggling at his antics. But slowly a frown settles on your features. Kylo’s expression mirrors yours, “What’s wrong, malla?” He sets you down gently and you rest your head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart for a moment.

“I’m sorry for antagonizing you and Luca during the fight. I like our banter. It’s fun and snarky. But that… that was overboard and I just--” you're silenced by a soft kiss on your lips. Kylo quirks an eyebrow at you murmuring, “It’s ok. I got… too heated, you weren’t even  _ that _ bad.” He sways back into an easy dance laying his forehead against yours. “I enjoy it when you speak your mind,” he rumbles. You snicker, “Except when it’s something you don’t like.”

It’s Kylo’s turn to roll his eyes, “Yes, well, I’d still rather hear what you have to say. Out of the two of us, you’re the voice of reason.” You puff your chest a bit proud.  “Ok, now I know you’re just trying to butter me up,” you laugh, standing back to boop him on the nose with your finger. Kylo growls playfully, grasping your hand to intertwine his fingers in yours. Then you notice the dirt stuck in his hair. You snort, “You’re a little bit of a mess, you know?” He chuckles, “Have you not looked in the mirror yet?” Your eyes widen and you dash into your refresher.

Well, you certainly  _ are _ a mess. You could almost look like a dust bunny and you hadn’t realized your hair was such a catastrophe. You hear Kylo’s snicker from behind you. Turning with hands on your hips you muse, “I wonder who could have done this to us.” His broad shoulders shrug as he gives you a smug grin, “No idea.”

Biting your lip you pull your hair down, letting it tumble down. “You know… you could stay and get cleaned up,” you whisper, glancing towards your shower that can easily fit two. Kylo raises an eyebrow in question, “I thought you said Kierabi didn’t…” His sentence died as your hands roamed upwards on his chest. Your hands looked so small, but they could feel his heart speeding up. “I’ve never once disobeyed my mom’s rules since I’ve been here…” you murmur, looking up to Kylo. “But there’s always a first for everything.”

You slowly push away his layers of clothing, as he does for you. It’s more comforting and intimate than sensual. Though Kylo’s not content without peppering kisses or small nips along your jaw and neck. In the shower, the warm water feels cold against the heat of skin and the two of you clean up quickly. After drying off and putting on clean undergarments, you sigh in relief. You plop into bed, before making ‘grabby’ hand motions for Kylo to join you.

He smirks, before getting in and pulling you closer to him under the covers. “Thank you for today, Kylo,” you rumble to him with a yawn. He’s propped his head up with one hand while the other rests against your jaw, thumb idly rubbing your cheek. “No need to thank me…” he reasons, analytical about it. You laugh, “It’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt… normal again. Hey Kylo?” His eyes, like your own, are beginning to get heavy. “Mmm?” he asks, pressing his head to yours. “I love you,” you whisper, full of warmth. He grins, one of those butterfly-inducing boyish grins that remind you so much of his old self. “I love you too, malla,” he muses.

——

The next morning, Kylo dresses and sneaks off your balcony back to his own room. You giggled at him before having to greet him at breakfast ‘normally.’ After, everyone’s in the training yard doing last-minute runs while Kylo watches from the sidelines. Specifically in regards to Cris’ animals that will be of assistance this round. You got paired with this beautiful, hawk-like bird. His name is Vespine, but Cris says you can call him Ves. The magnificent creature can land on your arm, but he’s still fucking huge. He’ll be able to carry your package in his talons and drop it to you. Cris has even taught you a few commands you can use so that Ves can help you in battle. It’s one final check and then everyone heads to the coliseum.

You’d given Kylo a red bandanna, tying it around his arm so you could spot him in the crowd. Standing at the edge of the platform, you glance around before you grin as you spot him. You give a big goofy wave, getting a few odd looks. He just rolls his eyes with a smirk. You motion for him to pull the rest of his cowl up. It was shielding his hair but not his face. Taking a moment to breathe, you look around. Bounty hunters from all walks of life line the arena. You’d wager the count is still similar to the one Luca gave yesterday, around 75. Everyone’s wearing a provided outfit, dark in coloration that’s somewhat form-fitting. You frowned, but it’s the committee’s way of making sure that no one is bringing in something they shouldn’t be.

The judges blow the horn, the official start. In the beginning, it’s not hard for your team to keep up. You recommended everyone to call in their weapons when they thought was right. But you also noticed you weren’t the only person to have thought of having weapons brought to you. Several other bounty hunters had weapons delivered, though most you saw were by flying droids. A couple of non-participants tried to toss weapons to their friends but some were quickly snatched by another hunter with a keen eye.

You were holding Ves off as long as you could. You noticed some of your teammates had already called in theirs, but you wanted to see if you’d really need it. You’d been using your Force powers only when you needed to, but in a way that wouldn’t appear like you are. Only your moms and Luca know you have them within the guild. You all agreed that if others were to know there might be some to hunt  _ you _ . You were doing well so far, at one point you stopped to find Kylo again and grin at him.

“Who’re you trying so hard to impress, Y/N?” A sneering voice called behind you. Your eyes narrowed and you growled, “Oh Tikar, I didn’t realize they were letting  _ children _ compete too.” You smirked at the devaronian man, who only huffed in reply. The two of you had been… rivals, for lack of a better term, as far as you can remember. Years ago, he’d tried to sweet-talk you and when that failed, he tried impressing you with feats. They never worked and it morphed into fights between the two of you.

He clicked his tongue, circling you before he finally smirked, “You know, I heard a little rumor recently.”

You scoff, “Uh-huh.” He hummed, a slimy smile working its way across his lips. It’s kind of a shame, he’s a good looking man but he’s obsessed with you for some reason. What is wrong with all these men? “I heard,” he purred, “that there was a bounty hunter within the First Order.” You raised an eyebrow with a laugh, “Good for them.” 

Tikar’s smile broadens as he murmurs, “I heard she was getting really familiar with that powerful Commander they have.”

Your skin is crawling but you roll your eyes, “Does this story have a point or are you going to talk me to death?” Glancing around you look for your teammates. They’re all pretty busy and as you turn back to Tikar he lunges for you with a roar. You hiss, fending him off the best you can but he lays a good blow into your rib. Stumbling backward you growl at him as he steps away again. “See my friend on board told me she had a bit of a hiccup,” he muses, crossing his arms.

A burning started beneath your skin. A rage you’ve never felt before. “Shut up,” you whisper venomously. This only invigorates Tikar to continue, “She apparently got knocked up--”

“Stop,” you growl.

“--before  _ losing _ the poor thing entirely.”

“ _ I said _ **_. Shut. Up!_ ** ” you roar, pouncing at him. He seems amused by your anger only infuriating you further. You go to punch him but he grabs your fist and the process repeats again until he’s holding both of your fists at bay. The two of you glare at each other while not backing down. 

“It’s really sad, you know us devaronians are great family men, that wouldn’t have happened with me,” he murmurs. Your skin feels like it’s on fire and you feel this tar-like sensation filling you. “You don’t know  _ anything _ . Stop hounding after me like an  _ animal _ ,” you hiss. Power seems to fill you and you’re able to push against him, his feet sliding on the sand of the fighting ring. Seeing this as a potential issue, he’s the first to break jumping away from you again.

He runs a hand over his head, through his non-existent hair. “Seriously, Y/N? We’re all animals, making us sentient does not change that fact,” he murmurs with a smirk. You roar in frustration, throwing your hands up, “Fucking hell, you’re annoying! I don’t want you!”

Tikar rolls his eyes, “Yea, apparently you’d rather have someone who’d put you in harm's way and not pay attention to your medical needs.” Your fists were clenched so hard at your side, blood dripped from your palms as your nails dug into them.

The heat and anger beneath your skin felt unquenchable. You narrowed your eyes, silently staring at him. It began making the man nervous. “Hey are you--” but Tikar didn’t finish as you rushed forward. This unknown surge of power fueled you, making you more powerful than you’d ever known before. It’s  _ exhilarating _ . Tikar blocked a few of your moves but you were moving so quickly, hitting with so much force, it became too much. With a drop to the ground, sweeping his legs from under him, and a bounce up to shove your shoulder into his chest, he was shoved onto the ground hard. “Y/N, what’s wrong with you?” He hisses.

You snarl at him, “What’s wrong with  _ me _ ? What’s wrong with  _ you _ ? I have told you  **no** from the beginning but you still annoy me and you think that poking  _ fun _ at my loss would provide any other result than  _ anger _ ?” Tikar stutters, eyebrows scrunching. He clearly didn’t think. “Y/N, I didn’t mean to hurt you but point out the fact that you won’t be safe with him,” he pleads. Your eyes flare shouting, “I don’t care! I  _ chose _ him!” A growl in the back of your throat grows as you scream, “ **Leave! Me! Alone!** ” 

Glaring at him, you watch as his stiff posture melts and his eyes glaze over. “I will leave you alone,” he repeats, like a machine. Tikar then turns away from you, walking directly out of the ring. Your own posture changed as you looked at him in confusion. Outside of the ring, Tikar shook his head, blinking in confusion and disbelief. You blinked too, before staring down at your hands. The anger began to fade and with it, the weird feeling of power and the heavy sensation it carried. You heard shuffling behind you and turned to throw a punch but stopped abruptly at Luca’s approach. “S-Sorry!!” he called before asking, “Are you ok?” You breathed heavily for a few moments before nodding slowly, “I’m… good…”

He opened his mouth to say something but the horn was blown again, signaling the end of this round. Without another word you turned and left. You wanted to go back to your room and take a good shower and maybe a nap.

——

“Y/N!”

Turning you scowled before softening at Kylo’s concerned expression as he jogs over to you. Well, you assume it’s concerned. The cowl you'd given him, now pulled up properly, covered most of his head and face. However, you’re still able to see a few dark tendrils of hair peaking out as well as those dark brown eyes. “Yea?...” you asked, deflating. He slows to a stop beside you before murmuring, “What… happened? Are you ok?” You frowned, walking back towards home with Kylo at your side. “I’m fine, K-- Ben…” you sighed, rubbing the top of your hand across your eyes. Kylo gently wraps his hand around your wrist, turning to reveal your injured palms. “You felt different, more than just angry,” he comments, brows furrowing.

He takes the red bandana off his arm, tearing it in two, to wrap around your palms. “I don’t know,” you snapped before calming down, “Sorry… I just don’t know. He had an inside source from the First Order and he just… prodded into a sensitive topic.” Kylo intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing in understanding. You sigh in comfort before leaning onto his shoulder on the walk back. 

You didn't mean to use your Force mind-trick like that on him. You've always tried to use it as a last resort to avoid fighting. After gnawing on your lip, you finally voice your concerns, “I don’t understand what happened. He made me so angry. The fear, rage, and sadness hit me like I ran into a brick wall. Then my adrenaline really kicked in and I just felt so consumed. Now after I’ve calmed down I just feel a little sick and tired.” You sighed again, looking up to Kylo. His brows were scrunched together in contemplation. Whatever, it’s a one and done deal and it’s over.

“Where’s Luca and the others?” You ask, changing the subject.

“They stayed behind to discuss with the officials on the next round,” Kylo replies.

You sigh, “I was probably supposed to be there too…” Kylo releases your hand to wrap an arm around you before placing a kiss into our hair. You snicker at the silliness of it, the lower half of his face covered by the cowl. “I wouldn’t worry about it, malla,” he murmurs warmly.

Back at the house, in your room, Kylo removes the cowl while you head for the bed. You're aiming to plop down into the plushy surface until a hand writhes around your waist. “Let’s take care of these properly first,” he muses with a grin, wrapping his hands around one of your own. You groan, pouting up at him with slumped shoulders. He snickers, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Your eyelids flutter and you relent as he pulls away to lead you to the bathroom. You jump up onto the counter while he stands in front of you, cleaning and bandaging your hands.

Quietly, you watch him work. “It always seems like you're the one tending to my wounds,” you whisper, “It should be the other way around.” Kylo shrugs with the hint of a smirk playing across his lips. “There have been several moments you’ve helped me as well. But you’re healing with the Force is better than my own,” he replies. You frown, “I can only think of one… after Starkiller… and you know you could heal me that way too.” You still haven’t talked about that night. What he did. You suppose it’s not your place to meddle in his family’s affairs. You didn't know Han that well, nor the relationship between the two. But you at least need to talk to him. Make him understand that even if he felt like he had to do that to his father, he  _ shouldn’t _ have slept with you that night.

“Hey, Kylo, about the night of star--” you start but he interrupts you.

“I can’t properly use the healing technique as it’s more of a Light side power. What I can do is very little, it basically makes it useless,” he growls as he finishes. He lightly tugs you down from your perch and you sadden at his dodge. “Oh… well…” you start softly but you swallow thickly at him leaning down to nuzzle into your neck.

“Malla, you had me a bit worried out there, can you promise me to be more cautious? I don’t want anything happening to you,” he murmurs, voice pleading. His arms wrap around you, pulling you close. You mimic him, rubbing your head on his chest. You can feel it. He’s hiding his true feelings, covering it up with you as an excuse. You know you need to call him out on it. But you’re afraid to. Again.

You nod against him. “I promise, I’ll be more careful…” you reply, barely audible. You yawn, deafened against his tunic. He leans back with a small smile to ask, “Want to take a nap.” You had thoughts of a shower but honestly, a nap is exactly what you need. You nod again, tugging against his shirt, “Stay?” You hum happily as you watch Kylo melt like putty with a sigh. “Will I ever be able to say no to you?” he asks with a grin.

A goofy smile spreads across your face as you shake your head, pulling him along. “Never ever,” you laugh, falling onto the bed with your hand firmly gripped around his wrist. Kylo falls beside you with a small ‘oof’ before you cuddle up next to him. He chuckles at you before his hands brush through your hair in constant, soothing motions. Before long you were asleep.

——

Blinking, you stared in wonder at the scenery around you. It was unlike anything you’ve ever seen. It reminds you of your planet, but with a myriad of mystical creatures, seemingly made of light, running around. It was breathtaking and beautiful, you couldn’t wipe the grin off your face as you glanced around. There seemed to be no suns in sight but the light fills you with a warmth you’d never felt before. You caught a glimpse of something human-like and ran towards it on instinct.

“Wait!” you called. The figure slowed, their thick, green ethereal hair flowing in the calm breeze. “Who are you?” You asked, trying to get a better look at them. They turned from you, still hiding before murmuring, “You should not be here.” Your eyes widened. That sounded like…  _ your _ voice. “Why?” you ask, eyes narrowing. The figure slowly turns and you squawk, stepping backward. She looks just like you, with a few notable differences. A freak-ton amount of green hair; sheet-white, glowing skin; and striking green eyes. “No one is meant to visit Mortis,” she hisses.

You tilt your head. Is this a dream?... The woman? You?? She looks you up and down before settling slightly. “Listen well. There must always be a balance. Light, Grey, and Dark. Without any of the three, chaos will prevail. Mortals now take the place where celestials once stood,” she lectures. You throw your hands out, “Woah, woah, woah, you can’t just throw a lot of garblty-gook at me and expect me to understand! Let’s start with the basics, why do you look like  _ me _ ?!”

She goes to reply but her face falls as she looks behind you. You twist around to see a shadow falling across the landscape, plants dying and wilting in its wake and animals disappearing altogether. You turn back to the enchantress but she’s also gone without a trace.

“Looking for someone?” a voice muses behind you. Goosebumps rise across your skin at the dark tone of your own voice and you spin around to see it is indeed another ‘you.’ This one has dark grey skin; ink-black hair, slicked back; and red eyes. She grins, stepping towards you to put a finger under your chin. You growl, slapping the hand away.

She makes an amused face, “My, such a temper.”

“What is with the weirdos here?” You bark.

She rolls her eyes, “You’ve met my compatriot.”

“Well, maybe you can answer my question since you’re the one that spooked her off,” you huff.

The being crosses their arms with a smile, “I’d be more than happy to assist you.”

You narrow your eyes but ask, “Why do the two of you look like  _ me _ ?”

“Well we’re  _ not _ you or related if that’s what you’re getting at,” she hums, “We just take on a temporary form.” She steps closer again before a black smoke engulfs her. “But I could take this form if it pleases you,” the entity murmurs in a familiar voice. The hair on your skin lifts at Kylo’s voice and you step back as the entity emerges from the dark like him. “A fine specimen, this one is,” they murmur, looking him over. They look like Kylo, but with the same skin tone, eye color, and hair from before. 

“H-How?...” you stutter, stepping further back.

“My dear, we’re formless beings. We haven’t been visited since the Ones were killed.”

“The Ones?...”

He nods, arms crossed, “You know, the Father, the Daughter, and the Son. They kept the balance. With their passing, the three that left Mortis continued the balance.”   
You rubbed your hands into your eyes, “All of this balance talk is really confusing….”

You flinched at a gloved hand over your own. “Dear one, the current ones are taking their roles. Just as the real owner of this form is,” the being purrs. You look up at them confused, “Kylo?” They nod, “Don’t you want to help him?” The being gently grabs your wrist and pulls you towards them. He feels like the real Kylo, but cold.

Shivering against him, your hands shake. “Join with me, little one. I’ll provide you with all the power you need to protect those you love,” they murmur against your ear. He leans back, eyes staring into you and you shiver again. You shake your head, “N-No. You’re trying to trick me.” You pushed against them as far as you could, but they held you in place with one arm while the other hand grabbed your chin. “Dearest, without us, he will suffer. Is that what you want?”

“I will be able to protect him,  _ without you _ !” you hiss, slapping their hand away yet again. You shove against his chest and his expression sours, red eyes glowing, as he releases you. You fall to the grey dirt before he grabs your wrist and twists your arm back into a painful position. You scream out as the entity huffs, “Let me provide you a  _ taste _ of what has been and what is to come.”

Images flash before your eyes. You can’t fully comprehend what’s happening if it’s the present, the future, or the past. You see love and loss. The murders of innocent younglings. The rise of a killer. Hope. Betrayal. There’s a myriad of emotions flowing through you and you can’t make up from down. Things are clear for a moment as you see Kylo-- no  _ Ben _ fighting beside Rey. Before falling,  _ dying _ . Unable to contemplate what is real and what isn’t your heart tears.

“ _ Kylo!!  _ **Ben!!!** ” you scream, crying as an unending well of tears flow down your face. Every muscle, every fibre of you feels like it’s on fire. Your arm is released and you cradle it into you, still screaming out Ben’s name.

“Y/N!!” Your eyes flash open and you abruptly sit up, staring at the concerned faces of both your mom and Kylo. You sniffle again, sobbing as you leap into Kylo’s arms. “Y/N, are you ok?” he murmurs gently against you, running his hands through your hair again. “I-I had a nightmare,” you whimper against him. You try to pull him as close as possible. He’s warm, he’s here and he’s breathing. He gently shushes you, “It’s ok, do you want anything?” You shake your head.

Kierabi sighs, “Well, I’ll leave her to you then. Until next time.” You feel Kylo nod against you before hearing your bedroom door close. After a few minutes, you’ve calmed down and he asks, “What was it about?” Your brows scrunch together. You can’t really remember most of it. “I-I don’t remember all of it. I remember red eyes… and… seeing you.. d-d--” you choke up, afraid to say it. He seems to get the point as he pulls you closer again. “Don’t worry about it, it was just a nightmare,” he soothes.

Feeling like you have to change the subject you ask, “Why was mom here too?”

He chuckles, “I went down to change while you were still asleep and bumped into her. We talked for a bit.” Kylo’s face frowns as he continues, “Then I felt a weird tug in our connection, that something was wrong. I raced to you and she followed. We found you crying and screaming out my name… both of them…”   
You rub your head into him with a whimper, “I’m sorry…”

Kylo shakes his head, tugging you even closer, “It’s not your fault, malla.”

——

Kylo stayed with you for the rest of the night. You were somewhat afraid to fall asleep again, but when you did it was dreamless. The next morning, you sadly saw Kylo off. He kissed you on the cheek, promising to see you again soon before boarding his ship. You watched him go with a heavy heart but shook your head to clear it of the negativity.

Luca calls you from the house and you sigh, before looking back up to see Kylo’s ship enter hyperspace, eyes filled with determination. You don’t know what that dream was about, you still don’t remember mostly any of it. But today your mind is clearer and today you will seize this round in the tournament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only recently started watching Clone Wars and I loovveee it. When I started writing all this, I didn't really have an overarching or like a huge scheme in mind. I was basically just like "I want a grumple Kylo to become a slightly less-grumpled and happy, goofy Ben" because lordy he deserves it. But the more I wrote, the more idea and intrigue I wanted to flesh out and add. I wanted it to become this weird AU of what if the sequels were a rhyme not of the originals but the prequels/clone wars? So now it's become this huuggee thing, I mean I'm on page 195 with over 100,000 words 😱😱I was already trying to tie it pretty freaking close to cannon/legend info just because it's fun to research and learn but now I'm really happy I did because it's just such fun to include my ideas about things like what Mortis is now after the events from the Clone Wars. Which has become like my schtick for this whole story at this point lol
> 
> I'm def not the best writer and I'm sure I still have plot holes and glaring issues but gosh just thank you so much for reading 💙All the kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks, and hits (views?wat?) are just incredible in only a little over a month omg I love you all so much, I hope you're all staying safe out in the world at this time 💖🙇♀️💖 
> 
> Next chapter introduces my absolutely favorite character to write so see you then!


	12. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fun and games are interrupted by a meeting that was unavoidable.  
> So much happens so quickly that things become complicated at full tilt.
> 
> Song Used:
> 
> "Once Upon a December" - From Anastasia

You hear the announcers declare that the second round will begin in 10 minutes. “As soon as the bell sounds, we need to high tail it to the end. We each have our clues, we’ll pick the items up along the way and gather them all together at the end,” you say, looking between your house-mates as you tighten the jacket around your waist. They nod in agreement.

You begin warming up with your comrades as you hear the simultaneous sound of boot falls. You turn and growl at the man leading a small platoon of stormtroopers. “Hux,” you snarl, making him grin. “Ah, dearest Y/N, I have missed your beauty. Fortunately, you are needed on the Supremacy,” he coos to you.

Your comrades around you are stunned momentarily. You stand up straight and smile sweetly to him, “Ok, I’ll go.” His eyes widened in shock. “If I get to kill you,” you finish with a venomous hiss. He slumps into an annoyed expression, hands behind his back.

“Come now, stop being so childish,” he says, exasperated.

“How’s the shoulder? Better? Maybe I should try to sever the full arm this time,” you threaten.

It’s working, as you predicted. You just need to stall him long enough.

Hux’s eye twitches in annoyance and he growls, “Supreme Leader wants to make your acquaintance.”

“Hey, you know what Hux? Your nose is already there, so why don’t you go stick your head up his ass and leave me the hell alone?” you spit, rolling your eyes at him.

“Damnit woman just get on the fucking ship!” He finally snaps.

“Did Kylo approve this?” you coolly respond.

Your friends and brother have been standing by but their confusion is rolling off them in waves. Hux ridicules, “What? You’re his bitch, not me.” 

You laugh, grinning, “At least I don’t act like one.”

But before he can fire anything back, the starting bell tolls and you haul ass out of the area. You hear the sound of blaster fire behind you but keep on running, ducking between alleyways.

At the end of one street you see some well-stacked crates and nimbly scramble up them onto the roofs of the local buildings. You take a glance behind you to see that most of the platoon has split up and you take a quick look to make sure none of them noticed you up high, before you duck down for a moment. You need to calm down and collect your thoughts, think logically.

Kylo doesn’t know Hux is here for you or that his Master has called upon you, assuming Hux isn’t lying. You’re not affiliated with the First Order anymore, so Hux could be taking the opportunity to seek revenge or finish what he started.

You’d really ought to get in touch with Kylo, but thanks to the rules, your datapad is sitting comfortably in your room at the Skine College. You could make a break for it or try to get to someone that could send a message for you. If you did get back to the house, there wouldn’t be anyone around to help you. At least here in the field, should you ask for aide, fellow hunters must oblige.

Gritting your teeth, you decide to stay in the tournament. Being close to hunters and constantly on the move is most likely your best bet at the moment. You open your scrap of paper with the ingredients you’ll need to collect before you get to the finish line. You already have a great idea of where everything is. You take a peek over the edge of the roof to make sure everything is clear before silently padding across rooftops to get to the edge of the town. You jump down, sticking close to walls and trying to remain still in the shadows whenever you see troopers.

Once you’re close enough to the forest, you make a run to the treeline. You hear shouting behind you followed closely by bolts whizzing around you. Running far enough in, you turn to make sure they can’t see you before climbing the nearest tree. You sat still on the branch, not daring to move as you watched troopers run beneath you, with Hux leading the rear. A few look up into the trees as they run, but most individuals tend to miss stationary objects. Sure enough, they continued forward into the woods and you waited for a few ticks more before slowly moving.

You grinned slightly, they were heading north the direction you originally were, but that’s not the way you needed to go. On this planet the tree branches were large and stretched into other trees, tying and weaving together with smaller branches from them and then the leaves from those smaller branches. It made for excellent transportation. You are easily able to walk across the branches and hop from tree to tree as you head east.

You finally descended at your first objective. Before you was a large waterfall, spilling into a pool of water that then continued into rivers downstream. You grinned delightfully, knowing you’d be able to gather several of your ingredients here. As you exit the trees you notice you’re not the only one here.

“Luca?” you ask, scrunching your face in confusion. 

He whipped around, running and lifting you into a great bear hug. He sets you down before staring at you sternly, “What the heck is going on?”

You anxiously rub the back of your neck before sighing, “Honestly? I don’t know. You know how I can use the Force a little?” Luca nods. “W-well when I went to reunite with Kylo, for a while, we gimmicked that I was his apprentice in the Force. We did it so that I could stay within the ranks of the First Order and work alongside him. His master, this _Supreme Leader Snoke_ -” you say, mocking Hux’s voice, “-has never known of me. Or the fact that I’m sleeping with his heir to the dark side.”

Luca makes a face like the last comment was unneeded but asks, “So now he knows? And wants to meet you?”

You wrinkle your brow, “It would seem. But I know little of him or his games. I do not know why he twisted Kylo into what he is today and I do not know his play. As the ruler of the First Order, I’m assuming he just wants control over everything and everyone. My biggest issue, is I don’t know where I fall in all of this mess.”

“Wow…” Luca breathes, “You’re in deep shit.” He gives you an annoyed expression that you return. “What happens if they take you?”

You sigh, “Best case? They’ll make me be with Kylo 24/7, most likely to give him an heir.”

“Gross.”

“Worst case? He’ll kill me,” you respond, staring unflinchingly at your older brother.

Lucabay growls, “As if we would let him.”

You laugh softly, “Unfortunately, even _if_ I had the backing of the entire Bounty Hunter Guild, I don’t think it would be much of a match for the First Order and that Trooper army of theirs. My best bet if I get captured is to make sure I make my way back to Kylo. We’ll always have each other’s backs. Hopefully, I can complete this round before making my way off-planet.”

Luca crosses his arms, “Why even finish this round?? You should leave now.”

You shake your head, “The more items our companions finish with, the more points we’ll have. I bet this is the only round where quantity matters, from here on out its skill. I can soundly leave this to you all once I have completed this. Until the finish line, we need to part.”

Luca goes to protest but you hold out a hand, “I’m smaller and lighter than you. While I love having you in my corner in a fight, hiding and sneaking isn’t exactly your forte.”

He grimaces but makes no room to argue. “I’ve already got 2 out of 5, I’ll see you at the finish line!” You grin, tossing a wave over your shoulder as you grab the two items from the cove and dash back into the forest to make your way to the next destination.

Over the course of the day, you slink around the forest. You avoid a few troopers here and there and you occasionally hear the familiar whine of TIE fighters fly above the canopy. You gather the rest of your ingredients before making your way back to the finish line. Peeking out from the brush you notice Cris, Luca, Bel, and Avar have already turned in their items and had their scores tallied into Skine College’s total.

Unable to see any troopers, you still cautiously make your way to the table where your friends wait. Wordlessly they surround you to try and hide you while keeping an open eye.

“So that guy you’re seeing. His real name is Kylo Ren, isn’t it?” Avarac asks, disdain dripping from his voice.

With a sigh, you nod, “Yes, I thought it best to hide his true identity.”

The others say nothing, they themselves most likely having used false identities in the past.

“I didn’t know the Commander was so hot,” Belkris hums, before being jabbed by Cris’ elbow.

You laugh until you hear a cry ring out. Immediately, you step out from behind your family to face Hux. He’s holding Jadyforr by her hair, holding a blaster to her head.

“Let her go, Hux,” you threaten.

He presses the blaster closer to her head, a grin forming across his face. Your mind flashes back to the poor Sidarian girl from the ball. Without hesitation, you hastily raise your arm, your hand moving the Force to your will to flick the blaster out of Hux’s hand and up onto a rooftop. You hear a few gasps and hushed whispers around you but ignore them.

“Hux, if you kill any more of my family I will _not_ go with you and I _will_ make sure you lie dead today,” you hiss, your eyes menacingly staring him down. He’s clearly rattled, it probably helps your comrades are glaring at him too, not to mention other hunters nearby who don’t like First Order officers threatening to kill one of their own.

Hux huffs, roughly throwing Jadyforr down into the dirt. She’s crying as she runs over to you. She’s only a few years younger than you, but you’ve always tried to help her where you could. You hold her closely, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“I can’t believe you’re still cross about that. It was just an embryo and the girl was a Resistance spy aiding and abetting against the First Order, get over it,” Hux scoffs, rolling his eyes.

You could feel Jadyforr freeze beneath you, the gears turning in everyone’s heads. Hux and his loud ass mouth. Jadyforr looked up to you with grief and condolence, you merely smiled softly back to her. You slowly pass off Jadyforr to Cris, she quickly hides behind him. You look to your comrades to see they all hold the same expression. Some call it compassion, but most just call it pity. Luca looks the most distressed. You told your moms, but were unsure of how to tell him. You give them a small, sorrowful smile before turning back to Hux.

“Hux, I’m pretty sure your mouth would be better used sucking dick than… well anything else,” you state flatly. Clearly miffed he roars, “Shut up and get over here! Your game of hide and seek ends here!”

You don’t move. “And if I refuse?”

Hux signals to the troopers who all raise their blasters at different people. None of them aimed at you. “Then some of these people will be dead,” Hux answers, clearly impressed with himself.

You sigh, ceding to whatever fate might have in store for you. You should have known that a violent individual might use the murder of innocents to ensure your cooperation, you should have tried to get away sooner. You begin walking forward but are stopped by Luca grabbing your hand.  
“We can fight them. Together,” he whispers, pleading.

You smile at him, “I would love to, while I do not doubt the strength of any hunter within the guild to defend themselves… it’s not the hunters I’m worried about.”

You glance over to a small girl, sitting on the ground with her legs pulled into her chest in fear of the blaster barrel staring in her face.

Understanding flashes in those around you. They were so focused on you, Hux, and the pride of the Hunter Guild that they didn’t notice those just caught in the crossfire. Some of the hunters you don’t know still look like they were itching for a fight, but you wouldn’t risk that child’s life. She looked like she was an orphan, barely scraping by. Her clothes were worn and ragged, her hair messy and tangled.

You slowly step away from Luca, your hand slipping from his before Hux becomes impatient and roughly grabs your wrist and pinning one arm behind your back. Unable to bear seeing your brother’s face, you simply grit your teeth as you’re pushed around by Hux.

“Grab that girl, keep her in the holding bay,” Hux hisses to the trooper, who roughly grabs the little girl.

“She’s not a part of this, Hux!” You growl stopping to turn to him.

He shoves you forward and grins, “We won’t do anything to her as long as you play nice.”

You plant your feet in the ground and glower at him, “Then let me hold her.”

Hux scoffs, “What so you can escape _with_ her, I think not.”

You soften with a sigh and give Hux a sincere expression, “Hux, you know I’m softhearted. I would not do _anything_ that would put her in danger and I’m not stupid enough to believe I can outrun multiple blasters from point-blank.”

He glares at you momentarily before releasing you. You rub your wrist before walking over to the trooper with your arms out. The trooper, holding her like a sack of potatoes under his arm, looks to Hux for confirmation. He nods, and the trooper slowly hands you the girl. You hold her against your chest and she immediately hides her face in your shoulder, sobbing.

“It’s ok, I know it’s scary, but I’ll protect you,” you whisper to her, rubbing soothing circles on her back. She only looked to be around six years old. You look over to Hux before raising your voice, “Lead the way, General Hugs.”

Hux bristles at the name, garnering laughs from some of the hunters nearby still paying close attention to the unfolding events. He growls and pushes you forward, a little softer this time. You’re led away, surrounded by him and the troopers.

“Do you have any family or friends?” you ask the little girl gently, but she roughly shakes her head in the crook of your neck. Her small hands are gripping the edges of your clothes and you frown in heartache. “Do you want to tell me your name?” you ask softly. She’s silent for a moment. She looks up to you, her bright green eyes looking at you before around, at the troopers circling you. She quickly hides her face, shaking her head again.

“That’s ok, we’ll be somewhere quiet soon,” you say to her, rubbing circles on her back again.

——

Onboard Hux’s vessel, he ushers you into a cell. You sit down, with the girl now resting on your lap but her face still hidden in your shoulder. “There’s no one else around now,” you offer, smiling down at her. She slowly looks up and around, the cell door is closed with only a small window to see out of. “Would you like to tell me your name now?”

She slowly nods and whispers, “A-Aleia.”

You smile, “That’s a very beautiful name. Mine is Y/N.”

“W-Why did that happen?” she asks, voice shaky.

You frown, “They were after me. But they knew I would cooperate if they threatened an innocent person. I am truly sorry you are in this mess, Aleia, but I will make sure you are safe and sound, ok?” She nods and you hold out your pinky. “I pinky promise.”

She smiles slightly and wraps her pinky around yours. You grin, trying to lighten the mood, “You know I was just like you when I was your age too.”

Her eyes widened in disbelief, “You don’t have a family either?”

You shake your head, “Nope. But I found one. When all this is over, if you want to, let me take you to the Skine College. It’s a Bounty Hunter House with a lot of good people in it.”

She opens her mouth in awe and asks, “You mean I can make a new family?”

You snicker and ruffle her dark red hair, “Yea! I’ll make sure you find one.” You tap your finger on your chin before you ask, “Can I call you Alli? I love giving people nicknames.”

Her eyes sparkled excitedly, “Yes! Yes! I love it!” 

The two of you chatter for a while, mainly her asking silly questions about anything and everything. You’re just glad you could get the horrors of the universe out of her mind for a while. Eventually, she grows tired and yawns. You haven’t sung in a while, mostly because you didn’t feel like it, the rampage of negative emotions you had been running through didn’t leave you wanting to put your damaged heart into the song.

But for her, you figured you could make an exception. You decided to use the lullaby you’d heard Kierabi sing before. “Dancing bears, painted wings, things I almost remember and a song, someone sings. Once upon a December.” You slowly rock side to side, while running your hands through her hair. “Someone holds me safe and warm. Horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully across my memory.”

Your soft tones drop to be quieter, knowing she’s not far from sleep, if she isn’t already, “Far away, long ago, burning dim as an ember. Things my heart used to know, things it yearns to remember.” Finally, you drop down to barely a whisper, “And a song someone sings. Once upon a December.”

You can finally tell she’s soundly asleep and you sigh in relief before your own eyelids begin to droop and before you know it, you’ve fallen asleep. Before fully unconscious, you thought you could hear footsteps receding from the cell door.

You’re awoken by small hands tugging on your shirt. Aleia has moved off your lap and is crouched beside you. “There’s people out there…” she whispers fearfully. Wiping the sleep out of your eyes, you're just awake enough when the cell door opens to reveal Hux with two troopers beside him.

At once, you’re on your feet protectively shielding Alli. Hux looks from you down to her, with a bored expression. “We are aboard the Supremacy and it’s time for you to meet the Supreme Leader,” he says flatly, hands behind his back. You squint your eyes at him. He’s not being a prick, what gives?

But your attention swiftly shifts back to a more important matter. You turn and kneel to Aleia and put your hand on her cheek, “I want you to be good and follow what they say, ok? I have to go tend to a few matters but I will be back. I pinky promised, remember?”

Alli looks like she’s already about to cry, very not enthused with the idea of you being apart from her. You take the coat from around your waist and plop it on her shoulders. It’s much too big for her, almost dragging on the floor, but you figured she’ll like the comfort of it. You smile softly and add, a little louder, “And if anyone harms you, let me know. I will _ensure_ that myself or Kylo will personally castrate them.”

You stand back up and face Hux and the troopers, a glare on your face. Hux makes no comment towards your statement, only ordering a soldier, “Take the girl to a guest chamber and lock the door.” One of the troopers glides by you, he goes to pick her up but you growl staring at the lifeless helmet. He stands still for a moment before slowly holding out his hand and extending it to Alli.

She looks up to you for approval and you soften with a nod. “Go with him Alli, don’t run off you don’t know this place. Stay in the room they take you to, I’ll be there when I can,” you reassure her. She nods slowly, trying to put on a brave face, before shakily extending her hand into the large gloved hand of the trooper. Alli walks off, still looking back at you every so often until she’s in an elevator and on her way.

With a tired sigh, you turn to Hux, “Let’s get this over with.” He slaps some magnetic cuffs on you, switching them on to tie your hands together in front of you before he turns and walks off. You follow behind him, the troopers flanking you. You try to reach out to Kylo, to see if he’s onboard this ship but can’t seem to find him. You wrinkle your nose at the feeling in the Force. It feels weird, shifty, you can’t exactly explain it.

Before long you’re in an elevator as it ascends, opening up to reveal a huge red throne room. With Supreme Leader Snoke himself sitting on the throne at the center.

You walk forward behind Hux, never faltering in your gaze with the giant humanoid in front of you. As Hux kneeled, you did not. You felt the cuffs de-magnetize and you kept your hands cooly at your side.

“Such fire in those eyes,” Snoke rumbles, adjusting himself in his throne.

“What can I do for you Supreme Leader?” You ask, irritation thinly veiled.

He gives a chuckle, “What indeed,” before he flicked his hand and you were pulled down to your knees. Your hands flashed out to keep you from slamming your head into the floor and gasped as you felt your mind being assaulted.

“Leave… my memories… alone!” you breathed, your head aching, but unable to move. You had constant pressure that felt like boulders weighing upon your back. You screamed out in pain as you felt energy pulsing through your mind to learn every detail from your life it possibly could. Images flashed behind your eyes and you half growled, half whined at the shooting agony.

As it eased, Snoke rasped, “I learned of your existence a relatively short time ago. You have followed him for all this time. Rose among the ranks of the First Order to stand beside him,” you look up to him, tears in the corners of your eyes but your expression nothing short of fury, “one might say a great resource within the Order. I thought the actions taken on Sizaria were commanded well, to learn that it _wasn’t_ my pupil’s idea is very interesting.”

He raises himself out of his chair to step closer and you wobble back onto your feet to stare him down again. “And that you almost produced an heir.” You narrow your eyes. 

“You give him too much light, you need to be disposed of.” You don’t even flinch. Snoke chuckles again, “Your powers with the Force are not powerful by any means. But that fire in you is. The only reason you will be permitted life, foolish child, is because you will be a good dam.”

You growl to begin saying something but are knocked off your feet. Snoke makes a languid hand motion and you’re thrown to one side of the room before being pinned down by an unseen weight again. You grit your teeth as Snoke moves to sit back in his chair, but before long the pain is too much again. On your hands and knees, tears form at the edges of your vision again but your stubbornness will not allow this _inhumane_ creature to see you falter.

Then you hear the elevator door slide open and see his cape billowing behind him.

“Kylo…” you breathe, hardly able to talk but as soon as you do, more pressure is placed upon you and you cry out accidentally. He had noticed you as soon as he stepped off the elevator and was shocked to see you. His features flashed from shock to outrage and then back into a more neutral state as he kneeled before Snoke.

“Master,” he uttered behind gritted teeth, “What is this?”

You raise your head up as hard as you can, filled with the determination to not look weak. You glowered at Snoke, who only seemed interested in Kylo’s arrival.

“I have found your toy,” Snoke comments, waving a hand in your general direction, “Due to the improper training and the concealment of her existence from me, there will be punishment.”

Fear strikes across Kylo’s features before he settles on rage, he rises onto his feet but before he can reply, Snoke continues. “I will allow your dam her life. However,” he raises his hand and you’re roughly pulled up onto your feet before being tossed across the room once again. This time, you smack into Hux who holds you steady from falling down onto your knees. A bit of fear finally enters your features as you glance between the three men as Snoke continues, “toys are taken away when they’re not used properly. She will remain under Hux’s supervision until the last of the resistance is found.” 

You move to step away from Hux but he holds you firmly in place.

“You are to have no interaction with her and,” he waves a hand in your direction and you brace for another round of pain. But this time is different. He enters your mind and locks something away. You felt the change instantly. It felt like you were cut in half, your body didn’t feel like your own anymore. You fall down to your knees, wheezing, ”W-What… did… you do?!” You felt heavy and sluggish like you suddenly gained additional weight. You went ignored and felt like throwing up as Snoke continued, “I am locking her connection to the Force. She will no longer be able to tap into it.” You look up to Kylo for help, even though you know there’s not much he could do.

Snoke was blocking your connection since you’ve been on board. It’s why you couldn’t reach out to Kylo and now it’s locked away from you indefinitely. You put a hand over your mouth, trying not to panic too much. You swallowed hard, your hands shaking fiercely, as you slowly rose back up onto your feet. Hux merely stands beside you, waiting to take you back to a cell.

“Hux, take her. I have a few more things to discuss with my apprentice,” Snoke states. The cuffs clack together again as Hux grabs you by the arm and tugs you along. You give one last look to Kylo and he to you before the elevator door closes and you're descending down towards the further rings of hell.

You stare down at the floor, lost in your own thoughts. You exhale a shaky breath. Now that you are out of that room, the anxiety of the entire situation plummets onto your shoulders. You bite your lip to keep it from wobbling and hold your arms close to your chest to try and keep from shaking.

When the elevator doors open you’re afraid to utter a single word, you silently follow behind Hux who remains just as quiet. You stare at Hux’s back, ignoring the stares and your surroundings. You're tired of the contempt, the pity. But being cut off from the Force… it’s like losing a part of yourself. Doing something you loved and cherished, something that made you feel closer to those you care about. Ripped away from you without hesitation.

Hux stopped to open a door and you slinked inside. But what you saw was not the interior of a cell. Panic flashed through you, you saw a bedroom off to one side and an office through another doorway. The desk was littered with papers and fear welled in your belly. You rounded on Hux, “W-Where--?!” but yelped as he swung down to pick you up and lift you over his shoulder.

  
“Hux!! What are you doing!?” You screeched, kicking and banging your tied hands on his back. He roughly throws you on the bed and you have never felt so much fear. “D-Don’t!--”

Hux grins and loosens his collar, “Don’t what? It is unbelievably alluring to have you stripped of your power, your strength. You’re nothing but a normal girl now.”

Anger flashes through you and you go to kick at his groin but he easily pins you down.

Without your connection to the Force, your body doesn’t feel the same and it’s not cooperating the way you’re used to. Hux grabs your shackled hands and holds it above your head, sitting on you to keep your legs pinned. His free hand traces down your body and you fight to hold back the tears. “Kylo will kill you if I don’t,” you hiss, trying to put all of your anger into your voice.

Hux hums as he leans down, his lips ghosting the skin on your neck. “Even after _that,_ you would want to be with him? That’s suicidal,” Hux laughs, his breath billowing against you.

“Well, it’s better than yo--” you yelp again as he interrupts you by nipping at your neck. You constantly thrash around to try and kick him off but he’s much more powerful than you gave him credit for. He is technically a General in an army, you suppose.

Hux leaned back licking his lips, “I wonder if I can make you moan like he can.”  
“This isn’t a dick measuring contest!” You growl but he hums in thought nonetheless.

Hux’s hand begins unbuttoning your blouse. “Hux, come on, please, I know you’re an asshole but don’t do this,” you beg as his hand runs up your stomach.

“Too bad Ren isn’t willing to share you, I’d have no problem with that,” Hux murmurs, off-handedly. You blush slightly, while the idea as a whole is a little intriguing but the idea _with Hux_ just makes you want to vomit. Hux’s fingers graze over your skin, higher and you finally break. You can’t stand his touch, it makes you feel sick and revolted.

“Hux, stop, please,” you whine, tears building in the corners of your eyes.

His hand reaches under your bra as he leans down towards you.

You squeeze your eyes shut, crying as you whimper, “P-Please, please, stop, I don’t want this.”

He slowly stops. A silent moment passes and you force your eyes shut tighter, afraid to open them. Before long, Hux slowly backs away from you with a scoff, “This isn’t nearly as fun as I’d hoped it would be.” He turns and adjusts his clothes as he stalks out of the room. A moment later, the cuffs on your wrist are demagnetized and unlocked. He exits into the exterior corridor and you hear the door lock behind him.

Finally alone, you scramble out of the bed. Your heart is still beating in overdrive and you can’t stand to be in the bedroom any longer. You race out into the den area and decide to sit on the ground, leaning against the sofa. You fix your clothes, retracing Hux’s steps and feeling the bile rise in your throat again.

Unconsciously, you try to reach out to Kylo. The gravity hits you like a tidal wave and you curl your legs into your chest, covering your face in your hands. You sob uncontrollably, wishing for so many things to have gone differently.

——

A while later, you haven’t moved from your spot on the floor but the unlatching of the door causes you to flinch. You warily look up to see Hux standing there but from behind him runs Alli, squealing, “Y/N!!!” On instinct, you jump to your feet and meet her halfway, lifting her up into your arms, “Aleia!! Are you ok, did they do anything to you?” You run your hands over her hair, taking in her slightly new appearance.

“The scary ghost took me to a nice room. Then this lady came by and gave me a bath and clothes,” She smiled, which you softly returned. She was dressed in a simple charcoal-colored shirt and trousers, with her hair now cleaned and brushed up into a ponytail. If you didn’t know any better, you might say she’d look like an officer’s daughter visiting. As if that occurrence was even possible within the First Order.

“You’re welcome,” Hux gruffly mumbles before locking the door and heading straight to his office. The office door closes behind him and you sit down with Alli on the couch.

“So you’re not hurt or anything?” you ask her.

She shakes her head, “No! Are you ok?”

You smile down at her, not wanting to worry her, “I’m ok. Did they give you anything to play with?” Alli shakes her head, puffing her cheeks.

“I sat brave to wait for you. I was scared when the carrot man came in. He said he would take me to you. I didn’t believe him at first,” she says, swinging her legs on the couch.

You laugh into your hand at the descriptor she used for Hux.

“Well, what do you want to do now?” You ask her with a grin.

“I want to go home,” she says with a frown. Shit, you should have known better. She crawls closer to you on the couch, putting her small hands on your cheeks.

“You cried,” she states, annoyance clearly etched into her big green eyes. You’re not sure if it’s directed at you or the cause of your crying.

You slowly nod your head and place a hand over one of hers, “I did.”

She saddens, “No! You can’t cry!” You laugh a little, she must see you like this big brave adult who can do no wrong.

You smile softly, “Sometimes you need to cry. After, it makes you feel better, right?”

Alli slowly nods, but still doesn’t look entirely convinced.

“Why were you crying?” she asks, sitting down in your lap as you recline horizontally on the couch.

“I’m not allowed to see Kylo again until they find some people,” you state. You weren’t going to tell her everything, but you wanted to answer her questions truthfully and pick up a conversation that you wouldn’t have a problem talking about.

“Who’s that?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

You grin wolfishly at her, “My boyfriend.”

She covers her mouth in a gasp, “You have a boyfriend?!”

You snicker, “Yep! But we’re not allowed to see each other for a while.”

Aleia puffs her cheeks again in displeasure and you add, “But if you see a scary, super tall man in all black, it might be him. Sometimes he wears a cape and a helmet. He can be really scary but you just have to act tougher than him.”

She nods profusely as if she’d just received orders.

You look up to Hux’s office before whispering to her, “I’ll try to get Hux to take you on walks throughout the ship. You’ve slipped away from shop owners and other people in the past, right?”

Alli grinned with a nod, maybe more wickedly than you liked to admit, though you found it adorable. “If you dash away from Hux, don’t do it too many times or for too long. And if you see my boyfriend, his name is Kylo Ren. He’s also very powerful, if you run into him, he can hear your thoughts. If you see him on any of your walks, let him know I’m ok. I’ll make sure to make you some good sweets if I can, ok?” you ask, grinning at her.

She nods vigorously again before giving a small yawn. You lightly tug on her arm for her to lay beside you on the couch. You wrap your arm over her and she snuggles close to you, giving a sigh of relief. “Will you sing again?” she asks, already yawning again.

You chuckle, “Not today, maybe another time.”

Before long, you’re both asleep.

The next morning you’re awoken once again by Alli shaking your arm. You sit up, rubbing your eyes, and a blanket falls off of you. You think nothing of it as Alli pulls you over to a table where some food has been set. “Y/N?...” she asks quietly, “Can we eat this?”

That’s just heartbreaking. You grimace before smiling, “Yup. Hux left it for us.” You’re guessing since he’s not here but you weren’t about to tell her no.

She immediately begins digging in and you get a little concerned. “Slow down! Slow down, it’s ok, it’s not going anywhere and no one will steal it. You’ll get sick if you eat too much food so quickly,” you warn, placing a hand on her shoulder. She slows down, though a little begrudgingly.

After the two of you have eaten, Hux reappears but begins heading straight for his office. You step in front of him, “Hux, I have a request.”

He scoffs, “You’re in no position for them.” 

He goes to move around you but you block him again.

“A plea then, Alli is just a little girl, she needs exercise and things to keep her busy.”

Hux scowls, “And this has to do with me because?”

You frown at him, “Because _you_ brought her into this mess. She won’t cause you any trouble, just take her on a walk around outside of this room once in a while.”

Hux stares at you for a while. He won’t give anything without receiving anything.  
“I won’t ask to leave this room and I won’t try to escape. Just please, Hux?” you implore.

Finally, he rolls his eyes, “Fine. I will take her on my rounds later this afternoon. If she ever does something I don’t like, I will put a halt to these pleasantries.”

You sigh with relief as he finally pushes past you into his office. You decide to go over and talk to Alli some more about the best way to handle this “walk.”

——

Kylo Ren stormed through the hallways of the Supremacy. His _conversation_ with Master Snoke the previous day had fueled his rage into a blazing fire. He was becoming increasingly more strained with the giant humanoid. Great power or not, Kylo knew he was not an animal or a child to be trained and treated as such.

Y/N included. She is not a _plaything_ to be “taken away.” He gritted his teeth beneath his mask, fine if he had to burn the entire Resistance to the ground to free her, he would. Kylo tried checking the cell logs for her location but was unable to find anything and now that she can’t reach into the Force, he can’t locate or speak to her remotely. He knew they had to be hiding her from him, knowing that if he found her he would take her away and put her somewhere safe.

He made his way toward the docking bay when he heard a small voice in his mind.

“ _Kylo Ren. Must find Kylo Ren. Scary man. All black. Cape. Helmet. Squishy on the inside._ ”

What the fuck. Kylo stopped in his tracks, searching. He had overheard a thought. From a child? On the Supremacy? That doesn’t make any sense.

He continued on his way until he rounded a corner and froze. He saw Hux standing and talking to an officer, with a small girl grabbing onto his coat. She was intently looking around for something. When she turned and saw Kylo standing there, she grinned widely. This is not the appropriate response a child should have.

He wrinkled his nose in confusion and went to walk away until she tugged on Hux’s coat and pointed at Kylo. With a low growl, Kylo waited as Hux made his way over with the little girl trailing behind. “Who’s the kid?” Kylo asked harshly.

She shrank back a little before puffing back up and sticking her tongue at him. Little shit. Hux smirked at the reaction and mused, “Niece, I had no other choice.” Kylo could tell he was lying. Kylo tried to reach into Hux’s mind for information on Y/N but found it barred from him. He cursed under his breath, only Snoke could have protected this fool.

Hux kept talking, which Kylo ignored to glance down at the girl who was still staring at him. Annoyed, he sent a message into her mind, “ _What?”_

Her eyes sparkled and she smiled again, making his eye twitch.

“ _You can hear me?!_ ” she squealed in her mind.

“ _What of it?_ ” he huffed, annoyed.

She suddenly took on an angry face. Or was it her trying to be serious? 

He doesn’t know what to make of her.

“ _Y/N says she’s ok_.” She sends.

Kylo froze. What? This girl knows her?

“ _Who are you to her?_ ” Kylo asked, but was swiftly ignored.

“ _She cried over you!!_ ” She growls, making a sour face at him.

He looks back to Hux to find he’s turned to talk to a couple of officers.

Kylo softens slightly, “ _I’m sure. She is brave but soft._ ”

“ _She says you’re soft_ ,” the little girl laughs, covering her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Kylo frowns, what the hell has Y/N been putting in this girl’s brain? For now, he ignores it.

“ _Where is she being kept?_ ” he asks.

She frowns, making a confused expression. “ _I don’t know. A fancy room with big windows. There’s even food there! Carrot man has been taking me to and from there,_ ” she responds.

Kylo grins at the name she bestowed upon Hux.

He looks back up in time for Hux to turn back to him. "As I was saying…" he continues. Kylo rolls his eyes under his mask. They converse about the "issue" before Hux finally smirks.

Kylo snarls, "Whatever you're thinking, the answer is no."

Hux frowns, "Unlike you, I have a busy schedule. I was _forced_ into bringing her along and the docking bay is no place for a child.”   
Kylo takes on an angry stance, “I’m not going to be a babysitter for _your_ charge.”

But just as he finished, the little girl had grabbed onto his cloak.

“What are you doing?” He hissed at her, trying to pull the material from her hands. She gripped harder, making another angry face at him.

In the commotion, Hux snuck off throwing over his shoulder, “See? She already likes a monster like you, I’ll pick her up later.” Kylo growled, lifting his right hand to Force-pull Hux back to him but he flinches. He looks down to see the little girl had grabbed his left hand with both of hers. Kylo’s eye twitches again and he rips his hand away. When he turns back, Hux has disappeared. With another angry growl, he begins stalking off.

He’s not unaware of the little girl, skipping after him. He places a hand over his helmet, extremely annoyed Hux got away with this little stunt. Kylo decides it would be best to get her out of view before calling a female officer to come to pick her up and take care of her. He gets back to his quarters and opens the door, but before he can take a step inside the little girl runs past him into the room.

Confused, he steps inside and closes the door behind him.

She saddens as she realizes something, “Y/N isn’t here… this isn’t the right room…”

Kylo frowns, before taking his helmet off and placing it on the counter, “No, she isn’t.”

He sighs, looking out through the windows before looking regrettably away.

The little girl climbs into the chair to sit across from him.

She gasps as she looks at him unmasked, he frowns at her, “What now?”

“She was right! She was right!” the girl giggles, beaming up at Kylo.

His scowl deepens, “What in the galaxy are you blabbering about?”

Wiggling in her seat she laughs, “You’re a knight!”

Kylo scratches his head, he really doesn’t understand this kid.

With a sigh, he turns to get her something to drink. He grabs a cup from the cupboard when he hears a slight scrape behind him. With an aggravated groan he turns to see the little girl has picked up his helmet and placed it on her head. “What are you doing?” He grumbles and moves to take it from her.

She swats at his hand and grumbles through the mask, “You are not to touch me! I am the Knight King, Alli!” Well, at least he knows her name.

Kylo frowns, “I’m in the presence of an urchin…”

“Yes! Yes, I am the strongest of us!” She chimes in, not understanding the word.

This inclines Kylo to smirk slightly. He rolls his eyes and fills an empty cup with water.

“Here, can’t drink this with the helmet on.”

Alli takes it off before gulping down the water as if it wouldn’t be there two seconds later. Raising an eyebrow he quizzes, “Where did you come from?”

“I dunno,” she tilts her head to the side.

His brows push together as he leans on the counter towards her, “You don’t know the planet you come from?” She shakes her head. “Well, how did you get here?”

“The ghosts brought me here. Y/N says it's her fault but I think it’s just the ghosts,” She replies.

“Ghosts? You mean the Storm Troopers?” She shrugs. 

Kylo runs his hand across his face, how’s he ever going to get a straight answer from this girl? An idea strikes him and he asks, “Did Y/N tell you I can read minds?” Alli nods with a grin.

“May I read yours?” Kylo asks carefully. If he can actually _see_ what happened, that would be the best possible outcome. She wrinkles her nose slightly, “You already do that.”

He shakes his head, “There are different… um…. Spells? Before it was what you were thinking right then. This would be to see your memories, see what you’ve seen in the past.”

Alli gapes at him, clearly not grasping everything but understanding there’s somehow a difference. “Will it hurt?” she asks, looking a little sheepish.

“Not if you allow me to,” he responds truthfully.

“If it helps Y/N then it is ok!” she grins.

Kylo reaches a gloved hand towards her head. Alli scoots closer to his hand, probably assuming she needs to be as close as possible. He easily reaches into her mind. He sees her struggling to survive on the streets. The colorful festival put on by the Bounty Hunter Guild for the Tournament. He sees her watching Luca and Y/N’s other friends at a finish line, anxiously waiting. Then Y/N steps out from hiding, proudly producing some trinket items.

Then the standoff. The arguing. Kylo wants to punch Hux in his stupid face for making asinine comments to Y/N. Before finally, blasters are pointed. Alli takes her attention away from Y/N to stare fearfully at a Storm Trooper’s barrel. But Kylo could hear her. Y/N willingly going with Hux for the life of this girl. But then Hux orders them to grab Alli. Assurance. Anger bubbled through him. He softens sadly as he sees Y/N plead to hold her.

And once they’re on the ship, his heart aches at her singing. Alli is taken away from Y/N and Kylo skips through till she’s reunited. He couldn’t tell what room Hux had taken Alli to. It looked like many other living quarters on board. He tried to memorize the steps to try and retrace later. When Alli rushed to Y/N, her eyes were red and swollen, her skin paler. Her wrists are red from fighting against the shackles. He growls, anger blinding his vision.

He settles slightly again as she talks to Alli. Telling her about him and that she would try to make a way for Alli to reach him. He sighs and leans back, breaking the connection.

“... Thanks… Alli..” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair.

She beams up at him, “She misses you! Can we go back to her now?”  
Kylo frowns, “I’m not allowed to see her right now.”

“Oh yea, hurry and catch those people then!!” She barks, pointing a finger at him.

He raises an eyebrow, “Uh-huh… Want to play a game?” His distraction works, her eyes sparkle as she nods enthusiastically. “Pretend you don’t know who Y/N is when both Carrot Man and I are in the same space, it will help Y/N and I a lot. And don’t tell him I know you know her,” Kylo suggests.

Alli puffs her cheeks, “I want treats!”

Kyo frowns but obliges, “Ok, fine, I’ll give you rewards every time you do a good job.”

She grins mischievously and Kylo can already feel himself regretting that statement. “I already did good today! I want a treat!” she claims, slapping a hand on the counter. 

Kylo scoffs, “Like what? I haven’t got you anything yet because I _just met_ you.”

She looks around the room before settling on him again, “Cape.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want the cape!!” She bellows, standing in the chair.

“It’s a cloa-- you know what nevermind, fine, you can have it,” Kylo grumbles, taking it off. He had more, who gives a shit over one cloak.

He folds it in half a couple of times to make it easier for her to carry before giving it to her. She wraps it around her shoulders before jumping down off the chair and making noises to herself. Clearly keeping herself entertained, an idea occurs to him. He opens a drawer to pull out a small piece of paper and a pen. He writes down a note and folds it up. 

He makes himself something to drink, going through his datapad and only glancing up at Alli every once in a while. Finally, Hux sends him a message saying he’s picking her up. “Alli, come here,” Kylo calls to her. She stops playing against whatever invisible force she was fighting and skips over to him. “Hux, er, Carrot Man will be here soon to pick you up. Remember what we said?” She nods.

“He must not know,” She salutes him. Kylo will have to take it.

  
  


“I have one more mission for you,” Kylo asks.

“Yes, sir! Anything sir! More treats next time sir!” she barks, still saluting.

Kylo’s eye twitches, damn this girl likes free stuff.

He pulls out the small note, “Give this to Y/N for me? Hide it from Hux.”

She nods gleefully, excited to play a “game,” before grabbing it and stuffing it in her pocket.

“Ok, go keep playing so he doesn’t notice anything,” Kylo says turning her around gently.

She runs off and he continues browsing through his datapad. 

A few minutes later a knock at the door and Kylo opens it through the Force. Hux strides in, taking in the scene in front of him in a slightly shocked manner.

“The cretin can keep herself entertained. Take her back to her mother,” Kylo growls, not even glancing up from his tablet. Hux visibly relaxes, Kylo’s remark about the girl’s parentage makes it seem like he’s unaware.

Hux then questions, “Why does she have that?”

Kylo scoffs, finally looking up at him with an aggravated expression, “She wouldn’t take her grubby hands off of it and then proceeded to _clean_ her nose with it. She can have the scrap of cloth.” Hux smirks but tries to mask it.

“Aleia, it’s time to go,” Hux calls. She finally looks over to him and nods with a grin before running over to him, still clutching the folded cloak around her shoulders.

“I should get you to babysit all the time,” Hux mocks.

“Don’t,” Kylo growls, “That’s the parent’s job.”

Kylo goes back to his datapad, feigning boredom. He hears them leave, followed by the closing door. He finally turns and looks at it. He needed to find the Resistance. Quickly.

——

The door startles you when it opens again. You had gotten used to the silence. There wasn’t anything to do here. You couldn’t leave, you couldn’t have a datapad and while the thought of snooping through Hux’s personal office crossed you, you were too afraid he’d pick up where he left off. You wager there wouldn’t be anything of interest anyway, he would have already moved or gotten rid of it.

Aleia runs straight at you with a gleeful expression,”Y/N!!”

You snicker at her, “What in the world?? Did someone give you a bedsheet??” 

She pranced around the room with the black cloth and you laughed as she boasted, “I’m a mighty wizard! I’ll cast a spell on you!”

You turn to Hux, “Where did she get that thing?”

Hux shrugged, “She picked it up on the walk.” He then turned and went into his office, closing the door. You narrowed your eyes, such an evasive answer. All the linen on this vessel, like most First Order ships, were in various shades of dark greys and black, so maybe she got it from a maid cart?

You turned your head back to Alli, she stared at Hux until the door shut. When it did, she snapped her attention to you with a very serious expression. You gave her an amused smirk, with an eyebrow raised in question. She bounded over to where you sat on the couch and crawled close to whisper in your ear, “I met him today.”

Realization dawned on you as you looked down at the black fabric she had now pulled from her shoulders to hold in her hands. “This is…” you whisper, slowly reaching out to it.

Alli grinned and held it up to you, “I got this as a prize from Knight for following the rules! I wanted to give it to you!”

You smiled, tears in the corners of your eyes, “Thank you, Alli. It means the world to me…”

You slowly pick it up and hold it gently in your lap. “What did you mean by rules?”

She giggled, “We’re playing a game! To trick Carrot Man!”

You smirked, “What kind of game?”

She looked to the door and then back to you before whispering, “I have to pretend I don’t know you when I’m around both Knight and Carrot Man.”

“Oooohh, I gotcha,” you laugh, quickly understanding what Kylo is trying to achieve.

Aleia is still bouncing around in her spot, “Did you have anything else you wanted to say?”

She nodded her head, “He gave me a secret mission!”

You dramatically flair into a shocked expression, “A secret mission?!”

She laughs at your goofy antics for a moment before she realizes she didn’t do anything.

Pulling out a small folded note from her pocket, she hands it to you.

“Oh, my dearest knight…” you laugh softly.

You unfurl the paper as Alli moves to sit beside you. You silently read the note to yourself.

_[ Y/N,_

_I am sorry you are wrapped up in this situation. Are you ok? I saw through Alli’s memories of what happened.  
I am also sorry she has become a part of this due to that moron as well. She is annoying, how do you stand her?  
I will hunt the resistance down soon. _

_If you have to make a hasty exit, below is my room location._

_-Kylo_ ]

You feel a ton of emotions sweep through you. You take a deep breath, settling yourself down.

“What does it say?” Alli asks.

You blink at her, “You can’t read it?”

She shakes her head, looking down at Kylo’s handwriting.

“Well, we’ll fix that,” you grin, ruffling her hair. She laughs and you answer her question, “He says he’s sorry for us getting in this mess and said he’d try to resolve it soon. He also told me he looked at your memories.”

She nodded and you frowned slightly, “Did it hurt?”

She shakes her head, “No, he asked me before and told me it wouldn’t if I was ok with it.”

You sigh slightly, a little relieved, “Ok, but you don’t have to do that again. Your memories are very precious. They’re a part of your mind and should never be invaded except for emergencies, ok?”

She tilts her head to the side a bit confused, you ruffle her hair again, “Trust me, you’ll get it.”

“He asked me where you were but I don’t know where this is…” Alli says sadly, hanging her head in shame.

“This is Hux’s personal quarters,” you say with a sorrowful smile. 

“Ooohh, why are we in his house?” She asks curiously.

“He wants to make sure we don’t leave.” She wrinkles her face in anger but you ruffled her hair, “We’ll be out of here before too long. Believe in Kylo.”

You spend the rest of the day talking to her on the couch. Hux stayed in his office, working at his desk for a long time before eventually coming out. However, he paid you and Alli no mind as he crossed the den area into the bedroom. The door closed behind him and before long you could hear water running. 

You sigh, ready to be away from him. You yawn and Alli soon wiggles in next to you as the two of you lay down on the couch. You pull Kylo’s cloak over the two of you, falling asleep to the warm enveloping scent.

The next morning before Hux leaves you catch him, “I-Is it ok for me to grab supplies from your office?...” He smirks at you, taking steps closer to you as you take steps backward. Eventually, your back is against the wall.

“Why? Writing letters to anyone?” He muses, shoving his face closer to you.

Your brows wrinkle in anger but you calmly replied, “No. I want to teach Alli to read and write.”

  
Hux rolls his eyes, “What was stopping you from going in before?”

You look away but reply, “I did not want you to lash out in anger.”

He grins, “As if I would leave anything of value in here for you to use.”

“I figured as much. I also know there’s no need in giving you any ammunition against me,” you scoff back to him, arms crossed.

His hand flashes out, grabbing your chin and pulling your face up to look at him. Hux’s eyes glaze over you and you could tell he was considering finishing where he left off. But he steps away. “Fine,” he goes to leave before adding, “You and the girl will be moved to a new room tomorrow.” 

You exhale the breath you were holding in. Good. You and Alli will be able to get fully cleaned up. You look over to her sleeping form, still curled underneath Kylo’s large cape. You could feel the stress of the whole situation still resting on your shoulders. You felt trapped, what you really wanted to do was bust out of this room and get to Kylo or find an escape pod, _something_. But you needed to be strong for her. Strong now. Breakdown later. 

——

The next few weeks passed… relatively quietly. Hux would move you and Alli to a new room every few days, probably to keep you hidden from Kylo. He would drop by to deliver meals and other essentials. Every other day or so he’d take Alli on short walks. Sometimes she’d run into Kylo and bring you news from him, as best as she could, sometimes she wouldn’t. When she did, she usually always had a short, small handwritten note from Kylo and a little candy.

The two of you kept yourselves entertained, she liked learning to read and write so that was always a help. Hux would even “allow” Alli to play games with him. Simple things like card games. She always made you smile, it seemed like she was able to warm anyone’s heart.

When they were out on walks, you usually would make time for a workout. It’s been hard, re-adjusting your training without your connection to the Force. But you do your best and even make time to meditate and self reflect. But today you decide to sit on the couch reading a book while you wait. It was one of the other few things you could do in confinement. Hux had already alerted you that the two of you would be going to a new room.

You looked up when Hux opened the door, before narrowing your eyes at him as he stepped inside and the door closed behind him. “Where’s Aleia?” You ask.

Hux replies smoothly, walking over, “I already put her in the new room, it seemed like a pain to take her all the way here and back.” You placed the book on the side table but remained seated as he continued. “That. And I wanted to ask you something.”

He jumped on top of you, pinning you down.

“For fuck's sake! Not this again! Get off!!” You growled.

However, unlike last time, you’re more in control. You thrash around and end up having the upper hand as the two of you tumbled off the couch and down onto the floor. Unfortunately, he was still able to best you. If you had some weapons, he would be skinned. 

Hux looked down at you with indifference, his orange hair now falling into his face from the scuffle. “Why?” was all he asked.

You frowned at him, “Why _what_?”

“Why Ren?”

Your eyes widened, “What does that have to do with anything?”

Hux’s eyes narrowed, “He’s no different than me. A murderer, a monster, a mortal man, but you picked _him_ over _me_?”

“Kylo is _not_ a monster!” you hiss.

Hux laughed, “Yeah right! When he was on the hunt for that map piece to Skywalker, he gave an order to the troopers to kill an entire camp of innocent people.”

You stiffened but continued, “He wasn’t always like that!”

Hux scoffed, “Neither was I. What makes him so special? Why do you have so much faith he can be redeemed but you won’t even glance my way.”

Is that what this is about? You eyed him carefully.

“He will never be forgiven or absolved of the things he’s done. No one can change the past, we can only hope to make the future brighter. For everyone. At the bare minimum, _stop_ the spread of misery. I knew Kylo years before he became what you see now.” Hux’s eyes widened. He was never filled in on that part. “No one is too far gone from redemption. Unless you think you are, _then_ you truly are gone. You have to want it,” you state.

Hux stares at you carefully for a few minutes. You can’t say your perception of him hasn’t changed in this situation. Very slightly. You still think he’s an asshole and acts like a peacock, but you also can see how similar he really is to Kylo. Both fighting with themselves on what’s good to them. What matters to them and what is worth fighting for.

He slowly backs off, standing to turn back to the door, straightening his hair. “Let’s go.” You say nothing to him as you gather your book and follow him. You walk several paces behind him. Still very suspicious of him, you’ll never trust the man, but you feel a prick in your heart at the thought he could feel trapped here too. You shake your head to try and rid the feeling.

You think back, though he was a little grouchy about it, he still played with Alli. And as _revolting_ as it was to assault you originally, he did back off. Until earlier, he hadn’t even touched you. You groan inwardly, all the people in the First Order are fucking crazy. Hux stops at the door, opening it to allow you inside before he leaves and it locks behind you.

You turn to see this room was not a living quarter. It was more like a waiting area. You narrow your eyes, and find Alli has been rummaging through the food left on one of the tables. Walking closer to sit in a chair near her you laugh, “You sure you’re getting enough? There’s plenty here for a whole family.”

Alli grins and laughs, “It’s a gift!”

You scrunch your eyebrows together, “A gift? For what?”

You heard the door open behind you, saw Alleia’s face beam bright. Your smile fades as you look to her confused before turning towards the door. Your eyes widened, watering on the edges. Kylo is braced against the doorframe, looking like he ran forty miles an hour to get here. His expression mirrored your own. You slowly stood, his name ghosting your lips before you dash towards him.

He gives a tired sigh of relief before running to meet you halfway. You crash into him, but he easily lifts you and twirls you in his arms before setting you back down again.

“Kylo! Kylo, I missed you!” You laugh, weeping tears of joy. He holds your head in his palms and you sigh at the pleasant touch. “I missed you too, malla,” he rumbles, affection visibly swirling in his deep brown eyes.

He wipes the tears from under your eyes before kissing you. It starts slow but you laugh, caught up in your happiness, standing on your tiptoes to pepper kisses all over his face. He chuckles at you before pulling you closer to him. Your head fits comfortably against his chest and he leans his head against your own. You feel his breath billow against your hair as he gives another relieved sigh.

“Is the game over now?” You hear Alli’s voice ask.

You laugh, pulling out of the hug, but still firmly holding Kylo’s hand, “I don’t know.” You look up at Kylo with a questioning smile, “Is it over?”

Kylo nods, “Yes. We found a small outpost that can lead us to the main base.”

Alli frowns, “What about the food?!”

You chortle, “You’re still hungry??”

Alli nods profusely, before heading back to the food. Kylo gives it a confused glance, “Did Hux set that up?” You shrug.

“I don’t know. He dropped Alli off first and then came and got me. She was eating when I got here, the little glutton.” You stick your tongue at her and she does the same back with a devilish grin. Kylo narrows his eyes, “We found the Resistance outpost a few days ago, but I was still barred from you. I got a message just before I got here to come to this room. He didn’t tell me why, but I had thought as much. He’s overseeing the invasion now.”

You wrap your arms around his middle, “I don’t care where he is, I have all I need in this room.”

He smirks at you, “I don’t remember you being this mushy.”

“I’ve always been this squishy, you know you love it,” you hum, to which he gives a small huff. “Come on, let’s eat,” you muse, moving towards the table while tugging on his hand.

The meal was a lot of fun. Alli asked tons of questions now that the three of you were in the same room. It was amusing to see how she and Kylo reacted to one another. He continuously calls her “urchin” and is still pretty grouchy with her. But it doesn’t phase her a single bit. She took that advice you gave her to heart, about not letting his grumpy demeanor deter her. Alli apparently liked picking fights with him, they had you laughing to tears on multiple occasions.

Which Kylo would get bothered about, saying you were only making her worse. Then you’d turn on him and he’d get defensive, which only made you laugh harder. After the food has been almost devoured, you start to clean up the mess. Kylo places a hand on your arm to stop you, “I’ll get someone to take care of this. Let’s go back to a place she can be put to sleep.”

He turns to Aliea, struggling to keep her eyes open. You nod to Kylo before grinning down at Alli, “Let’s go, sweetie.” She yawns, holding her arms up to you. Easily picking her up, her head buries into your neck as she already starts nodding off. You smile at Kylo with a whisper, “Lead the way.” Kylo grabs the bag of items that Alli had been collecting, mostly toys, before heading out the door.

It’s later in the evening and the traffic in the halls of the Supremacy is quiet. You and Kylo walk so close together, your shoulders brush every so often. “What am I to do now?” You softly ask him after verifying Alli was indeed asleep.

He scrunched his face slightly and you clarified, “Can I go home? Should I? Am I supposed to fight beside you? I still can physically, it’s just… different…”

Your voice cracks and you give a small chuckle to try and keep from dragging the conversation into a dreadful tone. You didn’t want to make him or yourself upset after reuniting but you needed to know what direction you were now heading.

He grits his teeth in anger, rumbling, “As far as I’m concerned, you are free to do as you please. I am _not_ your owner. ‘Master’ Snoke…” the title drips venomously from him, “never said you had to remain imprisoned here.”

You let out a relieved sigh, laughing, “You may not be my ‘owner’, but you’re a great man and I’m very happy to have you.” You lightly bonk your head on his shoulder since your arms were full. He cracks a small smile at the gesture.

“Well, first things first, I’m not sure what to do with little one here,” You smile down at her. Kylo makes a perplexed face. “I would love to have her, but there’s no way I can involve her in this First Order mess,” you continue. You cast a side glance at Kylo to see him scratching the back of his neck.

“The urchin isn’t entirely intolerable…” he mumbled slightly before quickly adding, “However, you’re right. What about your family?”

You look up to him with a nod, “That was the theory. Mom can take care of her, I think she’s strong enough to train and I’ll still be able to visit. Can we take her tomorrow morning? I’m sure my family is worried about me as well…”

Kylo grimaced slightly, “Ah, well…”

You narrow your eyes at him, “What?”

He runs his hand across his face as he says, “I got in contact with your brother, Luca, and by extension the rest of your family. I explained some of the situation. That you were locked away because of me. Safe, unharmed, but unable to reach them.”

You frowned, “They were mad.”

“Quite…”

You snicker at him, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have written a letter.”

The three of you finally reach a door which Kylo opens and you walk inside. It’s basically identical to his room on the Finalizer. 

Kylo’s clearly trying to gather the words for his response so you softly lay Alli down on the plush couch, going to retrieve a blanket for her.

“Even though… your connection is blocked, I could still reach out and feel your emotions. I couldn’t ever pinpoint your location and I couldn’t send you anything but when I truly focused on you, I could feel your emotions surrounding me,” He slowly started. You tucked Aliea in before going back to Kylo and grasping one his hands in yours. “I could tell how stressful the situation was, I didn’t want you to have another person you had to fake being ok for,” he raised his free hand to pat you on the head.

Before you knew it, you were crying. Kylo led you into the bedroom, pulling you into him on the bed. He said nothing but continuously rubbed soothing circles on your back as you gripped onto the front of his shirt.

After a while, you stop and sit up with a sniffle, “Thanks…”

He sat up beside you, placing a kiss on the corner of your mouth, “Of course.” Before frowning, adding, “I just wish I didn’t have to see you weep so much.”

“I’m a cry baby, it’s ok,” you joke, sticking your tongue at him.

Kylo, unamused, huffs, “I’ll make this right.”

You tilt your head at the phrase but he just falls back into the pillows, pulling you with him. You laugh, placing a kiss to his jaw, “We have to change clothes.” You go to move but he shakes his head, arms wrapping around your middle to hold you in place.

“Too lazy, let’s just sleep like this,” he says, nuzzling his head into your shoulder.

You laugh again, “What are you a child?”

“Sure,” he chuckles, simply trying to appease you.

You roll your eyes before getting comfortable in his hold. For the first time in weeks, you sleep soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a lot of the story is Han yelling "That's not how the Force works!!" But you know lol  
> The way I see it, she uses the Force more passively than anything atm, like how Yoda is able to use the Force to move real fast and agile in combat, she does that passively basically all the time. Making her stronger, faster, etc. Not to like crazy standards but enough that when that connection is severed her body becomes "heavier" because the Force was making her feel lighter.
> 
> Originally, Hux was gonna do the bad. Somewhat because I wanted another 'dark' moment in my otherwise pretty pastel-happy world. But it didn't work with how I wanted to handle his character moving forward so 🤷♀️
> 
> Alli is my all-time fav, I have a sketch of her somewhere, a couple actually. In one she has Kylo's cape around her before she trips and falls xD I thought it was cute~
> 
> I didn't realize till waaayy later that Luca's name is similar to "Luke" and Aleia's name is similar to "Leia" and I didn't mean for that to happen but 🤷♀️🤷♀️
> 
> I also don't know anything about kids or when they start reading/writing so I made all that up lol
> 
> Next chapter's start is my absolute favorite scene everrrrrr <3
> 
> Love you all stay safe <3 <3 <3 <3


	13. Empowered or Engulfed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited with Kylo once more, it's a sigh of relief for the uncertain road ahead.

You wake up first, your eyes fluttering open before they widen at the scene in front of you. ‘ _ Oh my god they’re so cute!! _ ’ you mentally scream, biting your lip. Alli must have come into the room at some point during the night, she slept with her top half draped over Kylo’s chest. The blanket loosely covered the two and Kylo had an arm around her.

Your head swiveled around, you might not have your datapad but Kylo must have his nearby. You see it on the bedside table and grab it, you  _ need _ to have photographic evidence. The module is in your hands and you go to pull up the capture mode when you hear a soft hiss, “Don’t even  _ think _ about doing that.”

You look over at Kylo, one eye open as he comes out of his groggy state. You bite your lip again, “Bu--”

“No buts!” He growls, still quiet enough to not wake the little one in his arm.

You still raise the device to take a photo but he snatches it out of your hand and places it on the end table on his side of the bed. You put on your best pout face.

“The urchin came in during the night saying she was afraid because you weren’t with her,” he mumbled. You smirk, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

He looked off with a huff, “You needed the comfortable sleep.”

You lick your lips, time to pick on him. “How very dad-like of you,” you purr.

Kylo was not expecting that, he frowned but his face flushed pink, “It is not!”

You shrug, grinning, “I think you’d be an adorably awkward dad. Like right now.”

He’s clearly baffled and all he can do is mutter, “I am not dad material.”

“If you’re not dad material then I’m not mom material,” you say cooly.

He opens his mouth to reply but jumps slightly when Alli rouses herself out of sleep.

“Morning, starlight,” you muse, ruffling her hair.

“Y/N…” she yawns, leaning off of Kylo to reach for you. You smile, picking her up to place her on your lap, “Sleep well?” She nods, rubbing her eyes.

“We need to talk about today,” you start softly. 

She scrunches her face with a yawn, “Leaving?”

You nod, “We’ll take you somewhere safe, where my family can take care of you. I told you about them before, my moms and my brother.”

Alli nods, “You’ll be with me too, right?”

You smile sadly, “Kylo and I will take you there and drop you off, make sure you’re settled in. However, I need to remain with Kylo and he has to remain here.”

She scowls, “No!! I stay!!” She crosses her arms in anger, turning away from you slightly. “It will be for a short time. Only until my connection to the Force is unlocked, then I will come back to you,” you chuckle, kissing her cheek.

She turns back to you cautiously, “Your powers?”

You smirk, “Yes, my powers.”

Alli thinks carefully for a moment.

“Promise?” She asks weakly, not really wanting to be separated from you.

You held out your pinky, “I promise. This will fulfill my first promise to you, to protect and ensure your safety. Then another, to promise my return to you.”

She smiles slightly and weakly pinky promises.

You pick her up and put her down on the floor, “Go gather your things, we’ll be out shortly.”

She nods, sulking off back to the living room. After she’s out of the room, you turn back to Kylo who had sat up to quietly listen to your exchange. “You could keep her here if you wanted…” he mumbled slightly.

You gave him a sad smile, “You just say that because it would make me happy. But it’s not best for her. We might see her as a person but others will only see her as a pawn to use against us. But I didn’t lie. I would stay with her or take her home instead of to my family if I was… whole. You and I are the only ones that can fix this and honestly after last time, I’ll feel safest beside you.” You respond truthfully, your nervous hand running over your arm.

Kylo lays a hand over yours, “You’re right. And I will feel more at ease with you here as well.” He gently takes your hand as he stands, pulling you with him. “Let’s get ready to take her then.” You nod to him before the two of you start getting ready for your day. It’s felt like forever since the two of you had a quiet, simple moment.

You pull your brush through your hair, setting it in your usual fashion, as you sit on the bed. Looking in the mirror above the dresser and happy with the outcome, you look to Kylo with a grin. “Come here,” you call. He quirks an eyebrow but obliges. He sits in front of you as you look over his dark, shaggy hair. You pull the brush through it, using your hands to help shape and move strands around.

Before long, he’s shoulders slump into a more relaxed state as he reclines back towards you. “I see you finally trimmed your hair back to normal, it was getting a little wild back during the tournament,” you joked, finally setting the brush aside to lean off the bed over his shoulder, planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Can’t be turning into a beast, can I?” He rumbles with a chuckle. You hum.

“I guess it depends on where you’re a beast,” you whisper darkly into his ear before standing, “Ok, let’s go.” He looks at you a little flabbergasted before switching to a little annoyed which you just grinned at.

You walked into the entryway to find Alli playing with a toy. You smirked, “Putting that up?” She jumped at your voice, swiping the toy into the backpack as fast as she could. “Yep,” she grinned before changing the subject, “When do we eat?”

“I’m going to wait till we get to Mom’s, it shouldn’t take too long and Mother will probably make us something,” you reply and look at Kylo.

“I’ll do the same.” But Alli frowns.

“Snack!” She barks, her brows furrowing into anger. You think about where to pick her up a snack when Kylo groans, “You know where they are, urchin. If you haven’t eaten them all already.” Alli brightens and heads for the kitchen. Your eyes widen in shock as you turn to Kylo, who is clearly trying to avoid your gaze.

“What? She was here almost every time Hux took her out because he’s a derelict. Then she’d always complain about being hungry, I was tired of hearing it,” he grumbles, scratching his head. You bite your lip, trying to hide your laughter in your hands. Kylo makes an aggravated expression at you but Alli runs back to you, holding a strange pink fruit in her hand out to you.

You raise your eyebrow in question but take it from her, turning back to Kylo. “You got her to eat fruit?” you smirked at him. Every time she told you she got “treats” from him, you had assumed it had been more of those small candies from before. He frowns, “They’re better for her and keep her filled so she’s not annoying me for  _ more _ food.”

“They’re sweet!” She pipes up, clearly wanting to be a part of the conversation. Alli takes a bite out of it and you follow suit, “Oh! Wow, it is! Where did you get this from?” You ask Kylo as you savor the fruit. He picks up the toy bag, slinging it over his shoulder, “A farmer’s market on a planet, can we go now?”

You snickered at him before holding your free hand out to Aleia. She takes it and the two of you follow Kylo out the door munching on the soft, peachy colored fruit. There’s a few troopers roaming the halls, some of whom give the three of you curious glances. You and Alli finish eating the fruit you brought as the two of you follow Kylo into the docking bay. She gawks at the massive ships before slipping out of your hand to dash to a nearby ship.

You go to shout her name but as she runs by Kylo, he easily snatches her by the back of her clothes and hauls her back to you. Both of you are frowning down at her and she shrinks back, “Sorry…” she whimpers. You’re the first one to soften, sighing, “You can’t runoff. If you want to go see something, just ask.” She nods, but Kylo isn’t so kind.

“If you do something without us, we can’t guarantee your safety. Many things in this room can kill you, it’s why Hux never brought you,” he growls. Her eyes widen before nodding rapidly in comprehension. You throw an irked expression towards him. He didn’t have to be  _ so _ harsh. Nonetheless, as soon as he let her go, she quickly held on to your hand.

“You’ll get a great look at the inside of the ship we’ll be on soon, Kylo will even show you how to fly it,” you mused. Alli instantly perked up, amazement in her big round eyes.   
“You can fly?!” She squeaks, pressing her hand to her cheek in astonishment.

Kylo scoffs, “Of course I can pilot a ship. I never promised  _ lessons _ however.”   
You snickered, “He’s an amazing pilot, learned from the best.”

You saw Kylo flinch as he led you and Alli aboard a vessel. Narrowing your eyes, you kind of hope it stung a bit. On one hand, you feel guilty about making the comment, since you haven’t talked to him about it. But on the other, he should have told you upfront. As far as he knows, you have no idea he killed his father. Onboard, you let go of Alli’s hand and said, “You can take a look around but don’t touch anything.” She nodded before running around the ship. It wasn’t too big so she was never out of sight, you made sure to keep her in your peripheral. “Are we good to go?” You asked Kylo as you sat in the co-pilot chair.

He nodded, sitting in the pilot’s chair and flipping the needed switches. You called for Alli to come sit with you, she ran over, eyes glued to Kylo’s movements. She sat in your lap and constantly asked questions about ships, flying, lightspeed, anything that came to her mind. Kylo answered all of them, even though he acted like it was a huge aggravation, while he piloted the ship out and toward the Skine College.

Upon landing, your family was already there to crush you with hugs. “Oh my lord, you’re killing me,” you laugh but the amusement is not returned. “You could have died, Y/N. Or  _ worse _ ,” Kierabi hisses, holding your head in her hands. You glanced off with a shrug, “What was I to do?” Her eyes narrow before she rounds on Kylo, already being glared at by Luca. “It’s not his fault either, no one is to blame for this mess,” you growl at them. Luca grumbles under his breath, “That is debatable.”

Movement catches your mom’s attention as it shifts to the nervous form hiding between Kylo’s leg and his cloak. You clear your throat, signaling for Alli to come forward. Kneeling down to her you smile, “Aleia I’d like you to meet my family. This is my mom Kierabi, my mother Juli, and my brother Lucabay. Guys, this is Alli.” She still hides next to you for a moment, until she looks up at Luca and she whispers, “You’re touching the clouds…” You snicker as Luca grins, bending down to her.

“You wanna try?” He asks. Alli gasps, releasing your shirt entirely to run to him. Luca easily scoops her up and onto his shoulders. She squeals in delight as he takes off running around the courtyard. Kierabi is amused, but only for a moment. “I’m not really planning on adopting more orphans,” she huffs, crossing her arms. “Though I wouldn’t be opposed,” Juli pipes up from behind her, amused as she watches Alli play with Luca. Kierabi makes a sour face and you laugh before you freeze as she turns to you. “Unless this is your way of telling me I’m a grandmother now,” she rumbles, narrowing her eyes.

Shuffling your foot you bite your lip as you murmur, “I want to take care of her, assuming she truly has no one to care for her. But we-- I can’t take proper care of her right now. I need to get my connection back to the Force. Without it, I just don’t feel like myself…” Your voice faded, almost cracking at the last part. Kylo stepped forward slightly to put his arm around you and you gave a comforting sigh as you leaned into him. Kierabi glares at Kylo, growling, “You’re not out of the woods yet either. Luca is correct, blame  _ could _ be placed here. Not entirely on you, partially on Y/N too.” You frown as Kierabi sighs, rubbing her temples as she continues, “Unfortunately, there’s not too much I can say or do beyond locking you in a cage to keep you from doing anything foolish. If she’s not chasing after you, then you’re dragging her along. Albeit, she does more  _ chasing _ than anything.”

You pout, muttering, “I chase after what I want.”

“That much is clear. I just pray it doesn’t get you killed,” she rumbles in reply. Kylo’s hand tightens on you and you glance at him to see his face twisted a bit in... regret? “I can’t argue with what’s in front of me. The two of you care for each other. I’m glad the two of you make each other happy. I just wish this were a better galaxy for you,” she murmurs before Alli runs back up to you and Kylo.

She grabs onto each one of your hands chanting, “Snacks! Snacks! Snacks! Snacks!” You laugh, “Geez! Ok, ok, calm down and we’ll get something to eat.” You ruffle her hair before she takes back off to Luca shouting, “Uncle Luca, you're it!”

Everyone has a small lunch, but you can tell Kylo’s in a sour mood. You squeeze his hand under the table, reassuring him it’s ok with a grin. After lunch, you show Alli to your room. “You can stay in this one or have your own, but you’re welcome to anything in here,” you grin as she starts poking around. “What about your weapons?” Kylo asks, stepping into the room from behind you. You smirk, “They’re all down in storage… oh!” A memory struck you and you started digging around your drawers. Pulling something out, you hold the small object in your hand.

“Hey Alli, come here I have a present for you,” you smile. At the word ‘present’ she springs over to you, wide-eyed at your clasped hands. You reveal a necklace, a simple chain with a green stone hanging from it. Alli gasps, “What is it?”

You snicker, “It’s called a kyber crystal. Very, very special. They help us magic-folk make special swords. Each one is connected to the soul of its owner. This one? It’s connected to me.” You place the necklace over her head and she picks the crystal up in her small fingers. “You’re giving it to me?...” she asks quietly. You nod.

“I’m not sure how long we’ll be apart,” she frowns but you kiss her on the forehead, “but whenever you hold this stone, we’ll be connected no matter how far apart we are.” Her eyes widen again as she stares in awe at the crystal. “What happened to your saber?...” Kylo asks after a moment. You chuckle, looking back at him awkwardly, “I uh… I broke it.” He frowns and you hold up your hands in defense, “I was in a fight when I first started as a bounty hunter and they knocked it out of my hand. It landed in a grinder that tore the thing to scrap pieces. I was just glad the crystal survived.”

Kylo gives you a sour look but you have another memory flash and you quickly stand to search again. “Oh I know I have it around here somewhere…” you rumble, rooting around in your closet. At the deepest part, under dust and dirt, you pull out an old and worn box. You sit down to lift the lid, causing the dust to scatter and you cough a little as you wave it away. Alli also comes over to inspect the box. It looks like a bunch of random gizmos, gadgets, and pieces but from the very bottom you pull out a lightsaber. Kylo steps forward, eyes widened.

“Is that?...” he breathes and you grin with a nod. Standing again, you delicately hold it out to him as you say, “I know you told me to get rid of it but… I never could. I forgot about it before but now I can return it to you.” He stares at it, frowning. You sadden, thinking he’ll still throw it away. But he slowly takes it, murmuring with a nod, “Thanks, Y/N.”

After getting Alli settled in, you and Kylo say your goodbyes to everyone. Well mainly you, Kylo still seems a little off. Eventually the two of you are back on the ship and heading back to the Supremacy. After docking, you sigh at the return of the bland scenery.

As you follow Kylo back to his room, you become vaguely aware of your mind being clouded. It feels like your mind becomes foggy and you’re no longer aware of what’s going on. Before you know it, your feet are moving in a different direction. You try to stop, turn back, go to Kylo, but you can’t. This is wrong, very wrong, and there’s only one person on board this vessel that could have enough power to do this.

You’re back in that gaudy red throne room. “Remain hidden,” he commands. Your body follows suit, standing against the wall beside the elevator. Anyone simply walking in wouldn’t notice you until they’ve turned around to leave. Confusion rolls through you, what in the galaxy is he up to?

The room is silent until the elevator doors open and Hux steps out. “Full debrief on Kylo’s pet,” Snoke orders. You utter not a word or move an inch under this mind control, but you were fully cognizant. Unable to see Hux’s face, you could only listen.

“As soon as it was realized what influence she had on Ren, immediate action was taken. I performed the maneuver on Hoth to ensure it was clean and efficient.” That  _ motherfucker _ . Blistering rage bubbled beneath your skin as you continued listening. “When things still did not turn out in our favor, we stripped her of her power. Unable to tell other individuals feelings and motives, I was able to fool her into thinking I was questioning my motives to lull her into a false sense of security.”

You have never wanted to kill a man more in your life. Suddenly the hold on your mind was lifted and you raced forward. Your fist was stopped mere millimeters from Hux’s skull. He fell onto his ass in shock, as your fist was being held in place by Snoke’s Force power. Your eyes bored into Hux’s, filled with hatred and malice. “Let me kill him,” you growled.

Hux flinched at the conviction in your voice but Snoke spoke first, “Don’t you have a more important goal?” His face flashes before your eyes. Kylo, you wanted to be with Kylo. More than anything. Your arm is released and you turn to glare down Snoke. “Yes. Stop treating Kylo like a pawn,” you hiss.

He smirks, “Who are you to give me orders, whelp? You can’t even kill properly.”

An animalistic growl rumbles through you and you rasp, “That what you want? Fine. Undo this break in my connection to the Force and I’ll kill Hux right now.”

“My, such spirit. But not Hux. One of my Praetorian Guard,” he muses, signaling to one of the eight red-clad men in the room.

“Reconnect me to the Force and I will. I won’t even break a sweat,” you rumble. A prick in the back of your mind is telling you to stop, calm down, but you’re too far gone. Your anger, your revenge for the losses in the recent months, you didn’t care what sick game this humanoid is playing. You’re here to win.

Snoke reaches out and you feel your mind snap into place. Everything comes rushing back to you, but different. You feel stronger, more formidable. The Force doesn’t feel as light as it once was but heavier and darker. Somehow it only adds to your strength and you smirk. You feel absolutely  _ powerful _ . It briefly reminds you of the first round in the tournament.

You roll your hands, popping the bones in your wrists as you feel the Force returning to your call. You grin, the return of your power is intoxicating, feeling as though there was so much it was spilling out of you in waves. You cracked your neck, looking to the guard who had stood forward. You look him up and down, giving a bored expression.

Without a word, the man charges forwards but you languidly hold a hand out and hold him in place. You grin and laugh, “That’s a nice blade you have there. Why don’t you get more familiar with it?” You step closer, your hand turning slightly as your control over him grew. The guard began turning the blade away from you, toward himself, before finally, he ran himself through. He fell to the floor, dead and you shot a triumphant grin towards Snoke.

“I win,” you state.

Snoke nods, “Yes you have… I will allow your request, on the grounds that you must remain with Ren and fight alongside him.”

“Done!” You easily bark. You turn to leave, passing by Hux. He stares at you, horrified and you snarl down to him, “What!?” you grin before adding, “You’re lucky it wasn’t  _ you _ .”

You narrow your eyes with a frown, “Though don’t always think there will be someone here to protect you.” You leave with a grin, skipping to the elevator as Hux watches you with fear clearly etched across his face.

After the elevator doors close you laugh, “Wow, is that what they all look like? Faces of fear instead of  _ pity _ and  _ contempt _ ?” You grin to yourself and when the doors open at your floor you see Kylo standing there, clearly worried out of his mind for you being up in Snoke’s throne room once again.

“ _ I’m fine, almost perfect, actually _ ,” you purr to him through your shared link. He brightens immediately before he frowns, voicing his suspicions, “Why did he?...” You grab his hand and head back to his room. “He called me there, or lead I guess would be more accurate. He gave me my connection back and said that if I could defeat one of his guards in battle, I could stay by your side!” you chirped.

Kylo widened his eyes, “You fought one of the Praetorian Guards?”

You nodded, “Yup, though I didn’t do much.” He gave you a questioning look and you grinned devilishly, “I convinced him to run himself through with his own weapon.”

Kylo stops in his tracks, looking both shocked and amazed. 

“You do realize why you suddenly became more powerful, right?” he asked, head cocked at a slight angle. You tugged on his arm to get him moving again, “Not really.”

“You’re tapping into the dark side of the Force, not the light as you once were,” he stated.

You put a finger on your chin in thought, “Is that why it feels so different? I feel great though, really great, fabulous actually.” Kylo raises an eyebrow in question and you just roll your eyes with a laugh, “Come on! You’re so slow! I don’t feel bad, I promise. I feel elated that I’m back to normal  _ with you _ .”

Kylo grins, though you can tell he’s still hesitating. You slow down to walk alongside him more casually instead of your hurried pace. “Ma-- er, Skywalker always told us it was bad. That the dark would offer something we wanted that isn’t worth the price. For some it’s power for their own greed and might. My assumption as to why the dark side responded to me when I got my connection back, instead of the light, is because I was fueling it with my rage.”

He gives a worried expression, but you continue facing forward your expression darkening. “Hux is the sniper,” you hiss. Kylo’s face begins to mimic your own, anger clearly bubbling. You calmed down slightly as you continued though the malice never dissipated, “Snoke ordered him to. Because of the ‘influence’ I have on you, apparently. Snoke lied when he told me last time he’d recently learned of me.” The two of you finally arrived at Kylo’s room and you sat at the counter while Kylo made you something to drink.

Once in the privacy of the room, you confessed, “When I was first  _ placed _ under Hux’s supervision, he… assaulted me…” The cup Kylo held in his hand was slammed into the counter, shattered. You didn’t flinch, you knew he would be angry. He turned not to you, but to the door, you assume to go kill a redhead. You got up and stopped him, laying a hand on his arm. His eyes flashed between anger, remorse, hatred, and guilt. “He mainly touched me, he didn’t go very far…” you whisper, swallowing the lump in your throat.

You knew it would be hard to talk about, but you needed to. “I  _ begged _ and  _ pleaded _ for him to stop. It made me sick to my stomach,” you could feel Kylo’s muscle tensing beneath you, you couldn’t look him in the eye, “H-He stopped before he went very far, said ‘it wasn’t fun anymore.”

You sniffed, before trying to calm back into a normal state, “He never touched me again after that. Until yesterday, before he took me into the room where we reunited. He took me off guard and pinned me down. Made a big deal about why I chose you over him. Throughout my tenure in confinement, he began trying to lie and fool me into believing he was someone worth my time, worth my  _ attention _ as someone who could be redeemed. Who might want to be. Do you know why?”

You slowly look up to Kylo, he’s looking down at you with mixed emotions. “Because without my connection to the Force, I couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. Who do you think told him that? I don’t know what Snoke’s play is, but when I found out I wanted to  _ kill _ Hux,” you growl, anger burning beneath your skin again. “ _ All _ of that had just been told to me. And then Snoke  _ using _ us like pawns. I wanted to be with you, at full strength, no, at my  _ strongest  _ possible to fight whatever we have to fight. Together. I believe that is why the dark side responded to me and not the light.”

With a face full of conviction and determination you state, “I will keep and continue to use this power. It makes me strong enough to protect those I love and avenge those whom I have lost.” A small, silent moment passes before Kylo slowly speaks, “I swear to you, Y/N, when all is said and done,  _ we _ will be victorious.” Hostility fuels the fires in his deep brown eyes as he says, “And mark my words, Hux  _ will _ die.” You nod in agreeance before standing on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. The small gesture slowly begins softening the two of you back to normal.

You tug his hand, moving toward the bedroom and give a breathy laugh, “I didn’t mean to make it so dark and broody but I knew I needed to tell you. I’m sorry for not being strong enough to stop him…” You look away with a self-deprecating smile, but once inside the door, Kylo puts a hand on your cheek, lightly turning you back to him. “It’s not your fault, malla. Victims are never to blame, only the attackers,” he rumbles. You sigh contentedly into his touch. “I love you,” you whisper, looking up at him through your lashes.

“Love you too,” he chuckles, before moving down to capture your lips on his. Without realizing it, you really, really wanted him. The two of you hadn’t had sex in months and at this moment the tension was building quickly. “K-Kylo!” you yelp, as his tongue trails down your neck. He nips at your skin and you stop him momentarily, “I, uhm, I had an idea… of sorts…”

You can’t help the blush racing across your face in embarrassment, he may not like the idea. However, he’s clearly enjoying you being so flustered. “What is it?” he hummed, pressing himself closer to you. “Do you, uhm, know how to make a doppleganger?...” you hesitantly ask, your voice barely a whisper. He cocked an eyebrow, confused, “Yea, why?”

His puzzlement over the situation makes you even more self-conscious but you manage to squeak out, “Could there be  _ two _ of you?...” It takes a second, you see the gears tearing in his mind before it clicks together and he grins devilishly. He begins snickering, grinning down at you, “Why not three then?” Your eyes widen and you start back peddling.

“W-Wait a minute!! I don’t even know if I can handle two of you!” You stutter, waving your hands in protest. Kylo grinned, pressing close enough where his form began overtaking your own, forcing you to take a step back. You backed into something solid, warm. ‘ _ Oh shit, _ ’ was all your brain could muster as you turned to see Kylo’s doppleganger. Your jaw dropped, it was a carbon copy of him. Your eyes swiveled between the two, the only difference was that the doppleganger had a blue hue emanating from around his form.

They both grinned down at you and you felt excitement and nervousness pool inside you, ‘ _ Oh fuck _ .’ You delicately reached out to place a hand on the doppleganger’s face, running your nails down his throat. He hummed delightfully and with your curiosity piqued, you decided to test the waters. You turned fully towards the Kylo copy while Kylo had his hands on your waist, interested in your next moves. 

Leaning forward, you planted kisses across Kylo-copy’s neck and jawline, nipping here or there. He felt real and reacted to you just as Kylo does. With each nip, you also felt Kylo’s hands tighten around you. “It’s like my senses are in two places at once. Anything he feels, I feel,” Kylo murmurs, bending forward to caress your neck in licks and bites of his own. Sandwiched between the two, you could feel them both growing hard. You decided to instigate a little, pressing your thigh between Kylo-copy’s legs, getting as close as you physically could while Kylo pinned himself closer to your back.

The motion elicited a guttural growl from the Kylo-copy and a heated whisper of your name from behind you. But not to be out-played, the duo began kicking it into high gear. Before you even registered what was happening, two sets of hands were winding around your body, massaging and rubbing. Kylo had one on your stomach under your shirt and the other beneath your trousers pressing on the thin fabric separating him from your insides while Kylo-copy had re-adjusted to kiss you passionately while his hands kneaded into the soft tissue of your chest.

You gasped at the rapid-fire sensations, allowing Kylo-copy to kiss you even deeper. Kylo continued the assault on your neck and shoulders. Overloaded from the two men, you moaned, “Kylo!...” Clothes were quickly removed and thrown asunder, but your body was never left idle. You turned back to the real Kylo, hungrily kissing him as you were softly maneuvered over to the bed. 

You lightly pushed Kylo down, before running your hands along his chest. His hands sat against your thighs, thumbs moving in rhythmic circles against your flesh, while Kylo-copy kneeled behind you, picking up on your neck where Kylo had left off. Feeling ready, you hover over Kylo’s shaft before slowly sliding down. You cried out in bliss, you had almost forgotten this feeling. 

Your brain could barely function, the four hands roaming your body, touching and pressing in all the right places, on top of feeling filled to the brim with Kylo inside you. Then you felt Kylo-copy pressing his own member against you, just at a different entrance. “A-Are you?...” you breathe, unable to finish as he begins sliding into you. You cry out again, the feeling way more than you expected, but never unpleasant. Underneath you, Kylo looked like he was having sensory overload too.

You laughed at him with a grin, leaning down to kiss and tug on his hair, until Kylo-copy was buried all the way in. The moment was  _ intoxicating _ and it only got better. As they began moving in tandem, your mind blanked from the overwhelming sensations. Their hands slowed as they lost their focus but before long all three of you were nearing the end. Kylo climaxed first, but he and his copy continued to pleasure you until you screamed out his name, finishing yourself.

Kylo let his doppleganger fade away as you snuggled next to him, laying your head on his chest. You purr up at him, “That was nice.” He snickered at you, pushing a lock of hair out of your face, “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“With you, always,” you breathe, placing a kiss on his chest.

He chuckled and you felt the vibration through him. Your eyes began sliding closed and Kylo readjusted to hold you closer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the plot starts gettin' thicc ya'll lmao  
> I loovveeeeddddd writting that first scene omg TwT Love Alli to pieces <3  
> Fun fact that I didn't include, Kylo probably realized pretty quick he would rather feed Alli something filling so she wouldn't keep bothering him about it. But he was too self-conscious about finding things onboard (geez what if Hux found out? he'd never hear the end of it lol) so he went to a planet famous for it's farmer's market. He had no idea what he was looking for and this old lady (think like kindly old pudgey grandmother who don't give no fucks) had to coerce him into telling her why he was getting the food and she told him what to get. Really wanted to add it but I felt like it would have been too short TwT Maybe it's a small 'side story' I can add once this main section has ended lol
> 
> I might have said this before but I headcannon that Hux is a damn good shot, one of the reasons he's gotten up to 'General'. I also hope I sprinkled in enough foreshadow-y moments that she was beginning to connect to the dark so it doesn't seem completely out of nowhere? lol But I love me some evil-protag >:D some good stuff
> 
> aLSO LOL IM SORTA SORRY FOR THE UH LAST SCENE? I kept it kinda brief and even more shrouded than I normally write because while it might be spicy for some, it may not be for all and I felt like I was pushing it a bit so I felt like I had to reign it in ( /)w(\✿) not that I'm gr8 at writing them anway but you know~ I love Hux/Reader-Char/Kylo stories and while there wasn't room for it here, I wanted to ssooomeeehowww toss it in LOL and then I found a Force Doppleganger is a tHING and that they could technically-probably-maybe do the things LOL;;;;; 
> 
> I dunno if I'll be able to wait till Saturday to post the next chapter, it's got my favorite (though probably cliche?) reveaalll plus 15 reeaallllyy starts kicking off with merging back into the trilogy's plot which is always fun OwO
> 
> I know I always write way, way, wAY too much here but I just love gabbin' bout all this stuff ripperoni  
> But I hope you guys are enjoying, that you're staying safe and healthy for you and your families, even them sweet furbabies (I have 4 cats please send help) (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> (or other pets that are furless, they're important too!~ I love snakes tbh)


	14. Dark vs Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're stronger than ever with using the Dark side.  
> But as everyone knows. Nothing comes without a price.

You awoke the next morning unable to breathe. Startled, you shot up, glancing around. There’s no visible danger and after a moment, you're able to breathe normally. Your brows wrinkled in confusion, a small headache at the front of your head. You rub your head, you must have been lying face down on the pillow while you slept. Ugh, that sucks.

Kylo shifts beside you, cracking an eye. “You ok?” 

You smile down at him, purring, “Yes, dear knight. What’s on the agenda today?”

He tilts his head, “Well you’re free now, you don’t have to keep doing work in the First Order.”

With a smirk you lean down on his chest, propping your chin on your intertwined fingers. “No, I’m not doing anything for them. I’m just helping  _ you _ ,” you say sweetly, batting your eyes. He grins, rolling the two of you over with a hand on your back before pressing a soft kiss onto your lips. “You are always welcome by my side,” Kylo purrs.

“Good,” you muse, hands wrapped in his hair to pull him closer for another kiss. Eventually, the two of you had to get up and on with the day. After getting dressed and Kylo donning his helmet, you followed beside him around the Supremacy. On the way to the command center, you passed a couple of officers. One whispered something to the other and they were both pointedly looking at you.

With a growl you stop, spinning towards them with a sneer, “Have something to say, ladies?” They smirked to each other for a minute before blanching at Kylo’s presence. Another growl forms in your throat, you Force Pull the two of them to you, hissing at them, “What the fuck are you looking at him for? I asked you a question.” Their faces were  _ hilarious _ .

You smirked, “Cat got your tongue? You were peachy key talking about me before you had Kylo’s attention.” Their faces paled, horrified. “ _ Sorry, can you walk off without me for a minute? I’m just tired of being someone they can ridicule so easily _ ,” you send to Kylo, turning to him. He nods, walking and turning a corner. You turn back to the fearful officers, frozen in place by your hand. “There, he’s gone, would you like to share now?” you muse to them sweetly.

The braver of the two finally seemed to shift. Her gaze became icy and she scoffed, “I have nothing to say to a bitch who sleeps with higher-ups to get her way or befriends  _ traitors _ .” You gave her a blank stare before releasing her from your hold. She falls momentarily before standing to stare you down. You smile, before flicking your wrist in her direction.

She screams in pain, holding onto her left arm. “Oh don’t worry sweetie, it’s only broken, not  _ severed _ ,” you muse as she writhes on the ground in a heap of sobs. You turn to her silent compatriot who flinches under your gaze. “See this? This is what happens when you piss off someone way above  _ your fucking paygrade _ . Everyone on board this vessel who’s afraid of Snoke or of Kylo should be afraid of  _ me _ . Get the fuck out of my sight and if I catch anyone  _ whispering _ about me again, the pain will only get worse,” you snarled, shoving your face into hers.

She glances down at her weeping friend before back to you, quickly nodding. “Excellent,” you say nicely, dropping her from your hold. She goes to pick up her injured friend before running off. You scoff, rolling your eyes. “It’s only a fucking bone, try being  _ shot  _ and burning from the inside,” you grumble under your breath as you stalk back down towards the command center.

As you walk, you cough slightly, before heading into the room. A happy smile spreads across your face as you skip over to Kylo’s side. You can feel the content, bubbly feeling you feel is reciprocated through the link the two of you share. You follow him around, mostly bored until you hear the door slide open. You pop your head out behind Kylo to see Hux walk in. He freezes at the sight of the two of you. You can feel Kylo’s anger beginning to simmer just as yours is.

“Hey, Hugs. I told him  _ everything _ by the way,” you muse with a sneer. Kylo’s form tenses, hands balling into fists at his sides. You could feel the rage beginning to blister and you watched gleefully as Hux’s face melted into fear. Kylo chose to ignore him, at least as much as he could. You mainly want to mess with him. A lot. You’d constantly Force Pull or Force Push to move things out of his way or  _ into _ his path. 

And you did nothing to hide your amusement of his anger as you watched him glare at you. Then Kylo would growl at him through his helmet and you’d laugh harder as Hux deteriorated into a nervous pulp. Eventually, he couldn’t handle it and just left.

Back to being bored, you trot beside Kylo as the two of you make your way down towards his next destination. You send a whine to Kylo, “ _ We should train again, or something, this is  _ so boring.” There’s a small chuckle through his vocoder as he muses aloud, “What a complaint, dear queen.” You wrinkle your nose at him playfully while you joke, “The queen requests the full attention of her most trusted knight.”

You can feel the playful energy soaring. “ _ Most trusted _ ? You have more I am unaware of?” He snickers. You hum, running ahead slightly as you call back, “Whoopsies, I’ve gone and said too much, haven’t I?” You laugh, spotting an engineer entrance that leads into the recesses of the Supremacy. He growls playfully, “A tactical error on your part. One you must rectify.”

Kylo quickly catches up to you but you laugh and jump right out of his reach. Like a fox you take off, slipping into the engineer entrance. It’s just as you expected; small spaces, dark, and empty. You cough slightly at the sudden change in temperature as it got pretty cold but quickly snapped back to reality. Kylo reached for you and you laughed again, nimbly evading him. “Dearest knight, it is folly to assume you can so easily catch me,” you purr, skipping off into the darkness.

He laughs at the challenge, “Which will only make victory that much sweeter.” You can hear the husky timbre of his voice as heat races up your cheeks, along with your grin. Kylo gives chase but you’re quick to evade him or taunt him without being caught. The small, dim corridors are filled with your echoing laughter and two sets of footsteps.

At one point you’re able to climb up a few beams and twirl around into a good hiding spot. You hold silent as you gleefully watch Kylo jolt past. He’s not reaching out into the Force to find you, at least not yet, so you take the opportunity to silently take off in the opposite direction. Then you hear your name. “Y/N…” It’s soft like an echo, a whisper. You slow. You don’t recognize the voice at all.

It calls again. “Y/N…” Your brows wrinkle in confusion, glancing around. The halls are dead, the chill more evident. It’s a male voice. Your hands shake, why are you being affected like this? What is happening? Instinctively you reach out for Kylo. He immediately feels your discomfort and rushes to you.

“Y/N! Are you ok?” he asks, helmet tucked under his arm. You glance around nervously again before nodding. “Y-Yea, sorry, I just scared myself I think,” you laugh, grinning up to him. Kylo plants a kiss on your temple, an arm around your waist, “Come on, it’s time to go.” 

You frown, “I didn’t mean for the game to end…”

He chuckles, “You won,”

Pouting you puff your cheeks, “You’re only saying that.”

He stops just before the exit, pressing the two of you against a wall. The cold metal on your back is a stark contrast to the warmth pressed to your opposite side. Kylo presses his lips to yours, in a rough and hungry kiss. You grip his clothes, pulling him as close as you can. After a moment he parts, the two of you panting. He licks his lips with a snarky grin, “Fine. I win by abdication.” Your face aflame, you make no counter and he smirks, leading you back into the main hallway of the Supremacy.

“Aren’t you going back to Alli?” Kylo finally asks. He sounds a little sad. You smile gently, placing a hand on his arm, “I will, in due time. I know I promised her but… no one ever thought I’d get my connection back so quickly. Right now I just want some one-on-one time with my  _ only _ knight.” Kylo grins and you swear it could make you physically melt into a puddle. 

A week goes by rather quickly. You found yourself enjoying hanging around Kylo, well more than you were before. Sex was great, making sure to actually take preventative measures to ensure no repeats, and your power seemed to grow every day. Every so often you’d hear that voice again, calling to you but you defy it every time. You developed a small cough and Kylo swears up and down you’ve been looking pale. But an examination at Medbay revealed you didn’t have any sickness that they could detect.

You smiled, told him ‘see, it’s fine!’ but he still held this odd look about him. You weren’t blind either. You could see the dark circles under your eyes or how you so easily became cold now. Shaking it all off you made your way to the tailor. You giggled, you had ordered something to be made and it’s finally done.

Skipping down the hall, you entered and leaned over the counter at the pretty seamstress. “I’m so excited!!” You laughed to her. She smiled, albeit forced, before showing you where your new outfit hung. That’s another thing that’s changed too. Everyone on board feared you just as much as Kylo. If not more. With Kylo, they knew he was a ticking time bomb. But with you.

You laughed to yourself, people get so caught up in sweet words and timid looks. They think they’re safe and then a snap of your fingers and one of their bones break. Or, the most fun you had was when you convinced a trooper to shoot themselves. They were  _ mocking _ you for being shot by a bolt. So you made yet another example.

No one questions you anymore. No one ridicules you anymore. And you have to admit, it’s pretty intoxicating being one of the most powerful people in the room. You gasped at your new attire, bouncing on your feet. You snickered as you ran your hands over the fabric, shaking slightly from being a little cold.

It’s an outfit made similar but not identical or too matchy to Kylo’s. Yours is a lot more simple and shows a bit more skin. But of course you had to include the dark greys and blacks with a hooded cloak to boot. You hummed delighted at the red stitching, loving the small pop of color. You quickly changed, twirling in the mirror in satisfaction.

Humming happily, you trotted away to find Kylo. In the empty hallway you hear the voice again. “Y/N.... do not be consumed…” you growl in annoyance. As time passes the voice becomes more clear and determined to aggravate you. “Nothing is  _ consuming _ me,” you hiss back into the void. The voice chuckles, pissing you off, “But you are. If you are not cautious, you will be lost.” You place your hands on your head, scratching against your scalp, “Get out of my head!! And stop with the riddles!! What are you? An old man??”

The voice laughs softly, the sound calming you for a moment, “Some might say that.” You stand still for a moment. “Why are you talking to me? Who are you?” you ask. He hums for a moment, “I am talking to you because you need me to. Does it matter who I am?” 

You huff, “Of course it matters. You’re a random ass voice in my head! Also why the fuck do I need you!?”

He sighs, as if disappointed and you recoil slightly, “Y/N… you could say I’ve been watching over you. You are normally a growing garden, but your light is being obscured. The more it’s left covered, the more of you will wither.” You stand silently. “Let me tell you something Ben will soon tell you. The power you are using. It’s draining your body, making you physically weak. The more power you gain, the weaker your body will become.”

The voice begins fading as he speaks and you call out, “Wait! How do you know his name is--!!” But you can tell. He’s gone. You frown. This is so fucking weird. Rubbing the back of your head you make your way back to Kylo’s office. It’s funny to imagine him with an office, though he mainly uses it as a way to overlook things without having people around.

At the door you grow giddier, knocking politely. “ _ I can tell it’s you, why bother knocking? _ ” he chuckles through your link. You pout, “ _ Because I am making a  _ grand _ entrance _ !” With that, you press the button, the door sliding to the side with a hiss. You step in, making a triumphant pose in your new attire.

Kylo’s face is shocked for a moment before pink dusts his cheeks and he laughs, “What in the stars? Is this what you had the tailor working on?” You laugh back at him twirling around on the spot, before pulling the hood up to cover the side of your face. “Maybe! Do you like it?” You bat your eyes at him, seeking his honest opinion.

He stands, stalking over to you before pulling the hood down from your face. You grin up at him and Kylo smirks down to you, murmuring, “You look beautiful in anything, Y/N. It is very… matchy…” You burst into a fit of giggles, hiding in your hands. His face reddens. Oh my ggooosshhhh he’s so stinkin’ cute when he gets flustered and it’s so rare!! He scoffs, rolling his eyes with a playful smile, “Are you mocking me?”

You wave him off musing, “Of course not, dear knight, I just wanted to fit the look of your… partner…” your words trail off in embarrassment at the end. Now your face is red as he snickers. He leans down, pressing a kiss into your hair, “You are more than that, you are my everything.” You glow at the compliment, placing a kiss on his lips.

“So are you ready to go now?” Kylo asks with a snarky huff.

You wrinkle your nose at him, “ _ Yes _ , I’m ready. Is it going to be huge?”

Kylo looks off with a bit of a shrug, “Depends on your perspective I guess.”

You frown. The two of you have been sent around to a few planets in accordance with Snoke’s ever-changing will. Fighting and conquering planets that are deemed as ‘useful’ to the First Order and their cause.

You nod, smiling at him as you follow behind him to the cruiser. He slides his helmet on and you let your smile fade to hold a more neutral expression. The dread you used to have fighting others, trying not to kill and trying to keep Kylo from spreading pain no longer comes to you. Following his example, you mow down enemies without much issue. Kylo had visited Snoke for orders a couple of times. Meetings you were more than happy to not be a part of. One of which was after a few battles. Kylo told you Snoke had given a small bit of praise towards you. You’d just rolled your eyes and scoffed though Kylo had seemed angry. But whatever it was, he’d hidden it from you.

Planet-side, the two of you lead the charge in this capital city. You never even touch your weapons. The Dark gives you great power with the Force, so you see no need to pull out your blades for such pitiful opponents. You pull an enemy soldier towards you from across the street. “You will tell us where your king is,” you order. Your mind tricks are stronger than ever and the soldier easily complies. You grin before releasing him, musing, “Now, go back to your king. And try to assassinate him.” He repeats your orders mindlessly before running off.

“What if he succeeds in killing him?” Kylo asks beside you through his mask.

You smirk, “It matters not. This king will submit or the next monarch in line. Either way, he’ll cause some confusion.” You and Kylo fight towards the location the king is in, a throne room securely fortified in the heart of the city. It’s also enjoyable to make enemy soldiers fight for the First Order instead. It’s so amusing to see how far your control can push people. The feeling of power, the ability to control an  _ army _ with just the sound of your voice. It’s electrifying and the thought alone of having the chance to try brings pleasant goosebumps across your skin.

As you’re running, you slow to a stop. Your eyes are trained on a mother, holding a crying child. Brows furrowed, you watch as she’s trying her best to calm the toddler, trying to shush them so she won’t be found hiding in the alley. Your heart tugs, you feel sick, why do you feel sick? You glance around the battlefield again. Glass and buildings are broken, falling apart. Smoke billows from around you and bodies are scattered about. You blink rapidly, disorientated. What’s happening?

Then a trooper finds the mother and child. Your eyes snap open and you shout, “No! Wait!!” But the bolts are fired. The crying stops. Your hands are shaking uncontrollably and small tears are falling. What are you doing here? Why is this happening? Your mind feels muddy and the more you try to clear it, the sicker you feel. “Y/N, are you ok?” Kylo asks, hand on your shoulder.

You suck in a breath, wiping your eyes before blinking up at him. You turn back to the alley before back to him. You wanted to say no. Wanted to tell him you wanted to leave, go home. But something rose up in you and you shook your head. “Sorry, I’m good. I got lightheaded because of all the smoke, I’m not really used to it,” you said with an embarrassed smile. Kylo huffed out a laugh, “Should have gotten a helmet to go with that new outfit.” You laugh back, playfully punching him in the arm before moving on.

In the throne room, it’s not hard to convince them all to drop their weapons and surrender. Another easy victory for Kylo and yourself for the First Order. Afterward, you feel rundown, too tired to do much else. You go back to your shared room with Kylo and flop into the bed. Sleep’s been hard as of late and getting worse every day. When you dream, they’re nightmares that startle you awake but you’re never able to recall the actual dream. When you don’t dream, you have problems breathing.

Another week passes. Your health continues to dwindle slowly though you try your best to hide it. Plus that man’s voice  _ continues _ trying to talk to you. On top of all that, you have these… episodes. You become bewildered and foggy and you have past memories assault you. Painful memories. Losing your child, Mira, and even memories you didn’t know you had. Crying as a little girl on the streets. Sometimes you got this glimpse of you as a child next to these adult figures but it’s so blurry and confusing that you’re not sure what exactly is happening. Even these scenes of a confusing place home to the weirdest of beings. It feels like a war happening in your own body and mind. One you’re not privy to.

Now you head to Kylo’s office. You heard there was an update on the Rebels status and you wanted to see what his next move is. But you were not happy with his response. “Don’t worry about fighting for a while. You should take some time to rest,” he murmurs, walking up to hold your face in his hands.

Pouting, you go to object but his face is stern and he rumbles, “I want to ensure you’re healthy.” Your face falls, for a few different reasons. “Medbay already said I was fine!” You whine, trying to put on your best puppy dog face. Kylo is not bamboozled by your attempts as he continues, “Yes… well, they do not see you every day and they do not know  _ all _ the reasons that could be affecting your health.”

You look off, miffed at the suggestion, “I’m  _ fine _ Kylo, I don’t understand why we keep having this conversation.” Your attitude is beginning to set him off, but he tries to remain calm.

“Malla, you know I only want what is  _ best _ for you,” Kylo rumbles, eyebrows furrowing in worry. You sigh, “What do you  _ think _ is the issue?” He hesitates for a moment so you finish for him, “You think it’s the Dark side of the Force I’m using.” He slowly nods but you growl back, “Why? It doesn’t affect  _ you _ that way so it wouldn’t be like that with  _ me _ ! I need it to be beside you!!”

His hands cup your face as his dark brown eyes search yours, “People are distinct, medicines react within everyone differently. The Force is the same, just as others were more powerful with the Light or Dark. You don’t  _ need _ it. You have  _ always _ stood beside me, where your power is drawn makes no difference.” Your jaw tightens in annoyance, hands balling into fists at your side.

You're aggravated that the crazy old man's voice was right from before, but there’s another reason you’re so upset too. “So what you’re telling me is that I’m  _ pitifully _ weak with the Light side of the Force but if I try to become stronger to protect you, protect Alli, protect  _ myself _ by using the Dark it will wither my body away to  _ nothing _ ?!” you wail, angry tears spilling from your eyes.

Kylo wraps you in his arms and your hands instantly grasp onto the back of his tunic. “I don’t know if that’s what it would do… but it certainly appears that way. You’ve only been using it for a few weeks but you're already so pale and…” Kylo murmurs, voice cracking slightly as he leans you back. His face is pained as his warm fingers trail down your cheek. “You’ve grown so cold, your eyes look dull. You look like you’ve gone through hell, malla.”

You choke out a laugh, “Gee, thanks.” You press back into him, rubbing your head on his chest. He chuckles slightly, tightening his hold on you, “You’d do the same for me.” You nod. What you don’t say aloud is that you’ve been trying. Trying to pull him from that darkness. But because it’s not visual, it’s unseen, he’s turned a blind eye to the damage it has caused on him. 

You have no doubt.

The Dark side may be affecting you physically, but it’s affecting him mentally.

He just can’t see it.

You lean back from him, glancing at your hand. “You’re… right… I’ve held onto this anger for too long. It’s eating me alive. I understand that these things can never be undone…” All the episodes you’ve been having before. It’s the Light and Dark fighting within you. As you make the realization, there’s a snap in power. You can feel the heaviness seeping from you, like a thick tar dripping from your skin. Your voice cracks as your brain finally registers all the pain you caused to others because of how you were consumed by the Darkness that currently plagues Kylo. “My embarrassment, my anger, my loss. I couldn’t work through my own pain. I hurt so many because of it...”

Tears are flowing again and as more of the Darkness drains, you're hit with a wave of weakness. You crumple forward but Kylo is there to catch you, concern etched across his handsome features. You smile slightly, but it comes out a little pained. You laugh but it sounds more like a wheeze, “I guess the Dark is what was actually enabling me to actually move…”

His worry spikes, “You can’t move?”

You slowly shake your head but the action makes you wince, “Fuck dude…”

Kylo, your gallant knight, carefully lifts you up. Instead of leading you to the door, he heads to the back of the room. “Oooh, a secret passage,” you muse, trying to bring some light back to the situation. He rolls his eyes musing, “Yes, a shortcut to our room.” 

You gasp, “What?! How have you never told me this??”

He snickers, “You never asked where the door next to the den area went.”   
You puffed your cheeks, “I didn’t think it had anything of importance.”

Kylo chuckles, “Well, now you know.”

In the room, he tenderly places you on the bed, before making sure you have everything you need. You laugh, shooing him away. You need time and rest. After he leaves, you place your head on the pillow. You feel much lighter like it’s easier to breathe than before. Albeit your body now feels sore and weak. Before long, you’re asleep.

“Y/N, I’m glad.” It’s the old man’s voice again. You're blinking. But you are not in Kylo’s room. You’re in a strange building you’ve never seen before. Like an odd temple. You glance around. The structure and backgrounds are pristine but the shadowy figures walking about are blurred and indistinct. When you turn all the way around you are greeted by an elderly looking man, swathed in blue light.

You tilt your head. You’ve never seen him before. His hair is short and both it and his beard are white. He’s wearing the robes similar to what Master Skywalker used to wear. 

He chuckles, “Well, hello there.” You blink again, astonished before stuttering, “W-Woah, wait a minute, what is happening right now??”

The man chuckles at your confusion, patting the space next to him on a stone bench. Cautiously you walk over, sitting down. “Would you like to hear a story?” He asks you, but you can see the sadness in his eyes. Your face falls at his expression but you nod quietly. “Once upon a time there was a young boy. He was taken from his mother rather young and trained to be one of the most powerful Jedi of his time.”

You silently gasped, shuffling closer. This man is a Jedi? Is this a real story? Your craving for knowledge and your burning curiosity kept you glued to him. He snickered at your enthusiasm before continuing, “As an adult with his abilities soaring, he fell in love. Which Jedi were forbidden from doing, but he followed his heart nonetheless. He began having visions. First of his mother dying, so he sought her out against orders but with the help of his love.”

Brows furrowing, you have a sense this story does not end well.

“He found her, but on death’s door and he was unable to save her. Grief overwhelmed him. But his love, she helped him through it.”

You smiled softly. The sting of a lost mother but helped by the man’s love, that at least warms your heart.

“Until he had visions of her as well. They had secretly married and she was due to give birth. This Jedi’s visions were telling him she was to die in childbirth. So he sought out wisdom, sought out strength, to keep his love from dying. But he became disillusioned in a false promise by a powerful Sith and did many cruel and terrible things to try and obtain the power to save her. He even fought against his mentor… one who had considered him to be a brother… and lost. Lost himself. Lost his love.”

You're eyes water, heart heavy. The story feels familiar like you’d heard it somewhere, but you’re not sure where. You wipe your eyes asking quietly, “Why tell me this story?”

The man smiles sadly, “It was a reality. A tragedy that could have been avoided. The young should use the past as a guide to learn and grow. What have you learned? How will you grow?”

Your brows furrow, “I-I don’t understand. I’m so confused, what does this have to do with me?”

The world you're in begins to fade, colors blending together as if washed away by rain. “Who even--” you’re jolted awake, Kylo in front of you as the last words tumble from your lips, “are you?...” He gives you a worried look. You quickly shake your head, “N-No, sorry Kylo, weird dream.” Rubbing your head you yawn, still feeling sleepy.

Kylo gives you a skeptical eye, “What was the dream about?”

You tilt your head, “It was like a sad fairytale. A wizard was narrating, but it was so heart wrenching. The King lost everything.” You rub your face. You know you're fudging a couple things, but you don’t really want to fully worry Kylo until you have all the details. He sighs with a small smile, patting your head, “Ok, well I woke you to see if you were hungry?”

Your eyes glittered as your stomach growled in response. He snickers before going to grab the food from the kitchen. He eats on the bed with you until you’re both full and Kylo cleans up before the both of you curl up together and fall back asleep. The next morning, he’s gone and you decide to go on a walk to find him.

When you do, he looks perplexed. You cock your head at him, “What’s up?”

He finally turns to you, “Did you feel anything odd?” You close your eyes for a moment to evaluate yourself and surroundings before shaking your head, “No.” His brows crease as he says honestly, “That girl. Rey. We were able to talk, see each other as if we were standing right in front of the other. But I wasn’t doing it. And she’s certainly not strong enough to.”

You tapped your chin in thought. You're a little jealous, clearly, but you're secretly wondering if the Force, or someone, is connecting the two of them. “Maybe you’re being connected to her to show her something. Tell her something,” you reasoned. You hoped maybe she could help persuade him to the light, but for now, you’ll stick with this. “Like what?” he asked, perplexed. You shrug, “That’s up to you, I guess. What’s her stand in all this?”

Kylo narrows his eyes angrily, “She’s with Skywalker.” You blink, face blank. Good, maybe she can involve him in this. You reason back to him, “Maybe you could tell her.”

“Tell her what?” He asks, a bit suspiciously.

You sigh, “Tell her what really happened that night. At the school.”

His eyes widened, “Oh. Yeah. You’re right.”

Silence hung thick and heavy, unable to stand it any longer you puffed your cheeks, turning away from him. You made sure to project the silliest ‘dejected’ feeling you could muster. Kylo smirked, taking your chin in hand to turn you toward him. “What’s wrong, malla?” he rumbles. You wrinkle your nose at him, “The Force is connecting you to some random  _ girl _ now?” He chuckles at your pouting as his large hand gently runs across your cheek. “Jealous?” he muses. You purse your lips, furrowing your brows in mock anger, “Of course I am. I’ve worked too hard for you, I’m not just  _ handing _ you over.”

He pecks a soft kiss on your lips murmuring, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Mmm, good. Cause you’re all mine fly-boy,” you hum happily against him. He grins and you can see some of the tension draining from his shoulders. “What happened to ‘knight’?” he asks playfully. You grin, “It’s my go-to, but I need one that suits you more when you’re being cheeky.” You wiggle your nose up at him and he growls playfully.

That night, you don’t dream of the Jedi again nor for several nights to come. And you don’t hear his voice for a few days either. Worry began to gnaw at you if it truly was something your mind concocted while connected to the Dark. But after a few days of growing stronger once again, you finally see him again. You grin, running to him in the odd temple.

The old Jedi chuckles, “Eager are we?” 

You sit beside him cross-legged, “Yes! Do you have another story?”

He scratches his cheek, “I have a continuation. The question is, do you want to hear it?”

Tilting your head, you ask, “Why wouldn’t I?”

He hums, “The more I tell, the more clear it’ll become. What you do with the information will be up to you.” You look down, thinking for a moment. He knows Kylo’s true name. He seems to be some older Jedi Master. Glancing around the temple, you can see a lot of effort went into making it. You had no doubt it was a Jedi temple, meant to house the knowledge of the Jedi and further their teachings.

You look back to him. His eyes are curiously watching you. You nod, “I… need to know. To know if this can help me save Ben.” He smiles softly, nodding back to you.

“Yes, that Jedi’s love did die in childbirth. Before she passed, she brought into the universe two healthy twins.”

Your eyes widened. Oh. This is… this is the Skywalker story…

“They had to be separated. Fears spread that they would be killed or corrupted due to their lineage. The girl became a princess, loved tremendously by her adopted parents. The boy was raised with his aunt and uncle, far from prying eyes.”

You bit your lip, “What of the mentor?”

The old Jedi raised an eyebrow, “Hmm?”

“The mentor. That was like a brother to the powerful Jedi.”

He smiled, but you could see the pain hidden in his eyes, “Ahh. He went on many adventures while also keeping an eye out for the son. In a moment of weakness he too fell in love.”

You puffed your cheeks, “What? Love is not a weakness.”

He chuckles holding up a hand, “This is true, something I learned later.”

Glancing away you ask quietly, “You’re the mentor, aren’t you?”

You turn back to him but you’re once again startled awake. Kylo is leaning over you, his expression a mix of emotions. “You were mumbling, are you ok?” he asks cautiously. He must still think you might be having issues from the Dark side. You laugh, “I’m fine, I promise. I don’t feel the heaviness anymore.” His brows crinkle, and you can feel a bit of anger seeping through your shared link.

“A-Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?” you ask cautiously. Kylo’s hand tightens around your wrist but he shakes his head, “No. Nothing like that. You just… you mumbled the name… ‘Skywalker’ in your sleep.” Your eyes widened. Did he… did he think you were betraying him?

A shaky sigh escapes you. “I’ve been having dreams… This old man, he comes to me, talks to me. Telling me a story. It started off as a fairy tale. A man falling in love. I-I don’t know who he is or  _ why _ he’s talking to  _ me _ but he’s telling me the story. The S--  _ Their _ story,” you say, sitting up beside him. Kylo’s upset, you think more at the situation than at yourself, but you’re still a little frightened. You swallow hard, you almost said ‘his family’ but glad you thought better of it.

He sighs, calming back down slightly. “Some Jedi--” the word grinds against his teeth, “who are powerful enough can become like a spectre. Revealing themselves to people. They may be… They…” Kylo growls in frustration. You can’t tell for sure if he’s trying to avoid what he’s thinking or if he’s just too angry to properly say it.

Turning back to you, you flinch slightly at the rage burning in his eyes. Seeing your discomfort he calms a bit more with another sigh, “Just… don’t talk with them anymore.” Your skin crawls slightly, your own eyebrows scrunching in annoyance. “Why? I don’t understand, Kylo, he’s just telling me a story. A story abou--”

“A  _ story _ ? You know it’s more than that, we both do. They are trying to  _ use _ you, Y/N,” Kylo’s voice grows, it’s stern like it’s the final say. You shake your head slightly, “I want to see how it ends. They’re not trying to tell me lies to sway me, he’s just telling me the tru--”

He grabs one of your arms and you wince at the harsh touch as he hisses, “What’s his name?”

“W-What?”

“His  _ name _ . This Jedi who’s been communicating with you.”

“I-I don’t know,” you whisper, wide-eyed at him.

“So you’d listen to a  _ story _ from an old man who hasn’t even told you his name and you think they’re  _ not _ trying to do something to you? They want to use you to get to me,” he snarls, eyes aflame with hatred. You’ve never seen him so mad and especially at you. Your brows crease upwards, biting back a sniffle.

“Do you think I would turn away from you so easily?...” you ask quietly. Kylo’s eyes flash, scouring over your face then down at his hand. It still clutched roughly against your arm and he immediately released it. “Y-Y/N, no, I--” he stutters, clearly not meaning to upset you or hurt you.

You take your opposite arm, wiping the sleeve of your PJ’s across your eyes as you interrupt him, “Yes you do. You’ve been hurt before, of course you’d think it could happen again.”

He stands, backing away from you. Kylo glances away, silent. You’re right. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. You laugh, a few tears escaping you, “I… I spent  _ years _ not knowing if I’d ever see you again. But I trained and trained and  _ trained _ to be strong enough to stand beside you and I’m  _ still _ not worthy to you.” He turns back, face wrecked in torment.

“Malla, you are  _ always _ worthy. I trust you, I do, I just don’t trust… them…” he laments, running a hand through his hair. “I have to go, Snoke has called for my presence. Just… promise me you won’t talk to him again? Or at least try? Why is the story such a big deal?” He asks, exasperated. You look away, “Is it such a crime that I am intrigued by my boyfriend’s family history?” He growls in warning and you continue, turning back to him with a fire of your own, “I don’t  _ know _ my birth family! You left most of yours, that’s your own decision. But I am at the minimum,  _ curious _ . You’re powerful, come from a long line of powerful people, how could I  _ not _ be interested in those stories!?”

He’s angry again. You did it somewhat intentionally. You truly were curious. Stories come in many forms. Song, poetry, literature, art; people are  _ born _ to crave knowledge of things. Whether technology and how things work or history and stories. Kylo’s hands are clenching and unclenching at his side. Regardless, he says nothing as he grabs his helmet and storms out.

You sigh. Might as well try talking to the Jedi again. You never actually promised Kylo you wouldn’t. You lay your head back down to drift into sleep. The next moment you’re back in the temple.

“Yes. I am,” his voice rumbles. You turn to him, his form is filled with sadness and regret.

“You were Vader’s mentor?...” you asked in awe. You knew the bare minimum from Master Skywalker’s lessons. Vader was once a powerful Jedi but turned to the Dark. He had two twin children, Luke and Leia. He did many terrible things, but in the end he turned back to the Light and sacrificed himself to save his son from the Emperor.

The man chuckled, “Ani was a good boy, a good man. But his passion for Padme, his need to protect her from the universe and keep her from dying… drove him to the Dark. In the end, it changed nothing. She still birthed two healthy children and still passed away. She was such a ray of light, always trying to guide Anakin on the right path. Sound familiar?”

Your eyes widened. He was trying to help you save Kylo, help you save Ben. You nodded but still asked, “What’s your story though?” 

He laughed, tilting his head to the side, “Hmm? My story?”

You crinkle your nose at him, “Yea! I know the Skywalker story now. But I don’t know yours or even your name.”

He smiles softly, “That is true, how foolish of me. My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Though Luke knew me as Ben Kenobi.” Your eyes shot open, mouth agape.  _ This _ is the Jedi Kylo was named after! Holy shit!!

“Well, after the twins were settled, I bounced around a bit. Emperor Palpatine had commanded his clone army with an ‘order 66’ in which many turned on Jedi, killing them,” he rumbled sadly. You gasped in understanding, that’s why there haven’t been very many Jedi in such a long time. “I was very lucky to escape. But I had to keep myself concealed from the newly formed Empire. For a while I was on a bit of a journey to find myself. I helped people where I could, but without the Order, I was unsure of my next step.”

He sighs happily at the memories flowing through him, “Then I met a beautiful and kind Sephi woman. I loved her. But I couldn’t remain with her. I felt it my final duty as a Jedi to watch over Luke and maybe one day help him into the ways of the Jedi.”

You saddened, pouting slightly. You want to tell him he should have stayed with her, stayed and lived happily with her. But if he had, Master Skywalker may have never become a Master and Kylo may have never been born. Master Kenobi gives a disheartened glance towards you, “I never saw her again.” Your face fell, that’s so heartbreaking.

“Unbeknownst to me… she bore a daughter.  _ My _ daughter to be precise…” he said with a bit of a chuckle, “My daughter sought me out, wanted to know more about me. She found me when she was an adult and married. Sephi grow a bit quicker and live much longer lifespans than we humans do. We spent a good few days together. I told her why I had chosen to remain there. She told me of her mother’s passing due to illness.”

You clutch a hand to your heart, you’re almost not sure you want to hear the end, still expecting it to end unhappily.

“But she recognized what I was trying to achieve and she couldn’t stay so she left. But we kept in touch. That was until Luke found me. I fought against Anakin again. In the end, I moved on. I began watching after my daughter from here. She eventually had a child of her own. A healthy baby girl. Oh how she loved that little ray of sunshine, her and her husband. They doted on her, probably would have spoiled her to pieces.”

He laughs but you can hear the sorrow in it and your heart drops.

“When the baby girl was just a few years old, she began showing signs of a connection with the Force. It was weak, but my daughter adored that her child was so similar to her father. So the family traveled to try and find the last Jedi Master, Luke… They were searching on a planet they heard Luke had been on when a bandit wanted their possessions. My son-in-law was happy to give it to spare his family. But then the bandit’s greed grew and he requested the baby girl. My daughter was courageous and brave. She fought for her husband and child. Gave that man a hell of a fight. But… she died. The husband in his grief and rage attacked the man as well but also perished. The bandit in terror fled. I watched in horror as my granddaughter cried over her parents, now alone in the universe…”

Tears were flooding down your cheeks, your hands shaking. This isn’t just his story anymore… is it? Those weird nightmares surfacing from before, you as a little girl crying on the streets. They weren’t just nightmares, they were memories. You slowly looked up, you’re voice cracking, “A-Am I?...” He nods with a soft, but sad smile, “Yes, Y/N, you’re my granddaughter. I am so sorry you’ve been alone all this time.” You rushed forward, hugging him, a sigh escaping you, “I was never alone. I had Master Skywalker, Ben, Luca, and my moms. But I’m so overjoyed to know my birth family and that I wasn’t abandoned all this time.” You sob into him as he pats you on the back.

“A beautiful girl like you would never be abandoned. That is, however, my last story,” he mumbles. You snap your head up, “This doesn’t mean I won’t see you again, right?” He laughs, “Of course not, as long as you are connected to the Light, I will come at your call.” You wipe away the tears, nodding before you're jolted awake.

You can feel it. The immense hatred filling you, but it’s not your own. Without even changing out of your sleep attire, you dash towards Kylo. Your body is still weak, walking has been easier but the running is pretty freaking tiring. Your bare feet slap against the cold bare floors, you gain a few odd looks but ignore them. Turning a corner you can see the lift, you know he’s on it.

The doors open, he storms out barking, “Ready my ship!” before storming towards the hangar. You can see the elevator wall sputtering and see his helmet broken in a mess on the floor. You have to run again to catch up to him. He’s not even registering that you’re nearby. “K-Kylo!” You stuttered his name, almost accidentally calling him ‘Ben.’

He doesn’t hear you or is ignoring you. Nearby you hear an officer mumble, “General Organa is on that cruiser…” Fear spikes through you. Putting in the last of your adrenaline you finally catch up to him, lightly touching his arm. Kylo whirls on you, blistering rage burning through his eyes. “What?” he seethes, eyes narrowing. Your brows knit together in sorrow and he calms down slightly at the expression. “What, Y/N?” He asks, a little softer.

You tug him to the side out of earshot. “Please don’t,” you plead, looking up at him. You lace your fingers through his, “Just come back with me.” His eyes burn again and he growls, “Don’t  _ what _ ? Do what I was born to? Go back with you to  _ where _ ? Do you expect me to abandon my birthright?” You jump, shaking your head.

“No, no! That’s not what I mean, I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret like me. Don’t go after her…” you squeeze his hand but he rips away from yours.

You wince, the action hurting you more emotionally than physically. He snaps, “I will  _ sever _ these ties with my past,  **no matter what it takes** .” Your fingers curl into your palms and you ask, “So are you going to kill her and then come back and fuck me too? Just like you did with your father?” The question takes him off-guard and he stutters but you continue, “I heard from Mari a long time ago. You killed your father that day on Starkiller. I picked up your ass, brought you home, and then we proceeded to  _ have sex _ . You never told me. I was so  _ appalled _ you would do that!”

Tears are almost falling at this point. His shoulders are tense, jaw set in a hard line and he can’t look you in the eye again. “Kylo,” you shift yourself to look him in the eye, “Please. Do what this--” you place your palm on his chest, over his heart, “tells you to do. I will not order you around. I want to be a pillar of strength when you need me.” Something shifts in his eyes but he just growls, “Go back to the room.”

“But--!” you begin to argue but Kylo grabs a nearby stormtrooper.

“Ensure she gets back to my quarters and remains there,” he snaps. The trooper nods quickly and Kylo storms off. You sigh and see the trooper jump. You’re not entirely surprised after you harassed the shit out of anyone on board that pissed you off, anyone would be afraid. “If it makes you feel any better… I can’t hurt you right now, I’m too weak,” you murmur to them. They relax for a moment before the muzzle of the blaster is in your face.

“You hurt my friend,” They growl through their helmet. You don’t react, just gazing down the barrel. Nodding you say, “Yea, I’ve done a lot of stupid and asshole-y shit recently. I deserve whatever’s coming. The only advice I will offer is that I cannot control how Kylo will react to things.” They flinch and you can feel the worry rolling from them. You continue, “I’m not going to tell him about this. You haven’t done anything wrong. But if I die, or are injured, I can’t guarantee he won’t do something to someone.”

You look down at your hand, it felt warm in Kylo’s. Like it was meant to be there. Your face twists in pain as you choke out a laugh, “I’m trying to heal him but instead it seems like I’m the one being broken.” You turn to the trooper with a wave, “Sorry, you don’t care about any of that. I do have a single request though.”

——

The trooper took pity on you. Or maybe they were simply trying to quietly bribe you to ensure you don’t speak of the callout to Kylo. They allowed your request, a pit stop before heading back to Kylo’s room. You stared down at his broken helmet, lying on a plastic sheet surrounded by its broken pieces. You’d put it on the coffee table as you laid down on the couch looking at it.

You don’t know why you gathered it. He certainly doesn’t need it. But clearly he liked it. Or wanted it. You assume he had it as a small way to connect himself to his grandfather. For that reason alone you should really have it tossed out. But at the same time, you know what it’s like, wanting to have that small thread to connect you to family. Now you have one too. A last name.

Unlike Luca, you never took Kierabi’s last name, you chose yours. You still thought of them as family, they knew you did. You just kinda left it at that. But now you know your true name. The thought warms you but before long your mind is wandering back to Kylo. He’s probably flying his fighter. You bite your lip, your insides crawling with worry.

——

You had dozed off but slowly blinked your eyes open as you can feel the emotions of misery and anger storm their way closer to you. You slowly rose from the couch, wincing slightly in pain to make sure you were there for him when he came through the door. The door slid open and Kylo stepped in, his form screamed his wrath but you could see the complex emotions in his face.

He stood there for a moment, breathing heavily but not focusing on anything. You slowly stepped forward, wrapping your arms around one of his. “Do… you want me to do anything?...” you ask slowly, quietly, afraid to anger him. Kylo slowly looks up to actually see you for the first time. Wordlessly, he shifts his arms from yours to grab your hand and tug you toward the bedroom. Your heart falls.

You made it for a point, you didn’t think he actually  _ would _ .

The silence from him is killing you but you don’t know what to say, what to do. You awkwardly lay down but in the next moment he’s plopped himself beside you, burying his head into your stomach. Realization hits you. He just wants comfort. His arms grip around you like a vice and your body effortlessly melds with his. You run your hands through his hair in soothing motions as you hum a random soft melody.

“I’m sorry, Y/N…” he whispers, voice cracking slightly. His hands are shaking. Your stomach wrenches at seeing Kylo so hurt. “I know…” you reply softly, still running through his hair. You can’t tell him it’s okay. Eventually you also start trying to massage his shoulders and joints, whatever you can do to help alleviate the tension. A few more minutes pass before he utters, “I.. didn’t…. I couldn't ...”

You freeze momentarily, but quickly resume before asking softly, “How do you feel?...” It’s not about what you or he believes is right or wrong. At least not at the moment when he’s so upset. Right now you want to understand what he’s thinking, to help him work through it. Kylo rubs his head against you again as he murmurs, “I… don’t know. I am angry that I am as weak as a child. I need to be able to let the past die. Even if I have to kill it. But then… but then why can’t I? Why does it hurt to do what I know is the path for me to follow?”

“You are not weak. You are not a child. From… from my perspective… the past is what has allowed us to grow and change. It is how you’ve grown so strong. If you cut it off, you cut off that which made you so powerful. Like us,” you reply, gaining his attention.

“Like us?” he asks numbly, finally looking up to you. You smile with a nod, before scooting down to him as he loosens his arms for you to move. 

“Let’s take you in my life for example. When… If I had given up on seeing you again. If I had said to myself ‘oh I’ll never be able to see my love again, boo hoo’ and cried my eyes out, I never would have become so strong. I probably would have given up bounty hunting to sing in a bar. I wouldn’t have gotten to let my love for you grow into a big ass garden I can’t possibly contain,” you laugh, pressing a kiss to his nose.

He smiles slightly, but you can tell it’s forced for your purpose. You tap him on the forehead, “Don’t fake happiness for me. I want all of you Kylo Ren. Even your misery. You’ve done that for me too many times to count.” His smile fades but he nods. You can tell he’s at least calmed down. You’re sure he’s still tormenting over his unanswered questions, that only he can answer for himself. Kylo sighs, laying his head on your shoulder.

Unsure of what to do, you simply wrap your arms around him again and sing a soft melody. His arms are around you, pulling you closer till the two of you are flushed against each other. “I… should not have allowed what transpired the night of Starkiller to happen between us that night…” he whispers. His breath ghosts across your neck. You turn, placing a gentle kiss on the side of his head. He continues, “I was just so… happy to have my memories back and being with you… and you were so happy too.”

You nod, swallowing thickly to try and summon the courage to say what you need to. “B-But… Kylo…” you murmur softly, “You do understand  _ why _ it’s so bad right?...” It’s quiet for a moment and his grip on you tightens, to the point you’re concerned you angered him. But he slowly nods. “Mhmm…” he murmurs into your neck. Your brows furrow, you feel like you have to hammer it in a bit more. “To… to have done that and then what we did? It’s incredibly disrespectful to him…” you whisper, voice filled with concern. 

A few more heartbeats before you hear a soft voice, “I know….”

Trying to bring it a bit lighter, you murmured, “Well, you know… yea I was happy. I had the whole tour idea ready for like literally months.” Kylo finally gives a small huff, “Seriously?” Your eyes narrow playfully. “Excuse you, I had that house built for a solid year. They were like ‘want it to be two bedrooms’ and I laughed ‘No! Only a single bedroom, it will make for a great joke later!!” you snickered. He huffed again, a bit closer to a chuckle, “You’re unbelievable.”

You scoffed, “Join the club.”

You thought now would be a good time to tell him. That you’re a Kenobi. You bite your lip. But he’s already so stressed and he’ll be irate that you talked to Master Kenobi again. After a while of silence and debating, you noticed Kylo had fallen asleep. You yawn, that works for you. You easily fell asleep beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was shortlived lol I would have loved for bad-bitch to go on longer but it just didn't pan that way xD
> 
> LOL Originally I wasn't planning on making her related to anyone from the cannon-cast bbbbuuttt it worked out rreeaaalllyyyyy well with my balance theme SO that's how it happened lol plus I freaking love Obi-Wan TwT I'm so exited for his show on Disney+ I know he technically had a love interest that's not her grandmother (no spoilers, it's from Clone Wars) and I loved her but I really needed her grandmother to be a non-human species. A point we'll see later lmao
> 
> My reasoning for her parents deaths is honestly weak as fucckk but it is what it is lol;;  
> Also Also probably not as big of a deal was made as should have been made with the Han situation QwQ;; (it's totally not because I forgot about it and then had to plug it in where convenient nooooooooo........ ye s......) but yea lol
> 
> Gunna be gettin' back into some of the nitty-gritty now ooh boy
> 
> If you're playing AC: New Horizons and want a Kylo Hoodie here's the code for what I made: MO-QV3B-5PJ3-LS8X  
> want some more art no one asked for? lol  
> >Kylo Art I did for a Tshirt: https://convenientcat.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/kyloshirt_art.png  
> (I chose the flowers based on meaning, one was like 'foolish' one was 'beware' and the others were something else lol)  
> >Batali [my char insert] profile of controlling the guard: https://convenientcat.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/badbad-scaled.jpg  
> >Batali in Kylo-similar attire: https://convenientcat.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/outfit.jpg  
> > Sketchdump (Alli, Bat, and Empress!Au): https://convenientcat.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/sketchdump-scaled.jpg
> 
> [4/26/20 EDIT: I created a page for the art if you'd like to check it out; so no one has to try copy/pasting all the links. I'll just update the same one lol https://convenientcat.net/balance/ ]
> 
> I'm very excited about getting to what I'm currently writing, I just did a full picture for it and I'm actually very happy with it?? O-O
> 
> STAY SAFE AND HAPPY AND HEALTHY EVERYONE I LOVE U <3 <3 <3


	15. Closing and Opening Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they say; when some doors close, others open.

Kylo was gone the next morning. Back to business as usual. You think over the most recent events, trying to decide your next move. You believe Obi Wan’s story. And you think he’s trying to warn you, help you. Help Kylo. On the one hand, you think you should return to Alli. If he thinks you would betray him so easily then fine. You’ll go be with Alli and he won’t have to worry about it. Especially since you did promise her… but on the other hand, the only way to help him is by being with him… 

But it’s not just about him anymore, is it? You grimace. You remember what you did. What you saw on those raids you did with Kylo, the pain that was inflicted on innocent lives. You once thought it was fine. To turn a blind eye and ignore the Resistance and their fight. But now, how can you? You rub your hands across your face with a groan. There must be a workaround. A way to keep Kylo in check but also help the Resistance.

With a sigh, you glance over to the outfit you had made. It just makes you a little queasy now. What it represents for you. But with another heavy breath, you know it would comfort Kylo if you wore it. Finally getting out of bed, you put the outfit on and reach out into the Force to locate him. Before long you’re on your way. He’s busy with something, something he’s not super keen on sharing. Your heart stings. Eventually, you give up and head back to the room, doing some light training to try to get yourself back to 100%. Until you sense it. There’s another Force user on board, they’re not even concealing themselves. Kylo is with them. Your eyebrows scrunch in concern. Hope bubbles in your chest at the possibility of a good outcome. 

You begin to meditate to try and understand what’s happening. You can feel the tension in the Force, happening all over. You have no idea what’s going on. Focusing on Kylo, you can feel his determination seeping through. He has a plan. He’s going to kill. You jump up, breathing heavily. No, if that Force user is this Rey, he can’t kill her. You begin running towards him.

You can tell he’s fighting now as you wait for the lift to take you up to Snoke’s throne room. Then you can feel him calm, decisive. Before it switches to anger, annoyance. Then there’s a giant crash and the entirety of the Supremacy quakes. The lift’s lights flicker off. Growling, you use the Force to help you pry the doors open. It’s a quick hop up into the room.

Your eyes take in the burning room, the dead guards, Snoke’s still form, as well as Kylo and what you presume to be the girl, Rey. Your instinct is to go to him, help him. You bite your lip, running over to Rey. She sits up, a hand to her head but becomes immediately wary of you. You hold your hands up, “Woah! I don’t mean harm, Rey! It is Rey, right? You need to leave before anyone else arrives.” She stands, gathering what looks to be like a broken saber before asking, “Who are you?”

You rub the back of your neck, “Uuhmm, would you believe me if I said an old friend of Ben’s and a former student of Master Skywalker?” You laugh awkwardly as her eyes widen. You wave her unasked questions away, “This is not the time, unfortunately, we need to get you out of here before Kylo wakes up or someone else reaches this place.” Rey shakes her head to clear it before nodding, eyes resolute. The two of you run to another room adjacent to the throne room with a couple of escape pods. 

She steps in before turning around and grabbing your wrist. “Come with me,” she asks. You falter. You look from her hand to her eyes. You stutter a laugh, smiling at her while your eyebrows crease upwards, “I can’t.”

“What do you mean? Of course you can, the Resistance could really use you!” She reasons.

You shake your head, placing your hand over hers. “In another time, I would love to. I would in a heartbeat. But there is someone who needs me. I will not betray him,” you say softly with a smile. Realization flashed across her features.

You nod, “I’m trying to help Ben here. He is good. He’s just lost, uncertain. I will not leave the man I love.” Her eyes widen, pink dusting her cheeks at your comment. You laugh slightly, amused that she’s like a teenager, though she looks around the same age as you. “What’s your name?” She asks. You heard sounds in the other room.

“Y/N. Y/N Kenobi. Now go!” You hiss, shoving her into the pod. She finally jets off. You watch her go for a moment before slinking back into the room. Hux has appeared. He looks over Kylo’s figure before slowly reaching for his blaster. You step out the shadows, growling, “You might want to  _ reconsider _ that.” He pales just as a sharp intake of breath draws your attention.

Kylo swiftly stands as you run to him asking worriedly, “Are you ok?!”

He huffs with a nod as Hux asks, “What happened here?”

Kylo snarls, “The girl. She killed Snoke and fled.” Hux’s eyes narrow but he holds his tongue. “The Resistance is escaping to Crait, we need to eradicate them,” Kylo hisses, looking out the huge windows. “Who made you Supreme Leader?” Hux scoffs.

“I did,” Kylo says icily, turning to Hux. Hux begins to growl an argument but it dies in his throat as Kylo uses the Force to choke him. “ _ I _ am now the Supreme Leader,” He says, voice dark.

Kylo releases Hux. Kylo turns back to you before something sparks in his eyes. A vile laugh escapes his lips and you shiver. You’ve never heard him like this. “As Supreme Leader, my first act is to sentence you for the crimes committed against Y/N,” he muses, slowly turning back to Hux. Your stomach turns, hands shaking, “Kylo wai--” but your words die as Kylo ignites his saber and slices Hux.

You turn away, violently shaking and overcome by nausea. Yes, once you wanted to kill Hux. Yes, he deserved what came to him. But you didn’t want Kylo to do it. You didn’t want him to shed more blood. You’re crying again. Feeling your grief, Kylo turns back to you as he powers down his blade. “Sorry malla,” he rumbles, taking your sorrow as a resurgence from the loss of your child. “Come on, we need to leave,” he murmurs, ushering you away.

He gets you from the Supremacy to the Finalizer. Once there, you’re really able to see the damage inflicted on the Supremacy. Kylo’s aiming to chase the Resistance down. You follow him and he smiles slightly. Now there’s no one to stop you from following him or being with him. He’s the boss.

That thought sends shivers down your spine. You can already tell by his gait, he’s drifting closer to an edge of no return, a darkness where you can’t save him. You follow Kylo onto another vessel before it descends onto Crait. 

You remain silent as he barks out orders. Hope surges in your chest at the Resistance fighters, trying to do what’s right. Bile slowly rises in your throat. They  _ are _ doing what’s right. Once you didn’t care. Once you thought it was a losing battle not worth fighting. But you’ve now seen the damage first-hand and wish you could be with them instead. You have to carefully keep those emotions bottled and hidden within you.

There’s no doubt in your mind. Should you turn from him, abandon him like his old Master. He will shatter. You thunk the back of your skull against the wall of the shuttle. Not that you’re much different… well… you once weren’t. Now you have your moms, Luca, Alli, now even a grandfather to support you should something happen. Kylo… Kylo has no one. Or  _ thinks _ he has no one but you.

Your mind aimlessly wanders until Kylo growls under his breath, “Skywalker.” He clenches the pilot’s seat, gritting his teeth. You race beside him, eyes wide at the appearance of your old Master. Master Skywalker is standing on Crait, looking directly at the vessel you and Kylo are in. He looks just like he did at school. Your brows furrow slightly. But your focus quickly shifts at the growing rage beside you.

“What are you waiting for,  _ shoot him _ !” Kylo orders. Every vessel fires at Skywalker, so much that it kicks up dust, obscuring your old Master entirely. But it’s not enough for Kylo, blinded by rage, who continues spitting orders to fire. You step closer to him, pressing your side to his, reminding him you’re there. At your touch, he visibly calms though you can tell his jaw is still clenched in aggravation. The firing slows to a stop shortly after.

“ _ Do you think you got him _ ?” You mused, sending through your shared link to Kylo. You meant it as a jest, to lighten the situation but he glares at you out of the corner of his eye. You gulp, mewling back, “ _ Sorry… _ ” wrapping an arm around his own in apology. He makes no comment as his eyes continue to be glued to the space where Skywalker once stood.

Or.  _ Stands _ . Your mouth gapes as Kylo growls in anger, “Land the ship!!” He turns from you so abruptly that he slips from your grasp. He doesn’t even wait till the ship has fully landed, opening the bay door and jumping the distance down onto the white planet. You turn back to the window and watch as he leaves red footprints in his wake.

You tapped the pilot on the shoulder, startling him. “Oh, sorry, um do you know what the deal is with the ground here?” you ask him as nicely as you can. He clears his throat awkwardly and you sorely wish you hadn’t ever been so cruel to anyone in the First Order. “U-Uh, Salt,” he stutters and you tilt your head. “Salt? Huh. So much that it’s covering the red rock beneath. Cool. Thank you,” you say with a smile but he’s still wary.

Sighing softly, he flinches again and you murmur, “I’m sorry for Kylo and I being pains. I know I cannot be forgiven for what I’ve done, but I am truly sorry.” The pilot stills for a moment before contemplating. “I-Is… Is that magic stuff the thing that makes you crazy?...” he asks quietly. You laugh, “Sorta! So there’s a light and a dark side. The Jedi you’ve heard of all use the light. But there are those like Kylo who use the dark.”

You lean over the seat, grinning, happy to be talking to someone who’s not angry. The pilot perks, “So which are you?” You give an awkward laugh, “I’m not nearly as strong, but the light. When I was a total bitch, I was connected to the dark. It clouded my mind, but I’m still responsible for my actions. I cannot blame a magical force for what I have done.” You quiet down as you watch the battle between Kylo and Master Skywalker.

“And Kylo… will not be happy…” you sigh.

“How come, ma’am?” the pilot asks.

“M-- Skywalker isn’t actually there,” you murmur, rubbing your hands on your face.

The pilot chuckles slightly, “How do you know? Do you feel it in the magical thing?”

You laugh, “No. If I could, then Kylo would be able to as well. No, I’m not blinded by rage. He appears the same as he did 10-ish years ago. He was unaffected by a multitude of high-intensity blaster bolts. And he’s not leaving any footprints.”

The pilot’s head whips back around before slamming a hand to his head, “Holy shit.”

You chuckle, “Indeed.” You extend your hand to him, “Y/N, nice to meet you.”

He grins, returning the handshake, “Vikor. The silent copilot is Eriwen.” You turn to the co-pilot who flinches at your gaze. You sadden, shoulders slumping but bow to them both. “Please, should you ever have any issues or things you’d like to talk about, seek me out. I will do what I can, that is within my power. Including if there are others in the First Order who would like to speak with me. I cannot undo what I have done, nor will I expect forgiveness. All I can do is try to do what’s right from now on.”

They look at each other, before back to you with a nod. Eriwen finally looked up to you and said, “I overheard someone who said she was escorting you the other day after the Supreme Leader’s helmet broke.” The memories flooded back. You nodded, “The Stormtrooper. I injured her friend.” He nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck, “She said you were trying to… ‘heal him’ but that you were being ‘broken’ instead. Is that all the light and dark magic business?”

Your eyes flashed with worry, head whipping to see Master Skywalker had already disappeared and they were about to fire the giant cannon into the base. You gnawed at your lip before replying, “This stays between us but…” you take a deep breath, “yes. Kylo was once like you or I. But Snoke made him this way. I knew Kylo before all of this mess. I found him again. I want to help him. But in the process, I lost my way and sometimes it feels like it’s a game of tug of war. Me on the light, trying to pull him to salvation and him on the opposite, trying to pull me into the darkness.”   
  


None of this should be uttered from you. It can get you and these two men in  _ heaps _ of trouble. But it’s just so easy to talk to those who are willing to listen, especially when you’re so stressed. Vikor pipes up, “Well you can count on us to help you out, ma’am!” Your head shoots up, shock etched across your features. Eriwen nods, “We just signed up for the pay… but if we can help to turn this ship around, metaphorically, we would gladly assist.”

Tears of joy stung the corners of your eyes as a grin spreads across. “Thank you! Thank you both!” Vikor grins back as Eriwen gives a small smile. “We’ll spread the word too, to the good ‘uns,” Vikor says triumphantly. You nod in thanks, before your eyes notice the giant hole in the metal doors, with Kylo standing at the entrance. “I have to go, please reach me if you need me!” you shout to them as you run off the shuttle towards Kylo.

On your run into the base, you think about what the pilots said. They don’t want to be helping the First Order as much as you do. But they are, whether they need the money for their families or to survive. Or maybe it’s a role they’re forced to play. You offered their help, as someone with the potential to do more than a normal officer. Especially an officer that has values they don’t agree with. The gears in your mind slowly begin turning.

That’s what you can do. It’s risky. Really,  _ really _ risky. If Kylo finds out, you don’t know what he’d do to you. But you can no longer sit idly by while this hatred is spread throughout the galaxy. If you can’t join the Resistance, then you’ll have to do the next best thing.

Vikor and Eriwen will spread the word, get the message out to others who disagree with the First Order. You’ll have to work out the logistics when you can, but you need them all in the same place. If you were stuck in a constant warzone, you’d want to be surrounded by people of a similar nature. Give them a small bit of peace and comfort then protect them where you can.

You dash across the salt-covered terrain a bit faster. You still feel a little icky from the Dark’s reign over you, but you’re slowly being filled with something else. Confidence and hope. You know you can do it, bringing others together and sweet-talking your way around issues so that no one gets hurt. You hope that your actions will help others around you and in the long run, help Kylo. You don’t want to hurt him, but he can’t go on an endless rampage either. Another thought crosses you as you near the base entrance, the Resistance will need another inside source. Sending a silent prayer to Mari, you hope you’re doing justice by her in trying to continue what she once did.

Reaching Kylo, you slow to walk beside him into the abandoned base. Troopers storm in, searching through everything. You glance at Kylo but his expression is blank. It’s not hard for you to tell he’s going to extreme lengths to make it look like it. You want to reach out and hold him. Your hand goes gently towards his but he abruptly walks off. Shaking your head, you try to think nothing of it as you follow him.

Kylo storms into the command room, where the two of you spot a golden object on the floor. Delicately, Kylo bends down and picks up the dice chain in his leathered hand. Your head tilts slightly to the side, unknowing the ramifications of this object. But you can feel the turmoil radiating from Kylo. After a moment, the dice slowly fade to nothing as Kylo’s hand grips the empty space. He stands, looking away from you, at nothing. Your eyes narrow, he’s seeing something you can’t.

After a moment, he looks off before muttering, “They’ve  _ escaped _ .” You take the opportunity to slowly step forward, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “What’s our next move?” you ask gently. He sighs slightly, “I… I don’t know.” You wrap your arm around his, feeling the tension drain away drop by drop. “Well, they’re numbers are small. They will be unable to do anything. For now, you need to rest and consider how to proceed,” you say to him. Kylo bites his lip like he wants to argue.

He sighs, “Fine, you are right.”

You bump your hip into him playfully, “Of course I am, who do you take me for, dearest knight?” You blinked sweetly at him and the hint of a small smirk finally breaks his lips. He straightens up, eyes glittering mischievously. You grin, happy to be able to pull him from a dark place, if only for the moment. “As Supreme Leader, I will need a right hand. A General,” he purrs, pulling you closer. You smile, “Of course, I would be happy to assist you.”

And have more power to control the situation. Theoretically. The two of you head back to the vessel as Vikor and Eriwen pilot back to the Finalizer. Onboard, you follow Kylo. It had been a while since you were on the Finalizer and you weren’t exactly sure where his room was. Though it didn’t matter as Kylo led you to an even bigger room.

You gaped at the size as he chuckled, “This was originally built as a guest suite, a show of power. But I’m claiming it as Supreme Leader.” You walked around in awe for a bit before turning back to him with a hand on your hip, “Yeah, speaking of, you going to tell me exactly what happened in there? I entered the room and saw Hux reaching for his blaster just before you woke. Bloody mess.” Kylo groaned, plopping himself on the large couch.

An idea hits you and you enter the bedroom to see if it’ll work. You’re still able to hear him as he recounts his version, “That girl, Rey. She came willingly. Convinced I would turn to the light--” you bit your lip to keep from projecting joy, “but I saw a vision of her turning to the dark. She could join us and the three of us could create an empire stronger than anything the universe has ever seen.” You sour slightly, rolling your eyes as you prepare the bathroom. “Snoke had been writhing beneath my skin long enough as it was. So I eliminated him and extended the proposal,” he huffed.

“But?” you call to him, knowing there’s another layer to uncover. “She  _ declined _ my offer,” he hissed, anger bubbling again. “I tried to take Skywalker’s saber back from her. It belongs to  _ me _ . It shattered between the two of us and then everything gets fuzzy,” he grumbles. You walk up behind him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Technically, he’s right. The saber should go to him by birthright but if Luke gave it to her then it’s not really Kylo’s anymore either.

“Well… I have something to make you feel a little better,” you purr, threading your fingers through his. He cocks an eyebrow in question but you can see curiosity swirling in his eyes. You hold his hand as he walks around the couch before you lead him into the bedroom. Delicately, the two of you help to remove the other’s clothes. Albeit, he had more layers to remove. Your eyes were devouring him, just as he was to you.

Finally bare, you grasp his hand again but tugging him towards the refresher. You had suspected and you were overjoyed to find a large tub in it. Its square shape was inlaid into the floor with only a minor lip to step over and big enough to fit at least four people. You’d already filled it with warm water, so you eagerly step in before tugging Kylo in too. He made a skeptical face but obliged. “What are you doing?” he laughs.

“Shush, I am pampering you,” you muse, forcing him to sit down.

He scoffs, “I don’t need pampering.”

You laugh smugly, “Ok, tough guy. You let me do this once and if you don’t like it, I won’t do it again. Deal?” You sit behind him against the wall of the tub, before massaging into his shoulder blades and back. He releases a huff of air before almost groaning, “...Fine.” You smirk, he’s liking it already. You hum and sing little melodies as you work, making sure to try your best to untangle any knots you find. Of which, Kylo Ren has many.

When you finished with that, you leaned him back to where his head was partly submerged in the water. You washed his hair, letting your nails scratch gently against his scalp. He kept his eyes closed contentedly the entire time. You giggled as you rinsed out his hair and he finally peeked an eye open at you. “What?” he asked, voice heavy like he was tired. You laughed again, grinning, “You’re like a cat right now.”

He just hums in reply. “What are we to do with Alli?” you quietly ask. You didn’t want to leave her in the dark for any longer than you already had. “She could live with us here. No one will question me,” he replies easily. 

You place your forehead onto his, “Will she be happy? Will she be safe?”

“We will keep her safe. If she’s not happy here, she could continue living with your family,” he rumbles, before sitting up. His hair is slicked back, but it doesn’t keep a few tendrils from being wavy and unruly.

You blink a few times, the hairstyle shaking loose a memory. Or a dream? Of an entity that looked like Kylo in a land called Mortis? You shook your head, still fuzzy, with a bit of a headache from the thoughts and visions swirling from you. You have to quickly pull it together so Kylo doesn’t realize something is amiss.

He turns to you, before motioning for you to turn around. You raise an eyebrow at him with a grin but follow suit. Kylo delicately pushes your hair forward, off your back, so his hands can cleanly work on massaging your own shoulders and back. You almost moan at the released tension. His large hands were burning, hotter than the water and everywhere he touched seemed to ignite. Eventually, he moved on, gently pulling you back so he could wash your hair. You hum delightedly, loving the attention.

Kylo snickers, “Now I know what to do when you’re mad at me.”

You laugh, “It’s not a guaranteed win, but it’ll earn you some cookie points.”

He leans down to place a kiss on your forehead, “You deserve it. You deserve more.”

“So do you,” you purr up to him. You sit up, turning toward him before cradling his face between your hands. Your left thumb runs across the scar that mars his right side.

He closes the distance, pressing chest to chest before his own hands cup your face. “You look better with a smile, malla,” he rumbles, voice husky. Your eyes flicker to Kylo’s deep brown and you giggle slightly. “Sorry,” you didn’t realize you’d started frowning, “I just… I want to be someone you can trust. Depend on. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

With a chuckle, Kylo softly presses his lips to yours. He breaks it, murmuring, “I have always trusted you. I will always depend on you. I don’t want you hurt either.” His hand trails down to the burn scar on your abdomen from Hux’s sniper. You laugh, “We both seem to have scars.” He leans back against the wall of the tub, pulling you into him. Legs intertwine and at this moment you’ve never felt more relaxed or content.

Your head against his chest, you hum soft songs as the two of you simply enjoy each other's company. It’s a rare moment. One you’ll treasure forever and will try to force him into doing more often. Several minutes pass before you yawn, followed by a chuckling Kylo, “I think it’s time to get out.” You pout, “But it’s so waarrrmmm, I don’t wanna.” He laughs, before snaking his arms under you to easily lift you out of the tub.

The water sloshes against the sides of the tub at the movement and you squeak at the sudden change in temperature. You shiver, huddling closer to him, whining, “Sssseeeeeeee!! It’s cold out here!!” Kylo laughs again, this time a bit louder. You settle down, easily swayed by his good mood. After letting you down, the two of you dry off before realizing none of your clothing is here. This wasn’t originally his room after all.

You laugh, snuggling under the covers, “We need to order more clothes.” You gleefully watch Kylo pad across the room to a datapad, before bringing it back to the bed. After he settles in, you scoot up to him, purring in delight. “You’re always so warm,” you muse as you watch him fill out the form for clothing to be made and dropped off at the room. “You're the one who’s cold,” he huffed, rolling his eyes.

Giggling, you watch him for a moment longer but your eyelids were so heavy. You were asleep before you knew it. The next morning, you wake with a delightful stretch. A box of clothes have been left in the bedroom and you giggle again at the silly situation. You get up, grabbing a black shirt before realizing it’s not yours. You laugh again, twirling in Kylo’s shirt. It’s stupidly large, almost like a dress but way too short.

Snickering in mischief you tiptoe out into the living room, spotting Kylo sitting on the couch working on something. With a grin, you leap over the back, wrapping your hands around his neck. He makes a small yelp of surprise, unusual for him, before hiding whatever he was working on in his hands. Your grin widens as you purr, “Whatcha got there, flyboy?” You nuzzle your nose into his neck, giving him a small nip.

“Nothing. What has made you so… suggestive this morning?...” he asks. You chuckle, plopping over the back to land in his lap. Kylo huffs, moving his hands up and away from you. You bat your eyes at him, “Me? Suggestive? Never.” Kylo’s eyes dart from your own to what you’re wearing and his cheeks tint red. “Is that my shirt?”

Grinning you laugh, “Yep.”

He smirks back at you, “It looks much better on you.” You narrow your eyes playfully before jumping towards his hand. “Stop dodging! What are you hiding?!” You laugh, scrambling around him to try and see what he’s hiding. Kylo easily evades you, grinning like a kid at your antics. Eventually, you stop, pouting.

Kylo smirks standing, with one hand behind his back and the other pulling you up beside him. “Just… be still for a moment. Close your eyes,” he murmurs, smiling softly. You give him a doubtful look but follow his instructions. You can feel his free hand gently pulling your right hand up in front of him. His fingers are warm and almost feel… nervous? You try not to snicker.

Kylo wraps something around your wrist, leathery with only a small bit of weight. You tilt your head in thought. He’s giving you a bracelet? “Ok… you can open your eyes now…” he whispers. You slowly open your eyes before they widen entirely. It’s a bracelet, simple thin leather strands holding on to your wrist. But it’s what is attached that makes it so special. A blue kyber crystal. But not just any crystal.  _ His _ old crystal.

Your left-hand covers your mouth in shock, marveling at it. The crystal is encased in silver wire, twisted into spirals to grip the crystal and keep it attached to the bands. “Your… but I can’t accept this…” you gasp. Kylo chuckles, ruffling your hair, “You can and should. I do not need it. But I’m still connected to it, so I’ll always be with you.” He lightly pulls your hand, kissing the inside of your wrist near the crystal. You’re pretty sure he’s copying you from with Alli, but you’ll let it slide.

Face red you almost weep, “It’s so beautiful, Kylo…” He grins boyishly before frowning slightly. Looking at the crystal he says, “I wanted to use it for a while. Make something for you. I might be away often for a while. As a new Supreme Leader, I’ll need to make sure everything within the First Order is as it should be. My connection to it is weak, but still there.” The last words sound pained like he almost hates it.

Kylo sighs, “So you’ll be able to use it as an amplifier of sorts to connect to me.” He pulls back and you glance down at the bracelet. There’s enough slack you can easily hold the crystal in your right hand. It feels warm and comforting in your palm and you grin at it before holding it to your chest. “I love it, Kylo,” you breathe, stepping up to kiss him on the cheek. “Almost as much as I love you,” you laugh, placing a kiss on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comeuppance for dearest Hux. I felt like his role in the last movie was *great.* I loved that he hated Kylo so much he'd betray the FO just to see him lose. But his end felt subpar to me. Like it definitely caught me off guard, I literally gasped in the theatre, but it felt really abrupt to me? I was just like?? How did Pryde know?? But whatcha gonna do? So on top of that and what he's done in this fic, his role came to an end a bit sooner. But his actions in the third movie will still happen, just via someone else ;D
> 
> There's a lot of really awesome Kylo fics where he gives his old crystal/a crystal to reader/char and I've just always loved that idea *o* Tho mines a lot more lame lmao, they talk like it's a big satellite or something, but I usually imagine it as something that just "widens" their Force-net a bit for that particular person the crystal is connected to. [insert Han yelling "THAT'S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS" lmao also I'm totally making that a shirt now omg]
> 
> With this, we're through the second movie!! Woot!! I tend to write the actual movie parts A LOT faster /shorter than the non-movie ones. I think it's because most of what I enjoy writing isn't a part of the movies, plus ya'll have already seen them, there's no need for me to babble on more than necessary lol Well, I say that, but I think I'll be ~adjusting~ more things in the third movie than in the first two. Mostly because she *will* have more interaction with the plot/characters. But we have a few many chapters to go before it even gets started into the third movie! ^o^
> 
> I hope everyone is safe and well <3  
> Has anyone developed any cool tricks or hobbies during this time?  
> I'm trying to juggle multiple things x'D a friend and I are trying to 'challenge' each other with art on Instagram to keep actively drawing; I'm trying to do design work for t-shirts and freelance; I'm playing around with UV resin and poly clay for jewelry; I've been making these floral Mickey-ear headbands; aaanndddd now I've been trying to make/decorate cakes. But I suck. I made a confetti cake that crumbled into pieces so I tried to make cake pops and they taste ok but they look like balls of like,,,,, Fruity meat. It's fucking bizarre lmao QwQ;;;; Then I tried to drizzle dark chocolate on them with sprinkles and they're just.... the ugliest things..... TwT;;;;;


	16. Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen pretty quickly, as long as it doesn't give you whiplash.
> 
> Featured Song:  
> >'Someday' - Celtic Women

A month passes. You assume your role as General L/N, becoming a right hand for Kylo. When Kylo’s not available to train you, you would sometimes train with General Pryde. Of whom you had great distaste. For whatever reason, Kylo had created this “Supreme Council” of which Pryde would be a part of with the new title of ‘Allegiant General.’ Whatever all that nonsense is.

While digging through some of Snoke’s materials, Kylo apparently came across some new things about the Sith. He wasn’t super open about it, which you would normally be grateful for but you were concerned with what he was up to. Alli’s been on board with you for about a couple of weeks now. Kylo’s hardly around to see her, which she constantly complains about, but she officially decided it’s too boring to live on a spaceship.

You were able to convince her to continue living with your family, as long as you visit every chance you get and constantly exchange video transmissions. It broke your heart at her downcast expression every time she asked about Kylo. A fact the two of you have bickered about. It seems that as of late when he  _ is _ around, the two of you are fighting about something. It doesn’t help that his connection to the dark is growing as your connection to the light is.

He can tell you’re growing stronger, stronger than you ever thought possible. It’s all due to your dreams. Well, mostly Master Kenobi in your dreams. At night you train with him or he’ll tell you stories of him as a young knight traveling the galaxy during the Clone Wars with Anakin Skywalker. You  _ loved _ listening to those stories. Hearing of Ahsoka Tano, Anakin, R2, and so many wonderful people fill your heart with warmth. You felt closer to them. To the Jedi. Like your little mismatched family was slowly growing.

Loneliness would creep in before you fell asleep. Missing Kylo. You’d stare at his blue crystal on your arm before holding it close to your heart. You’re not sure what kind of “amplifier” he meant, but you’d put all your longing and love into it. Hope would surge through you that he’d receive your feelings and return to you the next day. Sometimes he did. Sometimes he didn’t. But the nights with your grandfather helped immensely. 

Every morning you’d wake up, happier than you went to bed thanks to him. Not only was training and storytelling fun, but you’d talk about some of your personal issues with Kylo out with your grandfather. Sometimes he’d offer wise words of wisdom, other times he might tell you that the answer is best left for you to decide. Kylo wasn’t unaware of your growing strength or happier mood each day. You wonder if it makes him nervous, that he could lose you to the light. He never asks about your dreams, probably afraid of what he’d hear.

You drop Alli back off with your mothers, waving them all goodbye before turning your ship around back towards the First Order. You decided to meditate while driving through hyperspace, sitting on the cold metal cross-legged. Breathing in and out slowly, you tried to imagine a serene place. The next moment you opened your eyes you were surrounded by a large forest. Your mouth gaped, slowly standing and looking around.

“I-I don’t understand! I’ve imagined wonderful places but never ones so surreal!...” you breathed, barely audible. You could feel the soft wind grazing your skin and rippling your clothes. And yet you could still hear and feel the subtle vibration of your ship. You looked up at the sky, grinning. You weren’t doing this, or at least in control of it, but you certainly weren’t complaining about the view.

“M-Master Kenobi?!”

You snapped your head around, looking for your grandfather before your eyes fell on an expression in as much shock as your own. 

Your eyebrows twisted together as you whispered, “Rey?...”

How is this happening right now?

“Master Kenobi, you’re alright!” She exclaims, grinning before walking up to you.

You shake your head, “Rey, I’m not a master…. I’m not even a Jedi….” She goes to shake your hand in comradery, but her hand passes right through your own. You both look at each other in confusion before you both laugh. “If you are not a Jedi Master, then how are you doing this? I’ve only seen Master Skywalker do this Force Projection before,” she muses before her face falls.

“Then he passed away…” she murmurs.

“WHAT?” you squawked, startling her. You place a hand on your head and your heart, trying to shake away the grief. “Why do I  _ always _ learn of deaths so far after the fact,” you mumble, grinding your teeth. Rey looks at a loss, wanting to comfort you but unable to touch you. You sigh standing up straight. “Sorry, it’s just… he found me as an orphan and gave me a home. He taught me a lot, so it’s just…. Sorrowful to hear he’s not with us anymore,” you told her honestly.

She saddens too before asking, “What did you mean by ‘deaths’? Multiple?” You wince, walking over to a log before ‘sitting’ down and she follows suit. “I didn’t find out till much later about Kylo killing Han.” No sooner were your words spoken than Rey flies off her seat, eyes filled with rage. “That monster should... He just…  _ Horrible _ …” She growls, teeth bared. You rise beside her, holding out a hand over her arm for reassurance.

“I know,” you murmur softly, pain eeking into your voice.

Rey glares at you, “I know you said you wanted to help him. But I don’t think Ben will ever return. That  _ monster _ has clearly cut all ties with the man who was Han Solo’s son.” You sigh, sitting down again and Rey follows though the anger remains in her eyes. “The dark side of the Force reacts differently in everyone,” you start as Rey looks at you in confusion.

“It offers something you want. It provides what you think you want. I am ashamed to say, I used it for a time. I… I…” tears cloud your vision and you glance at Rey, unsure to tell her your story. But you place your hand over hers as you continue, “I was blinded by rage. So much so that I used the dark to give me enough power to control my enemies with just an uttered command.” Rey visibly shivers as you sigh. “I wanted to use it. To protect Kylo. Protect my family. Protect me. But the dark was physically weakening my body. If I had continued to use it. I would have withered away.”

“Two individuals talked me out of it. My grandfather and Kylo.” Rey makes an incredulous face and you chuckle, “Kylo is Ben. Ben is Kylo. Two halves of a coin. Kylo is just Ben, blinded by hatred and revenge. Fooled into thinking he has to continue the legacy his own grandfather started. The darkness that swirls within him doesn’t affect him physically as it did me. I believe it’s tormenting his mind. Ever since he killed his father and even before, he’s been at war with himself. Using things as a distraction to ignore his own feelings. He tried to kill his mother…”

Rey growled, “He almost did.” You gave an odd ‘yes and no’ head gesture.

“He couldn’t pull the trigger. It was another who took that shot.” Her face softened slightly but she still narrowed her eyes so you continue. “You know, he  _ loves _ to tear things apart.” She frowns, displeased and you laugh, “No!! I mean like tech. He likes figuring out how things work. Kylo went--”

“Can we refer to him as Ben?...” she asks. You tilt your head, a bit confused before you realize she’s probably trying to keep the two ‘personalities’ separate. It’s easier to hate the man named Kylo and like the one named Ben. Blending the two makes it complicated, as you can contest to. You nod. “Ben went fishing with me a while back.” Her eyes widened and you snicker, “He was trying to figure out how to fish with the equipment. So I challenged him to see who could catch three first.”

“Who won?” She asked with a grin. You gave a dramatic pose, purring, “Me, of course~!”

She laughs and you laugh with her, “Oh my gosh, you should have seen it though! Especially when I had to teach him how to hand-catch fish!”

“No way!!” Rey smirks. The two of you talk for a while before Rey finally settles down and asks, “Master Kenobi…” you go to interrupt her but she holds up her hand, “Please… Please train with me. Master Skywalker gave me a lot of training and General Organa is training me now too but I need more. I will have to face Ren and defeat him to stop this First Order plague.” You glance off, sighing before you give a solemn nod.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt… We’re both basically still in training by Masters,” you snicker. If the two of you had been at Master Skywalker’s school, you probably would have been close friends. “I don’t even have a lightsaber. But just… promise me to give him as many chances as you can. I’m trying every day to bring him back to himself. I think he needs an additional push from a rival, not an ally,” you request. Rey grumbles but nods all the same.

You stand suddenly as you feel your ship exit hyperspace. You quickly say, “Um, I have no idea how I’m connecting to you right now but we’ll start next time if I can manage to do it again, bye! Stay safe!” You wave to her before your surroundings darken. She waves back to you before everything is pitch black around you. The next moment, you open your eyes and you’re back on your cruiser.

The com in your cockpit is blinking and you rush to answer it. “Y/N? Y/N are you there?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m here, Kylo!” You call back, happy to hear his voice.

“You didn’t answer the first few times since your ship’s been floating there,” he says, voice dark.

You sigh, “Sorry, I was meditating and lost track of where I was. I’m heading in now.”

“Understood, let’s meet back in our room,” Kylo replies slowly.

“Roger Roger,” you chirp back to him gleefully.

“Don’t do that,” he chides before the line goes dead. You snicker, kissing the blue crystal on your arm before you dock your ship.

Onboard, you make a quick pit stop to see Vikor. He’s working on his ship in the same bay so you easily pop in. “Vik! Hey! Can you talk for a minute?” You call in. He appears from below the maintenance area of the ship with a grin. “Kip! Here for an update?” You laugh, the nickname he’s bestowed upon you is too funny. “Yes, please! But a fast one, knight is waiting on me,” you muse. But Vik makes an awkward grin. “Right then.”

He stands and shakes your hand before providing you a debrief. “We’ve gained another battalion worth of troopers as well as several medics, technicians, and an officer. Everything is going as you’ve intended. We’re making the preparations that we’re all in the same groups and squadrons.” You nod resolutely.

“Good. I’m glad. Those here that wish they could do more should be among friends, not enemies,” you hum. Vik laughs holding his hands in surrender, “Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am. No need to go on a tangent…  _ again _ .” You wrinkle your nose at him and the two of you laugh before you feel Kylo reaching out to you in the Force.

“Fuckgottagobye!!” you yelp, running off. You dash down the hallways towards your room. You burst through the door in a triumphant pose. “Yes hello, the queen is here~” you chimed with a grin. Kylo doesn’t even look up from his datapad at the kitchen counter. Your shoulders slump. “The queen took her sweet time getting here,” he mumbles, somewhat darkly. Frowning you trudge over to him, “I’m sorry, I saw Vik in the docking bay and wanted to say hello.” Kylo finally looks up, but there’s aggravation rolling off him. “You were  _ just _ saying hello?” he asks, standing to tower over you.

You gawk at him before you yourself grow angry. “ _ Yes _ . Am I not allowed to have friends?” you growl. Kylo’s eyes narrow, “It wasn’t a stated rule but after last time I assumed you wouldn’t.” You ball your hands into fists at your side, “Watch it, Kylo.”

“I only speak the truth. You’ve had several meetings with that pilot.”

“Are you  _ accusing _ me of something, Kylo?” You hiss.

He walks around you, expression cold, “Do I need to?”

“Grraah!!” you growl at him in frustration, snarling, “You think I would chase your stupid, foolhardy ass all around the universe to turn around and  _ cheat _ on you?”

His eye twitches and you see a sad emotion cross his brown eyes. You exhale to calm yourself for a moment. “Vikor is a part of the several squadrons I oversee. As one of the most veteran pilots within those, I will ask him questions that  _ officers _ won’t know the answers to,” you answer plainly. It’s not entirely a lie, you do that sometimes, just not this particular time. Kylo scoffs, “Why would a pilot know something an officer wouldn’t?” You roll your eyes at him.

“Some officers haven’t seen combat like pilots or troopers. They won’t know everything that can possibly happen in a battle. I want to ensure  _ my _ charges are at full capacity to protect  _ you _ and this empire you command. Or am I only here as a glorified bed-warmer, Supreme Leader?” you ask coldly.

Kylo finally breaks, ever so slightly, his posture slumping as he sighs. “No, you most certainly are not. You are just more… thorough and proactive than most.” He goes to sit on the couch, rubbing his temples. You sadden, walking over to him as you murmur, “You do know, why I’m so  _ proactive _ , right?” You tease him with the word and he just huffs in reply. ‘“Because I want you to relax. Feel more secure in those around you,” you hum, sitting beside him. You press your shoulder against his and smile up at him.

It seems harder than ever to get him to be playful or get him to laugh. Finally, he relents, “I apologize, Y/N…” You lay your head against him yawning, “It’s been a long day, we could both use the rest.” The two of you stand from the couch but he shakes his head, “I need to go review these--” You intertwined your fingers in his and pulled him along. “Denied,” you say simply as you drag him into the bedroom.

“Y/N, seriously, I--” he says sternly and you round on him.

“No! You appointed me as your right hand, to be there when you need me, did you not?” you ask. He nods and you continue, “As your General, I am imploring you. Rest. You didn’t come back last night either. You will not be at full capacity to handle what the galaxy will throw at you if you’re depleting yourself in this way.” You stand firm, glaring at him and he finally relents.

“Alright, alright,” he says, a ghost of a smile on his lips. You hum in delight, turning from him as the two of you prep for bed. You wiggle into your PJs just as one of Kylo’s hands wraps around your wrist while the other is at your stomach. You shiver at his breath across your neck. “Y/N…” Kylo’s voice is soft and husky next to your ear and you can feel the goosebumps raise across your skin. “I didn’t mean to accuse you. It’s not you, I distrust. It’s them,” he hums while pressing gentle kisses along your neck.

You give a shaky laugh, “You have to trust a few of them, Kylo, they-- ah!” he nips at your neck but you swallow thickly and try to continue, “They’re fighting for you, you know?...” He pulls you closer to him and you hum happily in his warmth. “They’re here for a paycheck,” he huffs after leaving a considerable bruise against your shoulder. “Maybe some of them but, they’re still  _ doing _ their jobs,” you rumble. Kylo grumbles something inaudible under his breath. You start to snicker before you yelp at a sudden pull down onto the bed.

Kylo rubs his head into your shoulder, a small contented sigh escaping him. A soft, albeit sad smile graces your features. You’re happy to have him to yourself right now. You’re glad that little ‘tiff’ didn’t boil over into anything outrageous. But… it’s getting harder to pull him back from the constant state of rage he seems to be living in. Your arms around him tighten and you murmur into his ear, “Hey, Kylo?...”

“Mm?” Came his tired mumble. Your eyes flutter momentarily, it’s so nice like this. It’s like a seamless fit, his head in the crook of your neck and your cheek resting against it. His dark, shaggy hair felt soft though it tickled in a couple of places. His arms wrapped almost all the way around your back while your hands just clasped at his lower back. “Can we go away for a while?...” you ask quietly, almost afraid to.

Kylo’s head nuzzles into you again as he huffs, “Why?” You bite your lip before reminiscing with him for a moment. “Remember the short time we spent at home? We were there due to the worst of reasons. But… it was a lot of fun in the end. Catching fish, swimming, the campfire. There’s so much more we could do. Plus it doesn’t hurt that I enjoy your style while we’re there,” you finished with a purr, moving your hands to delicately guide his face to look up at you. With a grin you place a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth, prompting him to smirk.

“I liked it too,” he breathes. You can see the darkness slowly fade from his eyes and your smile grows. “I just think… that it’s been gosh like four months… don’t you wanna have another small trip?” you ask, a little bit of pout in your tone. You kiss him delicately on the cheek and he hums in thought. You anxiously wait for what feels like eons before he finally makes up his mind. “I want to, I really truly do,” he murmurs, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

You deflate a little but he continues, “I… I have something I want to do.” Kylo’s grip on your tightens and you blink up at him in confusion as his own eyes are filled with a powerful determination. “Something very important that I want to do before we take another… vacation of sorts,” he whispers, laying his forehead on yours. You sigh, how can you deny him? Plus, you’re not getting the vibe that this secret thing is, well, a  _ bad _ thing. Like fighting Rey. His eyes are too clear and bright for him to be having any negative emotions within his goal. But you can’t help but make him sweat a little.

You puff your cheeks turning from him with a small ‘hmph.’ He chuckles at your child-like response, rubbing his face into yours. You laugh, squealing in defeat, “No, stop it!! Your dumb facial hair is all prickly!!” He growls playfully, the statement only spurring him on. You cackle as he easily keeps you in place for the silly standoff. “What, I thought about growing it in?” Kylo muses, sitting up to rub against his jaw. You follow suit, sitting between his legs before running your own hands along his jaw and humming.

“That’s very tempting…” you start, glancing up at him through your lashes before back down to the hard line of his jaw. It’s only a little bit of stubble, the dark little flecks scratchy against your palms. “But?” Kylo prompts, raising an eyebrow with a smirk. You grin wickedly, leaning up against him to purr, “But then you’d  _ really _ look like an adorkable dad.” His eyes shoot open and you giggle against him as he stammers before releasing you to head into the refresher.

You roll onto your stomach on the bed, cackling, “What are you doing?!”

“Shaving!” Came the hasty reply. Your laugh only grows and you're pretty sure the whole ship could hear you. Your heart feels so full and happy in this moment. And your roar continued renewed when Kylo exited, clean-shaven, and looking like your normal grumple knight. But it wasn’t hard for you to tell, his cheeks and the tips of his ears were dusted pink.

Rolling over again onto your back, you grin up at him with your head hanging off the bed. “You know I only meant that in jest, dearest knight,” you murmured warmly to him. He puffs out a breath, declining to comment. You wrinkle your nose at him with an exaggerated eye-roll before he plops himself back onto the bed. With the giggling out of your system, you finally yawn, “I  _ suppose _ I have no problem waiting as long as you promise it’ll be worth it.”

Snuggling up next to him you yawn again before laying your head down on his chest. It’s almost become uncommon for you to fall asleep to his heartbeat, something you were very happy to become acquainted with before. He chuckles slightly, a hand threading through your hair prompting a contented hum from you. “I promise, it will be.”

——

Another month passes. Somehow you’re managing to keep up with everything. Between gathering more people within the First Order who wish to stop this suffering, training with Master Kenobi, and then training with Rey you’re surprised you haven’t slipped up. That’s not even including battling and keeping up with Kylo. That’s what you’re up to today. Fighting beside him again in another fight to conquer the resources or whatever it is Kylo’s looking for on this planet known as Kraks.

It seemed like you’d pulled him closer to you and the Light that one night, but since it almost feels like he’s avoiding you. You can’t ever get a read on him anymore. He’s being secretive and you can’t tell why. Kylo’s absence is giving you more time to yourself, whether it’s training or doing your own First Order tasks. Not that your tasks are all that lengthy. Pryde has basically ensured you command nothing but the people under you and that you’re not to take part in major meetings or decisions. You considered fighting that, you knew that if you could convince Kylo he would most certainly guarantee they’ll include you.

Unfortunately, you didn’t think it was a fight worth starting. You didn’t need to be making big-time enemies. If Kylo did do that for you, then many other officials would probably hate you more than they currently do. Frankly, you don’t need the attention. Secondly, you’d probably disagree with every idea or plan they make. Without a valid reason, you’d just paint a target on your back as a problem to be cut off. And not being a part of the major meetings doesn’t affect the info you’ve been supplying the Resistance.

You growl, punting an attacker away from Kylo. You feel like he’s been fighting more recklessly. Before the two of you were in great sync, easily fighting alongside one another. Now it seems like he barrels ahead without a care and you’re left to defend his sloppy openings. An enemy attacker notices this and splits you away from Kylo. You glare at them, before quickly realizing you need to keep your cool as you’re surrounded by four soldiers in total. These humanoids look akin to some kind of lizard, all with large hulking figures that easily tower heads over you.

Narrowing your eyes at them you carefully watch them, using your secret training sessions to fill your confidence. You easily evade oncoming assaults, dodging before kicking or elbowing them away. You’re able to keep them at bay until you see another couple of soldiers further down. They’re taking advantage of your missing presence at Kylo’s side, now unguarded. You grit your teeth, diving under a sharp blade before running at the two. You go to grab both of them with the Force but one leaps up.

“Kylo!” you bark, gaining his attention as you toss the second away. He turns, easily slicing the first soldier in half. You wince as his pieces fall from midair. You feel a commotion behind you and narrowly evade the bad end of a heavy mace. You hear your name being called and you glance towards Kylo for just a moment. The bulky man takes the opening and you’re on heavy defense. But his mace weighs almost as much as you do, leaving scratches on your dual metal blades.

“I believe,” he hisses with a smirk, “that we have found a weaknesss.” His ‘s’ drawls out, extremely poetic with his scaly appearance. You huff, “Shove off, you don’t know anything about me.” He laughs, standing apart from you for a moment, shoulders moving slightly. “Who sssaid anything about  _ you _ ?” He muses. You glance towards Kylo again in worry, seeing him surrounded by men.

The tank you’re fighting charges at you, aiming to swing his mace directly onto your head. You block with your two blades and thank the stars the Force can aid you. Any normal warrior would have buckled under the weight this man is shoving down on you. You wince as you see small cracks scatter from the middle of your blades. You hear your name called again, ignoring it to glare at the man. He chuckles again, “ _ You _ are  _ hisss _ weakness.”

It happens very quickly. Your eyes widen as your blades shatter into fragments around you. The man lifts the mace again and you go to hold it with the Force but your reaction was too slow. Then a flash of black. Kylo had bowled into you, taking the brunt of the hit as the two of you are flung across the forest. You slowly rise but terror fills you as Kylo’s dead weight rests upon you.

“Hey, c’mon, we gotta go…” you urge, turning him over to cradle him in your arms. “Kylo please…” you whimper. You try to blink away the tears, breathing deeply. You grit your teeth to push him into a sitting position with one hand on his bleeding back and the other on his chest. You close your eyes and begin healing him. You’ve haven’t done it in a while. But because of your powers growing with the Force, it’s easier than it’s ever been. You can feel his heart, still beating if only a little more weakly. Your eyes open at the sound of footsteps and you glare at the lizard soldiers grinning at you.

“Ssshe’sss pretty,” one remarks with a laugh and you narrow your eyes. You continue healing Kylo, but he was knocked out too well from the blow. “Sshe’ll fetch a fine pricce. After we kill him,” another agrees. You snarl at them, “Over my dead body.” They laugh, not at all intimidated. You healed all you could with Kylo, his form slumped against you. You’re incredibly worried. You know he won’t die from his wounds after your care, but without his help you can’t possibly defeat them and protect the two of you. You glance around for any possible help or weaponry. You can’t see any other troopers. You wrap your arms around Kylo protectively, but also to press the emergency com on your wrist.

“Why don’t you just leave me alone?” You asked, growling at them. The one you fought, presumably the leader of this group shrugs, “I would not have much isssue letting you go. You put up a valiant fight… for a female…” The others in his group snicker while you snarl at them. “But  _ him _ ? He attacked us and for that he must perish,” he replies easily, taking a step forward. You scoot back, dragging Kylo with you. “But you’ve clearly defeated him already. He may not even recover from this. He… he could die,” you say, stuttering your voice and looking away.

The man cackles, “Don’t try girl, we know sssnakes and liess when we see them. He would make a full recovery if he were to leave. Any battles waged against us end in victory or death.” You tighten your hold on Kylo. This is so weird, you could almost laugh. Now it feels like you’re the knight. You glance up to them, “A bargain then?” The soldiers look between themselves before the leader settles with a grin, “A bargain?... How interesting…”

“His life… for…” you bite your lip.

The man’s grin widens, “Sssay it.”

“His… life. For mine…” you growl glaring at him.

He stills, thinking for a moment before asking, “What are you to him?”

Your brows furrow as you laugh, “A fancy bed warmer.” He grins again as you gulp. He’s taken the bait. “Come closer,” he orders. Your eyes narrow, hands tightening on Kylo. The man rolls his eyes, “I promise no harm to him, yet.” Your shoulders slump and you pray that Vik gets here soon… You gently lay him down before carefully stepping towards the men. All three look you over and your lip curls. They remind you of Hux.

“I think I’d be willing to take that deal,” the leader purrs. As much as he can as a lizard guy. Another growls, “Hey, what about us?!”

The other snaps his jaws, “Yea, we want her too!”

The fourth snarls, “I want to  _ profit _ you, morons!”

They bicker and you stand still, trying to let them drag on. Then you can hear it. The sound of a ship. They hear it too, but too late as Vik lands his cruiser beside Kylo, the ramp sliding down. Eriwen and a few troopers step out with Vik not far behind.

You twist around barking, “Grab Kylo! Quickly!” Eri and Vik help to load Kylo on board while the three troopers run to assist you. They’re firing at the enemy soldiers who just laugh at the challenge. You assist the troopers, knowing they’ll need all the help they can get. But you end up playing mother hen. You’re constantly jumping around to save the troopers from eminent death and before long you’re breathing hard. The enemy soldiers stand back, you in front of your troopers.

The lizards laugh, “She protects them like a shield!”

“Don’t want to see your wittle friends get hurt?”

You growl, snapping at them, “Absolutely not. No one deserves death.” But it quickly turns to a smirk. “Not even you lot. Somehow,” you taunt. You hear the engines start up and you turn to the troopers, “Ship!! Now!!” They all turn and run, you along with them.

“Running off so soon?” the lithest of the four asks, before a wire wraps around your ankles and you trip and fall. You groan into the dirt, looking up at the cruiser. You look from it to the enemy soldiers. “Y/N!” You see Eri and Vikor’s nervous faces. You grin at them, before shoving your hand forward. You Force lift the cruiser into the air, shouting, “Go!” You give one final push to get the ship moving as a foot slams into your arm and you cry out in pain. “Don’t wreck her too much, the price will go down,” the third hisses. “Deal’s a deal,” the leader muses down at you before the butt of his mace smacks into your skull.

You groan, sitting up to wince at the major headache you feel. Goddamnit, this is the second time you’ve gotten knocked out and locked in a cell. You scoff to yourself, at least this time won’t be as  _ enlightening _ . Taking in your surroundings, you’re in a disgusting cell with your hands bound in front of you. You hiss, this is not exactly what you were hoping for in the grand scheme of things. This will only piss Kylo off more. You look down at the blue crystal on your wrist. You pull it up to your cheek, pressing against it. Its presence brings you a small comfort. “Kylo… if you can hear me… Please be ok…” you whisper, rubbing against your wrist with a stuttered sigh.

“Hmmm even now you still hope for others, not yourself,” a voice laughs in the dark beyond your metal bars. You don’t have to see him to recognize the voice of the leader from before. “That’s who I am,” you reply honestly. He chuckles before revealing himself. Now the moon is high on this planet and shines a bright blue upon the man as he grins down at you from the other side of your cell. His teeth are pointed, like a carnivore. A predator.

“Submit to me,” he says simply.

You’re dumbfounded for a moment before you growl, “No.”

He snickers, “I like that fire. The same fire that kept that man’s bed warm, I would wager.” You glared at him as he continued. “Are you hoping for him to come back for you? He won’t.”

“He will!!” You snap, grasping onto the crystal at your wrist. “Would you care for a wager then?”

You scoff, “Not really.”

He makes a sour face, “It’s either the wager, slavery, or I will  _ force _ you to be mine. Pick.”

A growl forms in your throat. “What is this  _ wager _ ?”

The man grins, “Three days. If he can come for you within three days and defeat me, you will be free.” He talks as he opens your cell. You stand, glaring at him. But as he nears you back away until you hit the wall. “But--” he grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him, “If he fails one of the two. You  _ will _ submit to me.” Your hands are shaking but you slowly nod. Pleased, he releases you and leaves. When you’re sure you’re alone, you fall to the floor.

Your body is quivering against your best wishes. None of his  _ deals _ are good, but this one gives you the best timeline. You bite your lip. You don’t know exactly what Kylo’s condition is. Alive, yes. Battle ready?? Oh, this just  _ had _ to be complicated.

The days pass. They provide very little food and water. You know why. He’s keeping you weak, so you can’t escape on your own. You tried escaping the first day. You were able to mind-trick a guard into freeing you. You got outside and towards a ship but as you were about to board you were blindsided by some guards. The man who wants you, Uray, had no problem letting the guards beat you for disobedience. Now you have some bruises and scrapes to contend with. As if you didn’t already know, but this culture treats their women like toys. Objects. It’s disgusting. You send hope through your little blue lifeline, hoping Kylo can hear you.

Your hands are shaking, today is the last day. If you’re not free today… You swallow. After three days of little food and water, you feel weak and useless. The entire time you’ve been here you haven’t been able to connect to your grandfather or Rey either. You groan you wonder if it’s your stress and worry. You always seemed to do better with your power when you were calm and collected, so sure of yourself. This has been the opposite.

Uray comes to stand before your bars, to mock you. “See? You were always just a thing, easily replaced. Come willingly, pet,” he muses. 

You gag, “Don’t make me vomit, you don’t give me enough as it is.” He clicks his tongue, going to say something before the ground quakes. Dust falls from the ceiling and you stand shakily, grinning up at him, “I think it’s time for me to go.” He narrows his eyes, hissing, before dashing away from you. You lean against the wall for support, holding your hand out to the metal bars. You take deep breaths.

You can do it. You know you can. Your physical form may be weak but your will is anything but. With a roar, you pull on the bars with the Force. You cry out from the effort but the metal slowly buckles before finally the locking mechanism snaps. You fall back, almost onto your ass, as the door slowly swings open. You grit your teeth, standing to leave. It’s a slow walk, you feel like all the muscles in your body have gone to mush. You grab the key to unlock your shackles before heading outside. You wince at the bright sunlight, searching for Kylo visually and through the Force. You see him and make your way toward him.

The second he sees you, he races over. You can tell he’s sluggish, he’s not fully healed yet. He’s also angry at you. “What were you thinking?!” He barks, voice seething but you can hear the pain and worry etched into it. You laugh, settling him down, “I missed you too, Kylo.”

“Touching, but she’s  _ mine _ ,” Uray snarls from behind you. Kylo’s features darken as he looks to the man, “No one  _ owns _ her.”

You snicker, “But if I had to choose, I’d go with him.” You point to Kylo, who gives a smug look. Uray roars, jumping towards Kylo but Kylo easily catches him in a Force choke. Your brows furrow, not wanting him to use the dark as much as possible. “She’s coming with  _ me _ ,” Kylo hisses before tossing Uray into a wall. You hear cracking and you’re not sure if it’s the wall or the man. But he groans, weakly pushing himself up.

Kylo turns and guides you back to the ship. You stumble slightly and he wraps an arm around you to stabilize you. “I knew you’d come,” you grin. His face is still filled with concern as the two of you load onto the single ship. Kylo eases you down into a seat before Vik and Eri burst out of the cockpit once the ship is out of the atmosphere. “Y/N!!” They cheer, clearly relieved at your return. You smirk teasing, “Aww, miss me?” Before they could reply you bow your head to them, “Thank you. For listening to me and taking him to safety.” You lay your hand on Kylo’s arm and the two pilots awkwardly shuffle their feet.

“Of which they  _ should not _ have done,” Kylo growls. You roll your eyes.

“If they had stayed. Their small numbers would have easily been decimated by those brutes. I had no weapon to defend anyone. You were unconscious. The enemy would have killed them and you and then I would be gods know-where,” you chided. Kylo huffed as your friends awkwardly backed out of the room and headed for the bridge. “Speaking of  _ weapons _ . You need a new saber,” Kylo murmurs. He finally sits beside you and you sigh, leaning your head against him.

“Maybe, but honestly,” you yawn, “I just want to... cuddle with you... and sleep…” Your eyelids flutter and you struggle to stay awake. “Sleep, malla. You deserve the rest,” you feel Kylo’s warm hand on your head and you easily begin to drift off. “Hey… Y/N?...” his voice is barely a whisper. “Mm?” you mumble, nuzzling into his warm shoulder. You’re paying half attention. You’re way too tired at this point. But you just barely heard him. “Y/N… would you…” his voice dies and you almost snicker. “Whas up?” you slur, voice groggy.

Kylo chuckles slightly before he tries again, “Will you… m--” He stops himself, clicking his tongue before sighing. His hand is on your head again and you hum happily at the sensation. “Will you be more careful from now on? I don’t want to lose you…” he finally rumbles. You nod, replying, “You… too…. Love you…” Your eyes had been closed for some time but your brain officially zonks out. When you wake up, back in your bedroom, you don’t remember much of the night prior. It’s all hazy.

Rubbing your eyes you yawn, stepping into the kitchen where Kylo sits at the counter. “Hey, Ky?” you mumble. “Hmm?” he responds. He used to get miffed when you realized you could shorten his already short name. Now he’s fine, though he  _ hates _ when you use it in public. “What were you saying last night?” you ask. Kylo jumps and you raise an eyebrow at him, walking to the opposite side of the counter to lean over it. “What do you mean?” He huffs.

Your eyes narrow at his pink-dusted cheeks and you frown, “I don’t remember anything after getting on board the ship. Did I say something? I remember talking, but not what it was about.” Kylo sighs in relief, only heightening your curiosity, “O-Oh. It’s… nothing. Don’t worry about it. I mainly told you not to do any other foolish actions.” Leaning further over the table, you don’t miss Kylo’s brown eyes dart down your blouse before back up to you. “I’m not buyin’ what you’re sellin,” you muse, biting your lip.

He scoffs, “Well that’s too bad, that’s all the inventory.” You grin, amused at playing this little game. “But surely there’s something  _ else _ in the back. Something worth more, it seems,” you purr, crossing your hands under your chin. You blink sweetly up at him and he swallows hard. He runs a gloved hand through his hair, his tell-tale sign that he’s not sure what to do. Let’s try a harder ploy. “You’re not going to tell me?....” you whimper, laying your head down on the counter before giving him a puppy-dog frown.

Kylo’s face deepens in color and you grin internally. He turns from you to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I… I-I’ll tell you after you’re healed,” he breathes before looking back to you. You tilt your head. Thinking it has something to do with a mission and that he’s trying to protect you, you let it go. You wrinkle your nose at him playfully before smirking, “Alright then.” He visibly relaxes and you walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “You’re gonna spend the day with me, rriigghhtt??” you whine, nuzzling into his neck.

He chuckles, laying a hand over your arm, “Yes, malla. I need another day or two of rest. If I don’t, I know someone who will be hounding me about my health.” You grin, squeezing him in a hug with a kiss to his cheek. “You know it, flyboy.”

A week goes by, ungodly slow. Thanks to those asshats depriving you of enough nutrition, you have to slowly build your strength back up. On the plus side, your dream-self and projected-self with Obi-Wan and Rey, respectively, doesn’t have the issue. So while you take a much-needed break from First Order duties, you ramp up your training with your Master and friend.

One day after eating dinner with Kylo, he heads back to his tasks as Supreme Leader while you sit on the bed to meditate. It doesn’t take long, you’re standing at the edge of the forest, overlooking a vast lake. There’s only a hint of a breeze to ruffle its mirror-like surface. The moon is still up but dipping down towards the horizon. You take a deep, calming breath. You know Rey isn’t here yet, you can’t feel her, but you know she’ll probably be around soon.

Looking down at yourself, you almost wonder if you can make your projected self-change attire. Snickering, you’re still in your night attire. A simple dress. You’re not even wearing any shoes. You laugh, such a silly way to appear. You twirl around on the lakeshore, unable to feel the sand beneath your toes. You almost pout, it just feels flat and solid.

Glancing around, just to make sure you’re alone, you decide to take this rare opportunity to do something you haven’t done in a while. With a gentle smile, you let the words easily roll off your tongue with a melody you love. “Someday, when we are wiser. When the world’s older. When we have learned.”

There’s no music but you can hear it clear as day in your mind and you instinctively begin swaying with the soft tones. “I pray someday, we may yet live and let live. Someday life will be fairer. Need will be rarer. And greed will not pay.” Your brows furrow, images flashing of all the pain that’s come to innocent lives due to this foolish war.

You continue singing, feeling happier by the second. Suddenly you notice you’re no longer standing on the banks of the lake. Your amazement at yourself tethers into your sound and you grin as you walk across the water’s surface. Your feet barely even move the water, as if you were a part of the gentle breeze. You spin, giddy at the weird but light feeling you feel. “Godspeed, this bright millennia! Let it come... if we wish upon the moon!” You stop facing the descending moon, face saddening. “Someday… soon…” you trail off into a whisper. 

Brows creasing in sorrow, you can no longer look at the moon as it disappears to allow the planet’s sun to rise behind you. You’re now far out into the middle of the lake. You sigh, trying to shake your head of all of the negative thoughts. It isn’t much longer before you hear your name called from the shoreline. Turning you see Rey, standing with a couple of others you don’t know. You dash over, teeny ripples created from your quick footprints and before long you’re standing on the shore with them.

All but Rey gape at you and you laugh, “Well hello there! I’m Y/N Kenobi, nice to meet you.” Rey introduces you to them. Finn, Poe, and Rose. Along with the very adorable BB-8. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” you ask with a smile. Rey frowns, “They  _ insisted _ , for different reasons.”

“I wanted to meet another Jedi,” Rose said with a grin.

“I wanted to see who Rey was training with,” Finn answered honestly.

“I wanted to meet Ren’s weakness,” Poe said flatly.

You smirked as the others glared at Poe but you settled them down, “No worries. I wouldn’t call it a weakness, but that’s one’s perspective I suppose. I have nothing to hide if you’d like to ask me questions.” Rose piped up first asking, “Aren’t there more Jedi that can help us?” You frown, sighing sadly, “I wish. The Jedi Order has been lost with the passing of Master Skywalker. We are all that’s left. Though I do not truly consider myself a Jedi.”

“Why not?” Finn asks, tilting his head, “You do all the things a Jedi can do.”

You nod, “This is true. But it is a title. I’m a Force user. The only thing separating a Jedi from a Sith is  _ how _ they use their powers. I choose to do good, to the utmost of my abilities. But to be Jedi… I do not fully agree with how the Jedi Order used to be established. So I will do what I can, just on my own.”

“If you want to do good then why are you with  _ him _ ,” Poe hisses. You can feel the distrust rolling off of him. You smile sadly at him. “Let me give you an… example of sorts. Let’s say you found a dog. A good dog. But they became separated from you. For years that dog had to fend for themselves. Being controlled and manipulated by people who only wanted to use them. When you find this dog again, they’re vicious to everyone around you. Except for you. Would you put the dog down? Or would you try to take the time and patience to help them out of the darkness?” 

Poe scoffs, “As if you can compare an animal to a murderer.”

You nod, “You’re right. He will never be absolved or forgiven for what he’s done. But…” you bite your lip, fist clenched against your chest, “I  _ know _ Ben is still there. And I will  _ never _ give up on him.” You glare at Poe, who settles underneath your determination.

“Why don’t you join us?” Rose asks, almost quietly.

You sadden, “I want to. But if I did… I might lose him. That is not a risk I’m willing to take. Besides, I have people I’m trying to protect. Besides Ben.”

They give you quizzical looks and you grin, hand on your hip, “I’m assembling as many as I can. Those who are in the First Order just to survive, trying to get money for their families, or have come to see the truth of what the First Order does. As a general, I put them all in the same squadrons and battalions so that they’re comfortable to be with friends and allies. I also ensure their safety. Troopers who don’t kill innocent people, when ordered to do so, have often faced terrible ‘punishments.’ I find loopholes or other means to make sure no harm comes to them.”

They’re all a bit flabbergasted and you smirk adding, “Plus, who the heckie do you think the spy on board is?” 

Poe huffed, “Yea, we coulda guessed that one.” 

You pout, puffing your cheeks, “Rude, give me my spotlight moment. Are you always so sour?”

He smirks, answering smugly, “I can be sweeter than that burnt lemon you call a boyfriend.”

You step towards him in a challenge with a grin, “Your comebacks are shitty.”

“I’ve got my looks to make up for it.”

Your smile widens, “You know, you and Kylo would get along  _ really _ well.”

He scowls, “Don’t start.” You giggle, before turning back to the others. “Oh! I almost forgot,” you pop your fist into your palm, “Rey, would you be free to go with me to Batuu sometime soon?” She tilts her head, “Uh, sure, but why?”

“I need to make a new lightsaber,” you hum. Her eyes widen, sparkling with curiosity. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy it's 3:02A and I've gotta be up at 8A for work haha kill me;;;
> 
> heh I really want Kylo to have facial hair but not yet
> 
> I wasn't really wanting to include another 'peril' scene (even though I love them stop me) but I also needed certain things to happen s o
> 
> Really the only reason she sings 'Someday' is because (a) I love the song lol (b) I feel it's pretty applicable to the story and (c) originally I was going to make a whole goddamn animatic.... I have like 4 frames yall lol I was supposed to post these chapters once a week but I got trigger happy xD so none of the things I wanted to finish got finished oH WELL XD
> 
> Also eeyyy you meet the lil good-gang haha I think the story to Poe was a bit silly but I didn't know another way to phrase it so I gave up x'D I don't think it's much secret that Poe is basically a mini-Han so I try to keep his sass high haha
> 
> I feel like I had more to say (on top of my book I've already written) but I'm drawing a blank @-@;;  
> I had a full drawing of Alli as an adult (she's a badass who will fight you over food) but it's on my PC and I do this from my laptop and I'd have to upload it to my website for an easy link and it's just cray -_-;;
> 
> I only have ch17 as a buffer now, still working on 18 QwQ so that I'll post Saturday! Annnddd if 18 isn't done by the following Tue/Sat it'll be a waiting game TwT which I will try not to do lol cause I don't like leaving people in the dark haha
> 
> Love ya'll stay safe <3


	17. Growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take a moment to seek out a new crystal to build another lightsaber secretly meeting Rey to go together as well as talk.

You land on Batuu, donning a lot more normal attire than you’d been wearing aboard the Finalizer. Though you still made sure to have a cloak to cover your face, just in case. You’d convinced Kylo to stay behind, but you promised to keep him updated. You just hope he doesn’t get wind that Rey will be in the same area. You see the Falcon docked and make your way to it. You freeze at the sight, openly gawking.

BB-8 sees you first, before beeping up to Rey. She turns and grins, jogging over. “Hey! Glad to see you made it in one piece!” she beams. You smile at her, constantly glancing back towards her companion, “Yes, you as well. It’s nice to meet face to face under friendly circumstances…” She notices your glances and smirks, “What? Never met a Wookie before?” The tall creature covered in brown fur turns to you with a growl and a wave. You jump, grinning awkwardly before waving back. “W-Well…” you laugh. Rey seems concerned and ushers you closer towards the Wookie.

“Chewbacca, this is Y/N Kenobi, the one I was telling you about,” Rey grins before turning to you, “This is Chewie, he’s a very good friend.” The memories flash behind your eyes and you take a tentative step forward, pulling down the hood of your cloak. “U-Um, you may not remember mee-EE!!” You started but squealed as you were being lifted into a bear hug and twirled around. Chewie was making some kind of happy howls and you laughed as he set you down. But it wasn’t long before the tears formed around the edges of your eyes and you sniffed, “I-I… I’m sorry about Mr. Solo…” Chewie made a few small, sad sounds, before patting you on the head delicately.

He then swapped to motioning to you, to waving at about the height you were when you met him only once before and now waved at the height you currently stand. You giggle as Rey interprets, “You’ve  _ met  _ her before? But not as a Kenobi.”

You awkwardly scratch your chin, “Well, that’s a bit of a recent development. I was an orphan, my earliest memories on the streets without a home. Master Skywalker saw my power with the Force and took me in. After Ben helped me, I stuck to him like glue. I only met Mr. Solo, Mr. Chewbacca and Ms. Organa a few times because of my nosey nature.” Chewbacca growls out a few lines and Rey voices, “You don’t have to call him ‘mister.’ And he does remember, he hopes you’ve been well.”

You nodd, smiling, “Habit from childhood, I’ll try to remember. I have been better. Hey, I have a question…” You shuffle awkwardly as Chewie nods and you bite your lip, “Can you tell me what  _ malla  _ means?” You tried your best to growl it exactly how Kylo does it. You beam as Chewie claps, nodding before responding. “It’s a name prefix that usually means ‘green,’ ‘valued,’ or ‘beautiful,” Rey says, looking quizzical, “But I’m confused, how do you know it?” You blush and Chewie chuckles before realization hits Rey and she almost looks annoyed.

You stutter, “U-Uhm! W-Well, you know, Ky-- I mean um Ben calls me that and I just wanted verification he wasn’t calling me something silly…” You fiddle with the hem of your clothes, Kylo had already told you, but you really did just want to check and make sure from an actual native speaker. Chewie folds his arm with a chuckle followed by more growls. “So he hasn’t completely forgotten his past,” Rey repeats, eyebrows furrowed. Your eyes sadden but you murmur, “No, he hasn’t.” You clap your hands together to try and clear the mood.

“But he is neither here nor there at the moment. Now may not be the right time for you to find a crystal of your own, but I need one. I thought this would be a good time to go through the process together. I know a smidge based on what the Masters taught me, but the rest we’ll figure out together, as it comes,” you muse. Rey grins and you pull your hood back up, “Well, let’s go!”

The two of you had started from Blackspire Outpost but slowly made your way out into the un-civilized portions of the planet. You and Rey chatted along the way, you were mainly following your instincts. Letting the Force be your guide and following the flow of its will. Eventually, the two of you happened upon an ivy-covered wall. You stared at it. “Is there something here?...” Rey asks skeptically. You tilt your head, “I think so…”

You run your fingers along the rocky wall. The leaves of the ivy brush against your palm before melding between your fingers. Your fingertips can feel the rough stone hidden behind the ivy, nails scratching along every bump, dip, and crack. Before your hand falls forward into nothing. Your arm sinks into the ivy, up to your elbow and you carefully pull away the leafy curtain to reveal a narrow stone crevice. It seems natural and barely big enough for the two of you. There’s a strong pull, deep in your soul and you can almost feel a humid breeze billowing from the depths of this small cave. Like a breath from something living.

Squeezing into the narrow space you slide in sideways, heading down a step at a time. Rey’s about the same height but her stature is a bit lither than your own. You puff your cheeks, she’s having the same difficulty as you but she’s not getting nicked by the rough rock like you. You wince slightly as one grazes across your cheek. “Bloody hell,” you hiss in annoyance.

Rey snickers at you, “Problems, Master?” 

You whine, “Reeeyyyy, don’t call me thhaaatttt.”

She laughs more, prompting a smile from you as the two of you finally reach a wider space to be able to turn and look at each other. It’s dark but Rey easily ignites her saber, Luke’s that she mended, to provide enough light. “I mean  _ come on _ . You  _ are _ a Jedi Master,” she smirks. You place a hand to your hip, “I am not. I’ve not the wisdom nor strength of any Jedi Master.”

She rolls her eyes with a scoff, “ _ Please _ . You’ve met like two, Master Luke and Master Obi-Wan. Even if you’re still training under Master Obi-Wan,  _ all _ Jedi continue to learn and grow over their lifetime.” Your brows scrunch together as your arms cross over your chest. You can’t exactly deny that.

“Yea but… I don’t feel like one. I’ve done so much bad…” You murmur. Rey, distracted by the continuation of the cave, starts walking as she replies, “Maybe. But you’re doing good now. In fact, you’ve dedicated your life to doing good. At least until the war is over.” You jog to catch up to her, slowing beside her. “I guess, but there’s so much that I can’t agree with when it comes to the Jedi Order…” you tell her honestly. She quirks a brow, “Like what?”

“They believed in suppressing emotions, being calm and composed and detached. I can’t entirely agree. I can agree in being calm and composed. And I’m sure there are times that we need to be impartial in our decisions. But to suppress emotions? They are what make us, us,” You frown. “To throw them away or even worse to keep them bottled up just isn’t right. I mean they weren’t even allowed to fall in love. If they had been, Darth Vader may have never come to pass.” You sigh.

Rey gives a small nod, “That’s understandable. But what do you mean about Darth Vader? Why would that rule have changed that?” You smile sadly. You loved the story, even if it was a sad one. “Anakin Skywalker fell in love and secretly married Padm é Amidala. When he had visions that she would die in childbirth, he was convinced by Darth Sidious that the Dark side could save her. If he had been allowed to love openly, he may have sought help from his fellow Jedi and he may not have fallen to the Dark side like he did,” you answer.

She shrugs. You make a little bit of a sour face as she turns back towards the dark path, lit by the blue light with the tell-tale hum filling the cave. How can she be so nonchalant about it? She seems to answer your unasked question, “I can agree that the rules are too strict. People will have emotions, suppressing them only increases them for most. But what’s happened has happened, we cannot change that.” She stops abruptly and turns to you, eyes serious, “But what we can change, is the future of the Jedi. Master Luke started the New Order and  _ we _ need to continue it. To become protectors and scholars. Provide guidance to younglings who are new to the Force. We are still Jedi. Even if we don’t entirely adhere to their rules of old.”

You hum thoughtfully, “That is very noble.”

Rey snickers, “What were you planning on doing after all this mess is over?”

Now it was your turn to shrug, “I don’t know… I guess bounty hunting again.”

Rey looks back at you curiously, “After seeing all this… you’d still want to go back to that life?”

Pausing, you shuffle your foot in the dirt. “I-I guess not…” you mumble. She’s right, you’d love to help little ones and see them grow. The thought alone warms your heart. Rey gasps ahead of you and you run to catch up with her before staring agape at what’s in front of you.

A large cavern, with a small river flowing through it, bioluminescent moss, and large stalagmites as well as stalactites. “Oh wow…” you breathed shortly followed by Rey’s murmur, “It’s beautiful…” You cock your head to the side, unable to see any crystals. But you can feel them. You step more into the space, closer to the little river. You can hear it bubbling near your feet as you close your eyes, breathing deeply. “What are you doing?” Rey whispers, nervous to interrupt you but so curious. You grin, “They’re hidden around the room. Every crystal connects to its owner. While anyone can use any crystal with a saber, the ones that call so strongly to you will be more in tune with you and your power.”

“Should I search for one?” She asks.

You pop an eye open at her and smile softly, “Do you feel ready for one?” Rey gives a sheepish look and you chuckle, “Don’t force yourself. They’ll be here when you are ready.” You close your eyes again as Rey asks, “Didn’t you have one from… before?”

You nod, “I did. Green, actually. I shredded the hilt due to my own carelessness. The crystal survived but without a way to use it, I drifted from it. Just like how relationships with others can wither without a constant connection, so too can yours with a crystal. It’s still there, but weak. Though I chose it out of a handful from Master Skywalker with the eventual idea that I’d seek my own in the future. Nonetheless, it is in good hands now.”

You feel a slight tug and head in the general direction with your eyes still closed, delicately stepping over the river and around the rocks and stalagmites. You hear Rey scoff, “Is it in  _ his  _ hands?” You snicker as Alli comes to mind and you sigh softly, “No. My family is currently caring for an orphaned youngling. She was used as insurance against me so that I would comply. After realizing she had no one to care for her, I wanted to either find her a home or give her one. She’s quickly won over the hearts of my family and I.”

Rey growls, “Who would do such a thing to a child?”

You hiss in response, “Hux.”

She huffs, “That’s about the only good thing that monster has ever done.”   
  
Rolling your eyes, even while closed, at her still refusing to call Kylo by name, but you only half agree. But you’ve already had that conversation with her so you let it go.

Following the invisible path, you trudge forward until you can feel you’re facing one of the cave walls. You tilt your head, before sitting down cross-legged to meditate. Breathing deeply, you run your hands along the wall. You’d brought a small excavation tool but you have an inkling you won’t need it. The tips of your fingers lightly graze across the cold, rough stone surface. There’s a light build-up of moisture from the humidity in the cave. The only sound is that of Rey’s saber, humming behind you, the occasional drip of water, and the small bubbling stream.

Starting high, your hand snakes around the rock in front of you in a downward motion. Before long, your hand shifts from the rock wall to the floor at your feet. Some of it is rough like the wall, but some of it is easily sifted like sand or rubble. You can feel the crystal calling to you, almost excited that you’re nearing it in this odd game of hide-and-seek. Your hand slows to a stop. It’s here, just below your palm. You begin meditating. Putting your thoughts, prayers, goals, dreams, hopes, anything towards the crystal. You’re not exactly sure what you’re supposed to do, so you kind of wing it. Your brows furrow. You tell the crystal, exactly why you need them. Not for yourself. Not only to protect Kylo but save him.

For the ones you may yet to train. For the ones you may yet to save. You believe in Rey and the future she sees. A new Jedi Order to try and protect those in the galaxy that need them. Your other hand grips at your knee. You meditate for a few more minutes until you feel like the ground beneath your palm is glowing in warmth. With a grin, you slowly open your eyes to look at the spot your hand is hovering over. It isn’t glowing, but it is covered by some loose rocks. You sit up onto your knees and lightly move them all away before digging into the sand below.

Rey tiptoes to glance over your shoulder as you work. It isn’t long till you’ve unveiled the light-orange crystal below. You and Rey look equally astonished. “It’s..  _ orange _ …” you squeak.

“Is… is that bad?” Rey asks honestly. You make a horrified face.

“I don’t know, I sure hope not!!” You half-laugh before turning back to it. It’s growing off some rock and you lightly hold your hand out to it. Using the Force, you wiggle it until it cleanly comes off to land in your palm.

It already makes you feel at ease and you easily sigh. “From my knowledge, the only colors I’ve ever heard of for Jedi are green, blue, violet, and white,” you murmur. Rey’s eyes widen, “White?” You laugh with a nod. “Grandfather told me that Ashoka Tano wielded two white blades.” Rey ponders that as you stand and stretch, you wonder if you were sitting for much longer than it felt like. You happily hold your new crystal in your right hand, glancing at it and the blue one hanging off your wrist.

There’s another feeling flowing through you, startling you. You turn around so abruptly, Rey jumps at the motion. Your eyes stare at nothing, towards this feeling as you try to interpret it. “What’s wrong?” Rey asks, a little worried. Your eyes widen in recognition. 

“We must get you and Chewie off this planet  _ now _ ,” you hiss, grabbing her hand with your left as you dash towards the exit. “He promised he’d let me do this on my own, but now he’s  _ here _ .” You can feel her distaste but she keeps quiet as the two of you make your way back towards Blackspire Outpost.

In town, you can see extra troopers loitering around. It’s not long before Kylo reaches out into the Force to find you. “Okay, fuck, he’s on his way. You head back to the ship and take off, I’ll keep him away and distracted,” you tell her. She nods before darting off. You take a huge sigh to compose yourself as you step out of the brush into the outpost. You reach back into the Force to find him before smirking. When you spot him you stick your tongue at him, “ _ I thought you said I was fine to do this on my own _ .”

Kylo stomps over to you, two troopers flanking him as passersby scramble out of his way. He looks cold and impassive but you can tell there’s curiosity burning in those brown eyes. “ _ Yes… well, I got some things done early and thought this would be an excellent time to inspect this outpost, _ ” he sends back to you. You raise an eyebrow at him with a grin. He audibly sighs. “There are rumors that there are Rebellion spies running around this outpost,” he murmurs. You don’t have to fake shock, you knew sure, but how did he hear of it? “Seriously?” you squeak, stepping closer to him.

He visibly relaxes, “Good, you haven’t run into any yet. I was… concerned something would transpire.” His thick eyebrows pinch together in worry and he places a hand on your head. You grin up at him, he’s been better at emoting with you in public. Not a ton, but a little. Not that anyone’s really watching. They’re too afraid of pissing him off or the troopers with guns, who have their backs turned to the two of you. You lightly grasp his hand, twining your fingers through his gloved ones. “I am fine, I promise,” It’s hard not to smile at him being such a cute worry-wart. He softens momentarily, his lips turning upwards just slightly.

“Though it seems you have returned to me with a few nicks,” Kylo murmurs, stepping closer to run his free hand across your cheek. You shrug, which does nothing to hide the color seeping up your face. “It was a tight fit and rocks can be sharp,” you state before laughing, “I don’t think you’ll ever get to see it.”

He scoffs, “As if I need to.”

Your eyes narrow playfully, “That’s a shame, it’s so quiet and beautiful. A nice little cave to be a hermit honestly.” The light banter continues for a moment until something catches your eye.

You see a movement in the alley behind Kylo, a good distance away. You could almost scream, Rey is watching you instead of  _ going back to the ship _ . You make an angry face at her, which she returns before Kylo narrows his eyes at you. “What?” He asks, before starting to turn towards the alley. Thinking quickly you puff your cheeks, turning away slightly to give your best pout. Kylo smirks, turning back to you. “Let me guess, you were planning on shopping while you were here?” he purrs. You cross your arms in mock anger before huffing, “ _ Yea _ . I was going to try and find you something. Plus I was planning on having some good food.”

Deflating a bit, you scratch your cheek as you turn back to him. “Though, I wouldn’t mind some company…” you murmur, glancing up at him. He chuckles, “You can pick up food for the two of us. I think it would be a bit too problematic if I just strolled in for a meal.” You toss him an annoyed scowl, which he just smirks at. “You’re such a pain,” you sneer at him. Kylo raises an eyebrow, standing back up straight, “One could say the same about you, malla.”

You thought you could hear the growling of a particular Wookie in the distance. And by Kylo’s furrowed face, you think he heard it too. You slap on a grin and grab onto his arm, turning him in a slightly different direction than where Rey and most likely Chewie are. “Well if you won’t eat with me, will you at least let me tag along on your little tour?” You ask, beaming at him. He instantly softens again, rolling his eyes. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” he murmurs. You could almost explode, for a multitude of reasons.

Concern for your friends who  _ won’t leave _ and happiness over hanging out with Kylo. Before he wouldn’t even let you hold his arm, at least not in a huge crowd. Now, he pays them no mind. Throughout your walkabout, there are a few times you have to tug Kylo or draw his attention away from your friends or the very adorable BB-8 droid that follows them. You’re also pretty sure there are moments where Rey is recording evidence, which you will absolutely want a copy of. In the end, honestly, you’re just happy he seems to be coming back around to normal. He has been scaring you for a while. Becoming more distant and withdrawn, even from you. You could see the darkness and hatred growing stronger within him and you feared for him. But since you were almost… well… enslaved, he’s been closer to normal.

As the sun finally begins to set, you realize you hadn’t seen hints of Rey, Chewie, or BB-8 wandering around. Then you realize you can hear the sound of a ship turning on. By the growl in his throat and the angry look on Kylo’s face you realize he’s recognized that sound. You gasp, pointing towards the Falcon as it takes off. He whips around, intent on chasing but it only takes the ship a moment to exit the atmosphere and blast into hyperspace. Kylo growls in frustration, hands grasping into agitated fists at his side. “They were  _ here _ ,” he hisses.

Carefully you put a hand on his shoulder to quietly ask, “What do you want to do?....” You’d offer to chase after them but you don’t really want him to, not to mention his ship probably doesn’t have the hyperspace tracking tech installed. You can feel the irritation bubbling beneath his skin and watch as his hands flex with nothing else to do. “We’re going back. There’s nothing else here,” he barks, turning back towards his ship. “I’ll meet you there…” you start but jump as he rounds on you. “No. One of the troopers can take it, I want you with me,” he says, eyes slightly narrowed. You sigh softly, but offer a small smile, “Of course.”

There’s a small feeling. An inkling. That he’s not happy with you. But you can’t let it show. You act like nothing’s wrong because you’ve  _ done nothing wrong _ . It’s just the two of you onboard his shuttle, of which he sits in the pilot’s seat. You sit in the co-pilot’s seat before twiddling your thumbs, “Kylo… I feel like it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have distracted you while you were there looking for Resistance members.” The ship enters hyperspace and he flips on the autopilot before standing and holding a hand out to you.

His features are impassive but you raise an eyebrow at him before taking his hand. He gently lifts you out of your seat before leading you into the bowels of the ship. It’s a room with a little bit of space, a small table dotted with what looks like trooper equipment and weapons, alongside a sitting area. Down the narrow hallway is a bedroom that comfortably fits two. “I don’t care about them at the moment. I am curious about you,” he rumbles with a hint of a smile. You grin, pulling out your new crystal, “You mean like this?” He glances at it before nodding, “We’ll have to get to work on building you a new saber but honestly…”

He delicately picks up the crystal, laying it on the table before twirling you softly. You laugh as you’re pulled into him with his chest pressed against your back. “I’m more interested in  _ you _ ,” he murmurs, breath ghosting across your neck. You shiver before squeaking in surprise, “Kylo, you  _ did not _ …” He chuckles into your skin as you tug on the metal restraints around your wrists. Once again you are bound by metallic cuffs. Prick must have grabbed them from the table when he laid down your crystal. You go to huff at him but he abruptly nips at your neck as one hand writhes its way down underneath your trousers. “Ky--” you whine.

“I think you’re hiding something,” he whispers before his tongue trails up your neck.

“Aah, w-why would I hide anything from you?” you ask. You bite your lip as his fingers rub against the fabric of your undergarments. He’s moving slowly, he’s straight-up interrogating you right now the ass. Kylo hums as he works, of which you are no doubt will leave a couple of bruises. “That is indeed the question… Want to know what I think?” He asks. While one hand still rhythmically presses under your trousers, his other moves under your shirt. The cold leather of his gloves raises goosebumps across your stomach and chest as he kneads into the soft tissue. You give a soft moan, legs buckling slightly but he shows no sign of stopping.

Knowing you’re a bit too preoccupied to answer, Kylo continues, “I think you made friends.” The sentence is a little condescending and you’d love to call it out at any other time than this specific moment. “Friends you’re trying to protect,” he growls into your ear. His presses get rougher as your small sounds start morphing into heated cries. “I’m not… t-trying to protect anyone...” you wheeze. You're almost panting at this point and you feel extra embarrassment from the fact he’s not wavering from his interrogation mode at all.

His gloved fingers start pressing further into you, easily passing the fabric separating him from your insides. “Kylo!” you exclaim as your legs officially give out. His work ceases as he has to catch you. Your mind is muddy as he carries you into the bedroom and sets you down on the bed. Your hands are still bound at your back and Kylo sits behind you to continue where he left off. “Ky… aren’t you going to?... Ahh!” you cry out as his hands double the speed. “Not until you tell me the truth,” he murmurs darkly. You bite your lip, fine if he wants to play this game. You’re not in the wrong.

You squeeze your eyes shut. You’ll just ride this out. Easy peasy. You cry out again from the pleasure. 

Kylo’s hands suddenly stop as he pulls away from you to lean against the headboard. Panting, you look back at him with a whine, “C-come on…” you wiggle your hands, unable to continue where he left off. He smirks, “Tell me the truth, malla. Then I’ll give you what you want.” You huff, laying down with your eyes closed again.  _ Whatever _ . You’ll just calm down and let it go, you don’t particularly want him to be the winner in this type of situation. But after a few moments, with your heart rate returning to normal, Kylo’s moved closer to you again.

He pulls you up and into his lap to continue his work again. It doesn’t take long before you’re whimpering again. And you can tell it’s affecting him too, the hard member pressing from under his own pants proves it. Kylo’s nipping at your neck again, hissing, “Come on, Y/N.  _ Tell me the truth _ .” You cry out as exceptionally hard presses happen simultaneously on your body. You feel like an animal, mouth open to try and gather as much oxygen as possible with a little too much saliva. Swallowing hard, your brows crease together as you formulate a plan before you mewl, “You’ll be mad at me….”

Kylo softly kisses the back of your neck murmuring, “I won’t…” His touches become softer as if to prove the point. “W-Will you kiss me if I tell you?” you sniffle. You never realized how much you craved his lips on yours. His resolve begins to waver as his erection grows harder against you at the sound of your voice. “Promise,” he rumbles, voice husky. You gulp again, mainly hoping he’ll take what you give him. “I-I… knew a rebel ship was there when I docked, but I didn’t know what kind and I thought they would be gone by the time I got back,” you whined. His hands stop for a moment, making you wiggle against him. “Why didn’t you contact me?” He asks, tone heated. “You would have come and made a h-huge deal out of it and I just wanted to get my crystal and get back to you!” your voice cracks against your will, for a couple of reasons. Kylo accepts the answer, possibly begrudgingly.

Releasing your restraints, he twists you before pinning you to the bed. His hands grip your shackle-free wrists, holding you in place while his lips entrap your own. Kylo presses himself closer to you as he deepens the kiss. You whimper against him as his knee slides between your thighs. Breaking away from you momentarily, he shirks his clothes free and you quickly follow suit. Leaping towards him you growl, scraping your nails across his chest maybe a little more harshly than normal. Sitting on him you narrow your eyes gleefully at the hiss you elicit from him with particular movements. 

His own hands have not sat idle, grabbing and rubbing against your own skin. Your palms wind back up his chest, arms snaking around his neck before you can grab fistfuls of his dark hair and pull his head back. A pleased purr escapes you as you nip and kiss at the underside of his jaw. Kylo gives a bit of a growl and you huff at him, before starting a heated kiss of your own. While tongues mingle, he finally presses his member into you. You cry out, separating from his lips to lay your head on his shoulder. Your mind is reduced to a muddied pulp until you yell out as you both reach the end.

Exhausted, you slump against him. Kylo carefully shifts the two of you to lay side by side on the bed, pulling the cover up to keep the chill off. You're still breathing a bit ragged and your eyes are lidded from tiredness. Your hand reaches out to Kylo and he meets you halfway, threading his fingers through yours. You smile but muse, “As fun as that was, can you  _ not _ do it in an interrogation style again?” Your voice is hoarse and a bit weak. His brows furrow but he pulls himself closer, pressing his forehead to yours. “Of course, malla… rest,” he murmurs.

You can’t tell if he’s just saying that or if he’s regretting what he did. You did think it was fun. It was certainly a  _ twist _ . But you would have told him the same thing had he just talked to you and expressed that he was feeling as though you were hiding something. And even though you are, technically, you would have still told him  _ something _ more. You yawn, cuddling up next to him and sighing in relief as his arms wind around you. Your eyes flutter closed as you aim to take a small nap.

When you awake, the ship has come out of hyperspace, but Kylo let it float aimlessly for a bit while the two of you lay in bed. “Y/N…” Kylo starts, thumb grazing across your cheek.

“Hmm?” you murmur, grasping his hand to kiss the inside of his palm. 

“Don’t get mad,” he slowly continued and you quirked an eyebrow in curiosity, “As of now, I want you to be beside me always.” You tilt your head to the side for a moment.

“Aren’t I now?” you asked.

His brows scrunch together and he clarifies, “No I mean… No more solo missions. No more going off on your own. Anytime you’re outside of our quarters, it’s with me.” You were startled for a moment but smirked up at him, “Promise?” It ticked you off he was ordering you around like a normal officer, but on the other hand, this is what you’ve wanted. He’s been so distant, it’s only been about a month since that cute episode about his scruff but the distance hadn’t gotten much better. It turned around a little with the incident with the lizard-like people but this would be a chance to keep him from wavering from you again. As much as you hate being backed into a corner, it’s a currently beneficial corner so you’ll have to take it.

Kylo looks at you a bit skeptical and you roll onto him, planting yourself against his chest. “Hanging out with you all the time? That seems like a win in my book,” you purr. But wanting to rub a teeny bit of salt in there you murmur a bit sadly, “I was getting a bit tired of praying to my little friend here that you’d pay more attention to me.” You lifted your wrist to kiss against the blue crystal hanging from its leather bands. He frowns slightly, arms wrapping around you to pull you close.

You can almost see the gears in his mind turn, the more he thinks about his actions, the more the darkness seems to seep from him. “Sorry, malla,” he rumbles against you. You place a kiss onto his collarbone. “I just want to be with you, you big goober,” you laugh. He huffs a small bit of laughter and you’ll have to take it.

——

Basically, another whole month passes and you feel like you’ve made decent progress with him. If you weren’t following him around on his errands, he was with you on yours. You’ve even got him warmed up to some of the people working under you in the First Order. Only an itty-bitty smidgen warmed up, but you’ll take it. They were scared out of their minds the first time Kylo trailed you around while you talked to everyone.  _ Some _ things weren’t talked about, they became communicated in written form. But for the most part, he didn’t impact you nor your job. 

Vik warmed up to Kylo the quickest. He was still a bit rigid and formal at times and he knew when not to mess with Kylo, but he wasn’t afraid to crack a joke now and then. It helped that you always said you’d ensure they’re safe. You made the same comment to Kylo. You told him upfront, he’s not to do  _ anything _ to those under your watch without your say so. If he has a problem with them, he can bring it up with you and the two of you can discuss how to proceed. He didn’t seem to have a problem with it.

Someone that did have a problem was Pryde. His obvious dislike of you and your “soft” nature reared its head in the first meeting you sat in. But that was quickly quelled by Kylo’s rage in defense of you. You had just sat there quietly, patiently. You never really spoke unless spoken to or needed to. During a couple of meetings, Kylo threatened officers by Force-choking them. You’d grown angry and chided at him softly. You always sat next to him and you would talk to him through your shared link so that the entire table didn’t hear. With you, he’d calm down enough to at least spare their lives. You’d simmer back down and remain neutral throughout the rest of the meeting.

The officers you saved and, by proxy, those that feared Kylo’s wrath began turning to you for reason. In the last couple of meetings, they’d go to you, pitching their idea, and asking your opinion. You’d always give an honest, solid opinion, trying to skirt around touchy subjects or ensure that the counter-idea would leave fewer casualties all around. After giving your view, you’d glance to Kylo, who’d generally agree with you after calculating the logistics of it all. Only once or twice did he disagree and you never fought with him, at least in the meeting room, only nodded your head.

The worst days were the days he came back from his ‘hunts.’ He was sweeping the galaxy for some sort of Sith artifact. Those trips were the worst. He’d force you along but then leave you on the ship to wait for his return. On those days, not only was Kylo fighting the indigenous peoples but you as well. But he’d snap at you, that without proper weapons you weren’t to go out onto the battlefield. He still said he would show you how to build your saber, but that he’s waiting for a particular moment. You’d just rolled your eyes.

Eventually, that day finally does come.

You were lounging in the living room, reading when Kylo strolls in with a huge box. He plants it on the kitchen counter and you hear metal clanking inside. Interest officially peaked, you place down your book to go snooping. Kylo’s rustling around with something so with a mischievous grin, you slowly begin lifting one of the flaps covering the contained items. Turning around just in time, Kylo smacks the flap closed and you click your tongue as he glares at you. “What? You bring in this and I’m not allowed a little peek?” you pout.

He smirks, “No. You need a sketch first before you can look at the materials.”

You narrow your eyes at him, wiggling your nose before plopping yourself in a chair to watch him. He pushes the box farther away from you as he reveals some paper and pencils from the other side of the counter. “Oooh, old school, I like it,” you hum.

“Let’s start with the generic shape, do you want to do something different than normal?” He asks. Kylo looks so serious about it, you just kinda figured it’d be a much simpler task. You grin, “I want to be a special snowflake, I’ll take a weird design please!” He makes a sour face at you before sketching out some basic shapes. They’re quick thumbnails just to show you the outline of the different kinds of sabers. “These are some that I know of. Anything else we’ll have to design from scratch,” he replies, sliding the paper towards you. You blink down at it, you didn’t really want to go through the trouble of designing a hilt from nothing. Glancing across the styles, you found several of them pretty cool. There were curved, staffs, double-sided, there are even a ring and a freaking  _ whip _ . You were almost drooling at the cool ideas.

But your eyes kept being drawn back to one. It struck with you because the hilt could be used as a weapon for offense or defense without the blade even being ignited. You tapped your finger against it asking, “How about this one?” Kylo quirked an eyebrow at you with a grin, “The tonfa? That’s a very interesting style. It might be hard to learn how to fight with it.” You blew a raspberry at him asking, “What do you think I can’t handle it?”

He chuckles before musing, “No, the opposite in fact. Once you do learn, I have no doubt you will be a formidable foe.” You smirk, folding your arms on the table to lean towards him, “Then you better keep on my good side, flyboy.”

The two of you banter a bit more before Kylo slides back into “serious mode.” He’s explaining every bit and piece to you like you  _ didn’t _ sit through the same class as him. Albeit, you probably weren’t as wrapped into the builds as he was, the nerd. “Okaayy I get it now, can we start building?” You whine, leaning against the counter. Reaching towards the box but it’s swiftly pulled out of your reach. “Not just yet. Have patience,” Kylo muses with a smug smile. You narrow your eyes before Kylo walks around the counter. He’s got the box under one hand and his other extended towards you. With a grin, you jump off the stool to interlace your fingers in his. “We’ll want to go somewhere a bit quieter. Once it’s built you’ll want to immediately train with it, right?” He smirks.

Your eyes glitter as you nod, “Yea! Got a place in mind?”

His smirk widens, “Best place in the whole galaxy.”

——

Kylo pilots the cruiser to SL-569. You’d beamed with joy upon arrival. There was a sneaking suspicion this was where he meant, but it warms your heart to know he thinks so highly of it. Exiting the ship, you sigh happily at the crisp breeze. The season on this planet was in its autumn, with beautiful golds and oranges coloring the landscape. You’re thrilled to finally have some fresh air but glancing around, it almost feels a little lonely now. The wind kicked up again and you shivered a bit, pulling your cloak closer to you. You’d re-adjusted your outfit after your debacle with the Dark side, keeping the general design but changing the color scheme to more creams and tans. It felt better and didn’t make you feel sick the way the other did. Plus the style still matches Kylo, he’s personally happy you two aren’t exactly matchy anymore. You still wore the dark grey one, but generally, only in meetings or for places you absolutely had to. But on the redesign you still didn’t include a cold-temperate version yet.

Still back in the ship, Kylo is fussing over something, it didn’t seem super important so you let it go. “Ky! I’m going on ahead to get into something warmer, it’s too chilly for sleeveless!” you called back into the ship. You heard a confirmation before dashing off to the house.

You frowned a bit at the interior, you’ll have a little bit of dusting and cleaning to do. But luckily no storm damage or anything of the sort. In the bedroom you rifle through your clothes till you found what you were looking for. You toss the cloak aside before removing the tank top and leather bracers. You wiggle into the dark brown, long sleeve turtle-neck before putting the tan colored tank top back on, as well as the black bracers over the sleeves. Spinning around in the mirror you struck a cute pose in giddiness before heading back to Kylo.

He’d laid the box on the grassy knoll overlooking the lake, already having removed his cloak and set it down. “We could hang that in the house,” you mused.

He shrugged, “I thought you’d be ready to start.” You dashed over, practically falling into the dirt to sit on your shins beside him. Kylo snickers at you before finally revealing the contents of the box. Some of the pieces were from actual sabers, you have no doubt they’re remnants from your old school. Others almost looked like scraps of metal and wire-like they didn’t appear to be useful for building a lightsaber.

Kylo began picking out pieces, explaining them, pointing at them on his sketch, before laying them down in the grass. You were fearful to know how long it took, to sit there and build your lightsaber. When the two of you arrived, you weren’t sure if the sun was rising or setting but considering it’s still light out you guess it was rising. Eventually your tonfa saber was nearing its end. Kylo passed the weapon to you instructing, “Put your crystal in there and we’ll seal it up.” You’d had the orange crystal hanging from your neck, wrapped in silver wire-like Kylo’s old crystal. Pulling the chain off your head, you delicately undo the wire to pull the crystal out before placing it inside the hilt. Kylo helps you to finish it and just like that it’s done.

He delicately places the hilt in your hands and you stare at it in awe for a moment. Kylo leans back in the grass, smirking, “You going to ignite it or just stare at it?” You blink rapidly at the realization stuttering out a laugh, “Oh? Oh! Oh, you’re right!!” You stand quickly, taking note of the weight in your hand. You hold it from a few different areas. If you hold the hilt close to where the blade will be, it’s pretty similar to a normal lightsaber. With the obvious exception you have more weight to contend with. But the activation toggle is on the butt of the jutting handle. You change your grip to the handle, which will probably be your go-to. You’re easily able to spin it and twist the hilt around in your hand.

Now that you’re comfortable in your grip, you point the blade down and away from the two of you. You take a deep breath before exhaling. With a quick press to the button with your thumb, the familiar whine sings out and your light-orange blade appears. The blade is the same length as most sabers and you grin at it, slowly lifting it into the air. You take a few steps away from Kylo, before twisting it and playing with it. You laugh, unable to contain the bubbly enthusiasm you feel.

Kylo stands, pulling out his own hilt, “Ready for a test run?”

You grin victoriously at him with a huff, “Absolutely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just kind of made an assumption about Rey's post-war life goals. At the end of the third movie, she had a yellow blade and based on my little knowledge those were usually used by the sentinels of which there are several classifications (artisan, investigator, guard, etc). I like to think she'd defined by intrigue and pursuit, not just of knowledge but of seeking and destroying the dark side. I feel like she'd fall into the 'invesitgator' class, working along local peoples to solve their problems but I'm also not 100% following what I find on wookiepedia as some of it I don't understand fully or will need to change to fit what I need x'D
> 
> Orange lightsabers are bomb imo she's following in Yaddle's footprints *single tear* lol anyway I wanted to choose a color more than green or blue, mainly because I liked that usually the colors indicated status or had a lot to do with the person's soul/feelings/etc. From the little lightsaber color chart I found and use, the orange I liked is usually a "Negotiation" color, used by sentinels who prefer stealth and ingenuity to combat. Which I feels like fits our girl perfecto~
> 
> Also I'M JUST GUNNA RANT FOR A MINUTE so I didn't like that in the second movie, Rey closes the door of the Falcon without saying a w o r d to Kylo. To me, that signaled that she's cutting that thread, she no longer believes he can be saved. So when she kept kinda trying and stuff in the third and then kissed him I was like ??? w a t ??? Where this come from??? Maybe she was told some heart-tugging info from Leia?? but we don't see any of that (albeit it could be the restrictions of not being able to record more footage with the actress, deep respects to Mrs. Fisher) so I felt like it was like waayy left field for me. Especially since I saw Rey and Kylo as more of a 'sibling' love than a romantic one?? They fought and bickered but sorta understood each other and I feel like that's a great foundation for family/siblings. Whereas I feel like a foundation for romance is built on characters enduring things together (like in "Rogue One" which I've only seen once because it hurt my heart ok? ok.) I also bitched that she could have kissed him on the cheek and the effect would have been the s a m e then it could have been romantic/platonic, it wouldn't matter and would be up to the audience. but apparently like a cannon-book-written-thing came out after the third movie that point blank states Rey kissed him as an act of 'thanks' which makes me heated even more because I'm like h OW DOES ONE KISS ON THE LIPS AS A WAY OF 'THANK YOU' sorry maybe that's a thing somewhere but not to me anywAY /rantover
> 
> But because of all that ^ I feel like I needed to have Rey *seeing* Kylo be more like Ben, to get it into her head that he *is* capable of being good again :U thus why a lot of Rey-interactions happen
> 
> Last thing! To make it easy and not post 10000 links, I've put all my art from this story on a single page: https://convenientcat.net/balance/  
> I just made it this weekend and the art for this chapter an adult Alli, the tonfa saber in action, and a sneak peek to chapter 18. All of which have more ramblings from me. I'll just post this URL again and give an update whenever I've added more art.


	18. Dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally have a lightsaber duel with Kylo, feeling more confident than ever, before finally getting a much-needed break.

Kylo immediately ignites his saber before charging at you with a devilish grin. Not to be outdone, You charge at him too before both warm-tone blades clash in a heated fury. “You’re not going to let me win, are you?” You teased over the hiss of the blades. Kylo gave out a bit of laughter, the most you’d heard from him in a very long time. “As if! I’ve never let you win before!” He huffs. You grin, that’s true. Other than a few spars in training, you’ve never won the “big battles.” You lost to him while training with the troopers and it was a tie on the knockout battle with the bounty hunters.

The two of you were on even footing, even with a smaller stature you were keeping your ground. You’ve grown so much since those fights, so much within a year. The connection you have to the Light is stronger than ever. You once thought you needed to be strong to stand beside Kylo as equal. But that’s not true. You need that strength so you can take that power and pass it forward, protect others and teach others. You haven’t felt like a lost child in the past months. The realizations you’ve made and the courage you’ve taken to continuously move forward keep you out of that mindset.

Kylo breaks first to try and swing his saber at you but you easily parry it. It was a constant back and forth, striking at openings and quick footwork. Unlike Kylo’s style of fighting, more ‘hack and slash;’ your style would be considered ‘lively’. With the perpendicular handle to the main hilt of the saber, you have the flexibility to spin it in a rapid-fire motion. And while it twirls about, you can pass it off to your other hand.

Even if it had started with even footing, it’s slowly shifting. Your confidence grows with every strike, knowing to your core that you can do this. But it’s also the first time the two of you have ever gone all-out with lightsabers. You’ve been watching him fight forever with his and while the two of you did spar at the Jedi school, that was quite a long time ago and the both of you have changed tremendously. You aim to easily outmaneuver him on steps alone and when he gets too close to grab or punch you, it’s a quick jump, pivot, or flip out of the way.

Then you start getting a little cocky and Kylo can tell. He starts catching openings and regaining his ground. You growl at yourself. You don’t know why but you feel like you  _ have _ to win this one. Not to prove yourself, not to make a point, but just to show him (and yourself) you  _ can _ and that he should lean on you more. The two of you break off for a moment, sweat trailing down your faces and breathing ragged. You take a few deep breaths to recenter yourself. Kylo goes to wipe those dark tendrils of hair out of his face but you take the opportunity to dash forward.

He recovers but is fighting on the defensive. It doesn’t take him long to build back up to even ground. You feel like your arms are getting a bit tired. How long have the two of you been fighting now? Exchanging blow after blow, the bright white from the clash of sabers is almost blinding your vision. Then you see a small, small opening. And take it. You deactivate your saber, pressing your hilt forward under the crossguard of his and fling his saber up and out of his hands. The blade deactivates and the hilt lands with a clatter a few feet away but before he can pull it back to him, you’ve re-ignited your blade. Pointing it at him, he gives out a weathered laugh before falling to one knee in surrender. 

Your eyes widen and you deactivate your saber, clutching it to your chest. “Did… Did I just win?...” you asked quietly. Kylo chuckles, “Yes, malla, you did.”

Skeptical you ask, “Are you sure you didn’t let me win?”

He rolls his eyes, a bit annoyed, “You would just get mad at me if I did. So yes, I am sure I didn’t just let you win. You beat me fair and square.”

The biggest grin ever breaks out across your face and you spin around in happy little circles, squealing like a kid. Though you suppose you are acting like one.

You turn back to the house musing, “I guess it’s your turn for dinner, knight~” Kylo clears his throat behind you before chuckling, “But first…” You turn back in confusion before your eyes almost pop out of their sockets and tears line the edges. Your hand reaches up to cover your mouth in shock as Kylo is still on the ground, on one knee, holding a small box in his hands. He looks so much like he did at school. Youthful, happy, and somehow both confident and awkward. The sun was beginning to dip down, casting blooming colors across the sky.

“Y/N… I… I don’t know how I got so lucky to meet you. Or even luckier that you kept after me. I don’t know how you put up with me but I love you, Y/N. Will you marry me?” He asks, face warm but so genuine, as he opens the box to reveal a ring. You're definitely ugly-sobbing at this point. Without a lot of voice at the moment, you nod profusely before dropping your saber into the grass and leaping at him. Kylo’s able to adjust quickly. He fell onto his backside onto the hill with you sitting in between his legs. You’ve got your arms wrapped tightly around him as you still cry tears of joy. He chuckles, one hand securely holding the ring box while the other rubs your back, “Don’t you want to see it?”

His voice is warm and gentle, in this moment you’ve almost completely forgotten he’s the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Or that there’s even a war happening at all. You nod against his chest, before turning to his hand with the box. He’s easily able to flip open the lid with his thumb and you gasp at the beauty of it. It’s a thin silver band with a medium-sized light blue stone in the center and two small white stones on either side of the aqua stone. The silver band twists elegantly near the main stone, finishing off the ‘classical beauty’ look. “It’s so beautiful, Kylo,” you choke, almost sobbing again. He sets it down on the grass to lean you back, rubbing his thumbs under your eyes.

“Only the most beautiful things for the most beautiful woman,” he purrs, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. You hack out a laugh, “That’s so cheesy, oh my gosh.”

Kylo chuckles back, “You know you love it.”

You return the mirth, “I know I love  _ you _ .” Kylo picks up the ring from the box and slips it on your hand. Next thing you know, you’re crying again at looking at it officially on your hand.

As you calm back down to normal you sniffle a laugh, “Is this why we kept waiting and waiting to make my saber?” Kylo nods.

“That and also when you asked me about taking a break, I was planning this but I needed more time. I wanted it to be good enough for you. A proposal within the First Order or on a random planet was out of the question,” he states matter of factly. You snicker a bit at him.

“When did you even have time to get this? We’ve been stuck together for a while now,” you mused. Kylo’s cheeks darken and he scratches the back of his head. “I… may have had it for quite a while now…” he murmurs.

You smirk and purr, “Oh? Since when?”

He waves his hand, “It matters not.”

You’ll take that challenge, but a yawn is all that escapes you.

Kylo smirks, “You seem ready for bed already. Get a little worn out?”

You vigorously shake your head, “No! It does matter, I wanna know how long you’ve had it.” Your eyes narrow at him playfully and you press him for specifics. He huffs, “It truly is of no consequence.” You hum, spinning around to wiggle your back into his chest, pulling his arms around your middle. You sigh contentedly at the warmth, earning a chuckle from behind you. You watch the sunset for a moment before you murmur honestly, “I was worried…” Your grip on his arms tighten as you glance from the colorful hues in the sky to the glistening jewel on your ring finger. His grip on you strengthens in turn, pulling you even closer as he urges, “What do you mean?”

Your brows furrowed, “You had me really worried, Kylo. For a few months there you were so distant. I’d try to get closer but it felt like you were pushing me away. You hardly visited Alli, which broke her heart, you became more aggressive, and your fighting.” You scoffed momentarily, “You’re fighting was once  _ unbeatable _ . Because you not only had the strength but the tenacity and forethought to out-play your opponent. Then that started to vanish and I worried about you so much. Then that fight on Kraks… I thought I’d lost you for a moment and it really scared me.” Your voice chokes for a moment before you laugh, “Don’t get me wrong. I think since Batuu, you’ve been much better. I’ve been a smidgen less worried.” You bonk your head back against his chest to look up at him.

He looks down at you with a playful scowl before it turns serious, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. “I did not mean to worry you, malla. You’re right… I should have been better with Alli when she was here and I’ve been a lot more careless as of late. I’ve been juggling things around. Between your saber, your ring, planning this trip, and finding the Wayfinder; I’ve had plenty to do,” he rumbles, closing his eyes and laying his head against your own with a sigh. Your brows furrow and you ask, “Wayfinder?”

His eyes peak open momentarily to answer, “A Sith Wayfinder.”

Your head tilts slightly on impulse, “What’s that?”

Kylo moves to nuzzle against you, “Don’t worry about it, I just want to spend this time with you.”

You almost groan in annoyance. Hiding things,  _ again _ . But you’ve got something to go off of and you can try to ask him again later. You snicker, “Speaking of, how long did you book this time for us? A couple of days?” You inwardly frown, you figure he can’t stay away long and that you’re not lucky enough-- “Two weeks,” he purrs against your ear. Your head shoots up so quickly, you smack into his own and you laugh, “Sorry! Are you serious?!” You’re grinning like crazy again. Two  _ whole weeks _ ? With no fighting. No First Order. Nada? He rubs his chin with a smirk, “Uh-huh. Why do you think it took me so long to get everything finalized? They should not bother me during this time unless it’s an absolute emergency.”

Standing, you bounce on your feet with a squeal, “Oh my gosh!! We could have Alli come and be with us too!!” The sun’s now dipping far beyond the horizon, deep shades of violet and purple flooding the sky. Kylo stands, gathering the unused saber pieces, his cloak, and the sabers to put inside the box and carry with him. “Next week. The first week should just be us,” he rumbles, his hand easily fitting into yours. You can feel his fingers continuously play with your engagement ring. You giggle, “I can agree to that. You’re still doing dinner though!”

Pulling him along, you glance back with a grin as he rolls his eyes. “Sure, as long as I don’t have to fish again,” he mumbles with a smirk. You laugh earning a larger grin from Kylo, “I’ll make it easy on you this time.”

——

The next morning, you’re the second one awake. You yawn, before glancing up to see Kylo grinning down at you. You wrinkle your nose at him, musing, “Enjoying the view?”

He chuckles, “Immensely.” He goes to finally sit up but you pull him back down murmuring, “Nnnnoooooo, off time is bedtime all the time.” Your hands wind around his bare chest, rubbing your head against his neck. “Come on, Y/N, you don’t want to eat ration bars for every meal do you?” he quizzes. You groan, “I don’t want to go hunting. The animal kind of hunting.”

Peeking up at him, you see him roll his eyes before he muses, “I was not insinuating that.”

You laugh, “Oh yeah? What were you  _ insinuating _ then, fly-boy?”

Kylo raises an eyebrow with a smirk, “Is there not a good bazaar on a planet near here?”

You instantly gasp shooting up and out of bed, inadvertently pushing him aside. “OH MY GOSH YES SHOPPING PLEASE!” You squeal in excitement, already halfway dressed. Kylo’s laughing at you from the bed, pushing himself up from where he was toppled over. “Is it really that compelling?” He asks, brow raised. Raising out of bed, he also gets ready for the day.

Your hand hovers over your ring on the dresser. You smile softly, slowing down to delicately slide it onto your finger. It’s blue gem glitters against the light and you can’t help but feel happy. “No, probably not. Though it is the largest I’ve ever seen by far,” you laugh, turning to him, “But it’ll be the most fun ever with you today.” Your sweet grin turns into a sinister smirk, making him frown. “I do not particularly care for the look you’re giving me at this moment,” he huffs, stopping through his change midway.

After the last trip here, he has a stockpile of normal clothes. That black attire he wears for the First Order is too much of a magnet for trouble and honestly has way too many layers. You walk over, ducking under his arms holding his shirt, and wrap your arms around his chest. Disabling him from being able to finish putting the shirt on. He gives you an annoyed expression which you just snicker at. “Dearest knight, it is nothing to be concerned over. Of that, I can promise you,” you purr, standing up on tiptoes to kiss him.

Kylo hums against you, his arms lowering behind you to pull you closer with the shirt acting as a tether between his hands. He chuckles against you, leaning back slightly, “I highly doubt that.” You wrinkled your nose at him before planting a chaste kiss on his cheek, ducking back out of his arms. “Hurry up, I have a  _ great _ idea for food!” You laugh, grabbing your bag, and heading to the ship. You hear a huff and some scrambling behind you but before long Kylo is walking beside you.

Smirking, you head not towards his ship but towards your own. “We’re not going in mine?” He quizzes. You grin, “Nope. Your First Order cruiser? Absolutely not. I’ll just pilot mine.” You glance between your ship and him before laughing, “Assuming you’ll fit.” Kylo makes a sour face and mutters, “What do you mean? Your vessel looks like a standard carrier.”

You gnaw on your lip, not succeeding in holding back a fit of giggles, “I’ve made some adjustments to it.” 

It’s a sleek vessel, to say the least. Originally built to comfortably carry two passengers. It was made as an adventuring starship, built more on travel and speed then firepower. It held a simple “den” upon entering the bay hold before ducking into a smaller “bedroom” and the bridge. Walking up to it, you lower the bay door and head inside. Kylo scoffs at your ‘additions,’ having to turn himself sideways to get through a narrow passage toward the bridge.

From the bare walls of the ship, you’ve built shelving, drawers, and holders of all kinds to hold weapons, food, technology, literally anything you could get your hands on and think it would be useful later down the road. Some people might consider it a hoard of junk. Small pathways just big enough for yourself allow you to roam between the bridge and the bedroom, but the small den area was almost completely covered. With the exception of the small sitting area. In your collection of bits and bobs, there are even a few outfits stashed around. You’re pretty sure there’s a trooper armor set in there that’s just a smidgen too big from when you had to sneak into a First Order base not too long after you realized Kylo had forgotten you.

“Is keeping all of this  _ really _ necessary?” He scoffs, sitting down in the pilot’s seat.

You narrow your eyes, clicking your tongue, “Nuh-uh, get your butt out of my seat. And yes. Yes, it is.” You look back at it all with a smirk before claiming your now-unoccupied seat. “Welcome to Y/N Starlines, have you flown with us before?” You joke to Kylo in an irritating voice. His eyes narrow and he slowly buckles in the belt. “It has been a while, but if I remember correctly yo--” he yelps slightly as you cut him off, immediately pushing the ship into high speed. Electricity buzzes beneath your skin, from both the exhilaration of flying but also the chance to gloat. Kylo was probably the better pilot with flying in firefights, but definitely not with style.

Before exiting the planet’s atmosphere you do a few close-call tricks along the treeline and mountainsides. “You’re still reckless and a show-off!!” He barks, hands gripping onto whatever solid item he can find. You laugh, “I didn’t know you were so afraid of flying.”

Kylo’s eye twitches in annoyance, “Only  _ your _ flying. Are we going to the bazaar or are you going to keep playing?” You stick your tongue out with a bit of a pout. Guess you’ll have to show off another day. You exit the atmosphere, sticking the ship into hyperspace.

“What is this idea you have for food?” Kylo asks, skeptical. You grin, turning towards him slightly, “It’s not as good as mother’s cooking but it’s a little family-owned place in the bazaar. He has a lot of dishes inspired by his culture and it’s really good, trust me.” He raises a thick eyebrow in doubt but softens at your grin. Rolling his eyes he murmurs, “Alright. You’ve been there before so I’ll let you lead.” Your eyes sparkle. You’re in charge for once? It’s not  _ you _ tailing after  _ him _ ? Oh this is going to be  _ great _ .

  
  


——

“Y/N!” a cheery voice called to you the second you lifted the curtain in the doorway to the little restaurant. It was a small place, a literal ‘hole in the wall’ if you will. You grinned at the man, quite a few years older than you and very handsome. He wasn’t rough-looking or scarred like most people you met in your profession. His parents owned this shop and theirs before them and so on. “Hey Patall! How’s it going?” You chirp back with a grin, he rushes over to envelop you in a hug, ruffling the hair on your head. You laugh as he growls playfully, “Business isn’t as profitable when my number one customer goes M.I.A.!” You hear a cough from behind you and sputter into giggles. Oh right.

You turn Patall to Kylo and grin, “Patall, this is Kylo. Kylo, Patall.” Kylo nods in greeting, still a bit rigid and you can tell he’s carefully eyeing the fact that Patall has his arm wrapped around you. You could explain. Or you could fuck with him a bit more. “Oh wow! Congrats, Y/N, you proved to me you’re not full of shit,” Patall laughs, pinching your cheek. You laugh and stick your tongue at him all the while you can feel irritation rolling from Kylo. Though you’re pleasantly surprised he hasn’t had some kind of outburst or prodding about it. Maybe he’s trusting you more. That thought alone makes you prouder of him and you grin over at him. You seem to settle Kylo slightly, but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Patall, nearly as annoyingly playful as you, picks up on the queues and decides to mess with Kylo too. “Damn it’s a shame you got him first, he’s really handsome,” Patall hums and you officially start cackling at Kylo’s red face and dumbfounded expression. “Though I wouldn’t mind sharing,” Patall adds to you, making Kylo an even deeper shade of red. You snicker but pat Patall on the arm, “I’m not sure that’s in the cards.” He just chuckles, knowing the answer all along. You cross back to Kylo, wrapping your right arm around his left and laying your left hand on his chest. “However, we were hoping to have some good food since we’re kind of celebrating…” you smirk.

It only took him a moment to process before his eyes popped out of his head at the sight of your ring. He laughed, clasping a hand on Kylo’s shoulder opposite you. “Congratulations! That’s good to hear! She’s been pining after you for years, you better treat her right!” Patall grins, no ill in his tone. Kylo gives a small sigh before his lips turn upwards, “I plan to.” You just grin back at him. The two of you spent a few hours in Patall’s small place, he gave the two of you a large feast with a discount. You recounted a few stories to him and he to you. Even Kylo chimed in a couple of times.

After, the two of you walked around the bazaar. You didn’t buy too much, only a few things. You mostly had fun dragging Kylo along and making him try some things. Like the crepes from one stall or the area where you can see beasts of all kinds. The two of you even got a few tips about other planets to visit during your time off. During the first week of your off-time, the two of you traveled around to different places and played around. It was a lot of fun and you could see the darkness leaving him. He felt more and more like his old self.

Your heart grew every time his smile widened or every time he laughed with you over something silly you did. Kylo worried less. At the start, he’d check his datapad for updates from the First Order or would talk about plans or missions. But eventually, he gradually stopped. Favoring to talk about the two of you, whether the current situation or one of the many stories you two share from at the Jedi Academy. Hatred and anger began filling his form less and less when he talked about the school or the Jedi.

After the first week, the two of you finally went to pick up Alli. Neither of you had told them you were engaged or that you had this off time at all. Kylo wanted to give them a heads-up at least, so you let your mom know that you were coming but to keep it a surprise from Alli. You land your ship in the dock, heading down the dock to see Luca already standing there waving. You wave back with a grin before you hear the sound of screaming. Luca turns back to his work in the hangar as you focus on your new arrival.

Specifically Alli’s high-pitched screams of joy as she bursts through the door towards you. Laughing at her, you run to meet her halfway, picking her up and twirling her around. “Y/N! You’re here!!” She laughs. You growl playfully at her, pulling her back to you to tickle her. She giggles at you, trying to shove you away as you reply, “Yep! We’re going to hang out for a whole week!” Her eyes bulge out of her sockets as she gasps. Then she sees Kylo exiting the ship behind you. You chuckle as you gently let her down so she can run over to him.

She’s angry, growling at him like a little animal and he freezes not knowing what to do. He gives you this pitiful look for help and you slowly shake your head. You made her upset by not hanging out with her last time, time to fix it. He frowns before his attention is brought back to the child angrily hitting his leg. With an amused grin, you turn as your name is called behind you. Kierabi smiles softly at you and you sigh to run and give her a hug which she strongly returns. Releasing you she ruffles your hair, “Haven’t gotten into any trouble that I need to bail you out of?” You make a huff with a raspberry, “No! Kylo was able to get some time off and I figured we could all go back to SL-569 and take a vacation together.”

Kierabi raises an eyebrow before glancing behind you. You turn to watch as Kylo’s bent down to talk to Alli, who still seems a bit salty. Snickering, you turn back to Kierabi, hopeful. “No,” she says simply, with a smile. You frown, “What do you mean  _ no _ ?” you scoff.

“I have some jobs I must do.  _ You _ did not alert me of this time beforehand, thus I have preordained plans that I will not shove aside to fit your whimsy,” Kierabi says sternly. You wither at her harsh tone and she sighs, “You may be my daughter, one of three people in the world who holds all of my affections but I can’t break the promises I’ve made. I’m sorry but a family ‘get together’ will have to be  _ planned _ another time.”

You nod with a sigh of your own, “Yea, yea, I get it. It’s my fault I should have told you sooner.” Kierabi grins before lifting your left hand with a smooth smirk, “At current, I’d like to know more about  _ this _ .” She takes her free hand to point at your ring. Your face aflame, you grin, “Kylo and I are engaged.” Her face twists into a bit of pain and happiness but she smiles all the same. “I am glad that things are moving forward for the two of you. And I hope your lives will bring you both much happiness,” she murmurs warmly. Walking over after Luca has finished what he was working on, you wiggle your fingers in the air at him.

He laughs boisterously, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Congratulations!!” He booms before whispering to you, “I wish you the most happiness in the world dearest sister, but until he’s abandoned that  _ cause _ of his, I do not and will not trust him.” He leans back up to his full height, still with a smile. You scoff with a deprecated smile, “I get it… I’m still trying…” Luca frowns, face growing serious, immediately tipping you off he’s going to say something you don’t like. So your own face takes on an angry expression but Juli is there to break it up. She smushes between the two of you to give you a hug which you return before she leans back with your hands in hers.

“Y/N! Welcome back dear, I’ve made a big lunch today to help get everyo-- oH MY GOSH THAT’S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!” She screeches looking at your ring. You laugh, returning her hug a second time. “Thanks, my  fiancé gave it to me,” you giggled before looking at Kylo for a brief moment. She claps her hand around yours in excitement. “Oh my goodness, congratulations sweetheart!! I’m so happy for the two of you!! When’s the wedding? Where are you having it? Was the proposal sweet? What--” she titters and Kierabi has to cut her off.

“Hun, I don’t think she knows the answers to almost any of your questions,” Kierabi chuckles, looking at your dazed and embarrassed expression. Before her eyebrow raised, “Though I  _ am _ curious about the proposal. Mainly because he’s the ‘Supreme Leader’ and mostly dark and broody.” Luca laughs along.

“Did Crylo of the First Order make a decree that you have to be his wife or something?” Luca guffaws. You narrow your eyes at him hissing, “No. Use that shitty name one more time and I’ll start a fight you can’t finish.” 

He scoffs, “What, you mean the ‘First Order?” You growl under your breath at his ‘joke’ before Kierabi has to break up the fight. “Stop squabbling and tell us the story already,” she sighs impatiently. So you tell them about building your saber, pulling it from beneath your cloak to show them the hilt, and how you fought Kylo so seriously. And actually won.

“I couldn’t really believe it. I still don’t I guess. He could  _ never _ be beaten by  _ anyone _ at school. And we had a ton of spars together, all resulting in my loss. So I never thought I could do it. I turned back to the house, spouting off about my win, and when I turned back around he was on one knee. It was simple and collected. Very Kylo-like,” you chuckled. Luca looked sorta disgusted and Kierabi seemed disappointed while Juli was slowly dabbing at her eyes and sniffling. Luca shook his head, “Alright well I’m done with  _ that _ talk. I’ve got some plans to meet up with Wren for lunch.”

He turns to leave before slowly turning back to you and placing a kiss on your head. “I didn’t mean to upset you. But I won’t lie to you either. I really hope it does all work out for you, sis,” he murmurs with a small smile before taking off. You smile back with a wave in thanks.

After Luca’s departure you hear some footsteps behind you and turn to see Kylo with Alli sitting on his shoulders. You snort at the unexpected scene which Kylo frowns at, face a tint redder. Alli is posed on his shoulders like she was riding a gallant steed, her hands gripped around locks of his dark hair on either side of his head. “S-So, uh, what’s happened guys?” you ask around sputters of laughter. Even Juli and Kierabi are trying to contain their laughter, a lot more successfully than you are.

“Knight Alli needed a ride, onward!” She called, pulling on one side of Kylo’s hair. He winces, making you actually a bit concerned as he turns in that direction. You’re still laughing but you head up to her to lay a hand on her arm. “Aleia, it’s fine if you want to play but you can’t be rough okay? Light tugs, please?” you ask gently, pulling on her arm softly to show her what you mean. She thinks about it for a moment before deflating. “Mm, sorry,” she rumbles quietly, before patting Kylo on the head. You laugh at him again, hiding in your hands and you hear some snickering behind you from your mothers.

His face washes a deeper shade of red and you softly kiss him on the cheek. “Ready for a reprieve?” you muse with a smirk. “Yes, please…?” he almost whines. Damn, he’s cute like that. You perk up turning back to Alli, “Want to hear what I have in store for you?” You reach your arms out to her and she easily squeals in excitement, releasing Kylo to opt for you. Kylo bends down slightly so you can scoop her off of him. “You’re going to get to spend a whole  _ week _ with us,” you purr to her, rubbing your forehead against her. She frowns and you instantly worry. “I don’t wanna be on the stupid ship,” she whines. Oh right.

Laughing you muse, “You won’t have to. This is my mothers’ home along with my brother. But this is not  _ my _ home.” Her face is a mix of confusion, not truly understanding you but she perks up at the thought of not having to be on a star cruiser the whole time. Juli claps her hands together and decides to gather everyone for lunch. Aleia struggles against you for a moment to get down and run to the food, so you laugh as you hastily (but carefully) set her down and watch her go. 

Juli and Kierabi follow her and finally you’re left alone with Kylo in the hangar. “Thanks... “ he murmurs, wrapping an arm around you. You giggle, leaning into him, “No problem.” The two of you spend a pretty interesting, but a fun meal with your moms and Alli before she goes to pack up her things for the trip and get into your ship. Unlike the last time, the three of you shared a ship with Alli sitting in your lap, this time she had to sit with Kylo since you were the pilot. Your eyes narrowed happily, grinning at them. You think Kylo likes her more than he’s letting on and honestly… after all this is said and done, you wouldn’t mind trying again. For real, not just a scare. But for now, you pilot your little family of three back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just do that? Yeaaaa I just did that lol. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, I know I did in the long run but I originally thought about all that mushy life stuff happening after the ya'know w a r is over. But there are a few things I think need to happen for Kylo to realize what he's really doing, or more accurately what he's running from if he continues down the path he travels. He has to really, really understand what he will *lose* if he gains the power and authority he seeks. Because he still currently has the mindset that she would follow him anywhere (cause I mean she would, for a long time, and even after Hoth she probably would have even tho she said she wouldn't. she also needed something more than herself and more than him to fight for which she now knows. still wants to help/save him but yeet). Kudos to you if you picked up that's what he was trying to say on the cruiser off of Kraks haha he was going to but he sorta chickened out. Some of his avoidance of her during that time was actually due to him trying to plan this whole thing out.
> 
> Also random note, I love mush and fluff but I h a t e proposals (idk lol) so if it's written bad I'm sorry TwT The stone is aquamarine (or a fancy star wars equivalent anyway xD )
> 
> If I had to imagine their flying styles, Kylo would beat her ass in a dogfight but if it came to running away to avoid enemies or lead them into traps (like Han/Rey do consistently in the Falcon), she would win~ I like to think Luke or other Masters probably taught the younglings how to fly and they probably snuck out one night to go racing or he rode with her, quickly followed by the realization she drives like a crazy person lmao-- wait am I adding to the stereotype that women are bad drivers? 🤔fuck I try to avoid those ripperoni (tho I'm a bad driver so I can't say much lol;;)
> 
> With interactions with Luca; we saw them be really cute and friendly, then them have a bit of a tussle, now I wanted them to have completely different opinions that they could legitimately get into heated arguments about. I hope that in this way the characters are a bit more three dimensional, showing different thoughts and emotions without entirely losing the character's personality. I think we as people grow and shift our own viewpoints not only by the people we've met for limited spans of time (like Mari) but also those closest to us who change as they grow too. I like character development ya'll and I'm trying to do it justice lmao
> 
> Poor Kylo, he just has no idea what to do with Alli bless him. The break will probably be shorter than you expect (I made it two weeks and then realized I have no idea what to write about rip) but if I think of anything down the road it'll be added as an additional chapter after the end C: Tho it'll be backed up by two other after-end stories (with one being probably pretty long lol help).
> 
> With this chapter I'm completely out of buffer :'D So new chapters will be posted around either Tuesdays or Saturdays when I have a chapter completed. If anyone wants to talk about the story or anything else, let me know! I won't talk spoiler-y things tho not much at this point is a spoiler I guess? 🤔I mean I'm too sappy for a sad/bad ending so we all know it ends happy and I don't think it's ttttooooo much of a stretch to figure out what will happen after the boss battle lmao
> 
> I mmiiigghhttt.... post my other Kylo stories?... they're just only like 5 chapters long and I'm not as invested in them as I am this one and I'd hate to post something to never finish it and leave it as a cliffhanger for... ever... possibly lol TwT I've read a ton of Kylo stories that I adore but haven't been updated in years and I just qwq I know life is waayy more important but it saddens me and I don't want to do that to others vnv;;
> 
> Anyway, my notes are long as they are (I'm a chatterbox sorry lol) but yea I hope everyone's doing well and staying safe <3 love ya'll <3 <3


	19. Reforged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alli hears of some stories from the Jedi Academy during the last week of vacation. But after it ends, it's back to the First Order and back to business.

Alli had never visited SL-569 before. Upon landing she raced out of your starship, screaming in joy. You laughed exiting behind her before followed by your grumble knight. 

“Does she  _ always _ have to scream when she’s happy?” Kylo huffs. 

You snicker, “You have little experience with kids, and it shows.”

He rolls his eyes, “Please, when would I ever interact with kids? I’m the Supreme Leader of the First Order, not a babysitter.” He finishes by standing a bit straighter, towering over you with a questioning look. You frown slightly, the conversation with Luca from before coming back to you. You idly rub your ring with a small laugh, “I wonder.”

Alli playing at the edge of the lake catches your attention and you swiftly walk-off shouting, “Alli! Be careful, the water is getting cold, you might get sick if you fall in!” 

——

Kylo stares at Y/N’s back as she walks to the lakeshore, thick brows furrowed in confusion. Did he say something wrong? He scratches his head, she looked sad. Was it because he talked about his status within the First Order? Walking down the hill closer to the two, he sits to quietly watch them while he thinks. Maybe she’s unhappy with the First Order. He almost growls, she  _ knows _ that this is what would happen. He thought she knew that when she agreed to be his general. He sighs, falling backward to lay down in the grass.

Turning his head he can see the porch of the house, reminding him of the conversation, after Hoth. She’d said she wouldn’t follow him in the First Order. But then Snoke interfered, basically backing her into a corner to remain. Once it was all said and done however, she still stayed. Kylo turns his head back to the sky, she left for herself. She left because she didn’t want to feel the pain that comes with remaining close to him. He frowns.

But once her mind was cleared of the dark, she stayed. Stayed for him. He never really gave it much thought. It was better she is beside him. The time spent away from her was monotonous and unfulfilling. His position became a chore he dreaded, longing to only send her a message or await her reply. With her return, there was at least intrigue. Kylo closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. He _cannot_ _stand_ admitting when he’s wrong. Between the time of assuming her new title and recently, their meetings had been few and far with some morphing into fights. He knows that was him. Searching for the Sith artifacts and the wayfinder or accusing her of something he absolutely believes she wouldn’t do.

But then why all this conflict? Not between Y/N and himself, but within him. He wants to make her happy. He wants to be beside her. The two are just so vastly different. Kylo rolls onto his side, able to glance down the hill to see Y/N’s taken off her shoes and rolled up her trousers with Alli to play in the shallows. He’s not a complete fool. He has watched as the light rises within her. And though she tries to hide it, he knows she’s too kind to agree with his cause or his actions. But she follows anyway.  _ She _ has always changed.  _ She _ has always followed.

Kylo shifts to lay on his back again, eyes closed. But he can’t abandon this cause.  _ His _ birthright. She just can’t see it yet, the future he will bring. He’ll rule over them, rid himself of Rey and her little Rebellion and bring an iron grasp around the galaxy. He’ll finish what his grandfather started. And when it is done, when the dust has settled, she’ll have everything. When his memories of her were locked from him, he sought that power for himself. He wanted to prove he was not bound by his name or bloodline or the expectations thrown upon him. He would be powerful and in control where no one could stand against him. Now, when he achieves his goal he’ll own  _ everything _ . With that much power, he can give  _ her _ anything she can hope for and keep her safe and protected.

He breathes out, solidified in knowing what he needs to do. How he needs to move forward. If Y/N can just remain beside him for a bit longer she’ll come to understand it too. Mind eventually drifting off, Kylo becomes warmed by the sun only broken by the occasional autumn breeze. He could almost purr, this was nice, why doesn’t he do this more often? He hears hurried footsteps and goes to lazily open his eyes before they pop open with a weight thrust upon his chest.

“Oof! Did you have to be such a bruiser, urchin?...” he grumbles looking down at her draped across his chest. The child laughs, before repeatedly smacking him with her palms. “Come play with us!! You’re no fun!!” She squeals with a wide grin and bright, round eyes. He grimaces a look that doesn’t deter Alli in the slightest. Kylo doesn’t understand her or her persistence either. She gives him this weird nostalgic feeling. He met Y/N when she was a few years older than Alli, but if he were to imagine what she was like, it would be this.

Beaming. Bubbly. And unyielding... He sighs, thunking his head back against the grass, “I don’t know, I really like this spot.” He hears a guffaw from across the way and sits up to see Y/N smirking at him with her hands on her hips. Instantly he softens, a small rise in his lips. “Please?...” Alli asks softly, looking up at him. Aw fuck. She’s better at that then Y/N. Kylo runs a hand across his face with an exasperated sigh, “Okay.” Aleia squeals in delight, immediately going to get on top of his shoulders while he’s still sitting down.

He frowns but makes no move to impede her. Settled against him, Kylo holds her legs in place so she doesn’t fall backward as he stands. She laughs against him, pulling in his hair again. “I’m having some serious thoughts about cutting my hair short,” he growls in warning as he walks down the hill toward Y/N. Alli makes a little noise of surprise and stops being so rough. “No!! That’s illegal!!” Y/N calls from the water, face scrunched into a pout. He huffs out a small laugh, “Alright, alright. Geeze you two are a handful…”

At the lake’s shore, Y/N grins at him with a laugh, filling him with warmth. Kylo can’t wait for a day where she’ll be his empress. She deserves it. She deserves to have the galaxy serve her. “Why don’t we go for a walk and Kylo can tell you a story?” Y/N muses, setting him up. He growls at her, which she only snickers to, as Alli bounces around on his shoulders. “Story! Story!” she yips repeatedly. “Gah, fine!” Kylo hisses before mumbling curses under his breath. “What kind of  _ story _ ?” he asks, bored. Y/N began slowly walking, still with her feet in the water. Kylo walks on the dry land beside her as they lazily follow the shoreline.

Alli squeals, “A knight who saves her prince trapped in a dungeon!!”

“No,” Kylo rebuttals quickly.

Y/N laughs before musing softly, “How about… one of our stories from school?...” Her eyes have that spark, playful and full of mischief. Kylo’s heart races at her grin and he fires back to her, “You seem like you already have a story in mind. Why don’t  _ you _ tell it.” Y/N’s eyes narrowed in a challenge. “If you insist… I suppose I must regale Aleia with my feats of bravery in saving  _ your _ butt from a herd of moraks,” she muses, swaying about like it’s a chore.

Her words are dipped in honey, a taunt. 

A growl rises in his throat, “Then you will tell it  _ incorrectly _ .”

Alli only gasps, “What’s a morak??”

Y/N smiles to her, “Imagine a deer half the size of a space cruiser with huge horns! They confuse travelers by looking like trees in the distance.”

“And are  _ very easily startled _ into stampedes,” Kylo hisses, earning a chuckle from Y/N.

“What happened, what happened?!” Alli laughed, bouncing up and down slightly.

Y/N looks to Kylo, raising an eyebrow with a smirk. He doesn’t need her to send him a message through their link to guess what she means.

Rolling his eyes with a groan he starts, “We’d been given an assignment to go to Irudiru. The two of us arrived, we succeeded in what we were sent to do. But instead of going home,  _ someone _ wanted to play around.”

Y/N scoffs, crossing her arms, “We did it so quickly, who would argue if we took a couple of hours exploring the planet.” Kylo narrows his eyes before lightly tugging on Alli’s hand. Curious she bends her head down to him and he whispers to her, “By exploring, she means trying to ride a wild animal and falling on her butt.” But just loud enough for Y/N to hear.

The sentence makes Alli burst into a fit of giggles, which Kylo muses at before his attention shifts back to his pouting fiancee. He chuckled slightly. Her hands were on her hips, followed by puffed cheeks and a red face. “I didn’t know they were  _ un-domesticated _ !” She huffed, turning from them slightly as they all walked. “Oh, you mean the completely un-monitored animals roaming the wild open spaces didn’t clue you in?” Kylo teased. Y/N blushed even harder followed by another round of Aleia giggles. 

“Then they started  _ stampeding _ ,” he groaned at the recollection.

“Whas that?” Alli asks with a huge grin.

“A bunch of animals running in a single direction. And very dangerous,” he informs her, before looking back to Y/N. She throws her hands up into the air.

“I didn’t know they’d be scared so easily!” She whines a bit.

Kylo snickers, “No, but then they were running away from  _ you _ toward  _ me _ .”

Alli gasps, pulling his hair (again) to force his head back to look down at him, “What’d you do?”

He laughs, “I was just going to jump out of the way like a normal person but  _ someone _ had to put on theatrics. Y/N ran up and shoved herself into me, pushing us both out of the way.”

Alli laughs as Kylo continues, “Pushed us to safety AND into a mud pit. It was a  _ ton _ of fun going back to the academy covered in dried mud.”

The memory is a warm one, though he’d hate to admit it. After realizing they were both drenched heads to toe in mud, Y/N had laughed before splashing him. The herd had run far into the distance while the two of them fought in the mud pit. Kylo already had a huge crush on her then. It didn’t take very long for him to develop an emotional attachment to her. Something Jedi were forbidden from doing. He kept it to himself, chalked it up to being more ‘brotherly’ to her.

But the itch never disappeared, never waned, in fact it only grew stronger. When he realized he really liked her, he kept it to himself. Partially due to the Jedi rules but also because of his fear. He feared that she didn’t see him that way, that it would ruin what they had. So he kept it bottled, contained. After a couple of the secret meetings with Snoke, Kylo had the fleeting thought to ask her to run with him. Abandon the Jedi and allow themselves to forge their own path. But the thought fizzled over time until it was silenced. By the time he had the freedom to commit himself to her, with the fall of the academy, he was preoccupied with the Knights of Ren and then the First Order. Kylo was planning to invite her into the First Order then. But Snoke, knowing his intentions, locked his memories of her away. With her missing, he only had one focus.

“Ugh, our teacher was so mad at us too,” Y/N whined, bringing Kylo back to the present.

He snickered, “Yes, yes he was. We both got in trouble but you got extra cleaning duty because you started it all to begin with.” Aleia continues laughing throughout the whole exchange. That’s how the week progressed. Y/N would play with Alli while Kylo watched or fiddled with something, his current interest was building and upgrading blasters. Eventually he would be coerced into participation, not always successfully but sometimes. And each day would end with a story, a real story. It wasn’t always a story both Y/N and Kylo were a part of. Sometimes it was one or the other. 

Though one day Alli wanted to tell a story of her own, so she told them both about how she and ‘Uncle’ Luca found a band of thieves and defeated them all single-handedly before returning the items to their rightful owners. Kylo noticed Y/N’s face looking a bit distraught during Alli’s story. When the story ended and with Alli tucked into bed, Y/N called her brother to verify whether this was a ‘pretend’ event or a real one. Kylo had assumed it was pretended, Alli’s wild imagination. Apparently, that was not the case which Luca got an earful about for bringing a small girl into a fight.

However, with the week at its end, Alli was  _ not _ pleased to be dropped off again at the Skine College. Kylo had hung back while Y/N talked to her family. In many ways he felt guilty, being in Y/N’s life has not only caused her harm but her family’s harm too. Her mothers may be a bit more accepting but Kylo can feel the waves of distrust rolling off of Luca anytime the two are close. And he’s not a moron, he can tell that distrust is causing a tiff between Y/N and her brother. Not that Kylo can really blame Luca for feeling that way. The only one who doesn’t care at all is Alli. Well, she cares if there are no snacks involved.

After the goodbyes are said, with Alli trying her best not to cry, Y/N finally boards the vessel to depart. Her face is dejected and he can feel the sadness from her. The two sit quietly in the cockpit as Kylo speeds away. “I wish it could be like that forever…” Y/N whispers, so quietly he almost didn’t hear it. But he elects to ignore it. There’s nothing he could say to make her feel better. Even when the war is over, it won’t be that same simple life. They’ll be an Emperor and an Empress. They could still have Alli be with them all the time then, but it won’t be a quiet life lived on a no-where planet.

The two boarded the current commanding ship of the First Order fleet. Pryde was there to update Kylo, quickly pulling him away from Y/N. He glanced back at her once more to see a few of her underlings briefing her as well. She held onto her hand, twisting her ring around her finger while smiling softly. She wanted them to notice, to tell them. He scoffed out a laugh before turning back to his path down the corridor. It felt weird to be apart from her now, after spending so much time together. But Kylo knew this was necessary. With a deep breath, he shifted his focus again to being the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and leading the First Order towards victory.

——

A whole year has passed since Crait. Since the engagement, Kylo wasn’t as restrictive with you, now that you had a lightsaber you guess he thought you were more equipped to protect yourself. He’d still try to make time here or there to go on your rounds with you or vice versa but it dwindled over time. You’d notice that Pryde kept trying to split the two of you apart and without your presence along with this growing ‘need’ Kylo feels, he’s dipping back into darkness. You were infuriated. He was doing  _ so well _ on SL-569 but now he’s taking steps  _ backward _ to achieve this ‘goal’ of his, one he hasn’t kept you up to date on.

You know it has to do with the Sith and about his vision for the future of the galaxy and where he sees himself in it. You’d been thinking of it more when he was away. He wants to finish what Vader started. That’s terrifying. Your original intent was to turn him back to the light, to  _ save _ him before he’s lost forever. But what if you can’t? The months spent slowly drifting apart again hurt, more than anything. Time spent healing, like the two weeks during the engagement, are now few and far between. It’s hard when that time feels wasted, forgotten. It felt like a never-ending cycle. You would pull him from the darkness slowly, carefully, with purpose and make great progress before suddenly he jumped from you back into the darkness. It was beginning to drive you mad.

You’d been having fewer meetings with Master Kenobi and Rey. Partially because you wanted to be alone and partially because there wasn’t much else to learn or do. It was the same training over and over, things you could do on your own in your free time. You kept in touch with your family too, or talked to Vikor and others. But it felt like the time you spent alone was the worst. You’d feel like you were failing, like nothing you were doing was helping at all. What was the point of trying to  _ save  _ him if he  _ can’t _ be saved? What then? What happens to you? What happens to him? What are you supposed to _do_?

Staring down at your ring, you’re filled with a bit of dread before the opening door startles you followed by heavy boots. You glance to Kylo, eyes widening as he puts down a triangular object on the counter in the kitchen. You raise off the couch to go over to him, “Is that the um…” you try to remember the word he’d used before, “...the wayfinder?” He nods briskly, eyes narrowing down at it as if he stared at an enemy. “Now it is time to go to Exegol, you and I,” he huffs. You’ve never heard of such a place and yet you shiver. Quietly you ask, “What will we find there?” Kylo’s brows furrow deeper and you swallow hard as he remains silent. Oh stars this will not end well, will it?

He looks back up to you and you freeze at his icy glare, “Go get ready, I don’t want to waste much time.” You quickly nod before dashing into the bedroom to change. Today had been an off day for you and you’d known Kylo was working on the wayfinder, but you didn’t know he’d left. He didn’t tell you. He had stood there smelling of ash, why didn’t he ask you to fight beside him then? Battle-ready with your tonfa hilt at your side, you return to him. Nodding in satisfaction, he leads the way to his starship.

You’re silent the entire flight, unsure of what to say and the rising worry keeping you alert and rigid. Kylo easily charts a path through unknown parts of space with the Sith wayfinder to land on the eerie planet of Exegol. Exiting the ship, you follow Kylo’s lead as he pulls his hilt and ignites it so you do the same. It’s dark and creepy and you’re more than a little afraid. You don’t exactly know why Kylo brought you, it seems to be empty. Yet you also feel your skin crawl like you’re always being watched here.

Descending down the odd stone lift, the only sounds are of Kylo’s red saber crackling angrily and the hum of your orange one. The two warm tones bring light to the dark and shadowed area, where huge stone statues rest. A withered, rasping voice calls out, “At last…” Kylo turns to it, undeterred. You hold fast, but inside you’re afraid. Kylo steps forward and you cautiously follow. “Snoke… trained you well…” the voice continues.

Kylo scoffs, “I killed Snoke. I’ll kill you” Your eyes widen momentarily, mind swirling, the dread within you rising. He came to  _ kill _ someone? Your brain wracked around for any clue who the voice belongs to. You know they have to do with the Sith, they must be powerful if Kylo brought you as a potential backup. Your hands gripped your saber, fear escalating. Every answer you came up with was dead.  _ Is _ dead…  _ should _ … be dead.

“My boy… I  _ made _ Snoke,” the voice replies, unperturbed by Kylo’s threats. Kylo stops and you stand close, having to fight the instinct to reach out and grab him. “I have been every voice... you have ever heard...” the hair on your neck rises as the voice transitions from it’s rasp to that of Snoke's voice before finally into a voice you didn’t know, “inside your head.” Kylo continues forward again but you’re frozen. Your hands are shaking and you can’t calm down. Between the lightning strikes, you see a robed figure dart around and your fear propels you into movement. Being closer to Kylo is better than not.

You pass by vats of what look like Snoke clones but you try not to think about it too much as Kylo continues talking with the voice. You somewhat tuned them out, fear keeping your focus on the robed people around you. You jump when Kylo swings his saber towards an old man that seems to be hanging from machinery. “What could  _ you _ give  _ me _ ?” Kylo hisses.

The man easily replied, “Everything.”

Outside the citadel, you can hear the ice of Exegol cracking and the ground quake. You look back to the two as they speak. Your mind blanks as you stare at the wrinkled form suspended in air, breath quickening. You don’t have to be told. Your skin crawls with an understanding of who this is and what he’s done. You try to hang back, stay hidden. It seems as though some accord was struck between the two as Kylo slowly lowers his blade but does not extinguish it. Just as you thought Kylo was turning to leave, Sidious’ head slowly turns to you and you’re pulled from your spot. Your boots skid against the stone floor in an attempt to stop, as futile as it is.

You're released beside Kylo, close to the Emperor. “Forgive me, child, I did not mean to startle you,” he rumbles. Kylo growls in warning as the Emperor continues, amused, “Both the Dyad and it’s Fulcrum. How the galaxy works in wonders.” Confused you look to Kylo, who only narrows his eyes. “Every scale needs a balancing point. Just as there is light and dark, there is a grey to hold the two aloft,” he continues with a grin. You have no idea what he’s talking about. A dyad? It didn’t make sense. But his mention of light, dark, and grey triggered a memory. No, not a memory. A dream.

Taking a breath and swallowing your fear for a moment you quietly asked, “D-Does any of that have to do with Mortis?...” Kylo looks down at you a bit startled but you hold your gaze with Sidious. He chuckles, a sickening sound, “Interesting. Not many have visited Mortis, only those with an invitation can see it. Mortis is the realm where the Force resides in its most pure forms, both light and dark. I know it was a place where Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Ahsoka Tano visited before.” Your eyes widened. Your grandfather visited there?

Sidious smirks musing, “The Force is mysterious. The fact that it has brought my granddaughter, Rey to the light; Vader’s grandson to the dark; and Kenobi’s granddaughter…” the man’s boney hand sways from Kylo to you, “as the Dyad and the fulcrum are indeed interesting.” Kylo turns to you and you shrink away from his angry gaze. You try to act shock, sputtering excuses before the Emperor continues, “It seems your grandfather has been training you well.”

God.

Damnit.

Kylo’s fucking  _ heated _ now. He turns to hastily leave, grabbing your wrist and tugging you along. You can hear Sidious’s horrifying laugh follow as the two of you exist back into the starship. Heading back to the First Order, the flight is silent and uncomfortable. It only continues to spike your worry and nervousness over Kylo’s reaction. He says nothing until the two of you are in the privacy of your own chambers.

Kylo finally explodes, “ _ You’re a Kenobi _ ?”

Eyes wide, backed into a corner, and without much else, you slowly nod.

He growls, “How long have you known?” You open your mouth to reply but nothing comes out and he repeats, hissing, “ **How long have you known, Y/N?** ”

You flinch, stuttering, “S-Since before Crait…”   
“ **_Over an entire year, Y/N?!_ ** ” he roars, “Were you ever going to tell me? Or that you’ve been  _ training _ with him?!”

“I-I didn’t think it was a bi--” you whimper but are cut off by Kylo slamming his hands into the wall on either side of you. You’re trapped, trembling as he says icily, “If you fucking say you thought it wasn’t a big deal I will throw you out the airlock.” You swallow thickly, not entirely unconvinced that isn’t a real threat.

You twist your ring in your hands behind your back, something you’ve started to try and cope with your worry and anxiousness. “Would it have mattered?...” you ask quietly.

“Yes!” He barks, face closing in on yours, “They are our  _ enemy _ Y/N.” You want to rebuttal with they’re  _ his _ enemy but that’ll spark another entire argument. Tired of waiting for your reply Kylo hisses, “Until I deem otherwise, you are to remain locked within our quarters and are not to leave without my express permission.”

“W-Wait a minute, Kylo you--”

“I will have a Knight of Ren to keep tabs on you, if you leave his sight or try to escape he will immediately contact me in addition to pursuing you,” He finishes.

“Kylo! That’s insane, you can’t lock me in our quarters like a  _ child _ !” You state, your anger beginning to overtake your fear. He scoffs, “I can and I will. You withheld this from me, you withheld that you saw a Resistance ship on Battuu, what’s next? What’s the next step, Y/N? I don’t know where your allegiances lie anymore. The only way to keep you out of harm  _ and _ out of my way is for you to remain  _ here _ .”

You’re angry and hurt as small tears rush down your cheeks, but Kylo is unaffected. In a fit of rage, you scream, “I MISS BEN!!!” You finally fall down to your knees, sniffling. You’re not really sure why you’re crying. You’re upset at him yea, but you guess all of the events from Exegol and the agonizing thoughts you’d been having toward the future just piled up until you couldn’t stand it anymore. Kylo steps back, frozen as you continue sobbing, “I miss you laughing! I miss you being happy! I miss our silly games and stupid competitions! I miss you being kind and brave and snarky! I just want that man back to me!!”

“Ben is gone,” Kylo hisses. Your head snaps up, anger blistering behind your eyes. He flinches as you growl, “I’ve been  _ nothing _ short of bending to  _ your _ will. You don’t like me calling Skywalker, Master. You don’t like me calling  _ you _ a Skywalker or an Organa or a  _ Solo _ .” Kylo sours but you stand, shoving a finger into his chest. “You don’t like me making friends. You don’t like me talking with old Jedi. I have to tiptoe around subjects because of your ignorant, frail crybaby ass. Almost everything,  _ everything _ I have done in my life was for  _ you _ . Yet you still think you can act this way,  _ treat me _ this way? Because of what? You’re a man? You’re the Supreme Leader? You’re a part of the dark side of the Force while I use the light? What, what is it Kylo? What could be so goddamn important that you think that  _ this _ …” you gesture to the entire room trying to insinuate the First Order as well, “is perfectly fine?”

His eyes narrow but he murmurs all the same, “I love you and I want to protect you.”   
You scoff, “ _ Really _ ? Is this what love looks like to you Kylo? Locking me away like a fucking animal because I don’t fit your bill of the perfect person you need me to be? That I’ve  _ tried _ to be?”

Kylo growls, “You knew what you were signing up for when you were chasing me.”   
“Actually, no, I didn’t think very much of it at the time. But when I did start thinking about it, after Crait, I could have left. I wanted to. But I  _ chose _ to remain with you to  _ help _ you. You’re only hurting yourself,” you hiss.

Kylo’s fists are clenched at his side as the two of you glare angrily at the other. He grits his teeth, barking out, “A knight will be by shortly. He’ll have access into the den to keep an eye on you.” He turns to leave and you yell to his back, “Fine! No wonder Sidious and Snoke treat you like a child!!” The metal door, normally on an automatic motion, slams closed with Kylo’s force powers before you hear it lock. With rage still pumping through your blood, you stomp into the bedroom plopping into bed to scream, muffled by the plush pillows.

It’s not long till the anger fades and you’re left once again with sadness. There’s just so much and it’s overwhelming you entirely. You cry for a bit before the door opening and closing startles you. You peek out the bedroom door to see one of the Knights of Ren blocking the doorway. He just stands there, not uttering a single sound. With a scoff, you close the door before looking around the bedroom. There’s a single air vent but it’s too small for you. You might fit but it’d be so close that you might get stuck. With a growl, first things first. You snatch your datapad off your dresser before sending a coded message to Vikor.

Vikor needs to get that information to Boolio as planned. You were hoping to take care of it yourself but clearly that’s not the case. This will also serve as his warning to be prepared, as from now forward you’ll probably no longer hold rank within the FIrst Order. Before you hit send, you click your tongue. There’s something you need to tell him that you can’t send over a message. Glancing at your saber off to the side you contemplate your options. You revise your message for him to meet you within half an hour at the usual location.

You place the datapad beside the door, blasting music as loud as it can be. Hoping it’ll be enough, you take your saber and head into the walk-in closet. With the bigger room came a bigger closet. One half was Kylo’s while the other was yours. Igniting your saber, you cut a hole in the ceiling large enough for yourself. You positioned it above the top shelf where you’ll hopefully be able to replace the metal you cut and hold it up with some of the boxes you have up there. It’s not the best coverup but it’ll do when you get back. If you come back.

You shake your head. You’ll come back, at least until you figure out exactly what you need to do. Extinguishing your blade, you do one more thing just in case the Knight of Ren may have heard anything. You keep the music blaring but storm into the kitchen to grab something to drink and some snacks before heading back into the bedroom, making sure to slam the door behind you. You stick your tongue at the closed door before dropping the items onto the dresser and heading back to the closet.

Closing the closet door behind you, not that it’d do too much, you grab a hold of the shelf to pull yourself up to the hole you cut. It’s a tight squeeze, especially because of the odd angle. There’s only maybe a foot of empty space between the shelf and the ceiling so you have to wedge between the two before up into the crawl space above your room. You quietly shuffle far enough away, toward the direction you know is an engineering corridor that should be empty. You find a large enough air vent and are able to pull the faceplate off without a large commotion. Who knew the Force would be great for undoing screws? 

You crawl along until you find another opening, watching and carefully listening. Coast clear, you dismantle it like before, jumping down into the empty hallway. Scanning for anyone walking up, you replace the vent, before dashing off to meet Vikor. You don’t think any normal trooper or officer would report you to Kylo, but you keep out of everyone’s sight just in case. You get to the spot early and camp out in a little nook until you hear Vikor and Eriwen.

Stepping out you snicker quietly at their bickering. “You’re like an old married couple,” you tease. To your amusement, Eriwen blushes while Vikor scratches his chin with a laugh. “What’s so urgent?” Vikor asks, slipping into his ‘soldier’ persona. You nod, growing serious too. “Kylo found out my true heritage. That I’m a Kenobi,” you grumble. 

Eri tilts his head, “Is that supposed to mean something to us?”

You laugh, “Sorry, not really no. The Skywalkers are the most well known Jedi bloodline but they’re not the  _ only _ bloodline. I found out last year I was a Kenobi, the granddaughter of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Who trained Anakin Skywalker and whom Kylo’s true name comes from. He is not happy I kept it from him, along with a few other things.”

You growl, “He’s  _ locked _ me in our room--”

“Lotta good that seems to have done,” Vik laughs.

You chuckle, “While true, it won’t be something I should do all the time before he escalates to a  _ cell _ .” 

Eri frowns, cold calculation at his forefront, “You should leave.”

Your fingers grip into your palm, “I don’t know what to do just yet. Leave. Stay. It’s a lot to process. But right now there’s something much more urgent.” Your voice falls and your two loyal compatriots go rigid at your unusually stern tone.

“Originally I wanted to give the information to Boolio, but I need you two to do that for me please,” you start and they both easily nod. You breathe deeply, knowing the next part is a doozy. “Finally, the information will need to be updated. They need to know that Emperor Palpatine also known as Darth Sidious has returned.”

They freeze, blood draining from them as they stare at you. “I am not kidding. I wish I was. I saw… I saw him for myself,” you rasp, staring at them resolutely. Vikor gulps but nods, “Understood, kip, we’ll get to him tomo--”

You cut Vikor off with a hand on his shoulder, “No, please, move it up. Today. As soon as possible. Kylo is on high alert because of me and if he thinks I’m going to try something, the sooner we do it the less prepared he’ll be. Alert Boolio to make sure the tradeoff will succeed in a timely manner and get it done. I know it’s hard on short notice.”

Vikor shakes his head, “It wouldn’t be a war if it was easy.”

You grin before it’s replaced with a frown, “One last thing.”

A weary sigh escapes you, “Everyone under my command will be in danger from now on. Pryde has had it out for me and everyone I command for a while but now Kylo has a distrust of me and my people. Let everyone know to remain on guard and do what they can. I may not be able to give the signal as we planned but if the contingency plan happens then that’s what it needs to be.” They both frown, not super ecstatic about it but nod, saluting you. “Thanks, guys,” you smile, giving them hugs before saying, “Ok, you guys go, I’ll leave after a minute. When this is all over, let’s go get a drink, 'kay?”

Vikor laughs with a resounding thumbs up, “You got it, kip. We’ll hold you to it.” Eri looks nervous leaving you but smiles and waves nonetheless. After they depart, you wait a bit before heading back to your room by retracing your steps. Back inside your closet, you place the metal cutout back up before holding it up with some large boxes which almost completely cover the scorch marks. The music is still blaring as loud as possible. You hope it annoyed that Knight of Ren.

You sigh, looking through your clothes. It feels funny. Some articles bring out fond memories with Kylo, just events that had happened while you wore them. You almost wish you could reverse time back to those moments, the uncertainty of the future feels almost too much to bear. The door to the closet slams open and you jump, turning toward Kylo. Your eyes widen. He… he reforged his mask…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wheezes* I tried to get it done for today yay!! So May the 4th be with you!! <3
> 
> I don't actually know what moraks look like lmao they're listed on the Wookieepedia but I didn't see a description so I made something up lol
> 
> On one hand, I hate flip-flopping him from "getting better" to "getting worse" but I also feel like it's a good representation of life. Just like addictions or even just mental illnesses, things can be going great but things can suddenly (or gradually) change in the opposite direction. It's a battle, a struggle we all face. I don't smoke, but my dad did. He was able to quit cold turkey because he has that personality *cough*stubborn*cough* but not everyone is like that. Patches and replacements can help but they're not always a cure-all end-all. Anyway, that's my reasoning on his 'flakey' nature lol;;
> 
> I feel like Sidious is pretty... not chatty/talkative but that he is willing to talk to people before resorting to fighting (in some cases, not all). As Palpatine in the prequels and clone wars, he was more apt to try and convince people with his own reasoning and logic. Albeit he was hiding he was Sith bUT STILL LOL so he's not opposed to trying to speaking to her. Also ouchies she got outed rip
> 
> I meant to explain before but Vikor calls her 'kip' because he thinks she needs to get more sleep or take more naps because she works too much/too hard lol
> 
> Originally I know his mask being remade was for some big reason (I love the Japanese art/technique that inspired it) but I don't think it ever got mentioned in the movie or if it did it wasn't explicit enough for my dull butt to pick up on it. So I have a reason for why he reforged it. He wore it originally not only to conceal his face (which was him trying to cover up his heritage) but to try and hide or quell his emotions. When he broke it he said "fuck this, fuck ya'll, I'm going to wreck shop" and let his emotions and familial connections get the better of him (he couldn't kill his mother and then he tried to ask Rey to join him i.e. trying to make a friend). He was able to deal without the mask between Crait and now because he had her as a buffer. But now *she's* tearing into him and he c a n ' t handle it. He reforges the mask to bring that sense of control back. That he won't become Ben, that Ben is gone, and that the only emotion he needs to use is anger.
> 
> Not really a happy way to end the chapter today but plot development! xD I'm very excited about the chapters to come and I hope everyone's liking the direction I'm going with for the 'dyad' thing (which I had no idea about until after the movie. like the word is thrown in there, but not explained so I just took it as "grandchildren of the most powerful peoples" and that's it. I didn't really make the connection that their force-seeing each other had to do with that oop but I'm not super observant lol)
> 
> (I made a discord server if anyone wants to get on and chat~ Can be about this or star wars or if anyone wants to play Minecraft or animal crossing or stardew valley etc https://discord.gg/ST7Ma3d )
> 
> Anywho, hope you all enjoy!! Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy <3


	20. Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turning back is no longer an option.  
> Keep moving forward.

His helmet has red welding marks across its surface, with chips in the chrome plating as well as deep scratches. Your shock turns into sorrow, shoulders sagging at his appearance and you lightly shake your head. Kylo already had anger boiling through the link you two share but it doubled at your reaction. “What?” he barked, his vocoder dark and foreboding. You hadn’t heard it in such a long time. Over a year. You give a small dispirited laugh, “As if you couldn’t seem more alien to me. Now you have to wear that around me too?” Your voice was quiet and exasperated. But mostly disappointed.

He growls, heated, “What were you doing in the closet?” You roll your eyes, shoving past him while deliberately smacking your shoulder into his arm. “Hiding from you. Apparently not well enough,” you reply. Kylo rounds on you with a snarl, grabbing your arm, “Liar.”

Your eyes narrow and you scoff, “I wanted to be alone, but that’s not really an option for me anymore, is it?”

“Y/N, stop making this so  _ difficult _ ,” he hisses.

You laugh, “ _ You _ made it ‘difficult’ by picking a fight with  _ me _ . I basically straight-up ignored all of your wrongdoings but I make some and it’s like the end of the fucking world.” You rip your arm from his grasp and plop into bed, lying with your back to Kylo.

“You’re not to meet that  _ Jedi _ ,” He orders and you sit up with a glare.

“What are you going to do, Kylo? Lock my Force powers away so that I can’t talk to my grandfather?” You question.

“I--” he starts but your gaze turns icy and he stops.

“If you even consider doing that, I will fight you  _ for real _ ,” you state clearly, voice dripping with malice. With a defeated growl in rage, he disappears out the bedroom door. For the second time today, you hear the main door slam close. He’s going to break it if he doesn’t watch it.

You sigh, laying back down to try and sleep. It doesn’t take long and you’re back in the old temple again with Obi-Wan sitting on his usual seat. “I have a question,” you start, walking over. He chuckles, “Don’t you normally?” 

You smirk, “Yes, but this one I’ve been avoiding.” You frown and he mirrors you, patting the space beside him. You sit, sighing, “I was avoiding asking and talking about these things because I don’t know what it might change. What it might mean for me or even Ben. But… Master, what is a Dyad?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes blink, a bit startled before rubbing his chin, “My, I haven’t heard that term in a long time… According to what I know it is a prophesied pair of individuals who are one in the Force. They’re the strongest living beings and their connection is intertwined throughout space.” Your face falls and you fill with worry, staring down at your ring while you fidget with it. Obi-Wan gently lays a hand over yours and you still momentarily. With a deep breath, you continue, “What about a fulcrum?”

Obi-Wan scratches his head trying to remember, “Fulcrums can be any Force-sensitive individual who acts in a neutral position. They try to find level ground for everyone involved and are usually the only ones who can keep a Dyad in check.” Your eyes widen, before you slam your head into your palms.

“That’s so much responsibiliiittttyyyyyy,” you whine. Obi-Wan chuckles, he’s probably already figured it out but you should tell him point-blank. “Kylo and Rey are a Dyad and I was called a Fulcrum. Also, I visited Mortis.”

“What?!” He exclaims, the loudest you’ve ever heard him, “I thought Mortis would be unreachable since the Father, Son, and Daughter had died…”

You purse your lips, “It was more like a dream… I was on a strange planet that changed from day to night in the blink of an eye and where night brought death to the surrounding flora and fauna.” Obi-Wan nods, “Sounds identical.”

“But the beings there… they didn’t have names and… they looked like me. Or  _ started _ as me. One had glowing pale skin with long, ethereal green hair and green eyes. She told me I was on Mortis and mumbled about how after the Father, Son, and Daughter had died, mortals began to take their ‘place.’ That the three who left Mortis that time became representations of the three Force beings.”

Obi-Wan looked shocked but nodded as you continued, “But then night came and another me appeared. She had cold, grey skin and jet-black hair with piercing red eyes. She answered a few of my questions, that they were simply ‘forms’ of each side of the Force. She even transformed into a completely different person from my memories.” You shivered, it’s scary how much that’s the Kylo you feel like you’re currently dealing with. “They tried to get me to work with them, to save Ben. When I refused, they offered me visions of the past, present, and future.” Your hands are shaking at the thought, reminded of the physical pain along with the traumatic, jumbled memories. Obi-Wan scoffs, “The Dark never changes.”

You look at him quizzically as he continues, “The Son did the same thing to Anakin while we were there, showing him what he would become to get Anakin to join the Son. I didn’t know it at the time and Anakin almost did it, to try and prevent Vader from happening. But the Father removed those memories. I knew he had seen his future but I didn’t know what all it had entailed at the time. The Dark was doing the same to you.”

Your eyes widened, “So the future I saw will be real?...”   
Obi-Wan shakes his head, “The future is easily swayed, just because Vader came to pass, does not mean what you saw will happen.”

“I saw… I saw Ben die… as  _ Ben, _ not Kylo,” you whisper.

Obi-Wan pats your back, “If anyone can save him, it’s you.”

You almost whimper, “I hope so…”

Talking to your grandfather helped ease your troubled thoughts. You elected to not tell him about Sidious or Kylo’s recent actions. You have an inkling he already suspects but he doesn’t push it. There’s not too much he could do anyway. After a while you slowly rise from sleep. Yawning, you glance at the clock. It’s early. Really early. You suppose you did crash early, but it’s not like you can leave the room anyway. You glance to the other side of the bed, as if you expected anything different. Empty.

You sit up cross-legged to meditate, hoping to put yourself back on the planet to commune with Rey. When you open your eyes again, you are indeed standing on the lakeshore. It’s a beautiful sunny day and you smile at the pleasant scenery. You stand and watch the lake for a few minutes before you turn at the sound of steps. But your eyes widen at the new visitor.

“G-General Organa!” You gasp, bowing to her.

She chuckles, “Don’t worry about formalities with me. I’ve heard from Rey all you’ve been trying to do for the Resistance as well as my son.” You smile but it’s tinged with sadness.

“Special Agent Edgkee would be very proud. In her reports, she always said the best of things about you,” the general muses and you tear up.

“I miss her,” you sniff, wiping your eyes. You didn’t know Mari as long as others in your life, but some people just click with more easily than others. She was your best friend, a sister.

Leia nods in understanding, “War is never kind to anyone involved, even those not involved. But we all fight to ensure what’s right.” You nod before the two of you stand quietly beside each other for a few moments. Eventually you ask, “Is Rey around?”

She shakes her head, “No. We got your intel and she headed to Pasaana based on Luke’s old research.” You nod, rubbing your arm.

“U-Um…” you start hesitantly but fizzle out.

Leia laughs softly before murmuring, “I know you’re worried about Ben.” Without saying anything you vigorously nod your head with a sniff. She smiles gently, “I know he is in capable hands with you around. He will not be lost forever, he will come back.” You nod again before facing her. “I-I... “ you start before pausing to take a deep breath, “Mrs. Organa, may I have your blessing to marry Ben?...” You bow deeply, eyes closed.

You’re afraid to move, afraid to open your eyes. A delicate hand is placed above your shoulder and you slowly lookup. The Princess of Alderaan smiles at you and murmurs, “Of course. Han and I have only ever wanted Ben to be happy. I only met you a couple of times at Luke’s school…” Your face burns, you had acted so  _ silly _ during some of her visits. “You know, Han noticed it too. Ben was happier with you. He could always be a grump, so much like his father,” Leia scoffs, rolling her eyes playfully, “But Ben would always soften when you were around. And it seems like he eventually got the courage to make that next leap.” She points to your ring.

Laughing lightly, you muse, “He did, but I wanted to make sure it was ok…”

Leia snickers, “As long as you  _ both _ want this. I want you two to be happy.”

You nod, holding your hands to your heart, “It is…” you frown before muttering without thinking, “If he’d stop being such a  _ moron _ .” You twist to Leia, afraid you might have angered her but she merely laughs loudly, “Sounds about right. I’ve been trying to reach out to him as well.”

You sadden momentarily, “What… What happened to Han… and what almost happened to you… it tore him up inside…”

Leia frowns, “I suspected as much. I know he was only blinded by Snoke and felt betrayed by Luke… but we’re all human. Fancy Force powers or not. Humans make mistakes, mistakes we may regret for the rest of our lives. I do not blame Luke nor my son. I just want him to come home.” You nod, you’d grab her hand if you could but you opt to hover yours over hers. She grins at the gesture nonetheless as you promise, “I will do my best to bring him back. Wait for us!” Leia grins, musing, “Let me know when the wedding is the next time you see me.” You nod with a wide smile before you close your eyes, slipping out of your meditative state.

You open your eyes back in your room to a commotion in the den area. Sighing, you stand and exit the bedroom. You lean against the doorframe as Kylo stares at some odd knife. Arms crossed, your fingers dig into your skin as you refute your instinct to go to him. He’s helmet-less already and it looks like he has a couple of cuts and bruises. Your brows wrinkle in both pain and annoyance. You want to help him, but he’s being a stubborn idiot.

Fighting forever won’t help, for now, you’ll try to be neutral. “Lost your helmet already?” You ask, voice small and level with no hint of sarcasm. Before he can be a smartass, you continue, “Though it seems you have returned to me with a few nicks.” Against the doorframe, his back is to you on the couch but at the returned sentence from what he said to you on Batuu, he glances back at you. “There was a fight on Pasaana. The Knights and I handled it,” Kylo said simply. He sounded tired like he was in no mood to fight. At least not you.

You haven’t forgiven him and you’re not about to let it all go, but you can at least be civil until you know your next move. “Well… I’m glad they have your back when I don’t…” you spoke softly, a mix of emotions. You did want him to stay safe, but you also wanted him to be aware of himself. Kylo makes no comment, continuing to look at the dagger. 

“Blades don’t seem your style,” you murmur.

“It’s a Sith dagger leading to another wayfinder. The scavenger was going to use it to find the second one,” He replies honestly. 

  
Raising himself off the couch, he places it in a room off to the side where he keeps his grandfather’s helmet. You knew it’d been there, but had elected to ignore it. There was no point in you going in (it’s creepy as hell) and there’s no way to convince Kylo to chunk it. He exits the room and the two of you have a long look at each other. You’re both exhausted from the fighting, both in the war and between each other. Neither of you are ignorant to the pull from the other in your link. He wants you with him just as much as you want him. But now it’s a point of morals and duty. You want both of you to do what's good, follow your morals while he wants the two of you to follow his path of ‘duty.’

You break eye contact first, frowning. You know too much longer with him and you might give in. It’s happened before, you giving up what you know is right to be with him. But you  _ can’t _ anymore. One of you has to break and you’re afraid of what the future holds. A datapad dings and you glance at it on the coffee table. Kylo picks it up reading off of it before heading for the door. Your hand snaps out to grab him but you recoil with another anguished expression. He slows to stop, turning to you. You don’t bother to hide your emotions from him, either physically or through your link. But he does, he is trying very hard to conceal his. 

“U-Uhm… you’re leaving already?” You ask, quietly.

Kylo winces a little but nods, “There was a report that the ship we’re searching for has landed on Kijimi.” He turns to leave and you bite your lip. 

For a moment he pauses to utter, “This won’t be forever…”

You huff a small laugh, “You’re right. It won’t.” With the ominous sentences lingering between the two of you, he finally leaves. A few moments later, a new Knight of Ren is left at the door.

Sighing, you move to sit on the couch. You stare at the knight, not bothering to hide you doing so. You haven’t been able to see any living characteristic under those dark armor platings they have. They may not even be human. But this one is silent all the same like the other. With nothing much else to do, you grab your datapad and plop onto the couch. At least Kylo let you have that. When you were caged “nicely” before with Alli, they didn’t allow you even this. You decided it’s been a bit since you’d contacted your family. You like to reach out every so often to let them know what’s happening and when you might be planning on visiting.

You don’t tell them about the recent events with Sidious or Kylo either. You’re afraid of scaring them. Your gut instincts have never been wrong so you decide to keep with it. Right now you know Rey and the Resistance will fight Sidious and by extension Kylo. If you can’t bring Kylo back; if you can’t save him… the most logical conclusion is that you’ll keep him out of the way while Rey and the others take down the more important opponent.

When that choice is made, you’ll be fully switching to the other side, against him. But you believe you need to stay within the First Order as long as possible. Whenever you kick into ‘Resistance Scum’ mode, it’ll give you the advantage of being closer to specific targets. Theoretically. Plus it gives the Resistance someone still on the inside, should they need you. You yawn a bit out of boredom, having sent your messages and just sit browsing through some guild material. 

Suddenly, the knight at the door leaves, though locking the door behind him. You narrow your eyes. Kylo called him back? Why? Humming in thought, it seems most likely that Kylo would call him if he needs assistance, not that he’s moved the knight to allow you any sort of freedom. Then your eyes widen when you notice it, Rey’s on board. It was so faint, you could have easily overlooked it. It seems like she just got here. You quickly pull on your saber and shimmy out of the exit you’d previously made for yourself. You reach out to her and she’s taken notice so she diverts her path to yours.

Grinning at seeing her, you pull her into a cubby hole where no one can see the two of you. You hug her before sternly asking, “What could be so important you’re on board right now?”

“Finn and Poe went to rescue Chewie who’s been locked up and I’m searching for a Sith Dagger,” she explains. Your eyes widen and you nod, “Come with me.”

You lead her to your room, able to unlatch the door from this side. “It’s in the room off to the side,” you say before turning. Rey grabs your arm asking, “Where are you going?”

“It makes me nervous when a group of Resistance members is onboard without the protection of you or I. So you can take care of the dagger and I’ll go make sure they’re safe,” you say honestly. She nods and you both take off on your new objectives.

After running down the corridors for a bit, you turn a corner and skid to a halt as some troopers are leading the three men off to be shot. But you growl noticing the uniforms of the troopers, it’s not super noticeable, but there’s a small blue sticker on the sides of their helmets. “Fives! Heavy!” you hiss down the hall. The group pause and you motion them toward you. The two troopers poke the ‘prisoners’ with their guns to which Poe scoffs. “So you on theirs or ours?” Poe huffs to you with a blank expression. You roll your eyes. “Fives, if you would please?” you ask, turning to the one trooper. Fives turns his head and points to the blue sticker with a small ‘5’ etched on it.

“Any trooper, or well any First Order employee with a blue sticker is one of mine,” you proudly say. 

“Ugh, cute, can we go now? We need to get to the Falcon and get out of here,” Poe grumbles.

“Salty as ever,” you muse.

“Always,” Finn snickers. Poe growls but both of you just laugh. You turn to your troopers and bow deeply, “Thank you. Unfortunately, I’m legitimately going to have to knock you out so they don’t suspect you two. Remember the plan and protect each other.”

The troopers nod, with Heavy replying, “Yes ma’am.” Heavy pats you on the head which you just stick your tongue out and laugh at him. All the older ones in your rag-tag group like treating you like a kid. They turn around and you pull out your saber.

The tonfa hilt is perfect for such an occasion and you’re easily able to hit them in the back of the head hard enough to knock them out. Poe and Finn wince. “That sounded like it hurt…” Finn said with a frown. “They’ll have some sizable welts. But it’s better than being dead as a traitor,” you replied. You turned and released your compatriots from their shackles before pulling and sitting Fives and Heavy’s bodies against the wall, tossing their guns away. Poe narrows his eyes at you, “Why do that? Sit them up and throw the guns?”

You raise an eyebrow, “If we left them where I knocked them down, anyone with a brain would realize they’d deviated from their path to execute you before they were knocked out. That puts them in a suspicious light. But if we set them like we’d dragged them down this hallway to be out of sight and throw their guns closer to their correct path it’ll look like a small scuffle may have occurred and that we are the ones that forced them away from their destination. I want to remove as much suspicion from them as possible.”

Poe whistles, “Wow, smart and pretty.”

“Har har,” you huff. You pull out your datapad, quickly searching the records. “The Falcon is located in Bay JW-1907. It’s just down this hallway to the left,” you tell them.

“Sounds good, come on let’s go,” Poe says and the three head to the Falcon while you sit still. Noticing you hadn’t moved they freeze and turn back to you. “Aren’t you coming with us?” Finn asks and you slowly shake your head. “I don’t think I should. Now probably isn’t the best time for me to leave,” you reply.

Poe growls, “What?! When is a ‘good time’ for you to leave? When they’ve locked you away for being a spy?” You wince and Poe quickly picks up on it, “He already has… hasn’t he, Y/N?”

You say nothing, biting your lip.

“He’s locked you up and you  _ still _ want to stay here  _ with him _ ?” Poe hisses.

“It’s not just that! I have to time things and make sure everyone here under my watch is protected and--” you argue but Poe cuts you off.

“You’re making  _ excuses _ , Y/N. You always have.  _ For him _ , specifically.”

Your hackles rise and you bite back, “I have not!”

“Oh,  _ really _ ?” Poe asks, arms crossed.

You growl, throwing your hands up, “Fine, whatever! But I’m not leaving yet. Look, you three can just get to the Falcon and go. I want to help from here.”

Finn adds in, “Y/N, if he’s really locked you up, what do you hope to accomplish stuck behind locked doors?”

You pause, mind frantic. Thoughts racing, you can’t make a reasonable conclusion on the best course of action. You stand frozen, trying to think of every possible outcome, every possible move. The best solution for  _ everyone _ involved. Impatient, Poe scoffs, “Ok, this is annoying.” You look at him in confusion as he walks over before swiftly stabbing a small injector into your neck. You yelp, instantly losing motor functions. You go to fall but Poe catches you. “W-Wha…” you go to question him but your mouth numbs and you find it hard to speak. “What in the world did you  _ do _ , Poe?!” Finn asks. Chewie also gives out a few angry howls, though quietly since they’re still in an off hallway within a First Order ship.

“She was panicking and not making a valid call, so I made one. It’s just going to knock her out for a little bit, stop freaking out,” he said nonchalantly. Your mind is fading and unable to stay awake any longer, you pass out.

——

Kylo runs through the hallways of his ship. After fighting with Rey, her in his chambers and him on Kijimi, he quickly got back on board to chase her down. When he boarded he could feel the presence of both Rey and Y/N. He’d called his knight away earlier in hopes Y/N would leave and not run into Rey. It was a gamble, but it was the only one he had. If she had stayed, she would surely have found Y/N when she got to the dagger. It seemed as though they hadn’t crossed paths. The energy from both was strong, but they were different. With Rey, he could tell she was near but with no indication of where. While Y/N’s was like a tether he could follow. That tether is strong and active so he lets it go for now in hopes that she doesn’t run into the scavenger or any other resistance members.

So he buries that into the back of his mind temporarily to make getting Rey his priority. Kylo hunts her down into one of the hangars, tells her of her origin. That they are a dyad. He once again asks her to join him. And Rey once again refuses him. He grits his teeth, using the Force to hold him in place as the Falcon jets off. Standing straight once again, he glares at the ship as it jumps into hyperspace. Exasperated, and tired of all these gimmicks and games, he sighs. Tilting his neck, he cracks the bones, before storming off to his room.

As he walks, his muscles feel tight as if he were wound up like a spring. It brings to mind a memory, the bath he shared with Y/N. How her hands worked against him to remove the aches and how peacefully he slept that night. With her. Kylo missed her. A lot. A great deal more than he’d like to admit. He thinks she misses him too. But now she’s restraining herself because of him.

Kylo feels nervous about talking to Y/N again. Rubbing his face in his gloved hands, he dreads seeing her. Not because it’s her, but because of the pain he feels when he’s around her. He knows he’s the cause of it. He locked her up against her will and even contemplated stripping her of her power. He’d be no better than Snoke. All because of his anger, his jealousy. He would hate to ever breathe it, but it  _ hurt _ that she didn’t tell him about being a Kenobi. She should have known he wouldn’t care. He renounced his own birth name, she doesn’t go by Kenobi, it’s just a lineage. He would have been mad how she found out because she’s still talking and apparently getting  _ instructed _ by her late grandfather. He sighs, but he knew it all along. Well, knew she was doing  _ something _ . Something that made her happy... and he didn’t want to ruin it.

But then she threw in about Mortis. Something  _ clearly _ important she never shared, even that Sith Lord was impressed. Did she not trust him? Did she really believe he’d turn from her so easily? He freezes in the hallway with a hollow, shallow chuckle. They seem to quote each other often. And yet. He did exactly that. Kylo turned on her, locking her away and putting her in pain. 

“Still being a moron, kid?”

Kylo flinches at the voice, twisting around. His fists clench and he grits his teeth. Han Solo is  _ dead _ . Whatever voice he’s hearing is bullshit. He stomps back onto his path towards his quarters. His hands clench and unclench repeatedly at his side. Kylo’s unable to shake this weird feeling and it’s extremely uncomfortable.

“You know what’s right.”

“Shut up,” Kylo hisses. The corridor is empty but it’s not like he’d care if anyone saw him talking to a voice in his head.

“Kid, if you don’t use that big head of yours, you  _ will _ lose her. One way or another.”

“I said  **shut up** . I am  _ not _ a kid,” Kylo growls to the voice of his late father.

“Then stop acting like one.”

Kylo remains calm and collected but the turmoil inside him is bubbling. Unable to control the weird energy within him, he bolts the rest of the way to his room. He stops at the door, gawking at it for a moment. It’s open. Stepping inside he sees the red berries from Kijimi spilled outside of the room where the dagger was into the den area. Right. The scavenger was here. Y/N’s not back yet? His breathing quickens. He wants to see her. Needs her. Needs to hear her voice. He closes his eyes. He’d pushed her connection back while he hunted Rey, now he pulls it to the forefront of his mind. But he can’t find the tether. Can’t find her.

His eyes snap open, he can’t sense her  _ anywhere _ onboard. She left. Of her own will? Anxiety began pooling with his other emotions. He charged towards the security office. The two officers inside panicked at his hasty entrance but asked how they could be of assistance. He thought for a moment. “Is there footage tracking the escape of the Resistance prisoners?” Kylo barks. They quickly pulled it up and scanned through it all with Kylo watching from behind. “Wait, play it from there,” he asks at one spot. He sees Y/N encounter the troopers escorting the Resistance members. She must have Force tricked them as they easily comply with her call and it’s not much longer before they turn around and she knocks them out. She talks with the men for a bit, before an argument breaks out. There’s no audio, but she’s clearly not wanting to move. Then one does something to her.

Like lightning she’s out cold and that man hoists her up into his arms and carries her off.

Kylo’s blood boils. They  _ took _ her.

With a guttural growl, he turns on his heel and storms off to the bridge. “Pryde,” he barks as he enters, “What’s the status of the scavenger’s next location?”

“We were able to scan the dagger before she took it, we know where they’re headed. The ocean moon of Kef Bir, where the Death Star remains are, Sir,” Pryde answers, monotone.

“Good,” Kylo hisses. He storms out just as quickly as he came.

He heads back to his room, shutting the door behind him. Plopping onto the couch, he lets out a long and aggravated groan. Kylo still can’t keep all the weird emotions within him settled and it’s beginning to make him feel sick. And for a while now he’s had this weird pull within the Force. He’s been ignoring it, like a weird thing that doesn’t mean anything. But every time it happens, it sends him into another spiral. He feels guilty and anxious and regrets pile and pile up in his mind. Painfully, he awaits the alert they’re in the right area. As soon as they get there, he will be going down in his TIE fighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually couldn't remember how long his helmet lasted in the movie 🤔 I was like, I don't think he had it after he crashed on Pasaana... But damn it didn't stay on his head very long did it.... and I was too lazy to rewatch the movie even tho it's on D+ rn lol
> 
> I like pairs of 'threes' and I actually feel like it fits a 'balance' theme better. We got a lot of 'grey' imagery from the last Jedi, which got me so hype because I always thought the next 'evolution' of the Jedi would be a mix of light and dark. You can't have one without the other, it's balancing the two that makes people powerful. When to use anger, but understand it has to be tempered and controlled. Like if Rey really did decide "Fuck it, I'm a Palpatine. Kylo and I are gonna kick some ass" who would have stopped them if they're a dyad and so OP? Obviously Rey's not the character to do that (weak :C ) but I always think if there has to be something/someone to keep them in check. I don't think characters should be freaking god-like with no foreseeable cap in their power. So I imagined Fulcrums as not powerful Force users (in fact, they really only needed to be Force-sensitive, just to know what the heckie it is and to be able to connect with them) but emotionally powerful. They're going to be the type of people who are rational but empathetic. Someone each side of the Dyad can like (not always romantically, but hey) and feel like they have a common ground to their counterpart. Thas what I think anyway lol
> 
> If the last Jedi proved anything, it's that Poe is rash and thinks he's right 75-90% of the time. I like him, I think he's a suave-grump who wants to do good and help where he can. His actions are hopefully a good representation of that. Good intentions, bad execution.
> 
> No one will get it but 'JW-1907' is the initials and birth year of my favorite actor ever ;w; like lmao I was ssssoooo sad when I was like "I wanna meet him!!" and my parents were like "😬He's passed away already" ಥ_ಥ
> 
> I definitely think Kylo wouldn't have cared if she told him she was a Kenobi. Now if she told him and wanted to use that name he'd be concerned. But 'old' names mean nothing to him.
> 
> As much as I LOVE Han (I love love love looovvee Harrison Ford bless him); his appearance in TROS was jarring to me. He's not a jedi/force-sensitive, so that was a vision from Kylo/Ben's mind. But we were given NO indication he thought of his father anymore. It felt like a lot of things from TROS were just dogbones being thrown back to the original series >_> which is chill; I like cool ones or subtle ones but... idk I'm of the mindset new movies (whether sequels, prequels, or remakes) do NOT need to be carbon copies or throwbacks to their predecessors. They need to tell the stories of THOSE characters and stand on their own. Like I'm loving the new look for Mulan. I don't care it doesn't have songs, if I wanted to watch the listen to the awesome Mulan songs, I'd just watch the animated one. But I love the retelling with more focus on the actual culture. Idk I love different cultures and what makes all us humans tick, it's interesting aNYWHO LOL Han's "voice" is basically Kylo's conscience and he's just hearing it as his dad's voice. It's why I don't give context to the speaking like whether it was spoken softly or gruffly, because it's all in his head. Hopefully, it adds a bit more to the scene when he actually does "see" Han. //rant over//
> 
> Hope the chapter was good <3 It makes me a bit nervous posting as soon as I finish, I got very used to being able to re-read multiple chapters back to make sure everything is flowing properly or sounding ok or what have you so I get all concerned I'm going to make a boo-boo TwT
> 
> Hope everyone's been doing well <3 <3 <3 <3 Have a great day/night!! See you next chapter! C:


	21. Resolute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're now officially with Rey's rag-tag team, whether you like it or not, heading to the moon of Kef Bir.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Rey screeches, glancing down at a sleeping Kenobi. She turns to Poe who sits on the small couch of the Falcon like it’s no big deal. “Poe, buddy, that  _ did _ seem a little drastic...” Finn agrees, scratching the back of his head. The once-spice smuggler shrugs, only making Rey grow angrier. “Ren locked her away like an animal but she was planning on  _ staying _ . There was nothing we could have done or said to make her come with us. What would you have done? She’s a great ally for the Resistance but she’s going to end up dead that way,” Poe sighs, looking at Y/N. A growl rises in Rey’s throat but she settles after a few moments. “I agree, she didn’t need to stay there…” Rey begins but hisses, “however, you didn’t have to  _ drug _ her!”

Poe throws his hands up, “It was either that or clasp her in irons and haul her off kicking and screaming!” Rey rubs her face, annoyed. Ren will not be happy, Y/N won’t be happy, it’s not a great start. She did hope when Y/N ran to the other half of the group, she would join them. But not like this. Rey turns back to Y/N, who’s sleeping in one of the plush cubby holes. She always seemed smart and strong-willed to Rey.

Rey was lost in her thoughts for a moment before Y/N’s brows pinched together and she groaned, before sitting up with a hand to her head.

——

Blinking slowly, you quickly take in your surroundings and the four individuals staring intently at you. Your eyes narrow as they land on Poe and you hiss, “What did you  _ do _ ?!”

Poe smirks, albeit it looks forced, “You and Rey must be getting along great, repeating each other like that.” With a growl, you stand to stalk over to the table. He flinches as your fists bang into the table followed by some sorrowful howls behind you.

“Do you know what kind of  _ rampage _ he’s going to be in now?” You asked.

Poe just shrugged, “He’ll get over it.”

“Dameron, I swear to god,” you bark but Rey puts a hand against your shoulder and you simmer down. Only slightly. You still glare at Poe but he looks off at something else.

“Y/N, we didn’t mean for this to happen  _ this _ way,” she murmurs, throwing her own glare at Poe, “but we did want you to come with us. Is it true? That Ren locked you away?”

Your face falls and you give a faint nod, “Yea. When he went to meet Sidious he took me with him. There, some things came to light I’d been keeping from him and he wasn’t happy about it.”

“What a great way to handle anger,” Poe tosses.

“Try throwing another coup, I heard the last one went so well for you,” you seethed. He finally turned back, officially bristled. Rey had to settle you both down once again.

“Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, ok? Poe pulled the stunt on his own. While all of us did want you with us, we didn’t want to bring you unwillingly,” Rey says.

“Yea, sorry, should have just left you locked up with a monster who wants to control you like an animal where you couldn’t have done anything to help anyone anyway. My bad,” Poe says with salt and vinegar dripping from his tone. You take a deep breath, recenter yourself. Out of habit, you reach out to Kylo, but there’s nothing for you to find. You sigh, “It’s done. I can’t go back and if I did he’d probably make it worse. Let’s just continue on like this.”

You force your mind to switch gears. “What is your current objective and where are we heading?” You ask, turning to Rey. She lays the knife on the table. “A moon called Kef Bir. It’s where the second Sith wayfinder is. We need it to find Exegol,” Rey replies.

You shiver at the memory, “Stars that place was creepy. Kylo had one, I don’t know what he did with it though.”

“Helpful,” Poe remarks across the table.

You click your tongue, turning to him with your hands on your hips, “Alright, what the hell is your problem with me? You constantly seem  _ at war _ with me for no apparent reason.” Poe leans back, eyeing you and everyone else carefully. It doesn’t pass you that Rey and Finn both seem very interested in his reply as well. “I think it’s idiotic that a smart and powerful fighter is weighed down by an individual who needs some serious help. I get it. You want to help him. But  _ coddling _ him forever won’t help him, you’ll only lose yourself in the process,” Poe answers calmly.

You raise an eyebrow, that’s a little more depth than you thought he had in him. Rey and Finn blink before nodding in agreement. “You did a lot of great work within the First Order,” Finn adds as Rey follows up, “But imagine what you could have done if you were here, with us.” 

You hum, “I think it’s a mixed bag, I’m not sure I could have done ‘more’ or ‘less’ on either side. I helped people where I could but… I do agree, now probably was the best time for me to leave. I no longer held a foothold in the Order and I’d already done most of what I could for my troopers and officers. I just mainly feared what would happen if I left. And didn’t want to run because of it.” You made friends with so many people like Vik and Eri, what if something happens to them because of you?

Rey lays a hand on your arm, “But you said it yourself. You’ve done almost all you could. They are trained and they are ready, and I’m sure they would have told you that if you’d have asked them before you left.” You smile at her, thankful, and lay your left hand over hers.

Poe scoffs, “So that’s a fancy ring you got there.” Your face explodes. Oh. Right. You never told anyone within the Resistance, somewhat afraid to. You always took your ring off before you visited Rey. She grasps your hand, looking at it with wide eyes. “No way!! He did not!!” She gasped, more shocked than anything. Finn just looked a bit nervous, unsure of what to do.

“U-Uhm, yea, so that happened,” you laughed, scratching the back of your head nervously.

“I didn’t think he was capable of such a thing…” Rey rumbled and you rolled your eyes. She frowned, “You know he asked me again. To join him. If he was Ben Solo, I would have. But he’s not. I’m still not sure he ever will be.” 

You sadden and you reply honestly, “I’ve been worried about that too. If my Ben has been lost to me forever... I know he’s still there, I know he’s the same person, just twisted. But if he can’t be saved… then... “ Small tears spilled from your eyes but you quickly wiped them away. You stand firm, “If Kylo can’t be saved. I will take care of him so that the Resistance can focus on the bigger problem at hand.”

“Will you be able to?” Poe asks.

You nod resolutely, “Yes.”

That seems to satisfy him as he nods before leaving for the bridge to pilot with Chewie.

It’s not long before the Falcon “lands” on Kef Bir and everyone is gaping at the massive, broken structure. Holy shit, it’s the  _ Death Star _ . Or the second one? It’s a big ass superweapon nonetheless. The remains are eerie and foreboding, the angry ocean keeping you all separated from the wreckage. Eventually, you all run into Jannah and her tribe on the backs of orbaks. Which you very much love. They’re so stinkin’  _ cute _ .

Jannah says she heard from Frik about their group and that they’d be able to assist everyone to the wreck tomorrow when the ocean has calmed. While Jannah is with Finn working on the Falcon, you hang around the orbaks outside for a bit. “You know, for what it’s worth, I really am sorry about that whole thing,” Poe says walking up to you.

“You mean the drugging me and taking me against my will, thing?” you huff.

“Yea that,” he says, stabbing his foot in the dirt, “I didn’t think it was something you’d budge on and there wasn’t a ton of time to argue. If we had been any later, none of us may have gotten out of there.” You frown, turning back to petting the orbak beside you.

“I hear your apology, but I can’t really forgive you for it. Not yet anyway. That really pissed me off,” you say honestly.

He shrugs, “Well, it doesn’t matter much to me. I said my peace and I know you’re a good enough person to get along with others when you need to. But I did want to let you know.” Poe turns and leaves and you watch him go, rolling your eyes.

You tilt your head as you see Rey standing at the cliff, looking out over the ocean. With one last pat to the orbak, you jog over to her. “What’s up, Rey?” You ask cheerily. But her stoic gaze remains. “Y/N, what do you know of the dyad?” she finally asks after a moment of silence. You hum, sitting down in the grass with one leg pulled up to your chest and the other dangling over the cliff. “Obi-Wan told me it’s two powerful individuals who are connected like a single individual within the Force. Extremely powerful and… connected across space,” you say, looking up to her. “How do you feel about it?”

Rey sighs, sitting beside you, “I-I don’t know! This is all so much. I don’t know my own heritage, someone is  _ telling _ me what it is, and then this thing too!”

You snicker, gaining an annoyed look from Rey, “I understand, I felt the same way in some regards. But I don’t think your  _ heritage _ matters. The life you’ve lived and the choices you’ve made define who you are, not a name or a bloodline. I mean Luke and Leia are proof of that.”

She settles slightly with a small nod, “I owe them a lot… Too bad I wasn’t a Skywalker instead of a Palpatine…” she sounds pained so you place a hand on her shoulder.

You grin, “Who says you can’t?” She turns to you in confusion and you laugh, “I don’t think they would mind if you adopted their name. I bet they’d be proud.”

You add, laughing, “A Kenobi and a Skywalker, at it again.” You both burst into a fit of giggles. After a moment you ask, “Rey… I have to know… what do you think of Kylo? Truly? I know the dyad is special and--”

She cuts you off with a chuckle, “I don’t have  _ feelings _ for him if that’s what you’re getting at.” You release a sigh of relief as she laughs at you before continuing, “If I had to place this feeling… I care for him more than a friend… like a family member? I want to help him and I want to see him return to being the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. But he pisses me off and I just really want to punch him.”

You huff, “Ugh, sounds like me and my brother. We love each other, want to see each other succeed generally, but we can fight a lot too. Especially over the silliest of things.”

She hums before murmuring under her breath, “Besides, I already have someone I like.”

You grin wickedly, prodding her, “OOoooh, who is it!?!?” She laughs, grabbing your hands to keep you from poking her in her ticklish sides. “Shh!! It’s a bit complicated” she says a bit sadly.

Raising an eyebrow you purr, “Is it juicy?”

Rey snickers, “Not really? It’s actually… um,  _ two _ someones... Finn… and Poe.”

You smirk, “Oooh, I gotcha. How do they feel?”

She frowns, “See, ok, that’s where it’s complicated. I thought Finn and I were hitting it off, but then he started gravitating towards Poe… and I don’t even  _ know _ what Poe thinks. Plus Rose I think likes Finn and Poe met some girl on Kijimi that seemed to have had something with him before. I had a lot on my plate so I figured I’d just keep out of it all...”

Patting her on the shoulder you smile reassuringly, “I’m sure when all this is said and done, you can talk it out with them.” She hums, turning back to the Death Star remnants.

“We really can’t be waiting until tomorrow though. It’ll be too late for everyone by then…”

You frown, “What else are we to do? I can see their skimmers from here, but the ocean could kill us if we’re not careful.” You stand giving her a strong grin, “Let me go see how close they are to repairing the Falcon, we could use it.” Leaving Rey at the cliff you head down to the Falcon.

But everyone working on it tells you it would be a bit longer. You exit the ship to look around for Rey but don’t see her anywhere. Thinking she’s walking around, you try looking for her all over. Eventually, you stop to ask and everyone tells you the same thing, they hadn’t seen her either. Panicked, everyone rushes to the cliff line. Sure enough, Rey is alone on a skimmer and headed across. She’s already a small speck as she nears the wreckage.

“We have to go after her!” Finn barks, clearly worried.

“Those waves could kill her, kill us!” Jannah replies.

“Well, she seems to be doing fine right now. If she can, we can!” Finn retorts.

As they bicker, you’re distracted. You feel it before you see it. Staring up at the cloudy skies, it finally breaks from behind the clouds in view for everyone. Kylo’s TIE Whisper heading towards the Death Star. “Oh great, he’s here now too!” Finn huffs, throwing up his hands, “Look, I’m going. Come with me or stay here, I don’t care.” 

Jannah sighs, “I’ll help pilot the skimmer.”

“I’m coming too…” you say softly. You have a weird gut feeling.

“Shocking,” Poe says behind you. You elect to ignore him.

It’s a long ride out on the skimmer, the ocean spray making your hair and clothes stick to you. You can feel Kylo as you get closer. Finally, next to one of the metal trenches that sticks above the ocean waves, you climb atop it with Finn. The two of you can see Rey and Kylo fighting and it looks serious. Your gut flips, your instincts telling you something is wrong, really really wrong. Finn had already started running, but he doesn’t have the additional help of the Force.

You put some power into your legs to run faster than any normal man. Your heartbeat pounds against your ears, speeding as if it too knows something bad is going to happen. As you draw near your eyes widen, seeing what’s about to happen, before it actually does. A small vision of Kylo’s own blade striking him. Why would he allow that kind of opening? But sure enough, his eyes widen for a moment and he completely freezes up. An opportunity Rey does not miss. Reaching the two, you shove Kylo to the side with your left shoulder just as Kylo’s saber, ignited by Rey, pierces you. “Fuck…” you wheeze under your breath, eyes wincing at the pain. 

“Y/N!!” They both scream, worry etched into their faces. Rey immediately deactivates the blade and you stumble forward. Kylo catches you, sitting down to pull you into him. You give a faded, wheezing laugh, “S-Sorry…” But the damage is done. It would have hit lower on Kylo, but on you, it hit just above the bolt wound at an upward angle. It likely hit the bottom of your lung as breathing quickly became difficult and you were having trouble gasping for air. Kylo’s hands hovered around you, one settled against your cheek and the other over your wound. You easily leaned into his head with a small smile.

“You shouldn’t have done that!!” He hissed, though his voice was strained, cracking with emotion.   
“Missed… you,” you murmured to him softly, eyelids slowly closing.   
“Don’t you dare!” He croaks, his hand moving from your injury to grasp your hand tightly.

You thought it would hurt more as the bolt did. But you feel strangely calm and at peace. Though you’re saddened by the grief-stricken expression crossing Kylo’s handsome features. 

Rey kneels before the two of you and places a hand over the wound. It slowly heals and you take a large gasp of air, feeling whole again. But you stop her before the wound is fully healed, “I’m good enough now. You can’t heal with the Force like it’s nothing. It takes your life energy and gives it to another. It’s not really a good thing to use all the time,” you muse. But you yelp as Kylo pulls you into a hug. You laugh, returning it, “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s all my fault,” Kylo laments, head buried against your neck.

Rey stands quietly before saying, “I would have joined you. If you were Ben Solo. I should not have attacked you out of anger. And I’m sorry at the loss of your mother.”

You freeze, “Leia died?...” Kylo pulls you tighter. That’s why he paused and it gave Rey the opening. Rey takes off running and you call her, “Rey! Where are you going?! Rey!?” But she hops into Kylo’s TIE Whisper and flies away without a word. You turn to Finn and Jannah. Finn had sadly watched Rey depart and neither of them wanted anything to do with Kylo. You nodded to them and they left.

Alone with Kylo you finally whisper, “Are you ok?...” You still sat in his lap as he leaned forward, pressing his head into the crook of your neck. He slowly shakes his head. Your arms around his chest tighten and you ask, “Want me to do anything?...”

“Don’t put yourself in harm's way for me ever again,” He rasps, voice broken. It hurts your heart to see him this way but you murmur, “I don’t know if I can do that, dearest knight. For you would do the same for me.” You force him to finally look up at you and you grin at him. “What do you want to do now?” You ask him, tilting your head.

He stands and you go to follow him but he forces you to sit back down. “Rest. You didn’t let her fully heal you. Give me a moment,” he says. You nod, he seemed rather thoughtful so you let it go and watched as he walked a distance away to pick up his discarded saber. He stares at it for a moment before he seems to talk to someone. You tilt your head quizzically. You can’t hear what he says, the crashing waves against the rusting metal deafening. But you watch as his face twists in sorrow and regret. Your eyes widen, you’ve never seen Kylo show so much emotion before, at least not  _ that _ kind of emotion. He usually considered it ‘weak.’

Worried, you go to stand but hiss slightly at the soreness of the wound in your chest. It’s manageable but damn does it sting. You hope Rey didn’t waste too much to heal you. You always knew you’d be a good healer, having already had the discussion with Master Skywalker which was cleared up well with your heritage from Master Kenobi. You glanced up to see if Kylo had noticed your fumble but almost screeched as you watched him toss his saber into the ocean. Did that mean what you thought it meant?...

Ignoring the pain, you fully stand, mouth agape at him. Seemingly done with whatever kind of conversation with whatever apparition you couldn’t see (not that any of that is ever new), Kylo trudges back over to you. “You… just…” you stutter, unsure of what to say or more accurately  _ how _ to phrase it. He breaks out into an awkward grin, which causes your eyes to light up and a huge smile plastered across your face. Ignoring your injury, you charge at him, barrelling into him, “Ben!!”

He gave an ‘oof’ followed by a small chuckle but kept the two of you from falling over. “Sorry to worry you malla…” he murmurs softly, patting your head as you nuzzle into his chest. But you suddenly lean back, punching him hard in the arm. Ben yelps, rubbing at it as you say furiously, “You had me worried  _ to death _ . Literal death, not figurative!!” You growl at him, hands on your hips as he frowns. “Mm... yea I’ve done some stupid shit…” he mumbles, turning away to glance off to where he’d thrown his saber. You deflate at his expression, so sad and remorseful. The feelings are clear as day through your link. You don’t sense the hatred anymore, the anger. Any hate he has left is to himself. You know what he’s like when he’s thinking straight. He’ll hate himself and berate himself more than anyone else. You sigh, stepping to the side to slam a hand into his back.

Ben stutters, stumbling forward to glance back at you with bewildered concern. “Ok, moping time is over. Time to get our shit together. What’s happened has happened, we need to move forward to improve the current situation,” you say with a grin, crossing your arms across your chest. He grins that stupid, idiotic, heart-melting, butterfly-inducing, boyish grin that so easily gets to you and that you  _ hate _ to love. “Sounds like a plan,” he muses. Face red, you scratch your cheek to try and hide it from him. But he smirks, walking up to place a gentle kiss on your lips. “Hey, hey, no distractions, we need a  _ legitimate _ plan before shit hits the fan ok!” You squawk nervously. Ben chuckles at you and you just pout, you want it to continue but the two of you  _ absolutely _ have more pressing matters.

“Like how the  _ hell _ are we getting off this rock?” you whine, looking back to where Janna and Finn left. Ben looks around, pushing the black wet locks of hair out of his face. “The DS-2 Death Star had plenty of hangars with Imperial TIE Fighters. By the looks of this wreckage, I think one might not be far from here,” Ben says before tossing off his cloak.

You gawk, “Can we  _ get _ to them from here? And more importantly,  _ will they even work _ ? Have you seen the state of this thing?!” You also want to know how he knew so much about this place but you figured that’s a question for another time.

Ben turned to you with a quirked brow, “Got any other ideas?” You puffed your cheeks indignantly and he smirked, “Didn’t think so.” He tilted his head for a minute and motioned you closer to him. You give him a skeptical look before stepping closer. His right arm winds around you as his left palm rests against your wound.

You yelp as it stings a bit and he gives an awkward smile, “Sorry… I want to try to help you as you’ve helped me.” Biting your lip with a blush you nod, how can you say no to thhaatt?? Ben puts all his concentration into his work and before long you feel the pain ebb away and the spot is completely healed. Though your clothes are still a bit torn. You grin, pecking a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, I’m in tippy-top shape now.” He smiles back to you with a nod before removing the restricting tunic he wears. Now he’s down to just the grey undershirt. You smirk, “Not that I’m exactly complaining, but what’s with the wardrobe change?” He sticks his tongue at you, something you haven’t seen him do since the two of you were kids. “All the layers are too stuffy. It’ll be easier for me to climb like this,” he says though he scoffs, “Though I wish it wasn’t so light, it offers no protection...”

You laugh, “What a baby. Come on, lead the way if you know where we’re going.” Ben rolls his eyes before running across the metal trenches. There are several places where the two of you have to jump across to another section of traversable debris. Luckily for the two of you, as Force users, you could each leap much higher and farther than normal people. Before long Ben’s lead you inside of the massive superweapon. It’s an odd climb in a few places, where the walls of hallways have now become the floor and ceilings. Imperial Stormtrooper helmets and armor are littered around, most cracked or smashed. Your skin shivers at the thought of all the lost lives. They were all the clone troopers… your heart stings at the thought, thinking back to the stories your grandfather told you.

Ben interrupts your thoughts, “Were you… serious that Force healing isn’t something you should constantly do?” He sounds worried and you chuckle a bit behind him as the two of you carefully, but quickly make your way to the hangar. “Yea. When I realized it was about the  _ only _ thing I was decent at, Master Skywalker put me under Master Shiharta,” you mused.

“She was a healing specialist, right?” Ben calls back to you.   
“Yep, she taught me a lot. Force healing takes your life force and gives it to another. If you use it in small amounts and sparingly, it won’t affect your lifespan, especially for Force users that can potentially connect with the Force to regain it slowly over time. However, if you use too much in a short span of time, it can eat at your energy and kill you,” You reply.

“So you shouldn’t have been healing me all this time,” Ben says, upset.

“See, that’s where I have special clearance,” You laugh. He throws you a confused look over his shoulder before he continues forward as you say proudly, “Master Shiharta said I would be a great healer because I had a large life force surrounding me. I’m not fully human, my lifespan is approximately twice as long. So I’m able to not only heal more but also spend more time regaining any lost life force.” Ben pauses for a moment turning back to you with a sad expression.

He starts to say something but falters so you put a hand on his arm to coax it out of him. “Are you… are you sure you want to be with  _ me _ then?” He asks quietly, looking down at your ring. 

You bark, “Of course I am!! What would give you such a hair-brained idea?!”

Ben gives a sorrowful smirk, “You’d be married to an old man, wouldn’t you rather have someone to grow old with?...” 

You blink, giving him a blank stare, “Oh. I never even thought about that.”

“Y/N, you can’t be serious…” He looks flabbergasted. 

You laugh, “I never thought of being with anyone  _ other _ than you, you giant goober. No matter what.” You squeeze his hand in yours and he seems to relax.

“Come on! Stop worrying over the small stuff, we got bigger problems,” you laugh, running ahead of him for a moment to pull him along.

He frowns, “Yes, yes we do. Y/N! Stop running ahead, you don’t even know where we’re going!” 

“Well then stop being a slowpoke!!” You grin, earning a challenging look from Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love poly relationships they're just so cute ;w; <3 I was all about Poe and Finn originally but then I saw stuff for Poe, Finn, AND Rey and I was like YES <3 I just feel like it's a really interesting dynamic lol I also thought Rose would be chill in there too but I also feel like she never had much connection with Poe or Rey (because I mean yea she spent the whole second movie with Finn so lol)
> 
> Originally I was going to still write the dialogue between Han and Kylo but it seemed odd to switch from her POV to his POV back to hers for something that seemed like it was going to be so short 🤔But if I feel the need to expand upon it, it can be a little chapter after the "end" of the story
> 
> AAANNNNNDDD He's back~ back again~ grab a friend~ I've caught myself correcting writing Kylo then going "oop" and having to fix it to "Ben" xD She's not going to harp on him too much about what he did as Kylo, mostly because I imagine he'd have the same thinking that I do sometimes. I'll do something wrong and it backfires in my face and I get so angry and upset, but it's all geared towards myself. No one can hate me more than I hate me, and when people tell me "You shouldn't have done that" or something along those lines, nothing infuriates me more (mostly because it makes me feel like shit *even more* and I'm like yes I get it I'm a dummy, I'm aware).
> 
> I also love her slight personality shift, she becomes a bit more forward because she's no longer worried about stepping on his toes vuv 
> 
> I'm kinda fudging some logic on what I know about Force Healing but I'm just running with it lol
> 
> The movie yadda-yadda's right over how he gets off Kef Bir and how he was able to navigate to Exegol. After a light google search there was apparently a book written that explains he had enough knowledge of the second deathstar to find a tie fighter, get it working, and zoom off. But it wasn't super clear on how he landed shortly after Rey or how he got to Exegol in the first place. I'm also going to yadda-yadda over the second part in the next chapter xD
> 
> I probably feel like I have one to two chapters left in the "main" storyline 😱 After that it'll be post-sequel stories or snippets of random things. If there's anything anyone wants to read more about with these two drop me some suggestions and I'll keep them on my list C: After the "last" chapter, I'll probably try to do a few small snippets before getting into the next story (which sneak peek it's called "Altered Echoes" and I'm hoping it's going to be a lot of fun~ It'll mostly be through Ben's POV which I'm also super excited about).
> 
> Last thing! I've done some more art and posted it on [ www.convenientcat.net/balance ], one sketch was based off this chapter and then if you want to get a sneak peek at what Ben, Batali, and Alli look like post-war (or most likely by the end of ch22 or into ch23, however it happens) you can check that out. I actually included some of my sketches of Ben, they suck sorry QwQ Not huge spoilers to post-war but mostly clothing looks and I wanted to try sketching a cute Ben TwT;;;
> 
> Hope everyone has a good day/night <3 <3 <3 <3


	22. Exegol

Entering the hangar, several of the TIE fighters were piled up at the “bottom” of the room from the crash into the moon’s surface. The remaining ones along the walls had a couple that clearly couldn’t fly due to sustained damage but there were a few that looked like they could. “Check around for any that look like they’re in good condition. Call to me if you find any,” Ben says, before taking off to the far side of the room. You nod, traversing this side. It’s a bit odd as the hanger is at a weird angle. What was once the floor is now too steep to walk without good foot or handholds. And it careens backward, if you were to slip, you’d fall into the pile of mangled metal and glass that was once a fleet of fighters.

You’re climbing the wall behind the TIE fighters, still locked in place, to reach them. At each new one you reach, you open the hatch to climb in and try to boot up the system. Most are dead or suffer some kind of damage that wouldn’t enable safe space travel. Your head perks up as the sound of a sputtering engine and you peek out the current fighter to look across the bay. Ben is in another one, trying to get the system back up and running.

“Is that a good one?!” You yell over as loudly as possible.

“I think so!” He calls back, voice muffled from within the cockpit.

Sighing with relief, you hop out to make the journey over to him. You were getting a little nervous neither of you were going to find a working one…

At his fighter, you pop your head over the open hatch, “How’s it going, flyboy?” He’s on his back, head, and shoulders underneath the main console as he pulls and reorganizes wires around. You grin, hiding it in your hands. You shouldn’t be so happy to have your Ben back, what with the looming threat of Sidious and death to peace and all, but  _ damn _ he can make you so easily forget it all. “It would go quicker if you’d stop daydreaming about me and come help,” He huffs. You laugh, whoops, your feelings were being projected through your link again. “Alright, alright,” you muse, clamoring inside the small space.

“How can I assist you, technician?” you playfully ask.

“See the button next to the ignition switch? The circular one between the rectangular and square ones?” He asks. You hum in confirmation. “Press it when I say so.”

“Yes, sir,” you purr.

“Don’t do that,” he grumbles.

“Did I find another weak point?” You call, a grin spreading across your face.

“You are amazingly calm and amused for the current situation we find ourselves in. Again,” he counters. You shrug your shoulders even though he can’t see them as he works under the console. “What can I say, my Ben Solo has that effect on me,” you muse.

He stills for a moment and you can feel his hesitation pass to you. You frown slightly, asking quietly, “You know… Ben and Kylo, they’re  _ both _ you. Just one more in control than the other. Ben is level-headed and clear. Calm when making decisions. He still gets moody and mad and all kinds of grumpy.” You laugh at some of your memories of him, you’d pester him because he’s just so  _ fun _ to tease when he’s being a grumple. “Kylo is full of anguish and rage. What’s happened has happened, I said it before, but we just have to keep moving forward. Just like the part of me that  _ enjoyed _ hurting others…” You shiver at the memory. “I didn’t like hurting them because I could, I liked the fact that I didn’t feel weak or powerless. That I could turn their stares of hatred or pity into something else. Although now I recognize I turned their expressions into something far worse; fear and pain. But I did those things and that part of me will always be there.”

You bend down a bit to grab the crook of his elbows and pull him out so you can stare at him. “But understanding is the first step to moving forward. You don’t have to forgive or accept that part of yourself, but you do need to understand  _ why _ or  _ how _ that persona came to be in the first place. Mine was out of sorrow for my losses and anger at those making light of that,” you continue, voice soft. “I know it’s hard and I know your situation is different than mine, mine was a much shorter time in comparison. But you  _ do _ have people that are here to support you and help you, no matter what. So you know what?” You ask with a smile.

His expression was amazed and you could tell he really appreciated it. His eyes looked a little watery, but you weren’t about to pick on him for it. He gulps. “What?...” he finally asked, voice small and cracking slightly. You could tell he worked up a lot just to say that. Kneeling down beside him, he sits up so that the two of you are much closer together. You give him an affectionate grin, “I love you. As  _ you _ , Ben.” He gives a breathy laugh like he didn’t know what else he was expecting. “I love you too, malla,” he rumbles, placing his forehead on yours. You hum happily, kissing the tip of his nose before asking, “Alright, you ready to get this show on the road?” Ben makes an awkward grin, “Um, one sec…”

He ducks back underneath the console, you snickering beside him. After a moment he calls out, “Ok! Press that button now.” You stand and press it. The TIE fighter stutters for a moment, lights flickering but it does eventually roar to life. “Alright!” You whoop as Ben crawls back out of the space. “Next annoying question to answer! How the hell are we navigating to Exegol in this thing?” You ask. Ben rubs the back of his neck, “I think I know the way in my head.”

“You’re shitting me,” you say skeptically. Everyone needed a bloody  _ wayfinder _ to get to it before.

He smirks, “You doubt your knight, queen?”

“The queen doesn’t doubt, but the queen is concerned. And also doubts,” you laugh as Ben playfully growls at you. He presses a quick kiss to your cheek, “Trust me. Now buckle up.”

——

Ben miraculously lands the Imperial TIE Fighter on Exegol. He runs forward from the ship but you pause. You grin at the fighter next to the Rebel Alliance X-Wing, taking a moment to appreciate the two once ‘enemies’ sitting side by side. Feeling prepared, you run to catch up with Ben. He’s already at the weird stone lift, but with it already at the base level and no way to bring it up you watch him eye the giant statues. “You’re not seriously about to--” you scoff but he interrupts you by doing exactly what you thought he was.

“Ow…” he wheezes after jumping and grabbing a hold of one of the statues.

You gave him a flat look, muttering, “As cute and funny as that was, we have Force powers, my dude…” You sigh, before using the Force to jump to the statue but instead of sticking it, you leapfrog between it and the other statues and walls within close proximity. This easily enabled you to land effortlessly on the floor. You glanced up, throwing Ben a smug smirk. He grumbles something under his breath you don’t catch but eventually, he makes his way down.

“You should try working smarter not harder,” you muse. Ben rolls his eyes before taking off and you follow suit. “Come on, Rey is this way,” he says, but slows to a stop at a splitting path. You go to ask him what’s up when the Knights of Ren stomp up, entrapping the two of you. You immediately pull out your orange blade, narrowing your eyes at them with a growl. You take a defensive step towards Ben. Not that you don’t think he can’t handle himself, but without a weapon of  _ any _ kind, you’re a little concerned. But he gets that far away look like he’s about to talk to someone who isn’t actually here. 

Recognition clicks and you grin before watching him reach behind him before pulling out a blue lightsaber. You grin as Ben throw’s a haughty “well?” shrug at the knights. They all grip their weapons tighter before charging at the two of you. You and Ben fight in tandem, easily bending and twisting around the other to ensure you’re both protected and keeping the knights on their toes. The two of you have downed a couple when Ben pauses for a moment. You cover him but he looks at you in concern, “Rey’s having trouble…”

You nod resolutely, “Go! I can handle the rest. The galaxy needs the dyad to win.” You give him a big grin and a thumbs-up, before downing another knight.

Ben nods before taking off. One of the knights goes to chase him but you block his path, hissing, “Where do you think you’re going?” There’s only four of them left but it’ll be a smidgen tougher on your own. With Ben officially out of sight, you play more defensively than offensively. You spin your tonfa saber to consistently catch their weapons either to block or pull their weapons right out of their hands. You throw one weapon, turning to block an attack, as the previous knight lands a heavy fist into your side. You yelp before growling, twisting your saber to cut off the hand that hit you before slamming a boot into his chest and kicking him into the wall. You’re able to take them down slowly but surely until there’s only one left.

He runs at you, but you slide under his swinging ax-styled weapon before aiming your blade at him. The Knights of Ren’s weapons are more compatible with combating lightsabers, making your task a little more difficult. A feeling creeps its way up your spine, cold and foreboding. You feel it through the link you share with Ben, a link that’s flickering. Your pause leaves an opening for the last Knight of Ren, with you barely managing to parry it. He fights you a few moments longer until you feel the link with Ben fade till it disappears. Panicked, you fight the Knight with haste. Because of your rush, he lands a few blows; a slice across your shoulder, and a couple of nasty bruises you’re sure to find later. But in the end, it’s your blade that’s run through his torso.

Without Ben’s link to guide you, you take off down the direction he’d gone. Brows furrowed in worry, you wished you could also sense Rey the same way since they’re bound to be in the same place. You run around for a while, your anxiety only increasing, but are unable to find the right path. Each corridor looks like the last with no indication of which way is which. There are a few moments where the entire place seems to quake and an instance where cracks spread out from the walls around you. Then you feel your link with Ben breathe again, light and barely there but existent all the same. Now with something more to track, you make your way closer to him.

It still takes you a minute, with the link being so weak still, but you finally enter the now-demolished Sith throne room. You breathe with relief as Rey and Ben sit beside each other. “Rey… Ben… thank goodness…” you sigh, heart settling to normal. Ben turns to you, with a wide grin before he collapses. “BEN!” you screech, voice cracking as you run to him. His skin is cold and you pull his head into your lap. Scrunching your face in determination, you know you can do this. You have one hand under his head and the other against his chest. You close your eyes but Rey grabs your wrist. “Y/N, he healed me. If you try to heal him, what would happen to him will happen to you…” she says softly, pleading. You shake your head, closing your eyes again. “No, it won’t,” you promise before you put your all into healing him. Your palm against his chest cannot feel his heart beating beneath it. “Stupid, foolhardy, idiot…” you whimper under your breath. “If you had waited  _ two more seconds _ I would have been here…” you whine, leaning down to place your head on his. Against your will, tears flood your eyes and drip down onto his still cheeks. “Please… please don’t go…”

You continue healing, even though his skin doesn’t warm and there seems to be no sign of life. Even Rey has given up on him. “Y/N--” her voice is small and filled with heartache but you snap, “I’m not giving up on him!” Your left hand under his head moves to his shoulder, pulling his upper half closer into you. “I’ll never abandon my knight…” you sob, trying to ignore the inevitable. Your hands shake, shivering against your wishes.

You jump at a chilly hand over your own and look up with wide eyes. “And this knight will never leave his queen…” Ben rasps with a pained grin. “A-Are you ok?...” you ask, voice strained as if you don’t believe what’s happening. He sits up facing you, rubbing the back of his head. You note that the scar that marred his face as Kylo Ren is no more. “I’m sore but I think I’m oka-- OOF” You tackle him, peppering kisses all over his face before sitting back. “Don’t ever ever ever  _ ever _ scare me like that again!!” you sob, hastily wiping your crying eyes. Ben smiles softly, putting his hands on your cheeks. He’s slowly warming back up and his thumbs wipe under your eyes. “Sorry malla,” he murmurs, planting a kiss on your forehead.

“I guess I’m on even playing field with you now,” you choke out a laugh.

“What do you mean?” Rey asks from behind you.

You turn to her with a grin, “I’m part Sephi, my lifespan is… or was twice that of a human. But I just gave half of it to Ben.” You hug him again, sighing contentedly.

Rey laughs, “So if he’d waited a few moments, you would have been able to heal me.”   
“Yes, instead we tossed our energies about,” you said with a side of salt.

Ben scratches his cheek awkwardly, “I wasn’t exactly sure how far off you were but the galaxy needs Rey more than it needs me…”

You groan, “ _ No _ . The galaxy needs  _ both _ sides of the dyad. That’s literally the entire point of keeping a balanced scale.” You puff your cheeks, annoyed Ben would think so little of himself. He chuckles, ruffling your hair, “And the dyad needs the ‘fulcrum’ to stay aloft.”

You roll your eyes, “Not even…” You hear explosions above you and the three of you look up to see the Resistance fleet, accompanied by many, many, many other ships beating the living hell out of what is left of the First Order. Your heart drops and you hope to check in with Vik and Eri soon for a status update.

“So what’s next?” you ask quietly. Ben shrugs with no apparent care but Rey looks down at the lightsabers in her hands. “I have an idea. But first things first, we need to go rejoin the resistance.” Ben winces, looking away.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go…” he murmurs. You and Rey both frown, but can’t really argue. “I have an idea for us,” you say with a soft smile, laying your hand against his arm. Both he and Rey look confused so you laugh, “I have many within the First Order who were instructed to turn against the Order when the Resistance attacked. I would like to check in with them if possible.” Ben still looks unconvinced, but he gives a small nod.

“Rey, when you’re done with what you need to do, contact us. I know the perfect place to meet up,” You muse. She nods as you hover over Ben as he stands. “I’m not so fragile, you know,” he smirks. You huff, “Says the man who almost  _ died _ .” Ben rolls his eyes as the three of you make your way back to your ships. The two of you wave Rey off, flying off in what she has alerted you is Luke’s old X-Wing from way back when.

You end up contacting and meeting up with Vikor, Eriwen, and a few others on SL-569. Ben patches up some of your wounds from Exegol with gauze, finishing just as they land. You run up and give each of them a hug. “I’m so glad you all made it out ok!!” you laugh, finally able to breathe easier. Vik laughs, “With all that prep you gave us Kip, there’s no way we’d fail.” Eri comes up, laying a hand on Vik’s arm with a nod, “We were together. We protected one another. And we all prevailed. Thank you, Y/N.” You sniffle, waving them off. “You all are the ones I should be thanking,” you laughed.

‘ _ Just take the compliment. You did a lot for them _ ,’ Ben murmurs to you through your shared link. You can feel the pride radiating from him and you scratch your cheek as color rushes up them. You glance back at him to see him grin at you, only making you blush harder. That’s when everyone else notices him too. Ben had been leaning against the house, in the shadows, hiding in an attempt not to be noticed. But he looked a little nervous with everyone quietly staring at him.

“Everyone, this is Ben Solo. The son of Han Solo and Leia Organa and who was once Kylo Ren. He saved the Jedi Rey from dying, and assisted in the defeat of the Emperor,” you said with a smile. Ben shrank back even more but you just gave him a warm grin. He relaxed, smiling back to you. You could tell that not everyone still liked him. “Whether you like him or not, I do. I’m not saying you have to like him, forgive him, or work with him. I’m just telling you the facts,” you say honestly and sternly. No fighting with Ben.

They all nod but Vik runs over with a grin, wrapping an arm around Ben’s neck to pull him down a bit. “So you’ll be available to go with us and pay for those celebratory drinks Y/N promised, aye?” He laughed loudly. Ben looked unsure of what to do but nodded, “Uh, sure, I can do that.”

“I bet I can drink your puny ass under the table,” Vikor grins in challenge.

Ben huffs, “I highly doubt that.” Your eyebrows raise in amusement, that should be interesting.

“So when are you going to marry him?” Eri asks, having snuck up beside you. You jump, face flushing a deep crimson. “Oh, uhm, I’m not really sure, we haven’t actually discussed it yet…” you whisper quietly. Eriwen chuckles, “Well there’s never any rush, I just assumed you’d be all over having a big ceremony now that everything's done.” You giggle, looking over to Ben who’s now having some kind of silly altercation with Vik over who would be better at bar games. “A little, though I don’t really have to have any kind of ceremony… Just him being back and beside me is enough,” you muse.

Eri rolls his eyes, “Ugh, gross. So sappy.” But there’s no bite in his voice and he smiles. You scoff playfully, “Oh yeah? How about you and Vik?” Eri blushes bright red before crossing his arms, “It’s perfectly peachy. He… was a bit stubborn for a while when I told him about my past. He needed some time to think. But when he finished he just roared ‘I don’t care what pieces you had before or have now or whatever! You’re still Eriwen!’ He’s so crazy...” Eri smiles softly at the memories, warming your heart. You smile, “Good, I knew he wouldn’t judge you based on that.”

Eri laughs, “And thank  _ you _ for not judging me either. There’s a lot within the Order who wouldn’t work with me or kept calling me-- well you know…” You nod in understanding, patting him on the shoulder. 

After a bit more chit-chatting, you tell them all to go back to their families. Take a break, take a vacation, take some time to themselves. You told them that when they’re ready and if they want to, you might have some work for them later on. You and Ben see them off, watching their ships jump into hyperspace. You yawn, leaning your head against Ben who snickers at you, “It’s not night here yet. It’s just after noon.”

You scoff, “Yeah well it’s been a long-ass day. I mean  _ literally _ . Pasaana, Kijimi, Kef Bir, and Exegol. So, so much has happened today. I’m pooped.” You yawn again. You’re not even startled when Ben bends to pick you up in his arms. You just blink, yawning again before your head lulls against his chest.

“I guess it’s time for us both to rest,” He muses, yawning himself.

“Mmm,” you respond, rubbing your head against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like he'd be pretty nervous to be called "Ben" again. Like he feels like he doesn't really have the honor to hold the name anymore. Plus I wanted to put a little more emphasis on the fact that he's not an entirely different person. "Kylo" is still there, the dark will still be there, it's just how to understand it. BUT that's how I feel about all that stuff, hence why I enjoy a 'balance' and 'grey' theme so much <3
> 
> I always forget I write through the movie-bits so much more quickly because ya'll already know it all and I'm not trying to make you read what you've already seen that's just boring. Plus the movies happen so quickly just because they're movies LOL so I feel like a lot of this was rushed but at the same time I didn't want to deviate so far from the movies (they were of mixed review, they have problems but I think every media will, even my own but I enjoy them nonetheless. Except the end of TROS for two reasons but I digress >_>;;; )
> 
> I do kinda wish I coulda avoided the death scene entirely (and I suppose I could have but I was trying to stick to like the movies rip) because a character dying without a purpose, only to be brought back because of a happy ending is actually a story point I don't like. I just feel like the scene loses a lot of weight because we *know* it's going to be cutesy but 🤷♀️I did the thing already lmao   
> [Like as much as I HATED Ben dying, it felt justified. It matched his storyline with Vader/Anakin and was his final act of redemption. I didn't like it because sad but I also didn't like that we only saw Adam Driver's Ben for like a whole two minutes and what we did see was cute and hilarious and awesome and then POOF dead -_-;; I definitely think the scene would have had more weight and would have hurt more if we'd seen Ben swap earlier on and then maybe saw just Rey facing with her own demons till the end BUT it is what it is]
> 
> Fun note I've technically only seen TROS once, the day it came out in theaters. I've been using wookiepedia's entry for the movie to follow the events, then when the movie did come out on Disney plus I was too lazy to re-watch it xD But I watched CinemaWin's "Everything Great About" videos for TROS and I pretty much agree with him 100% I also really enjoy the way he makes videos, he just wants to showcase what's great about movies even if the movie wasn't universally liked. As he said, somewhere, it's someone's favorite movie and he wants to find the good points. I still like CinemaSins too because they point out legitimate flaws and are otherwise really funny. I think both are really great BUT OH MY GOSH I GOT OFF TRACK LOL sorry ;w;'' In the CinemaWin's video, he pointed out that Rey healed Kylo's face scar and I was like WHAT I c o m p l e t e l y missed that. So then I had to go hmm keep scar? Remove scar? I really like scars tho... buuuttt it makes since that the scar would disappear as he *officially* returns to being Ben so I kept in line. 
> 
> I imagine Vik being like the most badass, nicest Irishman around. Gosh I love Vik, I should really do sketches of all my side chars TwT;;; He's a bit shorter than Ben, so he's quite literally tugging Ben down a couple of inches LOL (Will I be writing a short story about them all going to get bevs and Ben getting drunk? yes. yes I am.)
> 
> Ooohh boiii I think the next chapter will be the "Final" chapter *o* bonkers;;; I never thought I'd ever complete a project so big before QwQ <3 <3 Thank you all for following me on this weird journey! next chapter might be pretty short as the "end cap" so I'm going to try to add in a few fluffy things here and there and try to give a really in-depth look at where these characters plan on going from here though I'm sure you all know where I'm leading them lol


	23. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A limitless future awaits.

You wake up the next morning with a large stretch, accidentally bumping into Ben. He grumbles a bit, furrowing his eyebrows without ever opening his eyes. You giggle, taking the moment to trace the contours of his face. You can’t contain your joy or excitement. The two of you are finally  _ free _ . Free from the control of others and the weight of a war upon your shoulders. Your fingers linger across the left side of his face. The scar that would have forever marked him as “Kylo Ren” is gone. You hope that in time he’ll allow his own soul and mind to heal just as his body has. 

Ben finally rouses, blinking an eye at you before giving a big yawn. You peck a kiss onto his lips, “Good morning~” He grins, now fully alert. “Mm, morning…” he murmurs, voice thick with sleep. You narrow your eyes suspiciously at him, you know that gleam in his eye. Mischievous and planning. You make a face of your own, going to playfully growl at him but he easily flips you, pinning you on your back with his fingers laced between your own. “What is my knight up to this morning?” you muse, narrowing your eyes.

Ben gives a haughty smile, “I think you’ve been in charge for a little too long and that it’s gone to your head.” His eyes glitter of a dark promise within those deep brown pools and you shiver, but are not so easily swayed. But if he wants to play that game, you’re more than willing to be a challenging adversary.

You bite your lip, looking up at him through your lashes. “I don’t think this is the way to treat your queen. I’m  _ supposed _ to be in charge,” you almost whine. Mmm, you love having your Ben back. He blushed but quickly tried to hold resolutely. Unfortunately for him, he sat against your thighs, close to your pelvis. It only took a bit of wiggling before he began to melt. He loosened his grip and you pounced forward, shoving him onto his back on the bed. You gloated with a laugh, “And the  _ queen _ likes to come out on top.” Now he’s bright red, but he doesn’t fight against your hold to press him into the covers. You press your hips to his slowly, leaning down to place a kiss against his neck.

When you’ve sat back up to glance down at him, Ben’s gaze held nothing but affection and want. Your own blush deepened, those sincere gazes are always the things that get you, damn. You chuckle, looking across his face, “Although, I think I’ll be a little sad now that you don’t have your scar.” You hum to continue your game until his eyes widen as he processes what you just said. “Wait,  _ what _ ?” he asks, easily sitting up and setting you to the side of the bed as he makes his way to the refresher. Well, at least he gives you some  _ semblance _ of control you suppose…

You huff, crossing your arms, “Shit, I wouldn’t have mentioned it if it’d stop our fun…”

“Oh my stars, it really is gone…” you hear from the adjacent room. He sounds so in awe. With a chuckle you stand to go lean against the doorframe to watch him as he glances at his own face in the mirror. “Did you not look in the mirror since Exegol?” you ask with a laugh.

Ben shakes his head, “Not really… didn’t really care too…” He sounded a bit sad at that so you let it go. “I just… never expected it to disappear…” he breathes.

Raising an eyebrow you ask, “Did you think it was going to act as a brand your entire life?” He doesn’t reply but looks away from his reflection. You sigh, walking in to sit up on the counter. “You basically died. Then you were healed and brought back, with that life force, all of your scars were healed. It’s a second chance at this whole crazy life thing,” you muse. You grab his hand, twining your fingers through his. “How do you want to live it?” you ask with a smile as if you didn’t already know the answer.

“With you,” he replies easily, smiling back to you.

You smirk, “That’s good, any other answer, and I would have kicked your butt right off my planet.” He laughs gently, a sound you’ll never ever get tired of. Ben goes to say something when his stomach growls loudly. He blushed in embarrassment while you burst into a fit of giggles. “Come on, flyboy, let’s make something to eat,” you chuckle, hopping down to head to the kitchen.

Shocking no one, Ben isn’t much of a cook. So he claims the title of “Supervisor” while you work. Though you weren’t aware the title’s description was “clingy.” As you worked at the stove, he stood behind you, arms wrapped loosely around your middle while he bent down to set his chin on your head. Sometimes he’d swap and put his head against your shoulder. It was cute, no doubt about that, but a little impeding upon your current task.

“What are you doing?” you rumbled with a laugh.

“Making up for lost time,” he replied contentedly.

Your mind clicks and you sadden slightly. The entire year between Crait and Exegol was… mixed to say the least. It had its ups and downs but throughout the majority of it, the two of you hardly saw each other. Not to mention how strained it became a few days ago.

Feeling your gloom, Ben’s arms tighten around you. “I know that ‘sorry’ will never be enough for all that I’ve done to you,” he murmurs quietly, painfully. Your eyes narrow with a frown. You would, you love the prickly idiot. As you think silently for a moment, you plate the food before it burns. You turn in his arms, his brown eyes sad as he looks back to you. “A ‘sorry’ wouldn’t. But a ‘promise’ might,” you say, meeting his gaze. He blinks in confusion so you elaborate, “Promise me we’re in this together from now on. We can’t stop from having a few tiffs here or there. But working through them will make us stronger. Even when we’re mad at each other, we’ll fight together. And always have each other’s backs. Right?” You grin and hold up your pinky.

His eyes widen as recognition hits him. The night the two of you fled the burning school, just before he committed to the path as Kylo, Ben made a promise with you.

He laughs, “You never forget anything.”

You blow a raspberry, “I do. But I like to keep the cute ones up front.”

Ben rolls his eyes with a smirk, “What are we, 10?” You laugh as he mimics his line from before, his grin spreading across his cheeks. Nonetheless, he locks his pinky with yours, pressing his forehead to your own as he vows, “I promise to do my best for you.”

You hum in approval, “For us  _ both _ and I will be satisfied.”

You press a quick kiss to his cheek before grabbing the almost-forgotten plates of food. The two of you sit at the counter so you can go through your datapad while you eat . You send a message to your family, they probably already heard some things but you figured you’d clarify with them. You also wanted to let them know to tell Alli that as soon as you and Ben finish a few things, the two of you will be by to pick her up and bring her home. Permanently. You also receive a message from Rey.

“Hey Ben, Rey’s going to pick out a kyber crystal first and then will meet with us in a few days. Do you want yours back?” You ask, motioning to the blue crystal of his you laid on the kitchen counter the night before. He glances at it, brows furrowing. You grow a bit worried, but when he speaks his voice is clear and determined, “I won’t use lightsabers anymore.” Your eyes widened and he smiled softly at your reaction. “I’ve done a lot of harm with them and I don’t think I have the honor to use such a weapon. I’ll still have the Force and I can use a blaster just fine,” he says simply. You blink for a moment but slowly nod, “Sure, if that’s what you want.”

“Well, first things first, I think we need to go shopping,” you muse, standing with a stretch.

Ben immediately frowns, “Again?...”

You scoff, “The fuck you mean ‘ _ again _ ?’ It’s been  _ months _ . And now that this war has ended and I’m back to being a bounty hunter, my schedule is a bit easier to maintain. I want to wear cute and nice clothes that I normally wouldn’t get to wear because the possibility of having to jump into a fight was around every corner.” He still frowns at you and you start to dramatically whine, “I wanna wear dresses and skirts and heels and do my hair all cute and not just pulled back all the ttiimmeeee.”

“Alright, alright, but while we’re on the topic, what are we doing now?” Ben asks seriously.

You tilt your head, “Hmm?” He tries to form the right words before actually articulating his sentence. “My, uh, ‘job’ is nonexistent now. Are we just going to be bounty hunters?” He asks, face growing so stern and meticulous. You smirk. “Sure. I mean I’ll still be one for sure, you can choose whatever you’d like. Although if you did become a hunter we could go on missions together and can take higher bounties,” you purr to him.

“What about Alli? We can’t leave her here unattended,” he says with a huff.

You laugh, “You’re right but I have a probable solution for that. But let’s wait until we talk to Rey.”

Ben quirks an eyebrow at you but nods all the same. You can feel the curiosity radiating from him and you know he wants to ask so badly. But he’s trusting in you, which is secretly earning him extra brownie points. “Besides, we need to go shopping if you want some weapons and ways to carry them. You may even want to look into some clothes that will assist more in your new style of fighting.” 

He nods, “That’s true.”

After eating, Ben takes care of the dishes since you did the cooking. You smirk into your hands as you lean your elbows on the countertop watching him. You never thought you’d reach this point, where life is so… simple. It probably won’t stay this way. You have no doubt the two of you will get into trouble again eventually whether it’s on a hunt or not. But it can’t be  _ nearly _ as bad as before. 

“Done, ready when you are,” He rumbles, turning back to you as he dries his hands. You grin, standing up to go and peck another kiss on his cheek. Ben tilts his head and you snicker, “You just look so…  _ domestic _ .” You were kind of expecting a grumpy response. But you got the opposite. He laughs, warmth in his brown eyes where you once found a chill. “I guess I do. Hopefully it sticks around…” he murmurs with an awkward smile before rubbing his neck, “I like this. Us, living like this.”

Your smirk widens into a toothy grin, “Oh boy, I bet you can’t  _ wait _ for Alli to be here forever then, huh?” His face immediately falls at the realization and you burst into a fit of giggles. “W-Well, I mean, she can’t be  _ that _ bad. We had that room installed for her during that break and she wasn’t too bad the week she was here,” Ben rambles slightly.

You laugh, “Yea, she wasn’t too bad. It was a week of her full attention. Luca and my moms have been trying to give her a good education too, there’s a small school near the Skine College that she’s been attending. I hope to keep up a similar rhythm.”

You send an official reply to Rey before chirping, “Ok I’m ready!” The two of you head to your ship and you let him pilot since you’re feeling lazy. “We should probably buy you a ship too, that Imperial TIE Fighter isn’t a great look so we only have this ship right now,” you say, stretching your arms above your head in the seat. “We don’t need  _ two _ do we? We’ll always be together,” he huffs, a bit like a kid. You snort accidentally, followed by your laughter. Ben looks over and smirks at you but quietly listens as you respond, “We’ll be together 90% of the time, but what if I need to visit my parents for a second? Or one of us has to go to the bazaar to run an errand? We can’t leave one of us on the planet without a ship. Trust me, as much as I hate shelling out for a new cruiser, we need to.” Ben relents with a sigh.

At the Bazaar, you make some of your usual stops for supplies, clothes, and accessories. In a couple of shops you coerce Ben into trying some things on. You hummed in delight as he stepped out of the changing room. You sat on the waiting chair, watching him look in the mirrors at himself. Licking your lips, you think those clothes look  _ great _ on him. Especially from behind. Smirking, you send him a dirty thought through your link, to which he just scowls at with pink dusting his cheeks. “Be serious,” He growls, brows pinched angrily. You roll your eyes with a huff, before giving him a serious look-over. It’s fashionably simple, dark pants with a dark button-up though the button up wasn’t clasped  _ all _ the way up, which you thoroughly enjoyed. His shirt was also rolled up above his elbows and he had a light-tan vest over it. Then he upgraded his short boots for taller ones.

“Is that the protective vest?” You ask.

Ben nods, “I liked that it could protect from smaller knives and such. These boots also have a small section on the inside for a hidden blade.”

Your eyes widen and you jump out of your chair, “Aw, what?! Do they have any in my size?!” He chuckles at your antics as you scramble about the store. In the end, you both walked away with packages, though he  _ insisted _ on carrying the heavy things.

The Bazaar had both large indoor and outdoor shopping areas. The indoor areas consisted of huge shops or things that needed to be indoors to keep out of the elements or keep charged. The outdoor shopping areas were smaller, like stalls set out along the streets. These were family-owned and operated mostly, and customers had more flexibility to barter and trade with the seller than they would inside the large stores. The two of you walked down the thin road, your hand clasped in his, looking over stalls for weapons he might like.

You watched as his keen eyes scoured almost every weapon. He’d look at the melee weapons similar to your old swords but Ben seemed much more interested in the blasters available. You’d just watch, amused, at how he would pick up the guns to carefully examine them. It was quite a process he had and in a couple of instances he asked the sellers if he could dismantle and reassemble them to see the interior components to make sure everything was in working order. After a while of debating and deciding, he ended up with an array of handheld blasters and a couple of rifles. A good starting collection for a bounty hunter you think. He also picked up a blaster holder to hang off his right hip.

The two of you head back to the port to load everything into the ship for safekeeping. Exiting the ship again you stretch, “Well, ready to go break bank?”

Ben huffs, “The new ship doesn’t need to be  _ exorbitant _ , it just needs to be good.”   
You grin, “Well it’s your ship, your choice.”

Once again in the shop, you watch as he meticulously combs through the virtual catalog of ships for sale. The shop was designed so that an attendant didn’t need to be there the entire time. It was a small station with a little couch and a table, which held a projector to bring to life the vast array of ships that can be sold. Ben is easily able to use his hand to spin ships by viewing the 3D renderings and is even able to zoom in to see details like the engines, bridge, sleeping quarters if available, and more. He carefully goes through each ship, patience you didn’t realize he had. Except for this time you’re getting a little bored.

Yawning, you lean against him on the couch before whining softly, “Aren’t the ones you’ve been looking at all brand new? They’re not used, so they’re all good to go.”

Ben mumbles, “I am looking for a particular arrangement of additions to these vessels.”

You narrow your eyes before musing, “You just want it to be  _ faster _ than mine.”

He stutters for a moment, cheeks pink, “W-What? No, I do  _ not _ .” You stare at him intensely for a moment as he frowns before sighing quietly, “It’s not the  _ only _ thing I’m interested in…” You snicker, officially laying down into his lap to stretch out like a cat.

“You never change,” you purr, glancing up at him.

He rolls his eyes with a huff, “Neither do you.”

“Why thank you, I know you would just fall apart without me,” you laughed.

Ben took so long to decide, you’re pretty sure you dozed off a couple of times with your head in his lap. You know you did at least once as you were awoken by him nudging your shoulder, “Come on, malla, I’ve made my choice.” You sit up with another cat-like stretch and a yawn. Ben rises to go meet one of the sellers but you ask before he runs off, “We’re getting food after this, right?” He laughs lightly with a nod before turning back to his task. You shake your head of the grogginess before following him, albeit a lot more slowly.

With his ship purchased, the two of you ate at Patall’s restaurant before flying your respective star-cruisers home. The next day the two of you spent cleaning and reorganizing the house a bit to get it ready for company, the day after you went and visited your family, picking up Alli who was  _ ecstatic _ about living with the two of you full time. On the third day, Rey, Vik, Eri, and your brother Luca are to meet with you and Ben here on SL-569.

With everyone gathered around your kitchen, you wrap your arm around Rey’s shoulder. “We’re going to start the school back up!” You grinned, garnering several looks. Vik, Eri, and Luca had no idea what you were talking about, Rey was a little embarrassed to be in the spotlight, and Ben was shocked. “Seriously?...” Ben asked, tilting his head.

You nod, “Uh-huh. And everyone here, but you-” you poked Alli in the side who only giggled in response, “I would like to request becoming a teacher.” Every pair of eyes went wide at that.

A chorus of voices rang out.

“I-I’m not fit to be a teacher…” Ben mumbled.

“What the heck would I teach?” Luca laughed.

“Wait, how would I be useful, I don’t know anything about the Force,” Eriwen reasoned.

“Can I get to teach them how to fly?” Vik grinned.

You laughed, calming everyone down to explain properly. “Rey and I have discussed this a bit. We want to rebuild the Jedi way without the exclusivity or harshness of what the Jedi Order once was. It will be a school for all, Force-user or not. There will be classes on all subjects from literacy, arithmetic, science, technology, combat, and more. Well rounded where younglings can come to learn how to be a Jedi or how to be a technician or both. There’s no reason a Force-user can’t be trained as a Jedi and hold a profession they would love to do. Like me, I like being a bounty hunter, being a Force-user is just a bonus.”

“Just call yourself a Jedi, you already are one,” Rey scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Am not,” you pouted, leaning back to cross your arms.

She mimics you with a smug look, “Oh yeah? What makes someone a Jedi?”

You narrow your eyes but reply, “Someone proficient in the Force but willing to continue to learn and grow. A peace-keeper by nature but always a protector and teacher…”

Rey turns to the others in the room musing, “Did she not just describe herself?” Everyone nodded with grins turning your face bright red. You mumble under your breath as Rey continues.

“Obviously the school would start small, a single student,” she looks to Alli who immediately gasps and jumps up and down. “Yes!! Me!!” She squeals. Rey smiles with a nod, “Not only do we need an array of masters in different professions to teach these different subjects but also because we do not have an endless supply of funds. To keep a school like this running, Y/N plans on taking bounties to ensure the school is fully funded.”

You cough, calmed down enough to nod, “Ben and I can take higher-level bounties together and so can Lucabay. This will allow us to pay staff, pay for construction and upkeep, and take care of the kids. Rey will also be traveling to find younglings gifted in the Force and alert them and their parents that there is a school for them to train should they wish.”

“We will ask for donations or tuition if they can afford it, but we also don’t want to press it on them either. We want to make sure any youngling can get the guidance they need. I’ll also be trying to protect those in need where I can,” Rey says resolutely.

You nod in support, “The campus will be built here. All of us are capable of protecting the school and it’s students while some of the others are away, another reason to want so many of us.” You turn to Vik and Eri stating, “This job opening is available to any and all First Order employees who need a job. We’ll need help building the school and it’s facilities and keeping it maintained. And they’re more than welcome to become teachers if they have anything they’d like to pass on.” The two nod with soft smiles.

“So what would  _ we _ even teach?” Luca huffs with a grin.

You smirk at him, “You would teach self-defense and hand-to-hand combat.” You turn to Viktor, “I’d like you to teach flying and team-building exercises.”

He grins, “I’ve also been known to grow a mean garden if you’d lend me the space I’d be happy to try and supply our own food. Until we outgrow it, that is.”

Your eyes sparkle, “That’d be great! Yeah, you’re more than welcome, the only part of this planet I’ve ever really seen is mainly this part.”

“Eriwen, I know you’re well versed in many subjects from literature to arithmetic if you’d please be so kind?” you ask.

He nods, glancing at Vik, “I’d love to.” The two grin at each other as you turn to Rey.

“Rey will be the main teacher of the Force, I’ll be secondary with survivalist techniques such as hunting and surviving in the wild.” Finally you turn to Ben, who jumps at your warm gaze.

“I can’t teach anything of any value…” he mutters, brows scrunching together. You smile at him softly, “I actually think you have something very important to pass on. Understanding and working through emotions,” you say softly. His eyes widened but before he can rebuttal you continue, “That wouldn’t be your main thing. I think you could teach marksmanship with blasters. But we all learn from a young age how to deal with our emotions. Our anger, our sadness, our loneliness. I think they’ll need guidance from someone who’s gone through so much and has grown so much too.” Ben looks off, looking a tad upset but you can tell he doesn’t like the others staring at him so much.

You walk over into his line of sight to grin, “Sound ok? If you don’t like it you can always just be head of security.” He purses his lips, a bit unhappy for a moment before he finally sighs, “Fine, ok, I’ll try.” You beam at him but he only huffs at you. With all that settled everyone gets down to planning out the structure, the costs, all the nitty-gritty. You even wanted to build a stable and see if Janna or some of her tribe would like to teach animal husbandry. Mainly because you  _ absolutely _ wanted a herd of Orbaks on your planet. You didn’t have too much room to offer on your planet for everyone to sleep just yet, but they all could easily sleep in their ships for a while. Everyone was set in their task, leaving you, Rey, and Ben with one last step before officially dedicating yourselves to this new life.

The three of you traveled in Rey’s ship along with BB-8, landing on the desert planet of Tatooine. You and Ben walked behind Rey and BB-8, following her lead. You could feel Ben’s anxiousness through your link and you wrapped your arm in his, “It’s a little nerve-wracking to see the place Master Skywalker grew up.”

Ben’s hand laced with yours, tightening, “That and this is the planet where my grandfather was born.”

You squeezed his hand back musing, “And where my grandfather watched over Master Skywalker. Funny how important this one little planet turned out to be.”

Your troop of four comes up to the place Rey has led, abandoned for many years. There’s no way down except for a large sandhill. Rey begins looking around as you feel a strange tug. You turn, staring off into the distance. “What’s up?” Ben asks quietly.

Your brows push together and you tilt your head, “I dunno. I want to go find out.” You dash off, hearing Ben call to Rey, “We’ll meet with you later!” before he’s caught up to you. It’s hot racing through the desert without any reprieve from the scorching sun but you can’t seem to slow down. Something’s calling to you and you need to find it.

Eventually you slow to a halt in front of a small hut. Your breathing is ragged as you look over the building. It’s old, worn away in some parts with most of the ceiling collapsed in. You pull your shirt up to wipe the sweat from your brow before entering quietly. Ben is behind you, following with interest. Inside, it looks relatively normal and bare. Almost everything about this place is empty. But there’s this itchy, nagging feeling you can’t shake. You walk around until you come to a wall, somewhat buried in the rubble. You push, pull, and dig the debris away while Ben assists you until you can see the bare wall. It seems normal and untouched but you  _ know _ something is here.

Carefully feeling around each brick you stop against one. It feels warmer somehow, not physically but it just does. You dig at the dirt beneath it before you're able to get your fingers under it and wiggle the brick out. It scrapes at your hands a bit but you’re able to finally pull it out. It’s dark but you can see a small tin box inside. Tilting your head, you reach in and pull it out. Sitting in the dirt of the small hut, Ben sits beside you silently pressing his shoulder to yours to let you know he’s here for you. Opening the box reveals a myriad of letters that you begin reading silently.

[Hi dad! Sorry we missed you, we came by to let you know Garith and I officially engaged! We were hoping you’d be able to walk me down the aisle, we’ll check in later to see if you’re available.]

The next letter was stained with teardrops.

[Hey dad… I’m so glad I got to meet you and I’m so glad you got to help that boy like you wanted to. I know now why you weren’t here. Garith and I did get married and we kept coming by to check on you. One time we ran into that boy you were watching over and he told us what happened. Thank you for meeting and loving my mom. Thank you for all you’ve done for the galaxy.]

[I decided to keep hand-writing letters to you. It’s just… comforting that way. Every time I miss you, we just drop by for a visit. We felt like this was probably the best place for you to be connected to as a resting place. Plus it’s where I met you so it just feels right. See you later, dad.]

[Garith and I are expecting a baby! We’re so overjoyed to start a family of our own. He just wants one but I want at  _ least _ four. He’s a big boy, he’ll get over it. Our first is going to be a little girl. I hope she takes after you. How cool would that be?! If she is, I want her to train under Luke. He seemed like a good man and anyone you’ve trained I know will be. Well, not to mention he saved the galaxy and all that. Anyway, until next time, dad.]

{Mr. Kenobi, Hytal convinced me to write a letter to you as well. I do not know what about. Well, I guess I could say that our little girl was born healthy. Absolutely beautiful. We decided to name her Y/N. Hytal decided on it and it’s a gorgeous name. I can’t wait to see her grow up. Although I fear I’ll have to keep a blaster on hand for all the suitors she’ll bring to my door. If she shows any connection as you do, we’ll be searching out for Master Luke. We heard he was rebuilding the Jedi school. We hope to be strong supporters of it if we can find it. He can be a hard man to track down. We’re about to leave, Hytal wanted to stop by and show you the baby and wanted me to write you a letter before we go. Rest in peace.}

By the time you’ve finished your hands are shaking, tears streaming down your cheeks. Ben, having read along, tugs you closer. “B-Ben, these… these were from my…” your words are broken up by sobs and his arms tighten around you. After a while of getting the crying out of your system, you wipe your sleeve across your eyes. You carefully fold the letters back up into the tin box, grabbing it as you stand. Ben carefully follows you as the two of you exit the hut. You lay a hand against the exterior wall glancing at it quietly before looking out over the horizon. The two suns were beginning to set on the horizon.

You breathe deeply to calm down your nerves, your grip on the worn metal container tightening. “Are you ok?” Ben asked carefully, unsure of how to proceed. You sniffle slightly but smile softly all the same, “I’m ok. It’s more relieving than anything to find this.” You tug the container close to your heart with your right hand as Ben’s right melds with your left. “What do you want to do now?” He asks quietly. You grin at him, “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the major storyline folks. I have a small list of short stories I want to write about with these characters (like Ben going with her and Vik and Eri to get celebratory drinks and getting drunk lmao) so while the main story is completed, there will be more chapters and goodies to read for a while yet. You can also request some stuff I'll be totally chill with it~
> 
> I'm basically posting this as soon as I finished writing it at 2AM Monday morning of which I have work at 8AM oof;;;;; so I hope everything is jiggy lol
> 
> I cried writing her parents letters; they were so so incredibly happy to start a family and it was ripped away from them :'C It's not fun but it happens in our world too (which is one of the reasons I'm a strong believer in adoption. If I ever have kids, I'd rather adopt someone who doesn't have a family than bring one into the world. That and I have ZERO appeal to carrying a child for 9 months, being in pain, then proceeding to clean up shit and teach it how to go to the restroom on it's own. Sorry, if I wanted to teach something how/where to go potty, I'd get a dog lol;; but to each their own)
> 
> Anyway THANK YOU for reading all of this and following it and all that mushy mess <3 I hope you've enjoyed it and I hope the ending felt fulfilling and I hope I tied up most ends relatively neatly vuv I do have some other Kylo stories in the works (One with the Solo-Triplets Ben, Kylo, and Matt I'm pretty stoked about) and I have some original ideas I'd like to write about too. So if you liked my garblety-gook and would like to read more from me, keep an eye out :D I'll be around I'm sure~
> 
> My art for this story has been updated on [ https://convenientcat.net/balance/ ] and the 7th page has my snippet story list of what short stories I plan to be writing about for these characters and what order I plan to release them. You can also submit a short story request there too if you want! And she and Ben are now officially bounty hunters too so you can always submit a 'bounty' for them to hunt (and feel free to give rules and stipulations they have to follow >:D ). There won't be a defined update schedule I'll be trying to stick to anymore, they'll just happen as I finish things vuv
> 
> I let this drag on again but SUPER DUPER BIG THANK YOU AGAIN for reading and following <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I hope to continue writing fun and entertaining stuff! C:


	24. Extra: Celebratory Drinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’d promised Vikor and Eri you would all go get drinks when all this was through.  
> And with Vik’s insistence, Ben went along too.

Ben lands his star cruiser into the docking bay close to the bar Vik wanted to meet at. You hopped out, with Ben close behind. Eri was already waiting for you to show you the way. You ran up, giving him a huge hug, “It’s so good to see you again!”

Eri smirked, “It’s only been like a week Y/N...”

You pout, “Yea but I was so used to seeing you guys like almost every day...” Eri snickers at you, patting you on the head like a kid before leading you and Ben to the bar.

Ben stays quiet behind you and Eri, arm and arm chatting the entire walk. You can feel the nervous energy radiating from him and you let go of Eri to run back to him. Eri politely continues leading the way a little ahead to give you and Ben some space. “You don’t have to be so anxious,” you murmur to him warmly, threading your hand through his. His brows pinch together as he looks down at the ground. “I-I don’t know. You all would probably have more fun without me, I don’t--” he stutters awkwardly before silenced by your kiss to the cheek. He takes a deep breath and you smile softly, “What has happened to my brave knight? Afraid of a simple get-together with friends?”

He laughs slightly but you can tell it’s a little forced. “Y/N, they’re your friends, not mine. They only invited me out of… kindness,” he replies.

You huff, “Vikor is trying to be friends with you, let him. Then you’ll have friends there too. Eriwen’s a great guy too, you should try  _ talking _ to them more.”

Ben opens his mouth to rebut but the two of you are interrupted by Vik running out of the bar ahead. “Finally!! The show can start now that the bar tab is here!!” He barks playfully, referring to Ben who said he’d pay for the drinks. 

The four of you make your way into the bar, grabbing a circular booth to be secluded from others. You and Eri are sitting in the center with Ben and Vikor on the outsides. Still feeling Ben’s nervousness, you grasp his left hand under the table with your right. “How’s everything going you two?” you purred, leaning your chin against your left hand. Vikor rubs the back of his neck awkwardly with a grin while Eri smiles warmly, “It’s going well. We want to take this time slow to enjoy each other’s company before we officially join your academy.”

You roll your eyes with a grin, “ _ Our _ academy.”

Eri laughs, “Of course, of course, forgive me.”   
“Have you decided on a name for the place yet? Continuously calling it ‘the academy’ is a little bland, dontcha think lass?” Vik asks after already ordering the first round of drinks. You glance up to Ben, who looks back to you quizzically and you cough to clear your throat. “W-Well,” you mumble, “Rey and I have been discussing it and I think we came up with a wonderful name…” Ben’s curiosity, along with everyone else’s, is piqued. “Are you going to enlighten us or keep us with bated breath?” Eri muses.

“Alderaan Academy is what we wanted to name it,” you murmur, watching Ben’s eyes widen. You smile, “We thought it would be a reminder to tell the stories of those before us and to inspire hope and justice into those coming after. As well as a homage to its last princess.” 

Eri grins, “I think it’s a beautiful name. I remember the stories my father told of that incident. It’s truly sad.”

Nodding you add, “We also wanted to name the different wings after the planets who were… who are no longer with us after Starkiller.”

The drinks arrive and Ben is stunned into silence. “You know, you’re going to have to speak sometime, mate,” Vikor laughs, clinking his glass against Ben’s. He gives a strained smile, a start at least, “I think it’s a good name with a noble intention.” Vik grins, agreeing with a nod.

There’s some food ordered and everyone talks for a while. But before long it becomes evident that Vik is challenging Ben to see who can drink the most without getting hammered, and you’re honestly very interested to see how this plays out. For now, both men are still coherent and normal while you and Eri gingerly sip at your drinks. At some point, Vik and Ben began talking about starships, engines, and tech that goes way over your head. Eri nudges you, “So have you decided on a date yet?”

You laugh, pulling your drink closer to your lips, “A date? For what, like opening the academy?”

Eri rolls his eyes with a playful smirk, “Like a date for a  _ wedding _ .”

You instantly turn bright red, which Eri chuckles at, and you somewhat hide behind your cute, fancy drink. “A-Ah, well, no, we haven’t. We’re happy with this and things just keep popping up so…” You murmur, glancing over to the oblivious Ben Solo. Looking back to Eri you whisper, “I… I’m not sure I want one. Is that bad to say? The getting gussied up and people and showering with gifts, it’s so lavish and just… extra… I don’t know if that’s very…  _ us _ ,” you finish with a laugh. Neither you nor Ben really enjoys the spotlight, he more so now more than ever. Eri nods, “That’s completely understandable. I’ll only say this for you to mull over. While at the end of it all is about the two of you, it also plays a part with everyone you invite. You invite friends and family, people who have supported you, and would  _ love _ to see you two dressed to the nines and so incredibly happy.” You glance down at your drink, that’s true. You know your mothers would adore being there to fuss all over you, your dress, your hair,  _ everything _ . Glancing up at Ben before back down at your drink you consider that maybe him seeing all the people that care about him too in one place would boost his confidence back up. Eriwen’s brows scrunch together and he pats your shoulder with a weary smile, “But again, in the end, it’s  _ your _ choice. Everyone you would invite are those who will still understand and support you in not having a large party either. I wouldn’t sweat it, it’s not like it has to happen  _ within a year _ of being engaged or anything. There’s no timeline.”

You smile back up to him, “Thanks, Eriwen, you’re the best.” You take your hands off your drink to give him a warm hug which he snickers at before returning. “Alright, alright, enough mush, before the testosterone’s over there get jealous,” he muses prompting you both to laugh. You sit back up, looking over to Ben and Vik who are getting up from the table. 

You tilt your head, “Whatcha doing there?”

“This bar has a game in the back where you can throw knives, hitting the scoreboard to rack up points. Aye?” Vikor says, turning to Ben.

Ben rumbles, amused, “He thinks he can beat me.”

You snicker, “Well I want to watch though I already know who will win.”

“You can’t just pick him because you  _ like _ him,” Vik huffs, crossing his arms.

You click your tongue at him, “Who said I was choosing Ben? But nonetheless, my decision is based entirely on the knowledge of each of your skills.”

“Alright I’m in, might be fun to bet a little,” Eri muses.

Ben’s thick eyebrows scrunch together, “You don’t think I’m going to win.”

You hold up a hand with an amused smirk, “Eri and I will discuss who we think will win and then we’ll tell you two at the end. That way no one’s going to feel bummed if we don’t pick them.”

“Aw, what? No, we need a ref, give me a sec,” Vik mumbles before running off to grab the waitress. “This is Tilly. She’s great here and I trust her, she’ll referee.”

You frown slightly, “We shouldn’t drag her into this against her will... Miss, would you like to participate?”

Tilly giggled adorably, “Sure! Vik is always pulling stunts, this is nothing new.”   
“I take offense to that,” He grumbles. She laughs, patting him on the shoulder, “Sorry, sorry.”

Your group walks over to the back with Vik and Ben far enough ahead to be out of earshot.

You turn to Eri, “You tell her who you think will win first.”

Eri smirks, “I’m sure it’s the same thought as you. Vik is a good pilot but he’s not a marksman. I haven’t seen a lot of Ben’s action with blasters but I’ve seen enough to know he’s probably a better shot. While knife throwing isn’t the same, one could argue it involves the same amount of aim.” You laugh, “Yep! I was thinking the same.”

Tilly laughs, “That’s so funny! Vik’s aim is usually decent but he can’t get the throw down. He comes to practice sometimes when he’s bored.”

Eri grins, “Duly noted.”

Through a hallway, you enter another large room, sectioned off by barricades. Each section makes a long “trench” of sorts with each trench having a table of knives closest to the entrance and a large circular scoreboard at the end. Ben and Vik already chose a spot and grabbed a handful of knives before stepping to their preferred distance from the board. They each get 5 knives, exactly the same, solid metal with only a colored ribbon around the handle to indicate who’s thrown what. You, Eri, and Tilly all sit in chairs behind them, thankful there are some screens above them with footage of the scoreboard and the boys since their backs block most of the action. 

“None of that magical bullshit,” Vik says somewhat playfully.

Ben just smirks, “Of course, wouldn’t dream of it, you’ll need all the help you can get.”

“Wow, the prince actually has some snark I’m impressed,” Vik banters to a frowning Ben.   
“What? I’m not a prince??” He huffs, confusion all over his face.

You chime in from behind, “I’m sorry, who’s mother was a princess? Her mother before being a queen? That makes yyoouuu~”

His face blooms red and he growls, “I’m not! Let’s just get this started.”

You laugh to yourself as Tilly taps your shoulder, “Is he really?”

“Technically. However it’s to a planet that no longer exists so the title is basically moot,” you murmur. Her eyes sadden but she pries no further. Within the past 60 years, only so many planets have been destroyed. And one well-known princess from those. Assuming she knows anything about all that.

You shake your head, you came for fun not to dwell in the past. Ben and Vik both begin their throws. They’re both landing the knives into the board, but outside the high scoring areas as they gain a feel for how to throw the blades. But Ben picks it up faster, quickly racking up more points to squeak by for the win. He stands haughty, with a smirk, and Vik barks, “Two out of three!!” You and Eri snicker, watching for a while longer. But at the end of game three, Ben still wins two to one. Tilly laughs before announcing both you and Eri had called out the winner correctly, then heads back to work. 

Rolling your eyes at the squabbling men, you and Eri head to the bar to grab more drinks. You order two shots apiece, clanking your first against Eri’s. You reach to grab the second but it’s swiped away from you. Turning, offended, you glare at Ben who downs your drink easily. He grins, a big idiot goofy grin that he  _ knows _ turns you into jelly. He snickers, “We don’t  _ both _ need to be inebriated.” You raise an eyebrow, amused.

“Are you saying you’re drunk dear knight?” you purr, leaning against the bar.

He mimics you, before huffing, “Nope, not at all. Can’t take the risk though.”

Narrowing your eyes, a mischievous grin breaks across your cheeks. Ben  _ is _ getting drunk oh my goooooosshhh. His face is still a bit heated while he hides his slurring words and missteps. To anyone else, yea he’d seem perfectly fine, maybe a little red from the liquor. But you know him the best, if he has too much more he’s going to probably regret it tomorrow if he won’t already. On one hand, he doesn’t need to get smashed; but on the other hand,  _ you’ve never seen him drunk _ . You bite your lip and it doesn’t escape you that his eyes lazily watch you gnaw against your bottom lip before you break out into a devilish grin. Before  _ that _ situation could escalate, Vik wrapped his arm around Ben’s neck pulling him down a couple of inches. 

“You’re not  _ thrashed _ yet are ya??” He cackles.

Ben huffs, “No. Are you?”

Vik laughs boisterously, “Nope!! That means we need more drinks!”

Shaking your head, you head back to the booth with Eri and back to your glass of water. The two of you discuss upcoming events and projects and things each of you wants to do in the future as well as other meetups like this. You were completely engaged with your conversation with Eriwen until you felt a myriad of emotions spark through you making you jump. You turn to the source and see Ben who’s making his way back to you beside Vikor. Well… he’s sorta leaning on Vik which is honesty pretty funny. Ben grins at you and waves and you sputter into a fit of giggles, waving back. You can feel a mixture of happiness, lust, and love radiating from him just from him looking at you.

“Oh my stars,” you wheeze. Ben scrunches into the booth beside you before completely leaning on you, arms wrapped around you, and his head in the nape of your neck. “I guess I win?” Vik laughs awkwardly. You snicker with a shrug. Did it ever really matter? “Y/N…” Ben mumbles barely loud enough for you to hear him. “Y/N… love you... “ he murmurs, you feel his breath ghost your neck and you laugh gently. “I think it’s time to go home,” you muse, looking up to the other couple across from you. They both smile and nod.

You get Ben to the ship pretty easy, he pretty much sticks to you like glue. Eri and Vik make sure the two of you get back on board the star cruiser before they head back to their own. You place Ben down in the small bedroom on board and head for the bridge. You make the jump into lightspeed before hopping out of the seat to check on your knight. “Malla…” he muses with a smile upon your entrance. His growl is not nearly as clean or crisp as usual, but you get the gist. You smile, sitting on the edge of the bed next to his chest, looking down at him. 

“Did you have fun?” you ask playfully.

Ben nods, “A bit. Vik is weird. Good weird.”

You chuckle, “Good.”

“Y/N…”

“Mmhmm?” you smile. Ben doesn’t respond at first, opting for his right hand to play in your hair that’d cascaded down towards him. His face glazes over for a minute and you tilt your head with an eyebrow arched. “What do I do?” he asks quietly.

Your curiosity grows, “What do you mean?”

He frowns, “I don’t know what to do. I haven’t for a while.”

You snicker, “You should do what makes you happy.” Ben sits up, his face inches from yours. 

“I want to make  _ you _ happy,” he says resolutely, brows pinched together seriously.

You grin, “You’re doing a great job, of that, I can assure you.”

He shakes his head, maybe a little more violently than he intended. You laugh, hands reaching up to cup his face with his black hair curling in between your fingers. His face is unbelievably warm as he mutters, “I want to be better for you. Be the best for you.” You kiss his forehead, earning a shocked look. “You as you are is all I could have ever asked for,” you grin. He’s silent for a moment but takes the opportunity to pull the two of you together, crashing his burning lips into yours. You gasp, only enabling him to deepen the kiss including tasting the alcohol on his breath. You finally break away, laughing, “Ben! Stop, come on.”

He leans back momentarily, a smug grin winding it’s way up his cheeks. “You know you love it,” he murmurs, licking his lips. Your pink cheeks burst into red. Cocky prick.

“Y/N…” his voice is husky, deep, and way too tempting.

“Mm?...” was the only valid reply you could manage.

“I haven’t forgotten…” he whispers, laying his hot forehead against yours. You glance up at him, unsure of what he means. He grins so largely you’re sure it’s going to break his face. “Today’s the day we promised to have each other’s backs forever,” his voice is small but brimming with emotion. Your eyes widened. The day the original school burned. It’s probably more sorrowful for him now than joyful. “I always remembered this day. Even when I had my memories locked away. My chest would hurt a lot. Still does. But there’s something else there now too. Hope. Because of you. You’re my light malla, without you I’m lost…” he murmurs, burying his head into your neck and wrapping his arms around you to pull you close.

You laugh returning the hug, “I-I always prayed to any being, any higher power. To keep you safe when I couldn’t. I missed you so much it hurt.” A few tears fell against your will and you sniffled, rubbing your head into his shoulder. But Ben pulls you back, wiping under your eyes with his thumb. “It’ll never happen again,” he murmurs with a grin.

You nod with a serious expression, “Damn straight.”

“Malla?” He asks, with a yawn.

“Yes, Ben?” you ask with a laugh.

“Can we go to bed now?” His voice is quieter now and he rubs at his eye. He’s like a little kkkkiiiiiidddddd!!!! You snicker with a nod, “Of course.” He hums happily before wrapping his arms back around your waist and pulling you down with him. You give a little yelp, startled, but bat at him playfully which he just grins at.

“Night Y/N… love you” he murmurs, pulling you into his chest and rubbing his head against your back shoulder blade. You roll your eyes before replying with a whisper, “I love you too, good night.”

  
You woke as the ship fell out of lightspeed. After your short nap, you carefully pry yourself from Ben’s arms to get back on the bridge and pilot the ship down onto SL-569’s surface. It was night so you just yawned and got back into bed with Ben. Come morning, you were still the first one up, albeit Ben didn’t want to get out of bed due to the nasty hangover he had. And embarrassment, having a clear recollection of the night prior. But he stuck by what he said. You grinned, before letting him continue sleeping on the ship so he wouldn’t have to deal with a screaming Alli. 

“What a dork,” you laugh as you exit the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First round of extra stories~ Something cute and fluffy haha  
> I imagine Ben as a mix between asshole, smug prick, and a nerd. (Basically mixing the personalities of "Kylo," "Ben," and in my case "Matt" the radar tech LOL) But that he gets pretty child-like when drunk. Talks a bit more, is more honest and open, more "territorial" of her etc. lol
> 
> I'm flitting between current writings, new writings, and writing the little side stories for this specific work. I don't want to post any of the big bois until I have more of them fleshed out, so I keep coming back to these short stories for breaks. I've got 4 more extras for this work, one will probably end up being a few chapters long QwQ;; They're just so cute to write help;;;
> 
> My only 'grievance' with these chapters are they're quick and not super well-thought-out, not that chapters 1-23 were *super* thought out but still I consistently worried I'm making big mistakes I'm just a worry-wart lol x'D
> 
> Anywho thanks for reading, I hope everyone stays safe <3


	25. Extra: Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all know Kylo Ren/Ben Solo is a true Disney Prince right? right.

You, Ben, and Alli were taking an off day on SL-569. The three of you had walked around the lake towards one of the treelines, just to spend the beautiful day outside. You’d prepared a small picnic for everyone to have which Ben dutifully carried. After getting to the perfect spot, you and Ben laid out the large blanket while Alli ran around in the forest. “I’m really surprised you came along,” you mused to Ben, softly elbowing him in the side. He rolled his eyes with a soft laugh, “I can’t guarantee my participation in her games but I can at least say I’m here if I’m needed.”

You hum delightedly, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek, “Well I’m  _ very _ glad you’re here.”

“Ahh! Y/N!!” you jump at the sudden screech and calling of your name, nerves on high alert before settling down to see an excited Alli running towards you holding a poor turtle who’s hiding in its shell. You sigh in relief, “Alli, you’re scaring that poor little thing…” She makes a face of realization before going back to place it on the ground. She backed off but continued watching it from a distance as it trotted off.

Chuckling at her antics you hear Ben’s deep voice murmur, “You’ll get back to not being on high alert for danger eventually.” You turn to see him smirking at you. Puffing your cheek you huff, “Well I’m clearly not as well put together as you, Mr. Perfect.” He laughs, sitting down on the blanket, you follow to his side while keeping an eye on Alli. “When I’m here, especially with you, I don’t feel like any danger could befall us,” he muses, barely a whisper as he gazes out over the lake. Your eyes devour his profile, his black hair waving softly in the breeze. After a moment he frowns with a grumble, “Though I guess getting complacent is unwise too...” His brows furrowed in deep contemplation and you snicker.

“Dear knight, if this world is the  _ one _ place we can feel completely safe and at ease then it has served its purpose as our home well,” you purr, leaning against him. Ben hums in agreement, leaning back into you. Underneath the shade of the treeline but out onto the grassy slope enough to get the cool breeze, you’re not sure you’ve ever been more comfortable. You could almost feel yourself nodding off before you jump once again to your name being called.

Alli is running towards you, stopping before jumping up and down on her heels, “Can we go in the water,  _ please _ ?!” You laugh, pulling off your shoes, “I suppose, but just up to your knees!” She squeals, tearing off her shoes before dashing towards the water. You frown, really hoping she doesn’t become a sopping wet mess. You could already hear her complaining about the damp clothes sticking to her skin and being uncomfortable. You also know this part of the lake is much deeper than the section near the house, so you prefer she doesn’t dive under here. Just because you’ve lived here for a few years doesn’t mean you know everything that swims in that lake. “I’ll be here if you need me,” Ben purrs, laying back on the blanket with his eyes closed.

You rolled your eyes as you stood before following Alli. She was already trying to catch the fish in the shallows without much success. You smirk, “That’s not how you catch a fish, young padawan.” Alli giggles before asking with a grin, “What’s a padawan?” You laugh to yourself, oh right. “It’s a student, what you will be at the academy,” you grin. “Oohhh, so are you gonna teach me to catch a fish?” She continues, eyes glittering.

Scoffing playfully with a hand on your hip you muse, “Do I have to teach you and Ben everything?” Alli’s eyes widened, quickly dashing over to you with interest and spraying the both of you with water in the process. “ _ You _ taught  _ him _ how to catch a fish?!” She was nothing short of awe-inspired. You chuckled, “Yep. We even had a little contest.”

Alli laughed, jumping up and down again, “Who won?! Who won?!?”

You put on a heroic pose and huff, “Who do you think? Me, of course,” She about fell into the water, she was laughing so hard. Not that you could blame her, her little tittering was contagious. You regaled her with the story, making it way more intense and dramatic than it needed to be. The fish of course had to be  _ legendary _ catches. 

While you talk you also show her how to hand-catch fish. She flubbed a lot, but your heart swells when she tries so seriously. Alli’s face becomes stoic and laser-focused on her task, undeterred by her errors or mishaps but only seeing success as the final goal. At least with something she  _ wants _ to learn. When it comes to arithmetic, forget it. She gives up easily, running to Ben for him to “help” her. Then you have to come in scolding him not to do her work for her. Eventually, she did catch a fish, a small one but she was proud all the same. Alli held it up, screaming to get Ben’s attention. He lazily sits up before finally getting up to come have a look. “Nice catch, I don’t think it’s as good as what I caught before though,” he muses, making you huff. The two of them  _ always _ seem to pick on each other. You know it’s in jest but you get a little worried sometimes she’ll take it to heart. Instead, she bares her teeth, “I’ll just get a  _ bigger-er _ one!!” You and Ben snicker at her choice of words before you murmur, “Ok, let it go now, you’ve shown him. They can’t stay out of the water forever.”

Alli nods, releasing the slippery creature back into the depths. Ben yawns, “Can I go back to the shade now?” You look over at him, as he squints his eyes, using his hand as a shield from the sun. You snorted a little, laughing, “What?! Our sleeping prince just woke up from a nap and wants to go back to sleep already?!” He frowns, opening his mouth to retort before a shrill squeal sounds off between the two of you. “A  _ PRINCE?!”  _ Alli screeches, looking up at Ben with wide, sparkling eyes. “W-What, no. Y/N, plea--” Ben stutters but you interrupt with a click of your tongue. “We had this discussion before~ Your mother was a princess--” Alli gasps loudly, “and your grandmother a queen,” Alli gasps even louder, “which makes you. A. Prince.”

Ben’s face was officially a deep shade of red, especially as Alli looked at him excitedly. “That’s so cool!! Is that why you wore the cape and fancy helmet?!” She squeaked, sloshing in the water over to him. Your expression sours slightly as Ben’s frowns, he doesn’t look back on his time as Kylo as good in any capacity. Alli’s expression begins to sadden in confusion as the two of you become too somber. You begin to formulate a way to change the subject but Ben smiles slightly, patting Alli’s head. “No, that didn’t have anything to do with it. I was trying to copy someone from before my time,” he murmurs quietly. You can hear the regret eeking from his tone. You felt it was good he’d rid himself of it in the same place his grandfather had abandoned the Dark side as well. Poetic and hopefully a bit more filling to Ben.

An idea sparked within you and you grinned devilishly, “But I think Alli and I can make  _ great _ replacements.” Alli turned, confused but intrigued while Ben scowled. 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Y/N, but--”

“Ye of so little faith, my knight. You should trust me more,” you purred with a smug grin.

Alli ran back over and you bent down to whisper your idea into her ear, telling her to keep it a secret. Ben’s face fell as Alli’s rose, not amused  _ at all _ by this change of events. Alli began tugging on your hand and you laughed, both of you exiting the water.

Some grasses and a little bit of sand and dirt clung to your feet but you knew it would fall as the sun warmed and dried your skin. You and Alli headed over the crest of the hill, Ben on your heels. You turned to wag a finger at him, “Uh-uh, you wanted to stay in the shade. You can stay there until we get back. It won’t be long.” He frowned, opening his mouth to protest but stayed put as you and Alli disappeared over the other side of the hill. The two of you got to work. You made a few in practice to show Alli how to do it. When she got the hang of it, she made one for you and you made one for her. After they were laid gracefully a-top your heads, the two of you worked together to make one for Ben.

With the item in question in hand, you headed back over the hill with Alli trying to hold in her giggles. Ben was sitting back on the blanket in the shade, staring out over the water. He was unusually anxious as his leg bobbed up and down. You had to hold back your own laughter as you quietly crept up behind him, laying the item onto his black hair.

Alli burst into a fit of cackling as Ben jumped, quickly turning to you and scattering a few petals and leaves. The blue flower crown sat cutely on his head, a contrasting color to his reddening face as he realized what it was. He glanced from your yellow one to Alli’s multi-color crown, immediately discerning what had been dropped upon him. He growled, “Was this really necessary?...” You sit beside him with a grin, pecking a kiss to his cheek.

“Absolutely,” you murmured, looking at Alli who’d laid down on the ground she was laughing so hard. “You sure you wouldn’t agree?” you ask, pointedly looking to the chuckling child. Ben scratched the back of his neck huffing, “I suppose… it’s fine… this one time.” You snicker, leaning your head against his shoulder, “Yes of course grumple knight.”

“Are you ever going to stop calling me that?...”

“Are you ever going to stop calling me malla?”

“No.”

“Then there you go,” you replied, looking up at him with a grin.

The day concluded without any other fiascos or incidents. Alli tired herself out, having to be carried back by Ben as she slept. You twined your fingers through his free hand, singing a soft melody as you all walked back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some domestic fluff!! :D  
> Flower crown on our little didney prince was 100% necessary and if I could draw him properly I would lmao
> 
> edit; i did the thing lmao also I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PUT PHOTOS IN LOL I'm not smart ya'll  
> 
> 
> Hi hello, hope everyone's been doing ok <3 
> 
> I always think these cute little domestic-like one offs are super adorbs in my head and then I put them on paper and constantly wonder if they're good enough;;;; Sssooo hope you like it!! :'D
> 
> I have one more little chapter to do before Altered Echoes which I REALLY look forward to!! still no release schedule because I'm basically posting them as I finish them lmao
> 
> I'll probably be posting some other stories soon (Solo-Triplets and an original story featuring mermaids perhaps 🤔 [either that or dragons but mermaids sound like fun lol] being my main focus) hopefully so if you're still checking in on my stuff, thank you so much!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 I know these little stories are NOT important in comparison to the way, way more important real-life stuff happening right now and I hope everyone is staying safe <3


	26. Extra: Mom

“Thanks, Janna!” You beam to the ex-trooper as she leads the last orbak into the field.

She smiles, “No problem, these guys need a loving home. Besides, Lianna and Quitara will stay here to take care of the herd.” The last orbak was light grey and stayed close to the fence as Janna closed the gate. The stable and field had recently been built to house the creatures finally allowing them to be brought to SL-569. “We’re happy to have them, and if they want to bring any other domestic animals they’re more than welcome,” you grin, jumping up onto the fence to sit and pet the orbak. It chuffed happily only increasing your ‘cute’ meter for the adorable horse-like animals. “I’m gonna call you, Orbie,” you snicker mischievously.

Janna cackles, “Orbie the Orbak?”

“Yessss,” you laugh along with her.

You turn at the sound of footsteps and see Ben trudging over. He stops after the harsh glare he receives from Janna. You turn back to her with a small smile, “Thanks for all you’ve done. You said you were going on a journey?” She slowly turns back to you and nods, “Lando is taking me… Well, I know these guys will be in good hands here. I’ll see you around, Y/N.” She waves as she goes, without another look to Ben. You awkwardly laugh waving back to her before she’s well on her way.

Ben finally approaches and you sigh, “I’ll never get over that…”

He smirks, “I should be the one saying that.”

You puff your cheeks, “Whatever. I just want them to know you as I do. But easier said than done. Though I’d rather people have the mentality of Janna instead of some of the other people we’ve had to deal with…” You sigh again. Luckily as ‘Kylo Ren’, he wore a mask 75% of the time so not many beyond the Resistance or the now-defunct First Order have seen his face. But that doesn’t mean the hate is so easily quieted.

He pats you on the shoulder, “Thanks for feeling that way with me, but it’s ok. As long as they don’t hurt anyone else, they’re fine.” You go to object but he interrupts.

“Anyway, that’s not why I came over. Alli is busting ass to try and get over here to see the orbaks. She did not appreciate being cooped up while the animals were being transferred,” He rumbles, scratching his neck. You rolled your eyes. You’d forced her to remain inside while the orbaks were moving from the ship into their new pens. The animals are  _ much _ larger than she is and you were afraid that if something spooked them, her or otherwise, she might get hurt. You sigh, “Ok yea, you can bring her over, I’ll keep Orbie here for her to meet.”

Ben turns with a nod before freezing. “You did not,” he mutters, looking back to you.   
You grinned, “I did.” He sighs before turning and walking back to the house. You stay, holding the reign while petting Orbie. After a few minutes, Ben came back out with Aleia in his arms against his hip. You smirked, so cute. He frowns at your emotion projection but elects to otherwise ignore it. Alli just stares at the giant creature and as she gets closer, her grip on Ben tightens. He raises an eyebrow, muttering something to her. She growls something back to him, before puffing her cheeks and facing the orbak with a fierce look. A look that withers slightly as Ben lifts her, placing her on the railing of the paddock. 

“Alli, meet Orbie the Orbak,” you say with a grin. 

Alli laughs, “That’s a silly name!”

“Why thank you, I thought it was very fitting,” you purred, poking her side.

She laughs more but stills as Orbie’s tusks near her. You pet the animal’s flat nose, “He’s just sniffing you out, seeing if you’re hiding any sweets on you.” Alli gasps, immediately covering her right side pocket. You raise an eyebrow, looking to Ben who shakes his head. “Got something you’re not supposed to have?” you ask nicely, but sternly. Alli freezes as she realizes what she’s done. Dejectedly, she reaches in and pulls out the single wrapped candy. “I see you’ve found the newest hiding location,” you rumble, ruffling her hair. Damn, going to have to start locking this stuff up like it’s liquor. 

You unwrap the candy and pull Alli’s hand close. “Keep your hand flat like this,” you show her, placing the sweet into her palm. Orbie sniffs at the sugary treat, his mouth roaming over before he easily swipes it off her hand. She squeals in delight, startling you for a moment. Orbie huffs before taking a few steps back, also not enthralled with the screeching child. You shush her softly before musing, “No loud noises or screaming ok?” She nods back, but her enthusiasm for the orbaks doesn’t diminish. “Can I ride it, please let me ride it!!” Alli begs, turning to you with her small hands clasped together. You narrow your eyes at her with a small, thoughtful hum. “As long as you  _ obey _ what Lianna and Quitara tell you, you can have some fun ok?” You grin, ruffling her hair. You turn to Ben with a grin, “Thoughts?”

He laughs, “You’re the boss, sounds good to me.” You roll your eyes playfully before looking back down to Alli with a smile, “Well there you go. But I want you to keep in mind a couple of things ok?” She nods as you continue, “All living creatures, including our cute orbaks, have feelings like fear and anger. The difference between us is our understanding and control over them. If the orbaks become scared and angry they might do something that can hurt you, so try to be mindful.” Alli nods a lot more sternly. She’s still pretty young, possibly around 7 or 8 now and while she may not have completely understood what you were trying to impose, she got the gist. Plus, she’s a smart kid, living on the streets as she did.

She hops down from the fence and starts to dash towards the two ex-troopers, now orbak keepers. But Alli stops, turning back to you. She runs up, staring at you very seriously. You smirk at her, grin growing as her cheeks inflame red. You bend down to her, patting her on the head, “What’s up starlight?” She stands there stiffly, staring at you still, making a small humming sound. You start to grow a bit concerned but she shakes her head before barking, “Thanks bye!!” just as she runs off again toward Lianna and Quitara.

Snickering you stand back up leaning against the fence beside Ben. “Well that was odd,” you murmur in amusement. He scoffs with a grin of his own, “Considering she watches and learns from you like a hawk, I’m not really surprised.” You feign hurt.

“Are you saying I’m  _ weird _ ?!” you huff, expression far from anger.

Ben glances at you with a small tilt of his head, “You? Never.” You smack him in the arm but the man never even flinches as you burst into laughter, “Shut up, grumple knight.”

Turning back to Alli, she seems to be having a strict conversation with Quitara. You shrug, assuming it to be about the orbaks and ask Ben, “You know I’m paranoid--”

“Watch her while you go take care of stuff?” Ben mused, asking your question for you.

You stick your tongue out at him, “ _ Yea _ .”

He smirks, “I think I can handle that.”

——

Ben’s been nothing short of amazed since being here. He’s watched Y/N and Rey, along with her compatriots who still don’t like him, take charge of a lot of things like the school. It’s a big ambition to take on making an Academy like the one they envision, but they’re all doing it flawlessly. He always knew Y/N would be a great leader. She shows enough compassion and understanding for others, something he feels he lacks, to combine it with her knowledge to make informed decisions in any situation. She did it in the First Order and she’s doing it here.

Rey is… still Rey. Still annoying but  _ tolerable _ he supposed. Of course, there are very, very few from the First Order or the Resistance who like dealing or working with him now. He is content and understands their feelings and doesn’t push it. He has Y/N and Alli, he can do without anything else.

Ben yawned, leaning against the fence as he watched Alli mount the orbak with the ex-troopers’ help. She was  _ extremely _ enthused, turning to wave to him repeatedly. He smirked, watching her learn how to ride before learning to care for the creature. Ben was content to stand in the sunshine, feeling the cool breeze against him. The lesson went on practically all day. She was basically done when Y/N came back from checking on the build for the school.

After noticing Y/N’s return, Aleia immediately perked up and started running toward her. But in her haste, she didn’t watch her footing as she went to step over some equipment. Alli tripped and fell forward into the dirt with a thud. Ben winced, starting to jog over but Y/N was closer. Alli looked up to Y/N, eyes watering as she started to cry. Ben made a sour face, he  _ never _ knows what to do when she cries. He hangs back slightly, close enough to be there if they need him. “Hey, hey, it’s ok, we’ll get you all bandaged up, ok?” Y/N smiles softly, crouching down to Alli.

“M-My knees hurt, mom…” Alli whimpered, leaning back to sit on her butt to reveal two skinned knees. Not really bleeding but definitely scuffed up. Y/N reached forward and lightly looked over Alli’s palms. “These guys got a bit too, come on we’ll go patch you up,” she grinned, voice cheery. Y/N bent forward to pick Alli up just as Ben’s mind snapped into place and his eyes widened. Woah, wait, hold the fucking phone, did Alli just call Y/N “mom”?! He stared agape at Y/N, now with a sniffling Alli in her arms. She doesn’t seem to have known, or if she did she sure as hell ain’t showing it. Ben scratched his neck, color rising in his cheeks. If… if Alli is calling her mom… does Alli consider him--?... He shakes his head. Nope. No. She probably doesn’t, of course, she’s so attached to Y/N. Hell Y/N did that with her own moms.

‘ _ What are you fretting about over there? _ ’ Ben hears echoed into his mind. Y/N’s voice was light and amused. He glanced up to see her smirking back at him before turning forward towards the house. He jogged forward to catch up before he replied, ‘ _ Did you… did you hear what she called you?... _ ’ She slowed, brows furrowed as she tried to recall the events that had just unfolded. But slowly her eyes widened and her face washed bright red. Ben smirked, heart-swelling at her adorable expression. Y/N turned to him, mouth open slightly, but no words tumbled from her. Instead, her voice squeaked within his mind, ‘ _ S-She!! Called me mom!!! _ ’

Ben could almost physically melt at her reaction. She calmed for a moment as the trio walked towards the house, looking down at Alli who was still sniffling into her shirt. A soft, warm smile graced Y/N’s features and he couldn’t help but mirror it. ‘ _ It makes me so happy… I’ve always wanted a little terror _ ,’ her voice was light and playful before she looked back up to Ben. She didn’t need to ask, they both knew what she was most concerned about.

‘ _ I’ve mentioned before… that while I don’t really see myself like that I want to do what makes you happy. And I want to make the little urchin happy too, _ ’ he rumbles back to her through their shared link. He never saw himself as a father, not after all he’s done. How can someone who hurt so many bring life into the world and give them love? He awkwardly scratches the back of his head. It doesn’t mean that deep down he doesn’t want a family. Ben likes being with Y/N and Alli, it is, at the minimum, never boring.

Aleia still whimpers against Y/N and Ben reaches over ruffling her hair. She looks up to him with teary eyes and he muses, “You want to ride the big scary orbaks but the  _ ground _ makes you cry?” Alli puffs her cheeks out, before quickly wiping her eyes, “NO!” Y/N swats his hand away with a click of her tongue, “Ben, don’t start fights. It’s  _ fine _ for anyone to cry when they get hurt, right?” She pulls Alli closer to stick her tongue at the little girl with a grin. Alli laughs at the silly face.

Inside the house Y/N patches Alli up who’s feeling much better and ready to play. Y/N is called away for a moment because of the academy construction and leaves Alli in Ben’s care. 

“Urchin, I assume you’re ready to eat?” He asks, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

She bounces up off the couch with a gleam in her eyes, “Yes!!!”

‘ _ Shocking _ …’ Ben muses to himself before saying aloud, “Alright, hold on a minute.”

He starts going through the motions, a domestic habit he’s taken up. Y/N is still a better cook but Ben decided to learn some basic things feeling that she shouldn’t be the one making the meals all the time. Normally when he cooks for Alli, she’ll climb up onto the barstool to intently watch him since she’s not tall enough to see what he’s doing. But today, she follows him around intently watching him. Ben is confused but doesn’t pry, feeling that she’s just doing one of those weird little urchin things she does.

Ben makes her a simple little sandwich, something he can’t screw up and Y/N won’t chew him out for giving to Alli. He lays plate down on the table and looks to Alli, who curiously hasn’t run straight to gobble down her food. She still stands beside him, looking up at him. Her expression is a mix between what could either be anger, concentration, or bravado. “Do you want something else? I can get you a--” Ben starts, turning to head back into the kitchen but freezes. He looks back down to see Alli had grabbed his shirt, stopping him.

Her face was now washed a deep shade of red and she won’t look up at him. Blinking in confusion, a bit of worry seeps into him. Ben kneels down to her asking gently, “What’s up, kid?”

She grits her teeth before quietly asking, “C-Can… I call you dad?...” His eyes widened and she frowned thinking she might be denied. Ben smiled awkwardly, ruffling her hair, “Y-Yea, you can call me whatever you want…”

Alli grabs his hand, jumping up and down, “Really!?” Her grin was so huge, how the fuck could he say no to that. He chuckles, as she dives into his chest to give him a hug. Ben freezes, slightly unsure of how to handle the situation. He lightly wraps one arm around her and pats her head with the other. “Thanks…” she murmurs before turning back to her food. “No problem…” He replies softly as she begins gobbling her food.

A few minutes later, Y/N comes back. She places a quick kiss on Alli’s cheek then Ben’s, standing beside him to ask, “Did I miss anything interesting?” He grinned at Alli’s reaction, nervous about what Ben might say. “A snack. Want anything?” He asks Y/N. Alli sighs in relief before she finishes her food, “Can I go back outside to Orbie?” Ben looked to Y/N who nodded, “That’s fine, just be careful…” No sooner had she spoken was Alli out the door. Y/N sighed. Ben mused, “Want me to go watch her?”

She shook her head, “No, no, she should be perfectly fine, I’m just fretting…”

“Want me to make you anything?” He rumbles again, leaning his shoulder against hers.

Y/N’s laugh is melodic and light, “I’m good, really. I’m not in a constant state of hunger like a little red-head we know.” Ben chuckles before cleaning away Alli’s mess.

“There was… one other thing that happened. But Alli doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it,” Ben continues, gaining Y/N’s full interest.

——

You leaned against the counter as Ben picked up Alli’s discarded plate and cup, intently watching him. The tips of his ears had turned a hue of pink as he mused, “She asked if she could call me… uh…” he awkwardly stumbles over the word, like he’s afraid to call himself that. But you have no problem jumping up with a squeal, “She asked to call you dad!?!” He shrugs his shoulders with a nod and you jump on your heels with excitement, “You told her she could right?!” Ben scoffs, “Of course I did, what was I going to tell her  _ no _ ?” 

You laugh, the giddiness of the day filling you to the brim with joy. You didn’t expect Aleia and while she came to you in the worst of ways, you’re so overjoyed that both her and Ben are as close as they are. Even though they sometimes butt heads. “You might regret that when she starts crying for you in the middle of the night,” You muse, leaning against the counter as he cleaned out the dishes.

Ben frowns, “What? She doesn’t do that now, why would that make a difference?”

You smirk, “Well, she might be different; but for me, when I was still calling mom ‘master’ I never got very close to her. I held her at arm's length and her to me. It was just ‘master’ and ‘apprentice’ but when we both accepted each other as family, I would always reach out to her for guidance or when I was sad. We grew so much closer. I was almost an adult by that time but Alli is still a little girl. Under normal circumstances, if a child gets scared in the middle of the night their instinct is to cry out for their parents. But if they don’t have them… they just… cry and deal with it…” A few memories flood you about your time alone on the streets. They weren’t all bad, but it is a harsh life for one so young.

“But now she’s comfortable enough with us and sees us as family. We’ve seen her as family for a while but it has to be mutual. Now she’ll probably come to us, especially  _ you _ , more often,” You muse, going to sit on the couch with a contented sigh. Ben finally follows you, sitting beside you but pulling you into him as the two of you recline sideways so that you lay against his chest.

“Well, whatever happens, happens. I’m just here for the two of you,” Ben rumbles pressing a kiss into your hair. You hum happily, eyes slowly closing for a nice warm nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter was pre bad but this was prrroooobbaaabbbllyyyyy a bit more domestic and fluffy then even I can handle but it's good considering I've had a poop day lmao onwards to a more adventurous story with Ben (which will feature a few return "Kylo" moments lmao cause I already miss his idiotic anger halp) "Altered Echoes" which I'll be hinging the mini-plot of on something I liked from Clone Wars haha
> 
> Hope everyone's been alright <3 stay safe and healthy love you mean it <3


	27. Extra: Altered Echoes 1.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Something isn’t right. She disappeared and when she came back, she came back different. Her family couldn’t explain it. Ben fears for her, there are still those in the universe that seeks to harm him for the wrongs he had committed as Kylo Ren. Or worse, return him to the dark.”
> 
> A story mostly through Ben’s eyes~  
> A sequel of sorts, but probably too short to merit its own little work C:

Rain patters against the roof of the academy, the dark and cloudy skies filled with a howling wind. A constant, rhythmic beep accompanied by a pulsing notification light awakens a now grouchy Ben Organa-Solo. He groans, reaching over to his datapad for the message. It’s the middle of the night, Y/N knows better. Rubbing his eyes, they narrow as he frowns. It’s not from her. Apparently he’d missed a couple of video transmissions and a few messages. One from her brother, Lucabay, and the other from one of her mothers, Kierabi.

He finally sits up, reading through Luca’s first as worry begins to grow.

[Ben, do you know what’s going on with Y/N? She’s acting strange, I can’t tell if she’s pulling a prank or not. If she is, it’s way too elaborate and she won’t let it go. You probably should get here if you can.]

Frowning, he reads through Kierabi’s.

[Something’s happened. She’s physically safe and mentally too, technically. But she went out on a nature trip and when she came back, she has no recollection of you, the war, Alli, nor the Jedi. She thinks she’s been singing in a bar and doing small bounties her whole life. We don’t want to startle and scare her if her memory is gone, you need to be here. ASAP.]

Lightning flashes across the room, illuminating the dark space and Ben’s worried expression. The light is quickly followed by a huge boom of thunder. He re-reads over the messages. Y/N’s forgotten him? His heart sinks and he runs a hand through his black hair before he turns at the sound of crying. “DDaaaddddyy!!” Alli cries, bursting through the door at top speed. Ben huffs slightly, standing to meet her halfway and scoop her into his arms.

  
“What’s wrong, Alli?” He asks with a smirk, her green eyes filled with frightened tears. Another round of lightning booms and she screams in terror, burying her face into his shoulder. He frowns, he wasn’t really built for these situations, Y/N’s much better with her.

His face scrunches in thought before musing, “I thought the little urchin wasn’t scared of  _ anything _ .” Alli gives a little growl, rubbing her head against him, “I-I’m not!” 

“Of course not,” he jokes before adding, “Do you know what sound the Orbak’s hooves make as they run?” Alli nods slightly and he smirks. Of course, she knows. She wouldn’t stop  _ riding _ them around after Jannah brought them. And now she goes to the stables almost every day. Thunder bellows across the sky again as Ben remarks, “I think that’s what it sounds like.” She slowly peers out the window, when the thunder rolls again, her eyes widen.

Alli nods with a grin, “Yea! Just like the whole herd!” Ben chuckles, setting her down on the bed. She catches sight of his lit datapad and quizzes, “Were you working?” He frowns, which she mimics. “No. Your Uncle Luca and Grandmother Kie contacted me,” Ben answers honestly, before beginning to grab his things. Well, he’s already awake now, might as well start. Alli’s face falls further before she whimpers, “Is Mom ok?....”

Oh shit. Ben spins on the spot nodding, “Yes! Yes, she’s fine! They were calling me to come to see them about something as soon as I could.” Alli scrunches her face in that determined way so similar to Y/N and he immediately scowls, “No. Whatever you’re thinking the answer is no.” She bares her teeth at him with a growl, “I want to go!” He narrows his eyes.

“Absolutely not. I don’t know what I’ll be doing. It could be nothing or it might be fighting,” Ben hisses. She stands up on the bed, still significantly shorter than him, and roars, “I can fight!”

He huffs at her, “Not yet you can’t. Besides with both Y/N and I gone, Aunt Rey will need your help to run the Academy.”

He places a hand on her head as she pouts, rubbing lightly. With a sigh he grins at her, asking, “You can do that for me, right? Protect the school and your fellow classmates?” She grumbles something under her breath before clicking her tongue, “Fine.” With that settled, Ben takes her back to her room and continues to pack. At dawn, he goes to alert Rey.

“What do you  _ mean _ she’s just  _ forgotten _ ?!” She hisses at him. Ben groans, running a hand across his face before throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t know! They said she went on a ‘nature trip’ and when she came back she didn’t know anything about me, Jedi, First Order, anything!” He huffs, rubbing his temples.

“Has she forgotten me too?...” A small voice squeaks pitifully from around the corner. Rey and Ben whip around scolding, “Aleia!” Ben breaks first at her sad face sighing, “No, Alli, I don’t think she has but I don’t know.” Alli frowns and Ben gulps. She’s gotten better at detecting lies (and making them too). Luckily, Rey interjects, “That’s why he’s going to her. And  _ you _ will be staying with me. She will be fine I’m sure it’s something like what Ben had before.”

Alli’s eyes widen momentarily as she remembers. She’s heard the stories from Y/N, no doubt. She makes a sour face before muttering, “Fine. But you better bring her back soon!!” She jabs a finger into Ben’s side. Ben smirks momentarily to muse, “I don’t know, maybe I’ll just stay with her a while instead.” Alli goes to hiss at him but Rey pops in again, “For the love of-- Ben, don’t start with her today. If you’re ready to go, then go. Aleia and I will take care of the school.”

Ben rubs the back of his neck with a nod before finally bidding farewell to them. He boards his ship before heading to the Skine College. Luca is the first to greet him upon arrival. “She came back about a week ago and seemed fine. We assumed she was contacting you, Alli, and Rey but after seeing her go ‘to work’ for a few days we began to suspect something was amiss,” he reported as the two men walked from the docking bay to the living quarters of the bounty hunter house. “We asked her when she was planning on going back home, and she looked really confused…” Luca muttered, concern over his baby sister welling within him. “Yesterday, we tried asking her about you, Alli, the First Order, anything and she looked at us like we were bat-shit insane. We thought it’s something only you could properly handle,” Luca sighed, grumbling out the last sentence.

Unfortunately, he was right. If it’s a Force-power that has locked her memories away, Ben would be one of the few that can help her. Ben’s hands clench and unclench at his sides. He can’t really remember a time without her guidance and council. There was that stretch he’d forgotten about her, but one can’t feel the loss without knowing what has been lost. “So she’s at… ‘work’... now?” Ben asks carefully.

Luca nods, awkwardly scratching his neck, “If you’re planning on going to see her… just don’t blow a gasket.” Ben frowns, unintentionally glaring at the bulky man. He throws his hands up in defense, “I can’t help it, it’s just a warning. She doesn’t know she’s in a relationship or that she even  _ likes _ someone, and she’s definitely acting like it.”

Ben’s stomach drops. He never thought of that. His thick, dark eyebrows crease together in worry. “Sooner rather and later…” he mutters, before asking Luca for directions. After being provided the location, Ben trudges off. His mind is somehow both in a fog and overthinking every small possibility. Including the small dark thought that she may never get her memories back. He feels his chest hurt, now understanding more than ever what she’d been going through several years ago.

The bar sign above the small entrance was clear, looking more upscale than, say, a rundown tavern. He sighs in a bit of relief. At least hopefully most of the patrons won’t be abhorrent. Ben pays a few credits to get in, trudging back to where he has to push a curtain aside in a small hallway. The beat of the music is low and deep, the sound seeming to reverberate through him. He enters into a large room, darkened with neon lights around the room, spotlights on the stage. The stage juts outwards a bit from the center like a stunted ‘T’ but singing from it’s raised platform is Y/N. “ _ Hush, hush. Keep your pretty mouth shut _ .” He jumped slightly at her voice. It was as beautiful as ever, but he’d only ever heard soft or pleasant melodies. Never something like this. 

But it wasn’t just that. It was faint, he could feel it tugging on him. The instinctual pull in the Force of someone trying to compel others. Ben clenches his hands, he can easily ignore it because the power is unrefined, like that of a child. She’s probably not even aware she’s doing it. There were booths and low tables with chairs closer to the stage but high tables with tall stools on the upper level. On the upper level, to one side stood the bar.

Ben carries further inward of the lounge area taking the side opposite the bar which was less crowded, opting for a tall table as he was hardly able to rip his gaze from her. Her outfit was revealing, much more than he’d prefer with her standing in front of so many others, but still elegant. He, like many others, is mesmerized as he sat in an open seat at a high-top table. Y/N’s gaze finally caught him and she seemed to jump slightly. It never interrupted her performance, but now she glanced at his direction more than anywhere else. Her expression was rare to him. Dark and demanding, with no room to argue. “ _ Hush, hush. Lose your inhibitions _ .”

A young waitress came to take Ben’s order. Deciding he needed to look rather casual, he ordered some good liquor to sip on. After the waitress left, he noticed many others in the establishment had just ordered drinks as well. Ben almost smacked his hand to his head. Her mind-trick, while subtle and unpolished, is effective. He wonders if the staff have realized that if she sings about getting drinks, the patrons will do just that. “ _ I’ll let you in on my dark side _ .”

Ben wasn’t the only one who noticed Y/N was looking at him more. Some of the watchers closer to the stage began vying for her attention. She had them wrapped around her finger, but one man got a little too handsy. Ben’s hand gripped at the table, his anger bubbling and threatening to rear its head once again as the man reached out to touch her calf. 

Y/N, smirked, still singing, pulling up her high-heeled shoe to carefully, but forcefully, shove the man away from her without him ever touching her. “ _ Show you what hell really feels like _ .” Ben hummed in delight, his own smirk playing across his lips. Her eyes found his once again and her’s seemed to glitter with an emotion he couldn’t quite place. Ben had been trying to reach out to her through the Force but found it difficult.

He could still subtly feel her emotions like he could with anyone, but she was no longer tapped into it like she was before. He could still possibly converse with her mentally, as he had with Alli in the past, but doing so would most likely startle her more than anything. 

Swirling his light amber drink in his hand, Ben finished watching her show. It wasn’t long after she disappeared behind the curtain that she was out, roaming the floor. He frowns slightly at her still in the flashy attire, mainly wanting to beat the living hell out of the unchivalrous characters who  _ stare _ wherever they please.

Y/N checked for him when she emerged, seemingly delighted. He took this as a hopeful sign, the emotion growing as she continuously glanced in his direction as she walked around. Eventually, she got to his side of the room, casually sliding into the tall seat beside him. “Well hello there. I haven’t seen you around here before,” she purred, leaning against the table in a provocative way. Ben raised an eyebrow, never taking his eyes from hers.

“Oh? Though it’s not surprising, I don’t generally come into establishments like this,” he rumbled, a smirk playing on his lips. Her eyes narrowed playfully, musing, “I guess I’m lucky then. What’s a  _ normal _ establishment like for you, Mister?...”

“Lately, it’s been a calm grassy knoll overlooking a lake. Just Ben is fine,” he replies, sipping at his hard liquor. Her eyes crinkle for a moment in a bit of confusion. She seems to shake her head lightly for a minute before smiling, “Y/N L/N, nice to meet you.”   
  
“Likewise,” Ben murmured, trying not to let his downtrodden feelings surface. Her eyes widen for a moment before her brows furrow into a bit of anger, jabbing a finger towards him. “Woah, wait a second. Ben? Ben  _ Solo _ ?” she asks, skeptical. Blinking, he tilts his head before replying, “Yes? That’s me.” She frowns, causing him to frown in turn.

“My family kept  _ asking _ me about you yesterday. Ben this, Ben that, I have no idea what they were on about,” she huffs, laying her head into her left hand.

Heart stung, but not sure how to proceed, Ben opts to change the subject. “That’s a nice ring you have there,” he notes. She panics slightly, hiding it with her other hand. She gives an awkward chuckle, “I’m supposed to not wear it while I’m working…”

Ben raises an eyebrow in question, “Is it important to you?” She frowns, a myriad of emotions flashing across her face. She sighs, “Honestly, I don’t know. You ever get that feeling that something is super important but you can’t for the life of you remember why?”

He hums, “Yes, very much so.” Y/N perks, a bit relieved, before glancing down at the ring on her finger. She gazes at it so softly, with such warmth only she could ever generate. His heart cracks at the thought she looked upon him that way only a few weeks prior.

“Well, whoever they are, they’re very lucky,” Ben muses, somewhat sarcastically. Y/N grinned at him, laughing. Her delight caused him to smirk as she settled enough to murmur, “I don’t… have anyone like that.” Ben’s eyes flashed, chest aching. But he wasn’t shocked, he knew that would be her reply. Her tall stool was not far from his, she was able to lean forward enough to put her face dangerously close to his own. “Though I have no objections to changing that,” she purred, eyes full of mischief. 

Ben’s cheeks are surely tinted in hue, but used to these small moments he rumbles back, “You are unimaginably beautiful, could have your pick of anyone, but would choose me? I am honored.” He bows his head, looking back up to smile warmly at her. Her face flushes a crimson shade and she pouts, only causing his smile to grow wider. “Well, that’s not very fair. Normally this is the other way around,” she grumbles, arms crossed. He laughs, leaning forward on his forearms towards her, “I guess I’m not a very  _ normal _ patron then, am I?”

She smirks, looking back to him, “You most certainly are not.” She leans forward slightly, their faces so close they could feel the other’s breath. “But you know…” Y/N whispers with Ben feeling himself wanting to melt to her whim, “You avoided the subject. So I’ll ask a direct question. Are you the Ben Solo my family was insisting I knew?” He stuttered, drawing back with a worried glance. She smirked, raising an eyebrow, but knowing she was on the right path. He sighed, he should have known he couldn’t get past it so easily.

He awkwardly scratched his neck, unsure of how to proceed. He grimaced with a mumble, “Yes, that is correct…” Feeling like she’s getting somewhere she continues prodding, “Why were they so insistent that I know you or contact you? They asked me about some others--”

“Alli and Rey?” Ben finished for her, earning an astonished look. He ran his fingers through his hair, “Whether you believe me or not… your memory has been altered…”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, “Altered  _ how _ ?”

“You don’t remember how you got that ring nor the burn mark on your abdomen, do you?” He asked carefully. He saw the panic rise to her eyes, her hand instinctively reaching for the scar against her side. “I-I thought… it was just another mission… what mission?....”

Ben missed bits and pieces of her mumbling, but he frowned. He didn’t mean to upset her so. She collects herself with a sigh, “Ok. So. Say… that is  _ correct _ …” the word grinds against her jaw like she doesn’t wish to accept it, “...what does that make  _ us _ ?” He blinks, wondering why she cares so much. Maybe she can feel the tug, a small thread still connecting her to the Force. That her ‘gut’ is telling her more is happening here than she realizes. “We…” he starts but falters, eyes flashing in pain. He will do the same she once did for him. “We made a promise,” he sighs with a small smile. She softens as he continues, “I… would like your memories to return. But you are free to choose your own path. If you don’t want to, it’s not something we’d force upon you.” Her brows furrow as she asks, “We?...”

He nods, “Me, Alli, Rey, even your family. I’ll answer any question but I will not force anything upon you.” The table is deathly quiet for a moment, a stark contrast to the high-energy music and light show of the rest of the club. Y/N looks back to him, chirping, “My mom mentioned something about ‘force-training,’ do you know what that is??”

Ben cracks a small smile musing, “Yea. You know the Jedi?”

“Eh, I mean, sorta,” she shrugs.

“The Jedi are ‘Force-Sensitive’ beings, that can wield the Force to aid them,” he hums.

Her eyes light up in recognition, “Oh! Oh! I heard the stories!! Of Luke Sky… walk...er…?...”

She slows to a halt, hand against her head. She winces like she’s in pain and his brows furrow in concern. “S-Sorry… it just seemed… I don’t know… weird… Sorry, anyway…” she uncomfortably chuckles, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, you’re one,” Ben continues easily. Her eyes shoot open, hands waving, “No!! You’re crazy!!” He smirks, his playfulness returning, “Don’t believe me? Here.” He put his hand on the table, palm up.

Hesitantly, she lays her hand in his. He closes his eyes and sends to her an image of her home, overlooking the lake and the mountains beyond. What the campfire on the porch smells like or the feel of the breeze lightly billowing past. Ben stops, opening his eyes to see her eyes welded shut and brows deeply furrowed. She swiftly opens them, a fire burning within them. Her jaw opens, before slamming shut. She’s tense, grinding her teeth together.

She glares at him for a moment. “How do I know  _ you _ aren’t the only Jedi between us and that’s just a fancy trick you can do?” She huffs. He chuckles, “Astute. However, while I may be able to send images and voices to others, as if showing a recording, I cannot transfer feeling, smells, or taste to just anyone.” Understanding falls over her. A worried look crosses her face before she shakes her head. “That seems really hard to believe,” she sighs, a bit of sadness eeking into her voice.

He tries to think of something. “Want to try it yourself?” He asks her. Y/N eyes him skeptically. Ben smirks, musing, “Don’t you feel more  _ connected _ to things? To life? Like things bubble, change, and grow. As if there was boundless energy around you that you can tap into?” Her eyes narrow further and he wonders if he just made himself sound insane. However, she twists slightly away from him in her seat, eyes drawn forward in self-reflecting thought. Taking this as a silent cue to continue he leans forward, rumbling, “You don’t have to see the energy. It is not a visible or tangible thing to be tamed. You reach out, seeking the energy surrounding what you want to bend to you.” As an example, he uses the Force to pull a single flower from the small bouquet in a vase on the table, levitating it to her.

Y/N’s eyes widen, amazed, before her smirk returns with flirtatious snark, “How very charming.” Ben chuckles, only able to smile kindly at her. She seems to pout momentarily, holding the flower to her lips, before she saddens. “I… don’t know how to process this information. I can admit that my memory feels funny. That some things don’t add up,” she mumbles, her free hand gripping over her burn mark. She sighs continuing, “But it feels like a stretch…”

Ben tilts his head, “I can provide you with more concrete evidence if you would prefer. However, I do not want to sway you if you don’t want to regain your memories.” He pulls out his datapad, laying it down on the table. She stares at it, he can see the emotion swirling in her eyes. Her eyes dart to his before her hand swipes his device. Ben watches with amused interest as she goes to add her own number. She balks that her number is already in his, pulling hers out to glare at it. Sure enough, he was already on it.

Puffing her cheeks she huffs, “Ok,  _ fine _ . I will admit we seemed to have known each other and that something…  _ happened _ to my memories.” The word hisses from her, rage burning. Ben blinks, she hasn't been that mad in a long time. But she seems to settle enough to say, “I’ll investigate further and contact you if I need to.” Y/N goes to stand, to leave and Ben instantly raises out of his seat in haste, afraid to let her go. He goes to say something, anything, but unsure of what to do his hands clench at his sides and he closes his open jaw.

She smirks, making him gulp. She takes a step closer to him, unbearably close, a hand winding up his chest. Ben silently prays she stops looking at him like that without her memories. “Unless…” she purrs, softly, her voice wispy, “there’s something else?...” He can tell, she’s goading him on, knowing full well his feelings for her. Or how they appear to be. He clears his throat carefully. He will never understand how he can normally be so cold and composed with ease, but never with her. “Dinner?...” he rumbles, voice low, trying to hide every trace of a potential fear that she’ll decline him.

Her eyes widen, a smile splitting her lips as she leans into him with a hum. Ben has no problem holding them upright as she muses, “Of all the things anyone within this building has asked of me,  _ dinner _ is one of the most innocent ever.” He instinctively growls, anger showing, “Yes, the  _ clientele _ might as well be a bunch of  _ animals _ .” She blinks at him, before fizzling into giggles. “You’re very interesting, Solo,” she laughs. He sighs, giving a wry smile, “Ben’ works.” She gives a playful hum, tapping a finger on her chin.

“Not dinner,” she breathes, earning a deep frown from Ben. Her eyes glitter with mischief as she continues, “Let’s go  _ surfing _ instead.” His face flips into one of extreme confusion. Surfing? The fuck is surfing? She laughs at his expression, easing his tension immensely. She’s still leaning against him, feeling her warmth and laughter breathes a sense of calm into him. But she pulls back, still smiling, “I have work to do, I’ll contact you with some of the details later.” Ben goes to reply but she’s already stalked back in the opposite direction.

With a sigh, he pays his bill to the waitress before walking back to Skine College. Ben rubs the back of his neck, groaning at the situation. Well, he has to admit it’s going better than when the situation was reversed. Luca is leaning against the door, seemingly awaiting his return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's been doing well! This "mini" story within the larger narrative is really me playing around reformed Ben, his feelings on things (including his 'previous self'), and a really weird but fun thing I learned from the clone wars series that I think is fricken amazing and I wanna write a bit about it lol (it's also an excuse to keep writing fluff with these cuties oop)
> 
> Hope this is going well so far! I can't say how many chapters it'll go, I doubt more than 5-7 but we'll see .x.' I'm basically posting them as I finish them so can't guarantee an update schedule TwT;;
> 
> Also 10/10 love the movie Treasure Planet and its version of 'surfing' 😎


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